#weeerk

my thoughts and feelings are everywhere and i find it hard to gather all of them. 

each day is a challenge

each day is a piercing moment for me. 

there would be stolen moments that i get separated from reality because I think too much. 

even my tears can’t figure out how to get out. 

It’s been 4 months since I started working as an educator and it has been a roller coaster ride. I never imagined having such HUGE responsibility and amount of pressure to handle. It’s very different from what I do before in the corporate world. I have to make sure that what I teach are up to date and credible. Plus, I have to make sure that the way I teach the topic will be easy to understand for a big group of people. It must be given in a certain way that everyone can easily understand it despite of having different level of understanding. My role inside the classroom doesn’t end the moment the step out of it. It continues even after classes. We have to check all their outputs, attend meetings, supervise practices and many other things that often overseen. 

There would be days that my whole being would just glitch and malfunction and sometimes I just want to go away and give some time for myself and regenerate but there’s also a part of me that knows that it is impossible for me to do such. After all, we have tons of deadlines to meet. We cannot have such privilege. We have work under impossible circumstances; try to make them possible and work for us. 

Many may think that an educator’s job ends once the classes are over but in reality, we have to keep working even after our 8 hour shift inside the classrooms. Breaks between classes, cancelled meetings, one day class suspension-- these things are already privilege for us. 

These are the things I have learned in a span of 4 months.