Dottore should NEVER—I mean NEVER—be allowed within a 500 mile radius of:
Light Yagami Because the second they start debating morality, the global homicide rate triples and this partnership fails because both of them have superiority complexes the size of Jupiter and would eventually attempt to kill each other over who gets to monologue first.
L Lawliet L would figure him out in 12 minutes and Dottore would dedicate the next 12 years to being annoying about it.
L would take one look at Dottore and immediately go: “Interesting. You smile too often when discussing medical ethics. Statistical probability of crimes against humanity: 97.4%.” And Dottore— who normally manipulates entire nations effortlessly— would become irrationally obsessed with the fact that some weird barefoot detective clocked him in under fifteen minutes. Dottore would escalate SO hard. L: “You’re upset.” Dottore, building six new clones out of spite: “I don’t know what you mean.”
William Afton The phrase “child experimentation” would enter the chat and every god would immediately log off. This is less “mad scientists collaborating” and more “the universe creating a concentrated sphere of bad decisions.” Afton would show Dottore haunted animatronics and Dottore would react like he just discovered sliced bread. “You’re telling me the SOULS stayed attached to the machinery?”And then they’d both say “fascinating” at the same time and everyone within a fifty mile radius would need therapy.
Rick Sanchez At some point one of them says: “Okay but theoretically what happens if we force a god into a particle collider?” And then the multiverse starts buffering. Morty would die instantly from stress alone.
Makima Manipulation battle so toxic the atmosphere itself becomes a biohazard.
This isn’t a conversation. This is psychological warfare with eye contact. Makima would manipulate Dottore. Dottore would KNOW he’s being manipulated. Makima would know he knows. Dottore would manipulate her back just to see what happens. Meanwhile everyone around them is developing stress-induced migraines because the room feels like two apex predators politely discussing cannibalism over tea.
Orochimaru They’d exchange research notes like teenage girls swapping skincare routines. “Omg your human experimentation method is SO clean.”
They’d spend seventeen straight hours discussing immortality research while everyone else in the room slowly realizes they are witnessing the scientific equivalent of two nuclear bombs shaking hands. Kabuto would take notes. Dottore’s clones would take notes. The notes themselves would probably violate human rights.
Kenjaku No. Absolutely not. Kenjaku sees humanity as an experiment. Dottore sees morality as an obstacle. Together they would look at evolution itself and go: “Can we make it worse?” The phrase “for science” would become a planetary extinction event.
Even Sukuna would probably stare at them like: “what the hell is wrong with you people”
Osamu Dazai This one is dangerous because they would ENJOY each other. Dazai would instantly realize Dottore is completely insane. Dottore would instantly realize Dazai hides his intelligence behind clown behavior. And then they’d spend the next month psychologically tormenting each other for entertainment. No one would know whose side Dazai is on. INCLUDING Dazai. Meanwhile Dottore is having the time of his life because finally someone understands his sense of humor. Unfortunately their shared sense of humor is “creating irreversible emotional damage.”
Fyodor Dostoevsky The SECOND these two meet, church bells start ringing ominously somewhere. Their conversations would sound like this: Fyodor: “Sin is intrinsic to humanity.” Dottore: “Counterpoint: have you tried removing parts of the humanity?” And somehow it only gets worse from there. They would discuss mass suffering like wine critics discussing flavor profiles. The casualty count would become mathematically difficult to calculate.
