#wangxianning

it would've taken anyone time to adjust, especially someone as sensitive as him. in the beginning it wasn't so bad, he had wen qing to soothe what he couldn't, to create a ghost of sensation that young master wei could not. and he tried, he really did. no one truly knows how hard he tried besides wen ning. he wouldn't even bother wen qing with it, he was always so stubborn. he tried for years, for as long as he could. though a normal person would, wen ning never blamed wei wuxian. never once did he catch even a sliver of malice, not a hint of hostility towards the man slip through his mind. no part of him could ever hate wei wuxian. not when he had tried so hard.

when he lost wen qing it was harder. but the harder melted into a numbness, like feeling a palm on his skin that he had so many times after his young master had gotten done poking and prodding, trying to fix him. but he was still so thankful that he felt numb, for it was better than feeling nothing. and with the numbness he fell into a routine.

he'd get up, check himself for any injuries that he may have missed at one point, greet jin guangshan at around noon, then wait for the guards to tell him to sleep. then he'd lay on his back for the remainder of the night, until the sun began to paint the sky in shades of pink and gold. then it would begin again.

and it stayed like that until jin guangshan stopped coming, soon replaced by the late jin guangyao and behind him a young xue yang. sometimes they would poke and prod in a way that reminded him of his wei wuxian, without the warmth behind their touches that he couldn't feel but rather see in the pools of his master's eyes. other times they would just talk to him. asking him endless questions about everything: his sister, his clan, the amulet, wei wuxian, even young master lan wangji. and he would indulge them; not because he was afraid of anything they could do to him, even they knew he couldn't feel it if they were to sear his chest with a million brands. but because he had nothing else. he thinks they knew that. sometimes they would just sit until xue yang would break the silence with a joke that jin guangyao would double over laughing at. and wen ning would attempt a smile, he imagined himself sighing in relief if he could because even though these were the people that would hold him locked up for thirteen years, they were all he knew anymore. and he appreciated them, somewhere inside of him. they filled the hole that was waiting for wei wuxian to return home.

and return home he did. and just like that wen ning was standing in front of his young master for the first time in over a decade, waiting for anything. a command, a comment, even simply a breath. he would take it, regardless.

they fell into step with each other as if they hadn't ever been apart. wen ning felt the pull to defend, to protect, in his chest that he hadn't felt in so long and it felt as right as right could feel for him. and they were back, the infamous yiling patriarch and his ghost general. twirling around each other and bathing in grotesque raindrops of blood. and oh how he had missed this, missed the feeling of his arms reaching to catch swords spinning just a bit too close to young master wei, the feeling of young master lan wangji's eyes on the back of his head, the grin of wei wuxian after they got done working so well together that many would consider them one. that was how they were known for so long, after all. if there was one, the other was lingering close behind; a two in one package unless wen qing or young master lan joined.

and he was content with that. even if it wasn't just them, a cross young master lan or nagging wen qing coming along, he was content. he was content being able to just be in wei wuxian's presence, after all. he didn't need anything more. even as young master lan's distaste continued to grow and he wasn't allowed to see his young master as often as before, he was still content because wei wuxian had someone that loved him in a way that no one else could.

no, he never hated his wei wuxian. he hated himself for not being able to love him like lan wangji could. the lan wangji that wasn't there, the lan wangji that was absent when his young master needed him the most. that lan wangji could love wei wuxian infinitely more than wen ning could ever love him. he hated himself for that. for being too weak to live, for being too weak to protect wen qing and wei wuxian, for being too weak to admit what he felt for wei wuxian before he couldn't feel it anymore.

but he hated himself the most for not hating lan wangji. he hated himself the most for looking up to lan wangji, for being jealous of lan wangji, for being sorry towards lan wangji. he hated himself the most for not taking care of lan wangji for the thirteen years that wei wuxian didn't exist in this life, for letting lan wangji wait and wait for the man he loved more than anything else.

but what was his hate worth anymore?

𑁍

"lan zhan?" wei wuxian murmured, not looking up from the book settled out in front of him. he didn't wait for his husband to answer, instead waving his hand and saying "go get wen ning, i want to try something."

