#what's wrong?

☆☆☆☆☆    

You like hanging out with Jungkook. Like that he invites you whenever he goes to eat at his friends’ house, like how he just includes you in his life all the time. You want to be with him – always. You’re aware that it might be a problem, that you’re young and shouldn’t be spending your entire time with him, but still you’re at an age where you see yourself settling down, building a lifelong relationship.

And of course you want it to be with him.

You’ve been drinking a couple of beers with Jungkook and his friends Jimin, Taehyung and Seokjin. Jungkook is staying sober, as he’s the one driving tonight, but you’re two beers in and you have the biggest need to go to the bathroom. You’re sitting next to him, and a look to his profile has you smile dreamily.

You can’t believe you’ve landed the man of your dreams in your early twenties. You never thought you had luck in life, until you met Jungkook. So you don’t hesitate before pressing a kiss to his cheek, telling him that you’ll be right back.

You’re quick in the bathroom, already excited to be back by his side. You step out after having cleaned your hands, taking three steps towards the living room, but you freeze in your spot when you hear your name being said, followed by, “Is she always clingy like that?”

You’re pretty sure it’s Seokjin speaking. Then, “Doesn’t it get on your nerves?” This time you think it’s Jimin, and your previous joyful state slowly falls as you keep listening, even though you know you shouldn’t.

“Yeah,” Jungkook says flatly. “She’s always clingy. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t even let me breathe.” Each of his words stabs through your heart, and you instinctively put a hand above the spot that aches as he continues. “I can’t even see you guys alone.”

You want to tell him he’s full of shit, because he’s the one that invites you all the time, but all you can do is listen.

“And she’s so loud too,” Jungkook continues, and it makes you wonder how long he’s been bottling up everything inside. Because it’s the first you’ve heard him complain about you, and it really doesn’t feel good. “She’s always moving, always speaking, sometimes I just want to tell her to stop.”

“Bro,” a voice says. Taehyung. “She just went to the bathroom, she might hear.”

From where you are you can even hear Jungkook’s sigh before he says, “Right. I don’t know, it’s just been a lot.”

His friends offer him words of reassurance that you don’t really listen to, Jungkook’s words just spinning in your mind. It takes a moment for the hurt to shift to anger, but when it does you clench your jaw, determined to make him regret saying that.

If he thinks you’re too clingy, you’ll offer him the exact opposite. So when you go back, stopping to grab another drink in the kitchen first, you sit on the other couch, next to Seokjin. Seokjin offers you a tight-lipped smile, and you try to smile as brightly as you can, ignoring Jungkook’s confused look as he stares at you.

You keep the act on for the whole evening. Even in the car, on the way home, you angle yourself towards the window, answering with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or ‘I don’t know’ to whatever Jungkook says. The perfect picture of indifference.

When you get home, Jungkook asks you if you want to watch the episode of the anime you watch together that was released earlier today, and you tell him he can watch it without you.

“What?” he lets out, but you’re already strutting out of the room, moving towards the office where your PC gaming set-ups are.

Jungkook follows you, watching you turn your PC on, and when the monitor comes to life he leans against the doorframe.

You ignore him, putting your headset on. You type your password in, and then as the computer finishes turning on, you spare a single glimpse towards him. He looks like he wants to say something, but he remains silent.

When he figures that you’re really going to game, he moves to his own PC, turning it on as his tongue plays with his piercing. His eyes burn into your profile, but you keep on ignoring him, focusing on the Steam store page. You move to your collection, scrolling down as you search for a game to play. You settle on F1 2023, even though you usually never play alone, and as the game loads Jungkook speaks.

“Do you want to play together?” he asks. “We could play in multi…”

“No, all good,” you interject before he’s even finished his sentence.

Now, his tongue pokes at his cheek before he nods curtly. He chooses to play Overwatch instead, which doesn’t surprise you, and you sit in silence for about an hour, except the occasional curses he lets out because he keeps losing.

You don’t lose. You’re playing the storyline, which you’ve always found pretty easy, and you just enjoy the races, ignoring how your heart still aches from what Jungkook said. At some point, Jungkook curses loudly, and you glance at him once, an eyebrow cocked, before focusing on the race that is starting in your game.

When you finish it, you decide to call it a night, turning your PC off and pushing your chair back from your desk so you can get up. That attracts Jungkook’s attention, and he’s quick to ask, “Where are you going?”

