Services sheet and portfolio for Follower of Mercy
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Misplaced Lens Cap
Three Goblin Art
Sade Olutola
Stranger Things
Jules of Nature

if i look back, i am lost
Today's Document
Keni
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
$LAYYYTER

pixel skylines
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

Kaledo Art

Product Placement
YOU ARE THE REASON
trying on a metaphor
cherry valley forever

#extradirty
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@followerofmercy
Services sheet and portfolio for Follower of Mercy
Did I mention that I have a carrd with commission info now?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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One thing I really like about Beverly Engel's book It Wasn't Your Fault, which is about PTSD-induced toxic shame, is that quite a bit of it deals with people who haven't broken The Cycle of Abuse (TM) and have gone on to hurt others. That's a really underserved and vulnerable patient population, and statistically, it's also MASSIVE. I don't think I've read a single other self-help type book on PTSD and self-loathing that confronts the possibility that you're exactly as bad as you think you are.
I felt better that it so much as mentioned that children can react to abuse with ungovernable rage. Everybody likes the image of PTSD patients as internalizing everything and becoming doormats, which does happen, and often, but it's not the only narrative. Personally I've always hated my abusers and have always wanted everyone who so much as breathed wrong in my direction from ages 0 to 18 to burn eternally in hell. I *never* thought any of it was my fault and ever since I was a toddler I was willing to make it everybody else's problem, and it's really relieving to read a clinical perspective that acknowledges that abuse victims can act that way too.
It's wild to me that its such a neglected subset of abuse victims. Its really common. When I still lived with my parents and was still subjected to my father every fucking day I would lash out terribly at my mother, to the point when i went to visit them for years afterwards she was afraid I would lash out again. We've worked it out, I'm a much better person when I'm not regularly subjected to mental and emotional abuse, but like, its just so common.
I think it must be, at least partially, because, people hate the imperfect victim. Its easy for so many people to sympathize with someone who never lashed out. Less so for people to sympathize with people who are angry and lash out. Even though its a perfectly sensible reaction to being hurt over and over. I'm sure most people would like to think they would simply never.
I don't think this is the whole reason, but, I think it plays into it.
Similarly, there’s a narrative of, you cannot experience grief over having fucked up. That if you are hurting because you caused harm, because you were the cause of harm, that you’re not allowed to grieve, because you “earned your sorrow. You deserve to bottle it up and to hurt for the bad things you have done,”
Which is punitive logic. It’s copthink. Which is bad.
important
In fact, you can actually give yourself trauma over fucking up too badly and doing, witnessing, or failing to prevent something evil that goes against your morals; for instance, if you steal your mother's life savings due to drug addiction, kill a civilian during a military operation (please do not join the military), or became abusive because you didn't have the tools and skills yet to handle BPD. In the field of psychology this is called "moral injury" or "perpetrator trauma."
2023
1. COMMIT TO THE BIT
2. PARTAKE IN THE DIVINE ACT OF CREATION
3. LET THE SOFT ANIMAL THAT IS YOUR BODY LOVE WHAT IT LOVES
For those who are like- huh… here’s a translation
1) Be funny/ continue the online joke: persona you are conveying ( Think Gorbachev)
2) Have sex/fuck someone ( It is specifying say straight sex but we can ignore that part on tumblr)
3) Partake in self care
STRAIGHT SEX? IM TALKING ABOUT MAKING THINGS WITH YOUR HANDS, RIVALING PROMETHEUS IN HIS IDEA TO BREATHE LIFE INTO CLAY. IM TALKING ABOUT TRANSFORMING YOUR BODY IN YOUR IMAGE TO MAKE IT TASTE SWEETER, LIKE WATER INTO WINE. IM TALKING ABOUT PICKING UP THE PIECES AND CREATING SOMETHING NEW, TO FINISH WHAT THE COWARD FRANKENSTEIN NEVER TRULY STARTED.
STRAIGHT SEX??????
let’s not leave out any of the unfettered rage
Imagine if you met someone who can't eat watermelon. Not that they're allergic or unable somehow, but they just haven't figured out how to do that. So you're like "what the hell do you mean? it works just like eating anything else, you open your mouth, sink your teeth in, take a bite and chew. If you can bite, chew and swallow, you should be able to eat a watermelon."
And they agree that yes, they do know how to eat, in theory. The problem is the watermelon. Surely, if they figured out where to start, they'd figure out how to do it, but they have no clue how to get started with it.
This goes back and forth. No, it's not an emotional issue, they're not afraid of the watermelon. They can eat any other fruit, other sweet things, and other watery things ("it's watery?" they ask you). Is it the colour? Do they have a problem eating things that are green on the outside and red on the inside?
"It's red on the inside?"
Wait, they've never seen the inside? At this point you have to ask them how, exactly, they eat the watermelon. So to demonstrate, they take a whole, round, uncut watermelon, and try to bite straight into it. Even if they could bite through the crust, there's no way to get human jaws around it.
"Oh, you're supposed to cut it first. You cut the crust open and only chew through the insides."
And they had no idea. All their life this person has had no idea how to eat a watermelon, despite of being told again and again and again that it's easy, it's ridiculous to struggle with something so simple, there's no way that someone just can't eat a watermelon, how can you even mange to be bad at something as fucking simple as eating watermelon.
If someone can't do something after being repeatedly told to "just do it", there might be some key component missing that one side has no idea about, and the other side assumed was so obvious it goes without mention.
Yep.
https://drmaciver.substack.com/p/how-to-do-everything had a nice list of additional examples like this, with (non-)obvious major insights with regard to opening stitched bags, cleaning your bathroom floor, using a search engine, catching a ball, pinging somebody, proving a theorem, playing sudoku, passing as “normal”, improving your writing, generating novel ideas, and solving your problem.
If you’d asked me six months ago how to get better at something, I’d probably have pointed you to how to do hard things. I still think this is a good approach and you should do it, but I now think it’s the wrong starting point and I’ve been undervaluing small insights. [...]
I think my revised belief is that if you are stuck at how to get better at something, spend a little while assuming there’s just some trick to it you’ve missed. You can try to generate the trick yourself, but it’s probably easier to learn it by observing someone else being good at the thing, asking them some questions, and seeing if you have any lightbulb moment.
My fiance played the clarinet when he was in school. When he was first learning to play, he rented an instrument from the school to learn on. He was the last chair clarinet, had been for years, because he could not make notes that required the register key. For years, they kept making him do embrature exercises and he started to get a few notes, with lots of effort. Eventually he had to get private lessons to stay in band.
Every time he tells me this story, his frustration by this point in the story, years later, is evident. He still sounds frustrated by it, despite all the time that passed. Teachers had been giving him crap for years because he hadn't been making much progress with the instrument.
When he got to the private instructor, she acknowledged his frustration, and asked him to try to play for her. He did, and she saw all he was doing. She then did something no one else had done before. She asked him to put his mouthpiece on a different clarinet and try to play the same notes. Like magic, it worked. She looked at the clarinet he had been using and found that the school's clarinet needed it's pads replaced.
He went from last chair to first chair nearly overnight, having been taught far more techniques than typically taught at that age just to overcome the broken instrument preventing him from making noise.
Sometimes you don't need to brute force a problem. Sometimes your clarinet is just broken.
Not quite sure why the clarinet addition got me crying, but here you go people: just in case, let's get you some new pads.
And if I said Megamind is one of the few movies that understands Superman.
And if I said Megamind through its three subversions of Superman shows a deeper understanding that the point of Superman is that he was loved and taught to love by good, present parents, and because of that he is able to return that love to a world even if it doesn't always accept it, and he is not corrupted by his power, than many other films either subverting or playing the superman story straight.
Megamind has three Superman subversions. One is obviously Megamind himself. He was not raised loved by the world, but rather was loved by those hated by the world. Because he was still raised with love, he does care about other people, hence his character development. But because he didn't receive wider love growing up, his own is misplaced at first.
Metro Man was not loved growing up in a way that mattered. His adopted father was clearly very absent, and while we don't know much about his family, their relationship seems superficial. Because of this, his sense of duty to the world is also superficial, hence his boredom.
Hal wasn't raised with power. He gained it and was shown how to use it by a 'space dad' who only taught him power and not love. Hence, he sees it only as a grasping means to an end.
All three of these subversions, in their negative space, create the silhouette of the superhero that they are parodying. That silhouette is of a space child that came to earth and was cared for very deeply by the world, and taught love through his experience of love, and because of that holds fast to his duty to the world. Which is Superman.
I want this person and this person only writing and directing Superman movies for the rest of my life
I think it's also important to note that all three characters genuinely show just how much they are or aren't good people in the very beginning of the movie. Megamind is directly shown, he was rejected by his peers and treated as evil, so he decided that he must be evil. But Metro Man is hamming it up every single time he speaks, and if you really listen, it's pretty clear that he doesn't really want to be there. He has more fun bantering with Megamind than anything else.
And Hal. Hal is selfish in that way that incels are, where he never really matured past the age of four, and he sees Roxie not as a person he respects and admires, but as a goal. He doesn't love her, he loves the idea of being with her because he thinks that he deserves a woman and because Roxie is forced to spend time with him because of her job.
And not just that, but Megamind automatically assumed that an average person who was suddenly given power would inherently decide, independently, to use it ethically. It literally didn't cross that big blue mind of his that Hal couldn't be trusted with immense power.

