PERSONALLY, all is very well, thank you for remembering us here at WAYWTH Corp. 💗

PROFESSIONALLY, our CFO unfortunately invested all of our corporate capital into bitcoin and promptly embezzled it — so we’ve been restructuring our organization and courting investors from the craft rooms of our collective mothers’ basements. In light of this, WAYWTH blog is on hiatus while we attempt to secure funding or track down our CFO. We think she might be living in Montenegro under an assumed name. Thank you for your understanding at this difficult and embarrassing time. The only way out is through.

Special lockdown edition of WAYWTH brought to you by the senior eds’ cabin fever and intense boredom:

WAYDTH - What Are You Doing, Tom Hardy?

We find ourselves in 'unprecedented' times. Pleeeeease, media types, find a word other than 'unprecedented' to describe the times we are in — ‘apocalyptic’? ‘biblical’? ‘a massive shitstorm’? In such times, we turn to the familiar, the comforting, even the ridiculous — all conveniently packaged up in one 42-year-old British actor, keeper of the most awful tats of his generation as well as even worse muscle shirts: TOM HARDY.

It's hard to conjure what Tom Hardy might be wearing as he pings about his larger-than-average estate in East Sheen, London, like a small jujitsu-ing Shih-Tzu on steroids but you can bet it's designed for comfort, not style. Much like the rest of us, he is likely sporting stained trackie bottoms, very bad self-trimmed hair, and a 3-day-unwashed T-shirt.

Maybe he's mixing things up by donning the suit jacket from the Dunkirk premiere over his favourite pink muscle shirt, paired with those billowy blue pants he wore to the gym a few months ago. On his feet, the lo-cut Chucks from the "I'm a fucking handsome little leprechaun" photoshoot. Maybe he's wearing ALL his mala beads at once and sporting an Alfie Solomons beard of epic proportions, with a bald Bronson head. Perhaps he’s even got James Delaney’s top hat perched atop his dome at a rakish angle.

Or, maybe he’s just nekkid? If so, that's one celeb lockdown IG selfie we WOULD appreciate. Much like how we know fuck all about COVID-19, we just don't know what Tom Hardy’s wearing. And that's hard. 

We miss you, Tom Hardy. We even miss the begrudging fan photos in which you inexplicably point at people and make the DeNiro face, as if anyone is looking at anyone who is standing next to you.

But we turn to the point of this missive: What is he DOING all day, trapped inside with his wife and todlets? A self-confessed workaholic, with the attention span of a gnat, who says he doesn't read, doesn't watch films, and has a vape habit he should be giving up before he gets popcorn lung ... maybe he's rearranging his lanyard collection? Or polishing up his midlife crisis motorbikes that are absolutely too risky to ride right now.

Or maybe he's rolling about in a miasma of dog hair and farts with his kids, trying to not go mad, like the rest of us. We hope so. Stay safe. Stay home. Post pics.

Definitely the Hottest Guy at the Farmers Market

We had to crack open the vault for this one. Tom Hardy, the finest cabbage quibbler of his generation, is apparently too busy these days to be photographed in anything other than gym clothes. Hence, this series of images from a farmers market taken back in 2009.

At first, it looks like Tom might be hawking the cabbage? Can you handle it??? Indeed, what an honor it would be to buy a crucifier from Tom Hardy! Think of it: His small but well-formed hands lovingly cradling the hefty head as he passes it to you — just so you can take it home and turn it into farts. What a dream.

Ultimately, however, it looks like Tom had a change of heart and took the cabbage for himself. Whatcha gonna do with all that ‘bage, Tom? Are you sure you can handle all that? We love a man who knows how to handle a lot of cabbage.

Our favorite part of this photo set is the notion that he bought one (1) cabbage and fucked off back to his car to have a smoke. Where are the rest of his veggies? What about his shopping bags? Who goes to the market for one cabbage? Does he have someone to carry cabbages for him? Is that, like, a job? Could I carry his groceries professionally? I’ve been doing it for myself for free-fifty-nine/lb. for years — it would be a dream to get paid to carry produce for a hunk.

+1 for a lovely and (seemingly) genuinely gleeful smile
 +1 for that tweed derby jacket (we do love a tweed over here at WAYWTH) 
 +1 for queuing patiently behind other shoppers like a good boy

RATING:
 3 Tommys out of a possible 5

Cancel the Turt Alert

We just blew 80% of the R&D budget tracking down this image, so we here at WAYWTH hope (corporately) that this is the image in question. Even if it’s not, it’s the one we’re going to discuss.

