âNeed any help?â Olruggio says as he approaches the kitchen.
Qifrey, as usual, is leaning over the counter, preparing todayâs dishes. Nodding his head to the side, he says, âSlice and shred the swordcarrots for me, will you?â
They move with familiar comfort around each other. Even though their culinary delights end up bringing them to new paths more often than not, every time itâs like a practiced show.
Olruggio likes that, and he can bet Qifrey does too. Itâs nice to go back to habits in their new normal.
So much of a habit, heâs too late to notice the change. But he supposes thatâs a good thing, when, as he leans his head down, Qifrey steps closer and leaves a kiss on the nape of his neck.
They both freeze for a moment; Qifrey is the first to move, turning to the side to grab a piece of paper for a spell, while Olruggio is still looking at his unmoving hands.
He knew from the start and expected it would be difficult for Qifrey to process. But he hadnât actually thought how he would react to this kind of casual intimacy.
He can feel his neck burn, and his hands shake with excitement. Maybe he shouldnât be using a knife at this moment.
âYou know, feel free to do that again, whenever,â Olruggio says, dropping his head.
After a short pause, Qifrey replies, âYou too.â
Olruggio looks at him, surprised. Qifreyâs eye is wide as a saucer, so itâs not just Olruggio not believing what he just said.
He turns back to the swordcarrots, letting out a small laugh. âIâll take you up on it, then.â
Did that sound like a threat?
From Qifreyâs small but open smile, he wants to hope it did not.
They still have to tread very carefully around each other. If such a small gesture gives Olruggio pause, he can only imagine what a monumental step it is for Qifrey to initiate it.
But maybe this casual reaction is exactly what they both need to ease each other into that kind of touch.
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Recovery, Qifrey finds, isnât as stable as he expected.
Since he was rescued and everyone was let in on his secret, theyâve been careful with touches and proximity, even words of gratitude and support. Unsurprisingly, Coco and sometimes Tetia are having the hardest time holding back from slamming a hug onto him, but he was used to proximity to his apprentices from before.
Itâs with Olruggio that he has ups and downs.
After the first night they spent together, Qifrey expected and hoped for a new normal.
Hoped. How strange.
And yet, he still finds himself inching away when Olruggio steps a little too close sometimes, his hands tightening into fists to stop himself from reaching for him, his mind making mental notes to keep a memory wipe spell at the ready.
And Olruggio waits. He waits, and he waits.
âI waited over ten years, while I was almost certain you didnât want me back. I can wait,â he says once, with a smile so wide and calm it makes Qifrey melt.
Sometimes, thereâs still phantom pains in his chest, in his limbs. Sometimes he just freezes, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And other times, the shivers are replaced by a raw hunger. In the privacy of their now shared bedroom, he grabs Olruggio by the shirt, slams him against the wall and kisses him deeply, whenever he can find. His lips, his cheeks, his neck, his shoulders. He rests his head on that ever-warm chest and gasps, breathing him in.
And Olruggio waits.
âHold me,â Qifrey says, and a mere ghost of a touch reaches his shoulders.
He wants to scream when that touch makes him pull away, and he wants to cry when it reaches deep into him.
Not like the silverwood. This doesnât hurt.
He cards his fingers through Olruggio's dark hair then, pulling him close for another kiss.
All the time they lost. All the despair heâd purposefully thrown himself into. All the things heâd deprived himself of.
When his body accepts Olruggio's warmth, Qifrey doesnât mourn. He hungers.
He only pauses when a shaky giggle buzzes against his lips. He pulls back to look at his star.
Olruggio's eyes are shiny with tears, his dimples deepening as his smile widens.
Right.
In his own profound desire, Qifrey sometimes forgets just how mutual this desire has been. How long Olruggio held himself back, constantly killing every dream that maybe one day Qifrey will want him back.
He supposes, heâs not the only one recovering from fear.
Thatâs when he softly guides Olruggio's head to rest on his shoulder, continuing to leave small kisses on the crook of his neck.
The girls had already gone to bed, and slowly, the sound of Olruggio pouring over books, on the couch next to the hearth, faded out.
As Qifrey finished putting away the next dayâs meal, he took the steps up to see Olruggio had fallen asleep, a book on his lap and his left arm splayed over the back of the couch. He approached, mesmerized by the way the firelight danced on Olruggioâs face.
