The confession, or the statement rather, that she did not want him to leave ever again managed to steal the breath out of his lungs, not having expected for his joke to be taken serious, let alone to hear such heartfelt sentence. the hint of a frown washed over his face, his gaze wandering over her features as though he wondered what they had looked like while hehadn’t been with her and a feeling of – not guilt and most definitely not regret, but somethingsimiliar rose in his heart. he couldn’t promise, he knew he would start feeling claustrophobic again in a city as small as carthay, and he knew better now than asking her to join him again, but maybe – considering michael had told him she had been upset, knowing john had just coveredhis hurt, having experienced tink’s reaction and being able to assume wendy’s hadn’t been awfully different – it was time to talk about it. “ later, “ he muttered, again not making too much sense, but it was a topic he didn’t want to address surrounded by his lost boys, “ we can watch  the sunset later, alright? “ an offer for some alone time if she wanted it, if the day with a group of boys all fighting for their female friend’s attention wasn’t exhausting enough. when her fingers brushed against his skin peter wasn’t even sure if he still hadn’t breathed ( which would be an explanation to the soft, softer, softest blush rising to his cheeks too ) or she managed to make him speechless again. “ ‘ sweet ‘? “ he repeated the world like it was foreign to him, but it was, wasn’t it? he could not remember someone considering him to be ‘ sweet ‘ before, even as a child being more obnoxious than he was adorable. but how couldn’t he have kept it? his eyes lowered to the thimble, the lightest of frowns beginning to grow on his features. “ i know, “ he muttered quietly. it wasn’t his first kiss by definition, not a kiss at all others would say, but when had peter pan ever voluntarily followed the rules or listened to those incapable of following, ofaccepting a belief for reality? “ it’s like… the hangman’s tree. “ the hideout the lost boys had built when they were around the age of ten, a hollow tree where they claimed to live although their belongings and the beds, each written one of their names on them, remained in the orphanage. “like the lost boys and tink. “ it had never been his real home, his family or his neverland — not by definition, at least. “ it’s not a real kiss, but – “ considering who he was especially and where he was coming; a boy who had been repulsed by the idea of getting close to a person, close enough for lips to touch, the thimble was the kind of kiss that suited him, “ – it’s the one that matters. “ his eyes flickered up to hers, once more to catch her reaction and he realised just then how silly it must’ve sounded. it probably made no sense to her at all. how would it? she had everything in the world and as peter believed, her actions were never picked around his deeply rooted dislike of affection. “ i mean, “ he added before she could even open her mouth to response, lifting his hand to also reach for the thimble as though he had the sudden urge to protect its value from her, “ i know it’s not your first kiss. “ because of all the novels she read and the romantic movies she watched, because she had parents who loved each other and who loved her, because she wasn’t struggling like him, he knew she had always wanted a real one — one which stopped the time and had your heart no longer beating, one where the rest of the world no longer mattered. he’d hardly been the guy then ( his reaction with twelve years most likely one of pure horror, jumping six metres backwards and theatrically making choking noises to make a point of how vile it had been ) and he had not been that guy now — and worried she might start talking about that guy who had classified if he didn’t stop her now, he added: “ but if you had kissed me, really kissed me back then… “ he’d have run as far as his legs would take him and twelve year old silly him would have probably not ever looked back at the weird girl who dared kiss peter pan — an alternative future he did not want to keep pondering on. “ it’s my first kiss, “ a decision he’d made and was forever going to be too stubborn to let go off. besides, he may or may not like the idea of her being in all its metaphorical sense his first kiss; the one that mattered.