"mn," came from behind him and he let a light smile play on his lips, mentally making note to thank the man later. lan wangji let himself out quietly, sliding the door to the jingshi shut behind him without as much as a creek. wei wuxian could never get the door to shut without making a terrible noise that made the hairs on his arms rise, one time he had even mentioned it to lan zhan in a passing complaint that he wasn't too adamant about until hearing lan zhan's response. "it is just you that cannot close the gusu doors quietly."

"what do you mean 'just me?' lan zhan, don't look away from me, what do you mean just me?" so wei wuxian had spent an extra amount of time trying to learn how to close the lan's doors correctly after noticing that he was in fact the only one that couldn't do it properly. to no avail, though, even after an exceeding amount of embarrassment upon finding out that wen ning, too, could shut them without much disturbance.

lan wangji strolled respectfully out the home, making his way through rows of blooming flowers and bright green grass. there was a small building a few li away from the jingshi that wen ning inhabited while staying in gusulan, though normally he would stay close by lan sizhui's side and lan wangji would act as if he didn't know. other times wei ying would insist on him staying inside the jingshi with them. in the beginning it was a rare request because lan wangji was so reluctant to fulfill it, though he always did regardless because he would do anything for wei ying (but not without a few objections of "only spouses are allowed in the jingshi"). yet, eventually, wen ning became the expectation. there was even one time where lan wangji had directly asked wen ning if he was staying with them without wei ying having to prompt him. when wen ning had replied that he needed to stay with sizhui that night, wei ying rewarded lan wangji with a long night without sleep.

eventually a rhythm formed, wen ning staying at the jingshi three or four nights a week so wei ying could run tests on him. he would "sleep" in the next room over and lan wangji would sound proof his and wei ying's room so they wouldn't bother the other, but more and more often he found himself forgetting to place the silencing talisman on their shared door. wei ying knew that the hanguang-jun never truly forgot anything.

on nights that wen ning wasn't at the jingshi he was either with sizhui or at the small home lan wangji had requested be made for him. that had taken a lot of coaxing from wei ying for wen ning to accept the gesture, even if he wasn't there most of the time. a majority of wen ning's (few) belongings were scattered around his bedroom in the jingshi so really all that was at the "pingjing*," as lan wangji had told wen ning it was named, were necessities such as an outhouse, a furnace and the-like. there was also a small box that wen ning kept locked at all times. lan wangji had never asked him about it and didn't intend to, wei ying didn't know about it and he wasn't sure wen ning wanted him to anyway. so they didn't talk about it.

*pingjing translates to "calm" and "tranquil"

the previous night was one of the few that wen ning had actually spent at the pingjing, bowing in leave with a heightened sense of nervousness that even wei ying could catch. but lan wangji stopped his husband before he could ask, shaking his head and mumbling to respect wen ning wanting to have time to himself. so they went their separate ways, knowing they would see each other the next day.

lan wangji rose up onto the cobblestone step that was placed before the threshold of the pingjing and knocked lightly as not to disturb the man inside. silence blanketed his surroundings in a way that lan wangji was used to, but not with wen ning. it was similar to when he had stood in front of wei ying before his uncle, an unspoken vow of loyalty tethered to wei ying. without hesitance, lan wangji opened the pingjing's door and stepped inside, the smell of sandalwood rushing into his senses. he eyed a small table by an open window, the only cause of light inside the room, and noted a stick of incense burning in an incense burner. it had a lilac ash tray while the body was a deeper purple, mimicking the yunmengjiang robes that lan wangji had seen wei ying sport more than once.

wen ning was sitting on the bed, his legs drawn to his chest and his forehead tucked into his knees. his head shot up at the sound of the door opening, not expecting hanguang-jun to walk in without permission. his legs fell to the ground and he was standing before he could process it, already making his way into a bow. slender fingers wrapped around his left shoulder and halted the act of respect, pushing him back up tenderly. "you do not have to do this," lan wangji said, eyes locked with wen ning's.

wen ning searched for a sense of understanding in young master lan's eyes, golden molting into hues of jade and creating a ripple of color. more and more often wen ning had felt his own eyes linger on young master lan for longer than would be deemed acceptable, and when the other noticed he did not mention it. instead he allowed himself to do the same, catching wen ning's gaze during conversations with wei ying or when they were out night hunting in a way that he hadn't done before.