As if everything else wasnât enough, he also had to be so handsome⊠so eye-catching. The warm orange light truly became him.
The fire cracked in the pit, the only sound besides Ollyâs soft breathing.
He looked so calm, and something stirred within Qifrey, to think that his presence could cause that. Despite his troubles, Olruggio was surprisingly easy to fall asleep â whenever he had time to, nowadays â and it always felt somewhat⊠undeserved, as a sight for Qifrey to witness.
Qifrey sat down next to him, and simply watched him. He should wake him up. His head had drooped forward, and he would wake up with a horrible kink in his neck if he stayed like that for much longer.
Instead, Qifrey found himself leaning back, bringing himself closer. He felt the faint touch of Olruggioâs arm against his back, and he nearly shivered.
How much Iâve hurt you. How much Iâve taken from you.
He scooted lower, wanting to look more closely at Olruggioâs face. His head fell on his shoulder.
His familiar warm, earthy scent reached him, and he breathed in like a drowning man.
I should have drowned in that coffin. I should have stayed far away from you.
He grabbed at his skirt, his hands nearly trembling.
He breathed in his scent again.
I do not deserve this.
His eye was half closed when Olruggio moved a bit, only to bury his nose in Qifreyâs hair.
Qifrey froze.
Olruggio sighed in his sleep, and the very breath against his scalp felt like a jolt that made the roots inside Qifrey stir.
He bit at his lip.
Oh, how I want this.
ÂHis jaw started trembling as a painful pang erupted in his skull.
âOllyâŠâ he whispered, feeling tears in his eye.
He jumped up, one hand on his chest, the other pushing against his forehead.
He stayed there for a few seconds, hearing as Olruggio hummed in his sleep, then grunted softly.
âQifrey?â he slurred.
Never forget to smile!
Qifrey turned, from his left side, with a wide smile plastered on. âHey, sleepyhead. Thought I heard your bed calling for you.â
âMmm.â Olruggio rubbed at his eyes, yawned, then started picking up his books.
âLet me help.â He did so, and as Qifrey put the last book on the pile on Olruggioâs arms, he chanced a look at him.
Olruggio just gave him a sleepy smile. âNight,â he said and turned for his room.
He watched him for a few seconds before he replied, âGood night.â
Fandom: Witch Hat Atelier (manga spoilers!)
Word count: 2.6k
Warnings: Canon-typical body horror
Summary: A counterspell to save Coco's mom is right within reach. But hoping for and celebrating a victory is hard, when the security that follows that can kill you.
AO3
~
If Qifrey had thought that Coco was strong through her circumstances before, he now believed she could move mountains.
Returning from the Tower of Tomes with a copy of the picture book, her entire demeanor radiated energy as potent as the sun â an energy that spread through the atelier for the next few weeks. A lantern always lit, the hearth going on for extra snacks to power them on through studying. But not only that, but from the atelierâs occupants too. Everyone would gather around that page every single day, making attempt after attempt for a counterspell.
Qifrey was stretching himself thin, staying up late to study the spell, and despite his constant protests, Olruggio would join him every night. At least, Coco was less perceptive to how the tea they would give her was of the calming variety, otherwise it would feel like the girl would never sleep.
Of course, no-one blamed her. But she needed her rest.
If something doesnât work, you just try again, was what Agott kept encouraging Coco with all those days.
They would try again, if the counterspell didnât work.
It was just that Qifrey was dreading the possibility of failure, for with it would come Cocoâs devastated expression, and then inevitably, that pained smile that he never wanted to see on her youthful face again.
And when the day finally came to test it, Qifrey felt his entire inner system turn into knots.
Damned if he wasnât stressed, damned if he was.
He couldnât be more glad for the friendship his four apprentices had built so far. His throat was so tight he could barely speak once they landed on the grounds around Cocoâs house.
Coco was shaking, biting her lip. She fished out papers from her bag, but with the way her hands trembled it looked like even her trademark straight lines would be impossible now.
They all helped. It took long, careful work, just as Cocoâs training had taken all along.
Coco resorted to simply connecting the signs around the house. Qifrey looked at her as he drew.
Coco, his fourth apprentice, having already passed the third test within an incredible amount of time for someone who didnât grow up around magic. If they succeeded, she would have more than earned a long vacation with her mother. And perhaps⊠a permanent one?
Would she want to stay as his apprentice, once the very purpose of that studying was done?