    The softest of smiles tugged at peter’s lips in response to her question and he nodded with no hesitation whatsoever in affirmation. “ of course, i think so, “ he spoke underneath his breath, taking just a small step towards her to reach out and lift his fingers to her chin, lift her gaze from the ground back to him. he meant it, he meant it with every fibre of his being and a confidence which made it difficult ( if not impossible ) to not find reassurance in his words. “ some things just take time. “ which happened to be one of the reason he had never been fond of the ‘ necessity ‘of growing up, not ever wanting to run out of it. “ i’ve always wanted to go to neverland. it took me eighteen years but look at me now !! “ peter grinned and though it took all his happiest memories, the smile on his lips was wide enough to make it believable, to add to his constanthalf-truths of having found the place of his dreams. fortunately, it was never once tough to smile around his little bird, to let her know of the joy her mere presence caused him and when she spoke, spoke things which flattered him in ways the already cocky leader of the lost boys did most definitely not need to be flattered in, peter felt his heart swell with… something — he refused to even just think the word. “ sounds as though i’m so important i ought to never leave your side again, “ peter quipped, breathing out an amused chuckle a moment later — and it could have seemed arrogant, perhaps it had been his intention too, but there was no haughtiness glinting mischievously in his eyes and the gentle gesture of brushing a lose strand of hair which had slipped from the collective on her one shoulder, behind her ear added asurprising sincerity. could it be possible that he wanted it? immediately, peter drew his hand back as though realising himself that the action wasn’t like him at all and his gaze flickered to his lost boys briefly just to make sure none of them had noticed. they didn’t of course as they were chattering, backs still turned to the girl in their middle, not wanting to find out what peter pan would do if one of them dared to stare at his darling. taking a deep breath he attempted to gather his thoughts and push the moment of awkwardness away. there wasn’t anything to be awkward about anyway, and although the fierce blush tinted her face a warm red, peter with a best friend whose reactions to everything had been flushing cheeks and helpless stammering for years, refused to let him be shooed by it. everything was fine, fine, fine — until wendy stepped closer, one hand already lifted to reach out for him and all reflex and instinct yelled at him to move backwards. he didn’t of course, well aware of the cliff behind him, but he could not resist leaning back just a little bit, a natural reaction of his body to escape any potential feeling of discomfort. “wha- “ the question was swallowed as soon as her fingers wrapped around the thimble, wrapped in wire and tied to a necklace he had not taken of ever since he’d made it. “ yeah..? “ peter hesitated, looking at her face in a failing attempt to understand what emotion her reaction was hiding. she wasn’t upset, was she? “ i’ve been told the first kiss is something special, “ he offered her a rare sheepish smile, “ i wouldn’t want to lose mine. “

    Peter hesitated, giving a slow nod of his head in order to show that he listened but knew not immediately how to respond. she wanted an adventurer? what was that even supposed to mean? and did she mean someone specific? jim, probably. “ you know how i think about those things, “ he decided to reply eventually, giving wendy an encouraging smile, “ if there’s something you can think and dream of, something to believe in, then you can make it happen too. “ peter had built an entire island that way by the age of twelve, and he had no doubt at all that wendy could be an author, find herself in a million new and exciting adventures with someone and do whatever else her unfinished sentence indicated. maybe he would ask her of all the other things she wished for in her future but not right now, for he did not want to dampen the mood with the vision of her future she had and the future everyone else ( her father, specifically )had. peter smiled as her hand brushed above his, and he laughed once more at her suggestion to jump together, eyes sparkling in pure admiration. “ you, wendy darling, ‘ve got the heart of a lioness !! “ he took the opportunity of her stepping away from him to bend over,  bowing to her in the theatrically dramatic peter pan fashion, leaving absolutely no impression whether he was upset or happy that their physical contact broke, “ it would be an honour, little bird, to fly with you — you jump, i jump. “ his eyes widened then, suddenly all too aware of his heart beat and the way it sped up from one moment to the next and he could practically feel the pulse in his neck rocking a drum solo. was he uncomfortable, was she uncomfortable or was one of them just uncomfortable enough it infected the other as well? peter wasn’t even sure — or was that feeling perhaps something entirely different? for suddenly, he was spinning around to his friends( friends, he liked to cling to when actually being uncomfortable, but now was ) sending them a scowl as he barked at them: “ scatter !! lost boys – “ even in a young age, even with too many hormones flowing through their still pubescent bodies, even with a girl who was as much of a beautiful dream as wendy darling standing right in their middle, “ – don’t watch a lady undress!! “ and the glint in his eyes must’ve shown the unspoken threat of peter willing to do everything to protect his little bird from other’s prying eyes, even his own. “ are you sure? “ he asked more quietly then, back turned to her and though he turned his head a little to the side to show that he was adressing her, his gaze was clearly wandering over his boys who had too turned their backs, dropping their bags and undressing themselves. “ it’s warm enough. if you’d rather – “ and with a confident ease, he pulled his shirt over his head, offering it to her once more while, by sheer natural reflex, he glanced over his shoulder ( always too impatient to await someone’s reaction) and his jaw went slack because even six years into their friendship, six years in which he had already considered her to be the fairest of them all, she managed to knock the breath out of his lungs with just how beautiful she was. “ i uh… “ managed to knock his brain out of his head too, apparently.

