The courtyard was alive in the way Hogwarts only ever was on weekends—sunlight spilling gold across worn stone, laughter rising in overlapping waves, the low hum of magic and mischief threaded through everything like a second pulse.
Students were everywhere.
Stretched out across the grass, draped over benches, perched on low walls. Someone had conjured a floating deck of cards. Someone else was trying (and failing) to juggle apples. There was a group by the fountain arguing loudly about Quidditch, another sharing sweets, another halfway through what looked suspiciously like a dare that was about to go very wrong.
And at the centre of it all—
Sirius Black.
Of course.
Leaning back against the stone railing like he owned the place, sleeves rolled, tie loose, grin sharp and effortless. There was a girl in front of him—Ravenclaw, judging by the tie—twisting a lock of her hair around her finger, laughing at something he’d said.
“I’m just saying,” Sirius was drawling, voice low and smooth, “if you wanted someone to show you the grounds properly, I’d be doing you a public service.”
“Oh, would you?” she shot back, amused, eyes bright.
“Absolutely. I’m very generous like that.”
Across the courtyard—
Regulus Black watched.
He was sprawled back on the grass with his usual circle—Barty flat on his back beside him, arms behind his head; Evan lounging with one knee up, flicking a blade of grass at Dorcas; Pandora cross-legged, humming to herself as she absentmindedly braided a strand of Dorcas’s hair while Dorcas pretended not to enjoy it.
Regulus didn’t say anything at first.
He just watched.
Grey eyes sharp. Lips twitching.
Then—
He snorted.
“Look at him,” Regulus murmured, almost to himself.
Barty turned his head slightly. “Hm?”
Regulus pushed himself up onto his elbows, gaze locked across the courtyard, something bright and dangerous flickering there now.
“That is embarrassing,” he said lightly.
Evan followed his line of sight—and immediately grinned. “Oh, this’ll be good.”
Pandora tilted her head, already smiling like she could feel chaos building in the air. Dorcas sighed.
“Don’t,” Dorcas said, without conviction.
Regulus was already standing.
“Oh, I’m absolutely going to,” he said.
And then—
He didn’t just speak.
He projected.
Clear. Loud. Carrying across the entire courtyard like a bell being struck.
“Say this the kind of song that makes a man love a man, a man love a man, a man love a man—”
Silence.
It didn’t fall all at once.
It snapped.
Like a thread pulled too tight.
Every head turned.
Every conversation died mid-sentence.
The Ravenclaw girl blinked.
Sirius froze.
James choked on absolutely nothing. “—WHAT?”
Regulus didn’t stop.
Didn’t even hesitate.
If anything—he lit up.
“Say this the kind of song that makes a man love a man, a man love a man, a man love a man—”
“Oh my GOD—” Mary Macdonald shrieked, slapping a hand over her mouth, already laughing.
Marlene doubled over. “NO—no, he did not just—”
Lily’s eyes went wide. “Regulus—!”
Remus pressed his fingers to his temples like he was physically trying to hold reality together. “This is going to end badly.”
Peter was making a noise somewhere between a wheeze and a scream.
Frank Longbottom let out a helpless, strangled laugh. “He’s going to get murdered.”
Alice grabbed his arm, half-laughing, half-horrified. “Oh, he absolutely deserves it.”
Fabian Prewett was already on his feet. “I KNEW TODAY WAS GOING TO BE INTERESTING—”
“Shut up,” Gideon snapped, even as he was grinning like a man watching a train derail in real time. “Just—just let it happen—”
Back at the centre—
Sirius Black was staring.
“Regulus,” he said, slowly, dangerously.
Regulus, standing in the middle of the courtyard like he’d just stepped onto a stage, turned his head—
Locked eyes with him—
And grinned.
Bright. Wicked. Delighted.
“You’re so beautiful, shake it, shake it, and I don’t care who knows, move it, move it—”
The courtyard exploded.
“OH MY GOD—”
“HE DID NOT—”
“IS HE—IS HE CALLING—”
“HE’S CALLING HIM—”
“—GAY—”
“—HE’S CALLING HIM GAY—”
The Ravenclaw girl burst out laughing.
Not just a polite giggle—no, full-on, doubled-over, clutching-her-stomach laughing.
“Oh my—Merlin—” she gasped, looking between Sirius and Regulus, eyes shining. “Is this—does this happen often—?”
Sirius looked like he might actually combust.
“REGULUS—”
Regulus didn’t stop.
Didn’t even look remotely concerned.
“Go up down, up down, up down, go up down, up down, up down—”
James Potter was losing it.
He was bent over, hands on his knees, laughing so hard he could barely breathe. “OH, THIS IS—THIS IS—THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE—”
“YOU’RE ENCOURAGING HIM—” Lily snapped, though she was visibly fighting a smile.
“I CANNOT—BREATHE—” Peter wheezed.
Remus dragged a hand down his face. “We are going to be banned from the courtyard.”
Marlene pointed at Sirius, tears in her eyes. “LOOK AT HIS FACE—LOOK AT HIS FACE—”
Mary was literally on the ground. “HE’S FURIOUS—HE’S SO FURIOUS—”
Fabian clapped loudly. “Encore! Encore!”
“Shut up, Fabian,” Gideon said, not looking away for a second.
Evan was grinning like a predator. “That’s our boy.”
Pandora clasped her hands together, beaming. “He’s glowing.”
Dorcas shook her head, but there was a smile tugging at her mouth. “He’s going to die.”
Regulus, meanwhile—
Was thriving.
“Shake it fast, cause it sure look good to me—”
And then—
He pointed.
Directly.
At Sirius.
The courtyard howled.
Sirius snapped.
“THAT’S IT—”
Regulus laughed.
Bright, sharp, utterly unbothered—and then, without warning—
He turned.
And ran.
“OH, YOU ARE DEAD—” Sirius roared, already moving, already shoving past people as he took off after him.
“RUN, REG—” James yelled, completely unhelpful.
“I AM RUNNING—” Regulus shouted back over his shoulder, laughing.
And then they were gone.
Out through the archway—
Vanished.
Leaving—
Silence.
A beat.
And then—
The courtyard erupted.
Everyone talking at once, shouting, laughing, yelling over each other—
“HE JUST—”
“DID YOU HEAR—”
“THE WAY HE—”
“SIRIUS’S FACE—”
“I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM LIKE THAT—”
“HE POINTED—HE ACTUALLY POINTED—”
“I THINK I’M GOING TO PASS OUT—”
The Ravenclaw girl wiped tears from her eyes, still laughing. “Okay—no—forget him—” she said, nodding in the direction Sirius had gone, then glancing toward where Regulus had been, visibly flustered now. “His brother—?”
“Oh, you’re gone,” Mary said immediately.
“Completely gone,” Marlene agreed.
James straightened, still grinning like a man who had just witnessed history. “I’ve never been prouder of anyone in my life.”
Lily smacked his arm. “You’re unbelievable.”
Remus sighed, but there was a smile in it now. “We’re never going to hear the end of this.”
Fabian threw an arm around Gideon’s shoulders. “Worth it.”
Gideon snorted. “Absolutely worth it.”
Across the courtyard, Barty stretched lazily, still grinning. “We should do that more often.”
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