By the time the circle was almost completed, everyone had gone quiet. It felt as if everyoneâs pent-up exhaustion was starting to crash down on them, and the sight of a quiet, numb-faced Coco nearly pained him.
He placed a soft hand on her shoulder. âRemember, Coco. If it doesnât work the first time, we go back and work through it again,â he said.
It was easy to say, to imagine that the worst that could happen was nothing. Because if it backfiredâŠ
Coco nodded, looking down, her hands not trembling anymore. He stepped back, and the other three girls gave her a reassuring pat on her back. She sighed, clutching her pen in her hand, and then she bent down, closing the circle.
A blast of air erupted from the spell, throwing them all on their backs. He could hear the girls grunting as he struggled to raise his head, then squinted against the bright light emanating from the crystals that covered Cocoâs house. He could sense Olruggio prepare his pen and palm quire, as he seemed more able to focus on the structure.
Then, the light slowly faded.
And for a few, terrifying seconds, nothing happened.
The deafening silence was cut off by the sound of Coco sobbing. Immediately, Agottâs arm wrapped around her shoulders.
A million thoughts flew through Qifreyâs mind. Had they used the correct sigils and signs? What about position? Perhaps they needed some extra patternsâ
âLook!â Tetia shouted, pointing at the top edge of the crystals.
Qifrey squinted his eye at them, but it took Richeh saying, âTheyâre retreating,â for him to actually notice it.
His breath left him, heavy and raspy, as his hand grabbed at the grass where he lay.
Coco, still sobbing, managed to lift her head, and she gasped once the crystals started retreating at a faster pace. Slowly, the roof of her house peeked out from under them.
Coco jumped to her feet, rushing towards the crystals. Tetia and Agott held her just before she stepped into the spell circle, but she didnât fight them. She held onto their arms, looking, waiting.
The silence continued. Qifreyâs throat felt dry and thick. As the building appeared through, it looked undamaged and in one piece.
Would the same apply to her motherâs form?
His arm started hurting from the force he was putting on his fist. He felt like throwing up.
âPlease, pleaseâŠâ Coco whispered.
He couldnât let himself hope now.
Cocoâs sobs returned when her motherâs outstretched, petrified hand came through.
He was certain he felt his heart stop, until the crystal gave way to flesh. And then again when the full hand emerged and fell limp, lower and lower as the rest of the arm appeared.
It was all Tetia and Agott could do to keep Coco on her feet, until the flesh returned to her motherâs forehead, eyes, faceâŠ
And then she blinked, her head nodding down.
âMOM!â
Coco was reaching out to her, still held back by Tetia, Agott, and now Richeh, with Olruggio stepping closer to help if needed.
It was surely seconds, but it felt like hours until her chest was restored, and she breathed.
Qifrey breathed too, and he couldnât tell if the tightness in his chest was from the stress, or if he was getting so hopeful that the silverwood was starting to emerge.
Slowly, Cocoâs mother leaned forward, eyes still open but looking numb.
A quick levitating spell from Olruggio ensured she was set down safely, as the crystals retreated from her hips, legs, and feet.
And then, every trace of the crystals was gone. The house unharmed, her mother whole and breathing.
The light from the counterspell glimmered away, and the girls let go of Coco, who knelt down in front of her mother. She reached towards her, with hands that once again trembled.
âMom?â she said weakly.
Her mother grunted, setting her palms down on the ground. Her eyes opened, and though she blinked a few times, she raised them towards her.
âCoco?â she said.
Coco burst into sobs, as she threw her arms around her prone form.
Qifrey closed his eye, throwing his head down and stabbing his nails through his palm.
Itâs my fault. Itâs my fault. If I had been careful, none of this would have happened, she wouldnât have witnessed all that, wouldnât have gone through all thatâŠ
My fault. My fault. My fault.
When he dared open his eye again, still feeling the roots writhe inside him, he saw Cocoâs mother had sat up, her arms wrapped around her daughter.
My fault. Donât dare feel any relief at seeing this.
Cocoâs mother leaned back, running her hand through Cocoâs hair. Her eyes still looked a little dazed, but she was looking at her. âCoco? What happened?â
âMomâŠâ was all Coco could say, hands grabbing tight at her clothes.
The motherâs eyes seemed to focus, then, and her hand hovered over the scar on Cocoâs cheek.
The scar from the hit she took for me. Thatâs right.
