#whatsablog

“All I needed was the last thing I wanted, to sit alone in a room and say it all out loud -- To take a second to face the shit that makes me, me”

These words really hit home with me today. (bonus points for you if you know the song)  I realized I have went a long time burying and denying things about myself that make me.... me.  Things I cherish to have and others that cause me to question who I really am.  We all have things about us that we don’t enjoy, most of them, we can choose to change, sounds super easy right?Just change, just don’t do those things, just be how you want to be.  I have recently started a new chapter in life and for the first time facing difficult mental issues that I previously thought were....not real.  A panic attack?  Anxiety? Depression?  What even are those?  Are those even real words?  This is what I have realized... 

Wait

Your still reading this?

Well let me give you a bit of a back story on me.

First off, I have never written anything like this, never blogged or anything, this is something I am trying out as a place to vent and share, and hopefully learn a thing or two about myself.  

I was born in a small town in South-West Michigan.  Grew up and lived in that same small town for 25 years, then I finally escaped to the complete other side of the country, then.....I came back.  I grew up playing sports, fishing and playing music, I know, pretty basic stuff.  Only son to my parents who as of writing this have been married for 30 years.  I have had many interesting jobs, did tried the whole college thing and now think I may have a long term career.  I have loved and lost, laughed and cried, ran when I was supposed to walk and froze when I was supposed to jump.

Anyway, I’m sure I will get more into all of that eventually but lets start by talking about my first full on, elephant on chest, cant breathe, anxiety fueled panic attack.

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