#waywerust

 ‘I know you hate sitting in the front’ he tells her as he leads her to the back. where it’s dark and he makes an inner joke about what people do in the back of movie theaters. he had gotten his first handjob in the back of a movie theater at 13 and he had thought that he was going to explode. but if he’s being honest he doesn’t remember the girls name and what sticks more with him it when they used to see movies together all the time. he remembers when he was 12 and he had tried to kiss her in the back. but she had been reaching for the candy box in his cup holder. he forgot it later on. this was the first time he thought about it since. so he laughs a little as he settles into his seat next to her.   ‘we should go to see that one’ when the trailer comes on and he notices that she laughs a little towards the end. and he remembers when they were a lot younger they used to do this a ll the time. go and watch a movie together, scrape together some spare change. their moms were off doing something, he couldn’t remember, O was in daycare until about 4. it didn’t matter which one it was. he thinks from the time he was about 10 up until she left town they had seen every movie that had come out. they hadn’t done it when she got back though. in fact when she got back they rarely saw each other even if they talked. and then he went to New York and she went to Baltimore. and they hadn’t seen each other in about 3 months. it’s not the longest it’s been. but it’s been long. but he’s not going to tell her the part where he’s missed her. or that he’s sort of been counting the days up until today.  ‘this movie’s kind of boring.’ he says and she agrees with a small nod of her head. but her eyes never leave the screen. she’s still going to take away details, she’s still going to have some sort of analysis about the characters and plot line or a line of what if or it could have been betters. it doesn’t really matter to him if the movie is boring though. it’s two hours and twenty minutes. and he’s almost glad for the time. afterwards he’s going to have to walk with her over the station and she’ll wave out from the window with a smile. and he won’t get on with her. it’ll be like all the times they part. and they’ll just go about again. and he’ll be happy to see her again.   ‘maybe we can stay until they start the next one.’ they used to do that, too. and it’s funny the things he’s reaching to catch onto. he feels stupid though, thinking that nothing’s changed. for one, they can afford the next movie if they wanted to. and she’s probably going to marry Elijah sometime soon or not so soon. but it’s down the road, that’s what the ring on her finger says. and he’s happy for her, he is. she deserves something good after everything she’s been through. but he can’t seem to get that feeling out of his chest, the one that repeats that she moved to Baltimore but told him no when he told her to come with him to New York. that she’s going to make a life for herself outside of him. maybe it’s not a fair feeling. he has his own life here in New York, he has Rebekah, he has college. but there’s always that spot left vacated for her whenever. the one he offered her. he wonders if it’d be the same if he stopped by Baltimore. he feels stupid thinking like that. and he’s glad she cuts off his line of thinking by pressing his arm, saying that they can break the law one more time together. 

 ‘I know you’re awake..’ and it’s met with a small laugh. it’s funny how near she sounds. but really he’s alone in his room and it’s dark. and it’s late. he knows it’s late. but it doesn’t really matter for either one of them. they hardly sleep. she says there’s too much to do. used to be his answer, too. but it’s faded into nothing to do. a lot’s changed. and he counts the changes with losses. she’s a few hours away. and it’s not the worst thing that’s happened in the past two years. but he’s kept that ‘loss’ fixated in his mind. he doesn’t think he’ll tell he misses her. because that seems like too much. she might get quiet. and it’s already quiet everywhere else.   ‘what’s it like out there?’ and he listens to her short explanation of lights and sound, of a world a lot bigger than they are. and for the first time in his life he doesn’t feel prepared for it. which is crazy when he thinks about it. he feels trapped suddenly, like an endless bubble that’s all swelled up inside and he almost says it but he doesn’t.   ‘you’re lucky. I hate this town.” but he can tell from the tone of her voice that she really isn’t. he knows her too well to honestly think that she’s lucky. there’s an edge of his voice that’s gotten a little sharper since she left. and there’s a part of him that wants to tell her that she should come back. or he could come up there. as if he could ever take care of her. the one thing he had was buried, nothing left, he remembers the smell of char. burning was the worst way to go. she says she’s lucky though. New York’s big.   ‘you should sleep.” but she doesn’t agree right away. and he wonders if she’s lingering the same as he is. looking at a blank space on his wall until he finally hears her agree. she tells him not to keep her awake again. and she laughs again. he hears a lighter note in her laugh and it settles something in him. he almost asks her to stay on a little longer. but he shakes the thought. she might think he was joking anyways. she’s been gone two years and she’s known him for nine and still sometimes she doesn’t know when he’s actually serious about things like that. or she’s avoiding that line. disinterested.   ‘talk to you later.’

                                                                               ☠ @waywerust - liked for a group thing

But instead she was here, waiting for Caleb, who she was starting to think was never going to show.

•Hate song - next day apologies - dommin‘I'm tired of the next day apologiesI'm tired of the next day hypocrisyI'm sorry, I'm sorry, is all I hearThe next day I'm gonna disappearI'm tired of the next day apologies’•Angst song - come a little closer - dierks bentley‘Come a little closer, babyI feel like layin' you downOn a bed sweet surrenderWhere we can work it all outThere ain't nothin' that love can't fixGirl, it's right here at our fingertips‘•Love song - factory girl - the pretty reckless (?)‘I am a factory girl, won't you pardon me?See I can make my whole world in a backseatLost point, want a joint, show me how to treat a johnSomeone save me, save me from what I'm on‘•The first song they heard together - flight inside - red‘Enemy, familiar friendMy beginning and my end.Knowing truth, whispering liesAnd it hurts again.What I fear and what I've tried,Words I say and what I hide.’•Happy song - power and control - marina and the diamonds ‘Women and men we are the same,But love will always be a game,We give and take a little more,Eternal game of tug and war’

————-goaway

"Start scribbling again. I need the noise."