#whackness

Don't come around my alley with some goofyass mini-post talking about, "I use the energy of my haters to charge up my phone over the plug, cause they're nearer." And shit like that. Hell nah.

I'm not with it. 

„Das ist Pöbelpädagogik bis die Whackness verreckt

So today was a usual day, woke up, went to work, & then went to church. Like a usual Wednesday. 

After church, we were talking about a youth leaving the church & one of the high schoolers said it was cause I was creepy. Then a youth & a former youth chimed in about how I'm creepy. That was almost 2 hours ago.

For some reason its still bothering me. To the point that I just wanna get drunk & honestly it made me tear up. I guess, why though is cause I thought they liked me. Well some of them any way. Like I would rather have had them tell me that they didn't like me then be a lil two faced about it. 

I mean I get a long well with the middle schoolers, largely cause I'm still a kid at heart. So I know I don't really have to worry about them. However, I just wanted to cut a promo on the people in question & "turn heel". Basically being a dick to them. I mean for real, I had to control myself from going off at the mouth. 

When we were getting ready to leave, my mentor (& the youth pastor) pulled me aside to talk. He kind of deduced that it hurts because I care &  cause I care, I'm vulnerable. I mean tomorrow is another day & all that. However it still bothers me. I mean, he's right. I care about the youth & would help them if they needed it. I mean, I got a servants heart & I like to help people. 

I don't know, I just know that I used to be really cold & sometimes I wish I was still like that. I mean, I honestly want to just blow off the ones who think I'm creepy & if they try to talk to me. Drop a pipe bomb on them. However I know I can't. I know the middle schoolers look up to me & how would that look to them. 

As of about July, I've been noticing social tics that really annoy me and before pointing them out to others- For the last month or so I've worked on not do them myself.

That being said, I realize I'm surrounded by those people who always have to make you "right"...you know, the ones who nonchalantly correct EVERY SINGLE word or phrase that leaves your mouth: In both my professional and personal worlds.