#whatisthat?

After a month of settling in to your new home, The Nutrition Code is back!!! This month’s theme is Deciphering the Babble. We will be talking about all those ingredients labelled on your pet foods from dry kibble to commercial raw. This month we’ll cover the purpose of these ingredients and why they are in your pet food. Look out for this month’s newsletter. If it isn’t in your inbox subscribe now! http://www.thenutritioncode.info/email-list

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With the approaching holiday coming I saw it fit to comment on the ideas and principles surrounding the "L" word and what it means to me. Feel free to read on, leave, or whatever.

I don't believe that I have the authority to give a definition of love. Even my own definition. Why? Because I don't believe I've experienced it yet. Its not something that I comprehended fully yet. I can only give a generic definition that I've accumulated via movies, books, personal statements of friends and family, and my own imagination. But in fact, its not an emotion that I have yet to experience myself. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. And I love my friends (to an extent). But I'm not talking about that kind of love. 

I always thought that when it comes to meeting my future-significant-other, I'll get butterflies in my stomach and sweaty palms whenever they walk into the room. They'll tell me how great I look and how lucky that are to have me in their life. Real hearts and flowers kind of crap. But these paths months I realized how wrong I was about the whole prospect of falling someone. These past few months taught me your brain has a way of seeing the same thing one way for such a long time, and then suddenly, almost in the blink of an eye, your whole perspective and outlook on life can change. You see, its not about the physical attraction that makes you faint into the arms of Mr./Mrs. Perfect. (Btw if you keep fainting every time you see "the one" you may want to get that checked out). Although I'm still a novice to this would phenomena I think that the Almighty has granted me some kind of insight as to when I'll know in there. You know, in that place. And its got nothing to do with physical appearances or butterflies and crap. Its about your ability to be you.

Now you may read that last line over and think "no s*** Sherlock, that's nothing new" but then I don't think you're seeing from my perspective. I'm the type of person who likes to tell different people different aspects of my life. There is no one on this earth who knows every single possible detail there is to know about me (the reasons for that have to deal with insecurities, mistrust and other factors which I may or may not address in a later post). I mean those things that I keep buried deep in the darkest and farthest part of my brain--the things that I cant even seem to admit to myself. So you can imagine (from reading my previous posts) that at times my mind gets a little dark and cloudy as I wrestle with certain thoughts and ideas. 

Blah. I'm rambling a bit. So with that being said, there have been two occasions in my life where I reached a strange point of comfort where I felt completely and utterly at ease. As if in that point in time, I was being the truest me I could possibly show you considering my "exposure issues." I was just so relaxed. And then, scarier still was when I found myself wanting to see them (sry for this repetition) just because I wanted to hear what they had to say. I developed a silent unspoken respect for this individual even though I didn't agree with every singe thing that they said. 

No granted, I've told myself (and others) that this was just a weird moment--a phase that I experienced in a moment of confusion. Regardless of whether it was or whether I might not be admitting some deep hidden truth to myself, one thing I know for sure: if and when I do come in contact with future significant other, I want to feel that kind of emotional safeness that I felt on those two strange occasions of my life. I feel like at that point, when I feel like I can be my truest self, it will be the stepping stone, the foundation before the foundation or what hopefully, could be the beginning of the truest friendship I've ever had. You see, at this point in my life, I don't have a best friend (not including those biologically related to me). I think I've come to accept that. Yeah, it means that there are going to be some uncomfortable times ahead where I feel trapped and locked inside my own head because there's no one to release me from my thoughts. But I'm trying to have faith that everything that I have experienced during the twenty-something  years I've been on this earth would have amounted to a specific time in my future where things will fall into place.