#whatifimwrong

Trust-wise, things w/ S are good.. He calls me when he gets off work every day and on days that he doesn’t work we usually spend the day together.. I’ve also let go of the whole insecurity/trust issue thing.. I fully trust that he won’t cheat on me or hurt me.. We’ve reached a comfortable sweet spot in terms of 연락해ing and spending time together..

But now..

I find myself getting frustrated with other things...

How he’s still struggling career-wise.. and doesn’t exactly have high aspirations..

And more importantly.. the fact that he’s not Christian..

The career thing... I believe that he’ll be successful and stable one day.. but who knows how long that’ll take? He’s younger than me and so he’s not really in a hurry to reach that level and then move on to marriage.. and if he really ends up w/ his own bar like he wants.. I honestly don’t know how my parents will feel about that..

The Christian thing... is a bit tricky.. Funny thing is, he has Christian values.. well, somewhat.. probably from attending a Christian school both when he was California and in Korea.. he may never have really paid attention, but 그래도 어느정도는 영향을 미쳤겠지.. and he even used to go to church for 한글학교.. but he never really believed any of the stories.. he just thought of it as story time..

I can see him eventually becoming a Christian, 근데 아무리 생각해봐도 내 힘 혼자로는 부족하다.. well, of course, cuz he has to be touched by the Holy Spirit to really feel it.. but I was telling him yesterday about the resurrection story, and while he believes that Jesus DID exist, he doesn’t believe the resurrection.. he thinks mary magdalene and the disciples probably made it up... 

“If it were hundreds of people that saw him, maybe, but when it’s only, like, a dozen people...”

ㅠㅠ

How can I argue with that?

Again, maybe further down the line, he’ll finally believe.. he knows religion is important to me and he respects that, so he encourages me to go to church and not to lose my faith.. but I want someone that I can go to church with and grow together, in faith, with...

...

이렇게 말로 풀어서 다 적어 놓으면, both problems are totally overcome-able with God’s help and with time...

결국에 결혼이란 거는 인생 동반자를 찾는 거잖아?

Money is fleeting, and your whole world can be turned upside down in a second..

What’s important is having someone who you can spend the rest of your life with, dealing with life and having fun while doing it..

And I can see that with him..