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nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult
My half a yearly big hsr post that takes up most of the screen, featuring me falling in love with Lygus of all characters
bonus (because someone asked to add Lygus in that pic):
"senseless tragedy" they do tend to be, yeah
99% of sufferers quit before they find the meaning that rationalises all the pain they've endured. KEEP DIGGING DEEPER INTO THE WOUND UNTIL IT YIELDS.
“i wish i could go out braless but-“ “i wish i didn’t have to shave but-“ “i wish i didn’t have to wear makeup but-“ STAND UPPPP FUCKING STAND UP JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT. NOBODY IS GOING TO SHOOT YOU OR ARREST YOU FOR BEING A LITTLE “UGLY” UOU WILL LIVE AND REALIZE THAT YOUVE BEEN IN A prison largely of your own making THIS WHOLE TIME

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admire folks who reblog posts which contradict eachother. exactly! keep em guessing
fuck people who reblog posts which contradict each other. no! be explicitly clear
its really cool that we discovered glass which is the material that doesnt have any chemical reactions with anything in the universe very useful for doing chemistry due to being able to put things in it to contain chemical reactions and never having it react with the things that are in it due to it being completely and entirely unreactive to every chemical
Posts from a 17th century chymist who's about to have their bones dissolved by hydrofluoric acid.
HYDROFLUORIC ACID MENTION‼️
💀🧪
DICKS OUT FOR HYDROFLUORIC ACID!!!
NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!
WITNESS THE WILL OF THE WEAK
Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.
Now in handy infographic form for Tumblr users:

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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here’s a picture of my wall
I say this with love in my heart and my other parts but this one does not fill me with l’esprit erotique
you're why I privated my following list
Why don’t you want to be seen with me