You don’t even answer because, what would be the point of that? Instead, you go to your bedroom, where you retrieve a PJ and some clean underwear, and then you make your way to the bathroom. You close the door behind you, locking it even though you usually never lock the door. You take a quick shower, mostly to wash yourself before going to bed because you just can’t go to bed if you haven’t showered. You’re stepping out of the shower when the doorknob turns, though it blocks because of the lock.

“What…” you hear Jungkook mutter. And then a little louder, “Is something wrong?”

“No,” you reply.

You can tell he hasn’t moved from behind the door, though you busy yourself with doing your skincare. You’re putting your toner on when Jungkook speaks again.

“Why did you lock the door?” he asks, and he sounds whiny.

“I felt like it,” you say, voice just as flat as it’s been since you’ve heard him at his friend’s place.

He doesn’t like that answer. It’s clear as spring water, especially as he follows it with, “You can’t be serious”.

You cock an eyebrow even if he can’t see you, but don’t say anything as you finish doing your skincare. When you open the door to head to bed, Jungkook is still standing on the other side.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks the moment you come into view.

You shrug. “Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”

He frowns, and that adorable pout of his appears on his lips. You don’t let it affect you – you can’t let it affect you.

“You’ve been weird since we left Taehyung and Jimin’s place,” he says slowly. His tongue pokes at his cheek, before swiping at his piercing. “Something is clearly wrong.”

You shrug your shoulder. “Nah, all good. I’m going to bed.”

He doesn’t stop you as you breeze past him, heading towards the bedroom. He does watch you go, and you almost turn around to tell him that you heard him and that he hurt you. But you decide to make him wait longer, because you can tell that he doesn’t like how you’ve been acting.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

You’re on your side of the bed, facing the wall and scrolling on your phone when Jungkook comes in, hair wet from his own shower. The mattress dips when he sits on the other side and you hear him sigh loudly.

“What’s wrong?” he asks once more. “You’ve been so weird… Did something happen?”

“No.”

You focus on your phone, even as he whines, “Don’t play the innocent game, baby, I can recognize when you’re mad.”

You sigh, loudly, and maybe exaggerating the sound a little. You do like your dramatics after all.

“Am I mad?” you ask, still not looking at him. “Do I have a reason to be mad?”

You can hear the frown in his voice when he says, “Clearly you do. But I’m a little lost.”

At that you turn on your back to glance at him where he’s sitting. He’s only wearing the boxers he usually wears to sleep, and it almost makes you forget all about what he said earlier. You hold on strong though, saying, “I thought you didn’t like me when I’m clingy”.

His mouth falls open as his gaze widens in recognition. “Oh,” he lets out. “You heard me.”

He deflates as you nod curtly, before turning your back to him again to focus on your phone. Mostly because the reminder suddenly has tears forming in your eyes, and it makes your heart ache in your chest uncomfortably.

“Babe,” he gently says. When you don’t turn, he presses, “Come on, babe, look at me”.

You’re stubborn. You don’t turn, don’t say anything. Just blink away the tears that are slowly winning against your will not to cry.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he says after a moment of silence, only interrupted by the sniffle you fail at keeping in.

“Whatever, Jungkook.”

He scoffs. “Don’t whatever me. And don’t call me Jungkook.”

It’s true. You usually never call him by his first name, preferring to call him Kookie.

“I’m really sorry you heard me say that,” he adds after you haven’t said a thing for almost a minute. “I’ve always found you clingy but… I don’t mind, babe, I promise.”

“It’s a little too late for you to say that,” you answer, and you turn off your phone, resting it face down on the bed so you can wipe the tear that’s escaped from your eye, tickling the bridge of your nose where it refused to fall.

“No, seriously,” he insists. “I really like when you’re clingy. I’m sorry if it came out sounding as if I don’t.”

“You complained about not being able to see the guys alone,” you point out. “As if you’re not the one to invite me all the time.”

He moves, and the bed shifts as he gets closer. He puts a hand on your arm, but you shrug off his touch.

“I do invite you all the time,” he says. “Because I want you to be there.”

“Didn’t sound like you want me to be there at all, Kookie.”

The nickname has him put his hand on your arm again, and this time you let him do it.

“I know, I realize that now,” he says carefully. “I’m really sorry I said that. You are clingy, that’s true, but it’s what I love the most about you.”

“What about me being loud?”

He hums, realizing that you’ve heard that part too. “I love your energy. Always makes me smile. It felt so weird tonight because you barely spoke.”

“Yeah…” you let out.