Although a white short-sleeved turtleneck sounds alarmingly like something a young Tom Hardy, finest reluctant model of his generation, might be styled in, it’s our belief here at HQ that this garment is in fact a plain white tee. An undershirt, if you will, that has been twisted by position and circumstance, and the grace of the fates. (Read: It’s scrunched up.)

Unfortunately for young Tom Hardy, the t-shirt’s sleeve has revealed the truth of his folly: arguably the shittiest of his many shit tattoos. Possibly his first tattoo, this feisty leprechaun — coincidentally, also the monicker awarded to the penis of the WAYWTH art director’s first lover — is the mascot/logo for the American university of Notre Dame.

This brings up so many related questions: Why Notre Dame? As reported, Tom Hardy, finest mama’s boy of his generation, honors his mother’s Irish heritage with this monstrosity — it is notre dame after all — but in that case, why not something ... actually Irish? Instead of something that categorically annoys and embarrasses Ireland? Who did this monstrosity upon Tom’s tender young arm meat, and why didn’t anyone in his life advise him against it? Why didn’t anyone say, no, Tom, anything but that, Tom? Also, what does the lettering above the leprechaun say? While he was getting the lettering covered up with some tribal design/sow’s ear, why didn’t the tattoo artist just throw in the leprechaun, as well?

While we can relate to your condition, @mispunt — Tom Hardy also puts us into a state of horny confusion, thirst with a dash of anger — we’re afraid that our answer for you has only produced more questions.

How many malas is too many malas? Tom Hardy may never know. 

Tom Hardy does not merely “wear a necklace.” Oh no — he wears ALL of the necklaces. Who would not want to be in the Hardy dressing room of a morning as he makes his choice? "Hm, mala beads, crucifix, leather with medallion, the shark tooth, a curtain tassel, the thing my kid made out of penne pasta and paint? Nyaaaah, fuck it — ALL OF THEM!" 

A lesser man might be worn by that many necklaces but not Tom Hardy! As with many of his (cough) unconventional fashion choices, he is unrepentant. That's how he gets away with it and that's why the staff team here at WAYWTH love him so much. 

Plus, anything which accentuates that neck is OK with us. Take note. (Also, if you are ever in a capsizing canoe with Tom Hardy wearing the selection in pic 3, be sure to grab him quick, that much wood will bob to the surface quicker than you can chant: "Om Mani Padme Hum.")

+ 4 pts - one point for every 2.5 necklackes

The Series in Which We Talk About the Wig Situation*

Pt. 1: The REAL Heights Didn’t Even Wuther as Much as That Wig Wuthered Tom Hardy has a notoriously adversarial relationship with wigs, but he was in the fight of his life with the wig in BBC’s Wuthering Heights. It practically deserved its own credit in the title sequence, the way it was chewing up the scenery and upstaging a LITERAL GHOST GIRLFRIEND (as well as Andrew Lincoln, legendary chewer of sceneries).  Check out how Heathcliff’s hair always looks like it’s trying to get away from him. Or maybe Tom is trying to get away from the wig? From the look on his face in the above image, it looks as though Tom was aware that the wig has the upper hand. He had to beat it into submission with the help of a professional before he can even think about taking a dirt nap with his true love, a dead person.

THE "TUDOR KING AT LEISURE" EDITION

We at WAYWTH are feeling a little like Tom Hardy in a wind tunnel right now: blown away. Our beards are RUFFLED. (Did you even SEE those photos!?)

When this picture emerged of Tom Hardy rocking a hot and heavy King Henry VIII vibe, in what can only be described as a robe fashioned from your grandma's best drapes, it was wholly disturbing to realise that we still wanted to sneak under that monstrosity and just... snuggle. Off with our underpants heads!

Seemingly birthed from the same Greg Williams photoshoot which produced the infamous Gucci Tracksuit From Hell shots (see previous WAYWTH post) we can only wet dream about what else might emerge as time goes on. We're feeling it.

Tom Hardy you are kingly, mate. Fackin' REGAL.

-1 Tommy for subjecting one foot-phobic staff member to bare feet (yeah mate, even yours)