#well dammit

I don’t want a baby. There are many reasons why that I’m not going discuss here. I do want kids, though. 

My go-to plan so far has been to foster and adopt, because why make more babies when there are plenty that need homes? Morality aside it just seems... horribly inefficient. I don’t get it. I legitimately do not understand why more people don’t get neutered, but that’s something for a different post.

The only ‘problem’ with that plan is I don’t know many men that want to adopt but not make a kid. I’m kinda offended by it but whatever. It wouldn’t work out with them anyway. I’m real close with my mom and I’ve got a dad now, so I figured I’d never get married and instead give my kid lots of interactions with my parents to compensate. My kid would get 2.5 whole parents at that rate, not counting my friends that would want to be involved.

Anyway that’s still my current plan, but I realized I have another/additional option. Later in life when I wanna settle down I’ll just... date guys that already have and love their kids. They’ve already worked out the incomprehensible urge to have blood offspring, I get kids, I don’t feel pressured to make a new one. I’d probably still want to adopt more but that’s looking a little far ahead even for me. 

I mean yeah, every method of having kids has its difficulties. If I date a guy that already has kids, their biological mother will mostly likely be involved and very not happy about me. (And if she’s dead or otherwise not present, then there’s all the trauma to unpack). Adoption, especially because I want to adopt older kids, has all kinds of issues. I know there are problems but I think they’re worth it. 

* emotional starters

look at what she had done.look at what she had caused.

                ( IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT }

the accusations of GOD still rang in the woman’s mind as she looked ahead at the love of her life, tears streaming down his face, one eye near blind; because of her. Kana trembled, her hands twitching, her whole body weak from lack of sleep and the countless screaming and crying.

She couldn’t believe that she could take a strong, loving man, one that she had wanted to be happy, and make him cry, to put him through pain. Kana’s twitching fingers moved against her face, bitten fingernails pressing into the now dry skin of her face as she broke.

     “ y-you.. .you shouldn’t be crying because… because of m-me… Hatori…”

                            “I’m sorry.”

Me: *hears fireworks*

Me: What the hell, why are there fireworks, it's past July 4th and-

Me:...