"yes, young master lan," wen ning nodded back, straightening out his back once more and slipping on the shoes master lan had insisted wen ning begin wearing. they made their way back to the jingshi in silence, lan wangji not mentioning what he had walked in on (though he didn't quite know what that was himself) and wen ning not attempting to explain. before they walked into the jingshi's doors, wen ning stopped and picked one of the blue flowers trailing the jingshi's walkway. the shadow of a smile drifted on his face as he turned towards lan wangji, lifting the flower up as if to place it behind the other man's ear before realizing who exactly he was about to touch.

he cringed back as if he had been burned, letting his eyes drop to the cobblestone stepping stones marking the way up to the threshold. they stood for a moment, lan wangji eventually becoming fed up. he carefully took the flower from wen ning's hand and tucked it behind his own ear, "it is okay." wen ning's grey eyes shot up similar to how they had done in the pingjing, dancing over the way young master lan's hair was delicately flowing in the wind and the way the tip of his ear was red as it held the blue blossom in place. his forehead ribbon drifted in the same direction his hair flowed, wen ning absentmindedly thought it would tickle where it lightly touched his hand.

without thinking, he let two of his fingers trap the frolicking ribbon and watched young master lan's eyes widen by a minuscule and wen ning let himself bathe in the moment. he was the one who made lan wangji react like so, he was the one who made lan wangji's ears turn red in a blush, he was the one who got lan wangji to place a small, blue flower behind his ear and he was the one who was getting to see lan wangji look too open for the first time that wen ning could truly recall. or at least look open when looking at him. he let the ribbon slip through his fingers and continue prancing through the wind as if it was proud of itself, "it reminded me of you." without waiting for a reaction, wen ning spun on his heel and finished the walk into the jingshi. lan wangji heard wei wuxian's delighted shout at his arrival.

lan wangji let his face relax and felt heat creep up the nape of his neck and cheeks. slender fingers reached up and wrapped around a petal, tucking it under his forehead ribbon. he stood for a moment, thinking and watching wei ying smother wen ning in a hug through the open doors. he felt his eyes soften as wen ning tried to pry wei ying off without any actual force, pushing on the side of his face and being wrapped in the warmth of wei ying's laughter. suddenly realizing his expression, lan wangji straightened himself and coughed, covering his face with the long, white sleeve of his robe. so maybe wei ying was right last night when he mentioned lan zhan's increasing care for the third man. and maybe he was also right about lan zhan liking wen ning just a little bit. maybe a lot a bit. okay, he'd figure it out. they'd figure it out.

𑁍

the two men settled across from wen ning, who was seated on their bed, their legs tangled together by wei ying's absentminded nervousness. a plethora of talisman decorated wen ning's shirt like women's makeup during festivals, colorful but overwhelming to look at. wen ning's expression was pulled taunt in concentration, eyes squished shut in a way that caused his eyelids to wrinkle with age he'll never get the chance to experience. wei ying's blood dripped down wen ning's neck, pooling into the collar of his dark robe. swishes of wind and the rustle of leaves could be heard over the two men's breathing, almost replicating a third inhale and exhale.

wei ying groaned in frustration and stood, reaching for wen ning blindly and tugging him over to his desk, "how long is this supposed to take? why isn't there a rule book on 'how to make your ferocious corpse feel'?" lan wangji placed his palms on both of his knees and situated himself into a meditative pose, letting his eyes drift closed and allowing wei ying and wen ning's voices to mix into a comfortable hum. the draft of wind drifted through his finger tips and his senses seemed to open up, everything becoming louder but more muffled at the same time. the world moved under his calves but remained still, his mouth opened just a hair to feel air brush against the inside of his lips.