    The question was as profound as it came unexpected to peter, and for once he did not have an immediate answer, unsure whether she even wanted him to take it as serious as she had clearly taken his snippet of conversation, his remembering really of her youngest brother being part of a play, probably ( definitely in peter’s non-humble opinion ) a good director of one too. “what do you want to be? “ he asked, a little hesitant. it was a very peter question to ask, followed by the encouragement that you could be whatever you wanted to be — but she, or her father had already chosen to give up what she wanted to be. “ it’s tough to surprise a girl as clever as weny darling too, “ he chuckled playfully as she all too easily guessed which place he had had in mind, “ maybe that’s why you don’t like surprises then, you keep spoiling them for yourself !! “ it had not been the first and he doubted oh so very much that it would be last of his surprises she would be able to read in their surroundings or the features on his face. he didn’t mind it, of course, was proud in fact of the cleverness of her. his eyes were intently fixated on her face as she first opened her own, blinking the brightness away until the beauty of untouched nature finally revealed it to herself — and then nothing. peter couldn’t help it, bursting out into loud and splitting laughter as she seemed not to be impressed at all. “ wendy, “ her name a chuckle falling from his lips, “ i know you must’ve dreamed about more wonderous things but the difference between those and this– “ not that dreams weren’t real, peter would fight everyone on that, “ –is that we are here. now to be exact and who knows if in future we’re ever going to come back? “ his gaze followed hers then, looking down the edge and feeling no fright at all — but he knew from his lost boys ( which he kindly ignored right now ) that not everyone wanted to fly, especially when the moment of flying changed all too quickly into free falling. “ you don’t have to, “ he assured her, giving her a gentle squeeze as though to say he would never force her to do anything, especially when it frightened her, “ there’s a way you can get down, slightly will take you. “ said lost boy immediately turning his head to them, checking whether his presence was needed. “ or you can stay up here..? i’ll be back in no time at all. i just… can’t bring them here and not be the first to jump. “ it was against the rules, against all leadership not to ensure your crew was fine. at the mention of a ‘ bathing suit ‘ peter suddenly got all silent, the fact that he was used to a group of boys now showing quite clearly. “ i didn’t… think of that, ” he admitted after a moment, astounded himself by his idiocy for once, “ you can have my shirt..? “ and he smiled, lifting his shoulders as he quipped with as much cockiness as he posessed ( and a little bit or seriousness too ): “ if you want i’ll make them jump the cliff blind, a girl’s worth more than twenty boys. “ which meant he could lose some lost boys in case they missed the pit.

    Huffing in a mixture of an agreement and admitting defeat, peter chose not to respond to the claim that michael was the sportier one, any speeches he could give only reproachful to one brother and incurious to the next. “ isn’t michael the creative one now? “ he wondered instead, recalling the last conversation he had had with the youngest darling — a conversation he was still uncertain about whether it had been pleasent, but that was another thought he let vanish because today was not about the six months he had been gone, the silence and the cold of adventureless nights or the impact his disappearance had had. “ now, what surprise would it be if i told you? “ peter chuckled, his fingers closing around her palm gently. “ maybe you can guess !! “ he had mentioned the involvement of water, and with every step they were getting close enough for the falling of it to be heard over the shuffling feet of the lost boys, for the air to smell clean in nature. peter walked slowly, making sure wendy would not stumble or bump into something as he led her through the last metres of the forest, pushing some branches out of their way until they finally stepped onto the clearing — a lake surrounded on one side by an emerald green meadow and a dark stoned cliff on the other, sunlight sparkling on the water’s surface. it wasn’t neverland but it was as close as carthay would ever get to the place he had always dreamed of. peter smiled, looking down at the magical place laying at their feet, because of course he had led them to stand on top the cliff. “ wait for it !! “ he said, the excitement audible in his voice, and peter moved his hand along her skin to never break the contact and leave her alone in blindness, sliding up her arm and around her waist instead in a protectivegesture. he would never forgive himself if she stumbled in surprise at the crag stretching out in front of her, being frightened or worse hurting herself perhaps. “ now, you can look. “

    The grin which was plastered across peter pan’s lips was without the shadow of a doubt a smile of a true leader — filled with pride and a disarming cockiness peter stood on top the steep ascent he had already climbed all too effortlessly, looking back at the lost boys and the one girl he was leading to their next grand adventure. he had found a little something, a place not unlike neverland with a little bit of magic hiding in crevices of trees and stones and sparkling on the surface of running water. “ almost there !! “ he hollered, his excitement immediately being met with exhausted groans and purposefully indistinct muttered complaints of those whose feet had supposedly been hurting for decades. peter breathed out an amused chuckle, skipping his way back to his place at the front ( not next to john, because his right hand did not have time to come with them today, and not next to tink because his best friend had not wanted to come either, but ) next to his darling little bird. “ lousy, these boys, “ he decided though his voice showed nothing but fondness and amusement, and even when he shook his head disapprovingly the non-serious playfulness never left his features, “ can’t believe my trusted john let my boys get lousy. i should let them see it and send them right back home. “ banish them, one might say, from all the fun they were about to have. “ but it’s a surprise. “ and peter beamed childishly at his wendybird, circling his hand in the dramatic peter pan fashion before he held it out for her, “ which means you’ve to close your eyes now. “