How am I supposed to live like this? I can't. I push everything down and it creeps to the surface. That is the only reason I am here now, is because I push it all down. But I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep waking up and living through another day. I don't want this. I've never wanted this. So why can I be unable to kill myself? It should be easy. I should be able to do it. But I don't..i live another shitty day instead.

Once again I live another day. To describe it as living is a lie. I'm not living. I'm hardly surviving. I am here because two people made a decision to have me for valid reason other than their selfishness. Which became worse with each day that I didn't conform to their ideas of who I should be. They didn't want me. I don't want me. But I don't have the ability to end my own life, even though I desperately want to die. It is constantly on my mind. I just don't want to feel any pain. I don't want to be aware that it is happening. I don't know how to accomplish that. I can't keep living like this. I can't. I have to die.

People say they are looking for attention. YES but not in the way you think. They are crying out for help. Teenagers are under so much pressure these day. 100x what we went through and sit with that for a few minutes. Their lives are full of one catastrophe after another. Before we judge we need to find a way to understand their world by speaking with them...not at them. The easiest way to break the code of silence with a teen is to share a challenge you had now or when you were their age. Because in their world they think they are alone. A weirdo. Strange because they are having difficulties in life. Parents need to share their challenges with their children so they know that it is a normal part of life. So if your teen is sending out those signals make time to connect and share your vulnerabilities to show them they are not alone. Hiding it from them does not empower them. You think you are going to make them even sadder. No they can handle more than you think. So give them the gift of hope by sharing your story of how you found hope. All my love and support in your parenting journey. You got this all day long.🤘#hope #wantingtodie #teenstruggles #teenagerstruggles #teendepression #parentsofteenagers #suicidalteens #inspiringteens #inspiringchildren #believeinyouchallenge #believeinyourchildren #teensuicideprevention #parentingteensishard #suicideteens #stopteensuicide #teensuicideawareness #teensuicideprevention #giftoflove❤️ #messageofhope #parentwithoutfear #parentwithpurpose #teenswithapurpose #childtrauma #momsneedabreaktoo #momsneedlovetoo #momsneed #momsneedwine #momsneedsleeptoo #momsneedmoms #momsneedabreak (at Fresh Pond (Plymouth, Massachusetts)) https://www.instagram.com/p/B30DytUAhrH/?igshid=1tv0mjc1vxhhe

Let's see if this week could get shittier and worse then last week