Keep focusing on that, you monster. Keep making this about youâŠ
âWhat⊠what is thatâŠâ She then finally took a look around, through four unfamiliar figures, and one just barely familiar.
Thatâs right. To her, it was just mere hours ago that she had met him.
âThe witch!â she said, and though still recovering, she jerked forward, pushing Coco behind her.
He couldnât move. Even if she had posed any threat, even if he wanted to hurt her or fight back, he still wouldnât be able to move.
âWhat have you done?! What have you done to her, witch?!â her mother shouted.
He shrank back, noticing Olruggio turning to him, his pen inching towards his palm quire. Giving him a quick look, he shook his head at him.
âNo! No, mom, listen! Listen to me!â Coco said, crawling back in front of her.
He couldnât listen to what she would say. He couldnât let himself get any relief from Coco absolving him of blame, of carelessness, of wretchedness. He dropped his head again, going back into dark thoughts.
His lies. His sins. Nolnoa and Tartah. Custas. Olruggio.
It truly was shameful, if he used such thoughts only to save himself, wasnât it?
âQifrey?â Olruggioâs voice nearly pulled him to the surface. âYou alright?â
He sighed, dragging himself back down.
âJust go easy on me, okay?â
He sighed. âJust exhausted. Itâs like all the insomnia is hitting me at once.â
Vaguely, he could hear the girls introduce themselves to her mother. Then Olruggio stepped closer to do the same.
âWe should go inside,â Agott said. âCheck if thereâs any trace of magic left.â
He raised his head just enough to see all of them turn towards the house, the main door still open, Coco buried in her motherâs embrace.
Yes, you do that.
And I willâŠ
He wasnât even certain of what he would do. He simply got to his feet and turned around.
âQifrey.â
No.
He walked on.
âQifrey!â
For the love ofâ
âWhere are you going?!â
Olruggioâs words followed a hand grasping his. Using a strength that surprised even himself, he jerked his hand free.
A tear left his eye as he felt a tiny branch sprout from his right eye socket.
Why now?! Why is it still growing? While Iâm feeling like Iâm ripping myself away from my heart that Iâm leaving back thereâŠ
Whether it was anger towards Qifrey, a worry about not leaving the apprentices behind, a need to check for lingering magic, or any combination of all that, Olruggio didnât push.
And the branch grew a little, starting to push against his glasses. It was all he could do to not hunch forward in pain and to keep walking.
Tears started streaming down his cheek. He took off his glasses, wiping them away.
It was over. It was over.
But only because he was the reason it had started in the first place.
Get lost already, you stupid, cursed, bloody thingâŠ!
âMaster Qifrey!â
A sob followed another tear.
Coco. She was running after him.
âMaster Qifrey!â She reached him, grabbing at his wrist. âWonât you come with usââ She pulled at him and he turned to her, hopeless.
By whatever mercy he had been bestowed, he had put enough distance between him and the house, so that only Coco could see the silverwood twig bursting through his socket. And just like she'd done that first time, she shuddered back, letting go of him.
Without a word, Qifrey turned forward and pushed his legs to move.
A few steps on, a numbness spread through him, as he felt the silverwood retreat a little.
And though smaller a feeling, it reminded him of how heâd felt every time Olruggio had used a memory wipe spell on himself.
But now Coco knew.
And he couldnât leave her like this.
Hand pressing against his aching head, he turned to her. âGo,â he said, as encouragingly as he could muster. âEnjoy your reunion with your mother. Youâre more than due for it.â
She breathed in a sob, her face breaking.
âGo, Coco. Iâll be alright.â
She closed the distance between them, her head low. Quietly, she extended her hand, tentatively holding onto his robes. With her head still down, she muttered, âMy mom⊠she will want to hear an explanation. From you as well.â
Bless your heart, Coco.
âSo⊠donât disappear, okay?â
âI owe her at least that much,â he said softly, feeling a weak smile on his lips.
She nodded, letting go of his robes, still not looking at him.
Bless your whole, kind heart.
He turned, not looking back again.
~
It was getting dark by the time he reached his atelier. It felt so strange, to be getting back on his own, and yet without any lantern lit inside, especially after the last few weeks of hectic, almost continuous work. No sounds besides night birds and crickets. Even the wind was quiet tonight.
The door opened. No greeting. No scent of freshly-cooked food. Even Brushbuddy had stayed back with the others.
