Riddled with Clues (Part 3)
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Thrilling. Absolutely, completely thrilling. So thrilling was it to be called “captain” while standing aboard a ship - called captain by Josh, who knew his secret! - that Solaan stood there straight-backed and proud, basking in the glorious moment. He basked so long he nearly forgot he needed to speak.
Thankfully, it was not a challenging thing he needed to utter. “Let’s not waste any more time. It is time,” he declared in his most heroic voice, “to begin our voyage!” A thrill rippled through him again as he announced these words.
Deciding he wanted to extend the thrill of the moment, Solaan began to march around ‘his’ crew, uttering a few more dramatic phrases. “The colony of Stedna-III is counting on us.” Oh yes, yes that sounded good. Another statement. He wanted to say another. He tried to increase the intensity of his voice further. “We will investigate their automatic distress call and get to the bottom of whatever it is they need help for!” But... he couldn’t stop there, could it? Oh, to heck with it. He might as well just turn this into a speech! All the great leaders gave speeches before their significant missions, right?
“And the bottom of whatever-it-is will be quaking in its boots. Or their boots. Or quaking even if it’s inanimate and it doesn’t have boots at all. But then it might be something like a tectonic plate, so maybe we don’t want it to quake. Earthquakes are no fun. Well! The things that should be quaking in fear of us will be quaking in fear of us, and the things that should not be quaking will not be quaking, all because our mission will be that much of a success!”
He was on a roll now. He continued pacing, and started swinging his fists with every word he emphasized... which was, to say, every word. He emphasized them all.
“Legends will be told of the day we stepped foot on Stedna-III. Or stepped... tentacles? ...in the case of you, my dear crew mate.” Solaan nodded to the hanar that was listening. “We might not exactly step foot on Stedna-III because the surface is too hot, but that’s only because that would be physical impossible given the heat conditions. But legend will say we stepped foot on the surface itself! With our bare feet! (or tentacles) Or any other appendages we may have!
“And we will be so victorious, the galaxy will call us its guardians, its prime investigators, its heroes, its... its superheroes. They will tell stories so wild of us that they cannot be believed - but they will be believed! Even though they’re lies! They’ll believe anything. Even the most ridiculous stuff! Mila, you will be breathing fire and ice through your throat at the same time. Plokasi, you will be the animate version of a grappling hook. Kloot, you’re already a tree, that’s cool enough. Joshuha, you will be the greatest cook the world has ever known! Seriously, those pancakes? Le-gen-dar-y! And you’ll use them to knock out anyone who attacks you like boomerang frisbees!
“And the big, fake stories of us shall spread to the ends of the galaxy.
“SO LET US GO ON THIS MISSION TO BECOME THE BIGGEST FAKES THE GALAXY HAS EVER KNOWN!”