“It made me realize that the reason why I love you is because you’re loud and energetic and always trying to goof around. It can be a lot to handle for some people, but not for me.”

“Kookie…”

“I’m serious!” He pauses and when he pulls on your arm you let him turn you on your back. He bristles at the sight of your tears, quickly drying them. “Fuck,” he curses as he wipes your cheeks. “I’m so, so, sorry. I was so stupid.”

“You can’t say shit like that,” you tell him, and a new wave of tears hits.

“I’m fully aware,” he says as he blanches, showing you just how affected he is by you crying. “Please be clingy. Be clingy and annoying and never leave me alone.” He lies down to pull you in his arms, and you rest your forehead against his chest. “Be my favourite pain in the ass. I don’t want it any other way. I should have realized before.”

“But why did you say that in the first place?” you ask. “It was mean.”

“I know…” he trails off. It takes him a moment to collect his thoughts, but he soon says, “Honestly I think I just said that because I’ve been exhausted because of how busy it’s been at work. I attributed it to you, which was the dumbest thing I could do.”

“You have been busy,” you comment, because it's true. You've seen how it's affecting him.

“Yeah.”

There’s a silence, as he just runs a soothing hand on your back, pressing soft kisses on the top of your head once in a while.

 “You know,” you eventually say. “If you want to hang out alone with your friends, you can. I really don’t mind not coming every time.”

“But I want you to be there!” he insists. “I really do, I promise.”

You sigh, nuzzling your face further into his chest. “Are you sure?” you mumble against his skin.

“Yes.” He presses another kiss to the top of your head, his grip tightening around you. “And now I’m going to be the clingy one because you scared me tonight.”

“Why?” you choke out as he holds you so tight you almost can’t breathe anymore.

He loosens his grip just a little, before saying, “I don’t know, I felt so awful after saying that. I think I realized right away that I actually didn’t feel like that at all and that I was just using you as a scapegoat because I didn’t want to speak about work with the boys.” He pauses, shifting a little so your head is resting on his chest now as he lies on his back. “And then you were distant all evening and I thought ‘that’s it, she’s going to break up with you, you stupid idiot’.”

For some reason, that makes you giggle against him.

“What?” he asks.

“I won't break up with you, but you really are a stupid idiot.”

You can almost hear him roll his eyes, though knowing him he probably has a teasing smile on his lips. “But I am your stupid idiot.”

“You are,” you answer, wrapping your arm around his waist so you can hold him close.

“I really am sorry I said that,” he says after another comfortable silence. “I should have spoken to you about it first. Saying it to the guys was low of me.”

You nod. “It was. But I’m not angry at you, I understand where you’re coming from. I do move a lot and speak a lot, so if you’ve been tired then it’s probably been a lot to handle.”

“But I love handling it, don’t take me the wrong way,” he says. One of his hands moves under your jaw, making you tilt your head back until he’s looking at you in the eyes. “I love your bubbly personality, it’s the reason why I started dating you in the first place.” He pecks the tip of your nose, before adding, “With you there’s never a boring moment. And I don’t want any boring moments in my life. I just want you.”

“Gosh,” you mumble, as you feel yourself blushing. “Why are you so cheesy?”

“You deserve it!” he exclaims, and you both laugh softly. “I’ll be so cheesy from now on you’ll hate me.”

“I don’t like cheesy,” you mumble in agreement, though the smile on your lips tells otherwise.

“Don’t care, you’ll get it anyway,” he teases, and he kisses your lips then.

His pink lips are infinitely soft. Always are, even in the middle of the winter. You don’t know how he manages to achieve that – your lips are chapped as soon as the weather is a little dry. But his are soft, always, and it feels like heaven to kiss him. The ache that was in your heart finishes dissolving then, as you focus on how his mouth moves against yours, how he sighs softly in the kiss.

And when you pull away, he presses another kiss to your forehead. “I love you, baby,” he says, lips moving against your forehead. “I’m so sorry I was a dick tonight. I won’t ever do it again.”

You nuzzle your face in his neck, pecking the mole he has there. He laughs, arm tightening against you.

“I accept your apology, Kookie,” you say. “But please don’t say stuff like that to your friends again. We can talk about it first.”

“I promise,” he says. “I’ll be the one to get on your nerves now, you’ll see.”

“You always get on my nerves,” you tease, just because you feel like being a little shit.

“Excuse me?” he asks, and you hear the pout in his voice.

“I love you too, Kook.”

Now it turns into a smile when he says, “That’s better.”