#werebeing

how to become one of them

how to be one of you

Werewolf Playlist...

Doing something a bit different by making a playlist post of some songs that make me shifty.

x | x

Supernatural beings | Werewolves

360...

It's the year 2012, I have just become awere of my nonhuman identity in the sense that I now have a name for it and know that what I experience is also experienced by others. I identify as a wolf, a black phase wolf with amber eyes. I tell everyone, explaining that for years I have felt this way, and everyone tells me that they suspected something like this because of my behavior as a child. I join Facebook groups filled with other Therians, teen werewolves, and otherkin. I start an Instagram account where I openly talk about every aspect of my identity in depth; this account gaining 11,000 followers at one point. I find new words to describe other experiences I have and eventually my list of labels grows.

Wolf therian, feline-hearted, bear-hearted, horse-hearted, canine-hearted.. all labels that meant very much to me. But as the years go by, they begin to waver under the weight of my growing following and the struggles I face at home. My nonhumanity is unstable, it feels as uncontrollable as my home life. I have a walk-in experience with a fox I mistake as a theriotype, I feel more like a beaten dog than a wild animal and so my identity is now that of a dog cladotherian, I drop all of my heartedtype labels because at some point I am resolved to say that I am simply a polymorph.. too many things happening all at once to fully pinpoint them as anything else.

I am as chaotic as the ocean, the depth of me cannot be understood. I am beyond any terms the alterhuman community can conjure. But I am not satisfied with this. It causes me more stress that I cannot contain myself into at least some measurable form. I cannot control anything. I am unable to control the abuse I face, and I am unable to control my experiences, and it has taken its toll on me. I decide to completely trash any and all things I think I know and start my awakening from scratch. I am no longer any of the things I've said I am, I am nothing but a blank canvas, the painting will result from the extensive private journaling and self-analysis I do using any source I can find to determine my true, authentic identity before I was ever influenced by external forces. I spend years dissecting myself and my experiences and interviewing family about things I don't remember. It is an unending, perilous voyage into the ocean of myself. The ship capsizing quite a few times, I sometimes lose any hope of finding my home again. But alas, hope is not lost.

Delusions...

I've pretty much stopped talking publicly about my delusions of being descended from werewolves... It's hard to keep sharing such personal experiences when you're met with doubt and judgement everywhere you turn. The discourse that engulfs clinical lycanthropes and physical nonhumans, whether it's total rejection from other nonhuman communities or infighting amongst themselves, has reared its ugly head at me whenever I've tried to explain my delusions and hallucinations, so I've kind of just kept it all to myself since then. I want to talk about it more but it's difficult to get past all the things that make me feel invalid or shunned from spaces that should welcome me.

It's also hard to explain, without being viewed as problematic, that I'd like for others to engage with my delusions rather than treat them the way many info posts suggest you do. When I feel like people are being dismissive or treating me like a patient, it can make me shut down or think I'm being completely rejected; making me defensive or upset. Part of my delusion involves the denial and secrecy of my families werewolf heritage since the portion of them that split off from the Pack no longer have the ability to shapeshift and thus refuse to accept our true nature. This is only further fueled by my own mother's avoidance of the topic, neither denying nor confirming anything I ask, just skirting around my questions like she knows something she can't tell me. So when I feel like other people do this, even if they don't mean to, it makes me a little more suspicious and maybe even slightly angry.

if you feel comfortable, regardless of your choice, please explain your choice and your personal beliefs. I'm literally so curious as to how nonhumans (besides those who use therian, otherkin or alterhuman labels) view themselves and how they perceive their identities.