#wereover

sometimes i still think of you:

NOTE #1 

I don’t miss you anymore, or feel sad. 

But I still can’t help but think about you at times. 

Sometimes, I feel weird that you still pop into my head. 

We haven’t talked forever, and we left each other on bad terms. 

I no longer feel the need to fix us - or just make us “okay” with each other

-----

Which reminds me of this stupid thing I did. One night, I had a dream about us. I’ve sat down somewhere outside and we apologized to each other.. and I made the stupid mistake messaging you the day after and telling you about this and trying to get closure... 

it was a waste of time. 

I've come to realize over splitting up with my boyfriend of nearly two years is that, for me, it actually ended a far before the words actually left my mouth. The reason it took so long to make it official was for the sake of him. We talked a couple months before I ended it about where it was going, what wasn't working and what could be done about that. I was ready to end it then but it being my first real adult relationship and wanting to see the best in him I walked away from that conversation going for the time that I'm still here (in the furthest country from home) we'll make the most of it and he would change. 

Of course though when a guy promises to change his ways most of the time those promises are empty but there was love there once so there could be again, right? Wrong. Things got progressively worse and there was always an excuse and eventually I hit my breaking point over something as small as watching a movie, the movie of course wasn't important it was the premise. The bottom line was that he could not sit down and watch one movie with me. I wasn't asking for a diamond ring or an expensive dinner all I wanted was an hour and a half of his time and I will only ask it of you so many times. 

Funny thing is... 

I KNOW that the world is going to end someday but I NEVER think about it.

I KNOW that someday I'm going to end but I NEVER think about it.

I KNOW that my favorite movie is going to end but I still go to see it.

I KNOW that when I'm coaching a football game it's going to end and I plan for it.

I KNOW that no matter how good of a time I'm having on a vacation there is a definitive ending to it and yet I still go on the vacation.

I KNOW that when I bring a child into this world he/she will suffer some tragedies and will begin the process of dying the day he/she is born and still I have had children.

I KNOW that the sun will set and yet I enjoy it's warmth.

I KNOW there is a last page on a great book and I still pick it up to read it... sometimes more than a few times.

I KNOW that even at a great meal the last sip of wine will be drank, the last bit of desert licked off the fork and the napkins placed on the plates to signify that we are getting up and all going back to our homes.