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“ Grendel finds himself wracked with pain at the sight of Wealtheow; despite himself, she moves him just as the Shaper’s song once moved him. Weeping children run up to Wealtheow and snatch the hem of her dress, and Grendel can imagine himself joining them. ... Throughout the winter, the presence of Wealtheow keeps Grendel from attacking Hrothgar’s hall ... Sometimes Grendel goes to Hart to watch Wealtheow as she passes the meadbowl around the hall. ... Back in his cave, Grendel is tortured by visions of Wealtheow, which tease him away from the nihilistic truth he has received from the dragon. ”

“ ... As he matures, his language becomes more inventive and experimental. Grendel becomes a Shaper himself. As his linguistic abilities grow, Grendel also becomes more aware of the power of literature and stories. ... He comes to understand that he is now bound by [a monstrous] identity: he asks, “What will we call the Hrothgar-Wrecker when Hrothgar has been wrecked?” Grendel now realizes that by fulfilling his goal — destroying the Danes — he will no longer have a purpose in life, thus destroying himself. ”

#i want to cry i want to cry i want t #gren.#wealthow.

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really good points from tonight’s stream:

grendel made a stone carving of his mother that was smaller than him because it made her more approachable and him talking to the carving instead of to her directly is because he frankly doesn’t feel at ease around her

beowulf and the dragon are, if not the exact same person, similar enough in behavior and ideology to which they both clearly demonstrate the dangers of romanticizing and blindly having faith in the word of a militant hero / the teachings of a society that does not and cannot understand you

grendel only hates authority in TWAU because authority abused him and ruined his life when he was far too young to fight against it or realize he was being manipulated until it was much too late to turn back. of course he distrusts authority. look at what the shaper, the dragon, and his mother all did to him.

beowulf left unferth’s body out there for grendel to find because he knew grendel and unferth had a connection. he knew it would enrage grendel. he knew it would make grendel lose whatever faith he had left in us. it was a trap to lure him inside. it was intended to catch him off-guard and emotionally vulnerable. it worked.

grendel and wealthow also empathized with each other because they were wholly unable to make any choices in their own lives / fates. everyone around them told them what to do, how to do it -- what their purpose was -- and made them feel helpless. made them feel like they couldn’t retaliate. like they were only half-person. subhuman. like their identities werent their own -- like they existed only to serve as entertainment for men and nothing more

beowulf and hrothgar are the biggest slimebags to ever walk the fucking earth. grendel isn’t evil or greedy; grendel is inherently gentle. it’s the men in power who should carry the title of monster, but they don’t, and it’s infuriating

grendel, unferth, and wealthow didn’t Fucking Deserve That

#gren.#unferth.#wealthow.#beowulf.#hrothgar.#mother.

I talk a lot about how Grendel would never want to return to the past, in any way — would never want to surround himself with those people again. He doesn’t remember whether he was the victim or not. He feels like one. When he thinks back to how he was treated, and spoken to, and the monster that became of him out of it all, something inside of him tries to push it down, shut it up — tells him there’s no use thinking about it; he’ll never have to look any of them in the eyes anymore.

On the chance, however, that he reunites with Unferth and/or Wealthow, it is ... going to be melancholic. I feel like he’d finally let himself cry.

Like he’d finally apologize.

#ooc #theyre the only ones he’s ever hoped were doing well.#unferth.#wealthow.#gren.

all the same, Grendel never Intended to have such a negative impact on people -- he admits as much, in the novel. “I never mean to scare them. Only to eat one or two; control the population.” but he has hurt and traumatized Wealthow. he made Unferth into a fucking pessimistic wreck of a human being. he scarred a generation of mothers for a lifetime by plucking off kids who stayed out past dark. he haunted Heorot, and whether he meant to or not, his influence was a largely horrific one. those people had lives and feelings too, innocent or not of whatever crime Young-Dumb-Grendel had mentally convicted them of.

he didn’t grasp this, then; the concept was with him, but the gravity of it escaped his mind. couldn’t process that level of damage when he was already aching so, so much. he was a vessel of the evil in the world, manipulated by evil things to do their bidding for them because he was easy to scapegoat. easy to frame. gullible, naive, brute.

Grendel understands it now. it fucking keeps him up at night.

that’s ... why i think he would attempt to befriend, or at least find closure and make amends with, Unferth and Wealthow -- should he ever come across either of them again. Grendel believes those two deserve closure more than anyone else he’s ever wronged. he would want them to see that he’s different, now -- that they can be different, too. that he wants to be happy. that he’s trying. that it’s hard, but he’s trying: struggling daily just to will himself to stay alive, but not succumbing to his residual demons.

he wants them to know why he did what he did, and that they saved him from being a monster forever, however inadvertently ... he wants them to know that there’s hope. that he isn’t going to hurt them anymore. that they all have ... a second chance, an opportunity to fucking heal, and that he’s had so many years to reflect on what he’d done ... that he’s sorry, he’s so fucking sorry, he hopes they’re better than they were. hopes they all learn how to let themselves be okay.

hopes they can all come out stronger, and not slaughtered on balconies, or naked in an old man’s bed, or one-armed and broken at the bottom of a cliff.

#gren.#unferth.#wealthow.#dont @ me but where are my unferth and wealthow threads ...#they are LITERALLY some of the closest things to 'friends' grendel had in his youth.#theyre so so so so so important.