#weejez

“I have returned.”

This was my submission to myfinalrequest and I felt like posting it myself as well. For the record.

I'm only 20 and I'm not very adventurous so I don't have many stories but I do have one good one (I think). It starts about... wow 7 years ago? About? Late Middle school early high school. I'm an avid World of Warcraft player and Roleplayer. One night when I couldn't sleep I logged in to idle about in a desert somewhere ingame when I realized one other person in my guild is online named Sikaru.

I decided to start a conversation with them and this is where it began. I don't remember what was said in the hour or so we talked before I logged out to try and sleep again but I know it had us talk more. Young Weejez had had a slew of crushes that all ended in rejection so I didn't think much of myself. After about a year of Sikaru being on and off World of Warcraft in which every time they were on we'd RP (roleplay) our characters with each other a lot. Finally one of the times she was on for a long while something snapped.

It's odd because I can't remember what it was that inspired it but I know I said something like this: "I have something to confess and I'm embarrassed of it and will log out the second I say it but here it goes. I really really like you, even though I've never heard your voice or seen your face I have fallen for you really hard. You have only ever been pixels and words on a screen but I have a serious crush on you."

There was a bit more self ridicule at the end there about how I thought I was garbage and would understand if they didn't feel the same. After sending the message I logged out IMMEDIATELY. Not even a humming bird could have replied fast enough for me to see. I am pretty sure I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next time I had logged in Sikaru had sent me in game mail explaining how she felt the same but that they were with someone. They wanted to stay friends. So we did. We acted like it hadn't happened and just continued to talk and RP together. Over time Sikaru would break up with the people they were with, every time I'd get some glimmer of hope in my heart. It was a long distance relationship in a way and it was my first in general. Anytime they would be with someone else I felt a jealous rage at their luck. Someone gets to be with Sikaru when I'm stuck half way across the world from them.

There were a lot of stressful times with this. Times where Sikaru would go dark for weeks at a time without contact. There was a time I was texting them as they and a few friends where out in a storm and they got attacked by some homeless man or some such. I had never heard Sikaru's voice and they were camera shy so I never got a good picture of them until much later and even then it was never enough. The only time I got a call from Sikaru was after one of those dark weeks and it was a guy on the other end of the line saying Sikaru had passed out after getting drunk and saying how much they missed me.

I never got to hear Sikaru's voice. After another of these dark months without hearing her I met a beautiful and amazing girl and by some miracle of the universe she had an interest in me so we started dating. About a week after me and this girl start dating Sikaru returns.

Events with Sikaru are so scattered it wouldn't be worth mentioning them all but I can sum it up in they popped in and out of my life a lot. At the beginning of this year (2015) I was sent an Anon on Tumblr that Sikaru had died and that they had wished I was told so.

I didn't respond and got another Anon message later with something along the lines as "Happy new year mother fucker."

You may notice I've kept Sikaru's gender vague and that's because I am not sure. Over all the years we talked I believed her to be female. But as the years went on, and the constant excuses for why a decent photo or a 2 minute long distance call was impossible I started to suspect I was being lied to. Played as a fool by some creep on the other end of the screen.

I'm still not sure. I rarely think about Sikaru but when I do I tend to think of her as I knew her. But every now and then I wonder if she was just a lie. Sikaru beat my heart up and even now I'm coming out of another failed long distance relationship that has proven to me long distance doesn't work.

The wave of emotions man.

I start the day with a small announcement video from Markiplier about being in the hospital, and a couple hours after noon HappilyErin has an announcement video about being pregnant. 

Just one more kiss, that’s all I want. Before you go away Before you find someone new Before you forget

Just one more kiss, that’s all During just one more date After just one more year In just one more lifetime

Just one more kiss After one more romantic evening When I cooked you just one more dinner And the house was ours, just one more time

Just one more kiss After just one more back-rub Before just one more panicked moment When I cried in front of you just one more time