Nothing but the final scribbled notes from that morning.
He walked to the hearth, hand reaching for a pen to draw a fire spell, but then decided against it.
He trembled at the tiniest hint of comfort right now.
Feeling his body heavy, he lay down right where he was, on the wooden floor, only wrapping his robes around him and flicking his glasses off.
His body curled inward.
Wood under him, darkness spreading around him, cold and stale air against his skinâŠ
Water raising around him would be the final touch, wouldnât it?
His eye drifted closed.
~
âMaster Olly, should we really have left them alone?â Tetia asked.
âAs long as they stay within the protective barrier, theyâll be safe. Coco needs her time with her mother, and Agott is with her. After all, itâs only until we get a windowway to her place. I couldnât just leave you all back there.â
âWhy did Master Qifrey leave in such a rush, again?â
Olruggio sighed. âFor once, Iâll admit that I wish I knew.â
Richeh paused, looking up as the other two approached the door. âMaster Olly,â she said, âis that a tree bursting from the rooftop?â
Olruggio turned with a perplexed look, then took a few steps back to see what she was looking at.
Indeed, a few small branches of what looked like silverwood were coming out from the roof.
He ran to the door, nearly kicking it open, then froze in place.
A silverwood tree had sprouted right in the middle of the sitting area. The roots had cracked through the wooden floor, while the trunk had grown all the way to the second floor, the branches bursting through to the roof.
âWhat theâQifrey?!â Olruggio said, stepping up to the tree. âQifrey, where are yââ
His blood ran cold. Qifreyâs cape was lying on the roots of the tree. On the other side, his glasses.
Olruggio stepped closer. There, through a tiny crack between the massive branches, he could just make out Qifreyâs pale face, more silver sprouts growing from what was left of it.
âQifrey!â
Qifrey gasped, eye bursting open.
His whole body spasmed for a moment, as he blinked, breath rapid and heavy.
He raised himself to his elbows, trying to look around in the near-total darkness. Only the faint glow of the crescent moon from outside illuminated the room.
He checked around his hands, his face, his eye socket.
No silverwood.
A nightmare, of course, aiming for one of his worst fears; that such security would get the better of him, even in this cold, lonely moment, and the parasite that had taken so much from him would also end up destroying the home heâd built.
Still breathing hard, he sat up, wrapping his robes around him again.
It would be really easy right now, to step outside and let himself go. To relax under the stars, to bask in the relief of Coco being reunited with her mother.
He brought his knees closer, leaning his forehead on them and letting the tears flow.
Super curious to know what Orufrey fanfics you recommend
Thank you for the kind words! Writing metas is pretty much my favourite way of expressing my love for a work of fiction so I'm really glad when they resonate with others :D
Now, to be honest, I don't read a lot of fics. I have quite a list on my "marked for later" on ao3, along with a few ao3 tabs open, but it takes a while before I actually read them đ but here's what I got so far (I assume, since you mentioned my metas, you're caught up with the manga, but just in case I'll warn that pretty much all of the following include heavy manga spoilers):
foreign tongues by @franzkafkagf. It's all great with some awesome details of Olruggio pining, but the end. Oh the end is SUPERB. All the touch-starved angst I yearn for!
Periapsis by milkymolle/ @fiafey. Again, some delicious angst and pining UNTIL THE END. I read this fic and very stupidly did not bookmark it, because that ending haunted me so deeply that I went through my history to find it again because ARGH.
(they're not even "sad" endings just-- I mean they are kinda sad because our guys are still left to yearn for each other but you know-- the ANGST. I LURVE IT)
New bones by MDSpencer/ @spencer-is-someone. Spencer is a beloved mutual (kinda-I don't follow them to avoid spoilers for another fandom đ ) of mine, and is the one who got me into WHA in the first place. This sweet and angsty fic is a modern au of kid/teen orufrey, and there's such good development and the connection between the two is so đđ along with some great Beldaruit moments!
Have You Heard the News? by @thegoliathbeetle. I LOVE little tiny socially unaware Qifrey finding his place with Olruggio in the Great Hall. There's a lot of interesting character interactions too, throughout.
no mind to lose by @magpiesbones. DAEMONS AU DAEMONS AU DAEMONS AU and some delicious Qifrey character study, and a small fic revelation at the end that I loved!
So, yeah, that's what I got for now! Thanks again for your words <3
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