*CRACKS KNUCKLES* i have been waiting all my life to talk about this twink

i hc him being born in ancient greece to a traditional mekhanite family. grew up in a strict environment but loved his faith.

struggled to relate to others his age, finding machines much easier to understand than people.

rose through the mekhanite ranks astonishingly quickly, earning a reputation for, uh- zeal, to say the least.

has always been pretty cold, i imagine. not mean or cruel, just kinda supercilious. his elders thought he was the best, whereas his peers strongly preferred to keep their distance.

(he had a real name once, before robert bumaro. it doesn't matter anymore.)

when word of nälkä's spread reached him, he was very torn. on the one hand, the mekhanites view sarkicism in apocalyptic terms - the right thing to do would be going to war and destroying them. on the other, war itself contrasted heavily with his nature. he didn't want his flock to die.

there's bumaroion stuff but i'm gonna need a WHOLE different post to cover all that

war raged but the deaths only racked up. he knew something big had to be done, something to turn the odds in their favour, but his elders were too set in their traditions to see the bigger picture. no sacrifice was too much if it meant preserving mekhane.

so, in short, he drinks the blood of his god. just fucking downs it like a shot. délicious. finally some good fucking ichor

this empowers him to send ion's sorry ass right back to the void, but of course it comes with a cost. midas touch. anything that so much as brushed against his skin became a testament to cogs and clockwork.

the best thing to do was isolate himself quarantine king for a few thousand years to get his newfound abilities under control. in those centuries he spent in the desert, trying to better understand the god that now lived within him, he found himself haunted by an impression of a man with crimson eyes, hair black as charcoal and a knowing smirk.

(he tries to focus on mekhane. he really does.)

this is where my headcanons get a little vague: eventually, the modern era rolls around and our lovely mechanical priest finds himself needed more than ever. now going by robert bumaro, he sets about unifying the church and manoeuvring the joyous world of paraorganisational politics.

makes up for inexperience by being both a fast learner and peacemaker

gets really weird whenever he talks about sarkicism like. a bizarre look in his eye whenever ion comes up. everyone assumes it's silent rage. it's better if they keep thinking that.

gets invited to girls night with hedwig and trunnion aka the three of them standing as far away as possible from each other while still being in the same room, meditating, desperately trying to ignore each other until trunnion yells at hedwig for "thinking too obnoxiously"

ridiculously monotone voice