he remained like that until startled out of meditation by a shrieking wei ying and a crying wen ning. crying wen ning? lan wangji shifted to look at the two men; wei ying jumped up and down in ecstasy and large droplets of water cascaded down wen ning's face as he let out a monstrous sob. wei ying continued to grin and dance abstractly, flopping his limbs around and pushing his hands against wen ning's cheeks. eventually he turned towards lan zhan, beckoning him to come closer as a response to his questioning gaze. the other pushed himself to his feet and padded over to the two blubbering boys before him. "lan zhan! lan zhan, feel his face. here, feel it," wei ying shoved lan wangji's hand against wen ning's soaked cheeks and watched his eyes widen. he was warm. "my fucking god it only took sixteen years! but i did it, lan zhan i did it!" he grabbed lan wangji's hands back and began to dance around him, letting wen ning continue to cry.

after managing to slip away from wei ying's ecstatic limbs, lan wangji placed a hand on wen ning's shoulder, mirroring their position from earlier that morning. he crouched down in front of the shaking figure, bringing his other hand to wen ning's chin and lifting his head. for the first time, lan wangji let his guard down in front of someone that wasn't wei ying. apparently seeing the change in expression, wen ning's face stilled in shock before crumpling completely, surging forward and into lan wangji's arms. the two fell backwards, wen ning's head stuffed in lan zhan's neck and lan zhan's arms wrapped around wen ning's waist. he rested his head on the floor and glanced over at his now motionless husband, a smile playing on his lips in between a smug smirk and a smile of relief. "wen ning?"

no response came for a while, air continuing to whistle through an open window above their bed. after calming himself down as much as he could, wen ning lifted his head a fraction to look up at lan wangji's welcoming face. the tears began to flow once more and wei ying chuckled, sitting down next to the conjoined men. "i-i'm s-sorry, it's jus-just a lot," he managed to choke out, and lan wangji had never felt so relieved to hear a stutter. lan wangji hummed in understanding, watching wei ying's hand thread through wen ning's hair. it wasn't matted and knotted like it had been when he returned to them. with a bucket full of embarrassment and soapy water, wei ying had requested wen ning start taking baths again. that had been a whole can of warms to unload, wen ning didn't feel that he was worthy of a bath, much less one in the gusulan residence so he insisted on leaving and finding a pond to bathe in. this had upset wei ying and a present lan sizhui who made it very clear that if wen ning wasn't worthy then he wasn't either.

this had prompted a frustrated wei ying to turn towards the only person he knew could talk the two men out of leaving and bathing in an algae filled lake, lan wangji. that had been the first time lan wangji caught an unusual glint in wen ning's eyes, though that should've been expected after he said "both of you. stay. wen ning, come with me." but it wasn't a look of confusion or exasperation, instead his expression held trust. anything else would've been easy for lan wangji to brush off, but trust from the person he had eagerly pushed out of wei ying's life was just enough to make him question everything he knew about the man. and then the tiny exchanges began. minor things, really, that no one would normally catch. but the lans were experts on small expressions and encounters, especially those closest to hanguang-jun.

maybe zewu-jun noticed first, or perhaps even lan sizhui. but he felt the amount of eyes on him increase every time he was around the new addition to the lan clan (upon both wei ying and lan wangji's requests, of course). he payed them no mind and awaited the day wei ying would ask him about it, and alas it came. fingers strummed a qin and lips wrapped around a flute, a melancholic harmony floating through the jingshi, brushing against their napes and flowing through their hair. and then the sound from the flute stopped, and the fingers ceased to strum. contentment filled the space between them until a hushed wei ying whispered, "when were you going to tell me?"

"i wasn't." and honestly, he didn't plan on it. nothing would come of it, anyway. even if lan wangji long ago caught the way wei ying would look at wen ning, would hold wen ning against him after another failed attempt at bringing back whatever it was humans sought after so much. and it would remind him that wei ying and wen ning shared something that he never would, a bond much stronger than anything he knew. he was content letting them have that, because after so much they deserved it. he had wei ying and wei ying had him, so what if wei ying also had wen ning? he needed them both and lan wangji knew that better than anyone. so he pushed it down and decided that it didn't need to be talked about, his own feelings for wen ning would be too overwhelming for either of them. he was okay like that, too, until a broken wen ning sat in his arms and a too-caring wei ying carded his hand through his hair.

then it wasn't okay anymore. when wen ning was right there and open and raw and lan wangji just wanted to take, take, take. as if knowing lan zhan was drowning in his thoughts, wei ying spoke up from beside him. "if everything is right, and it better be after so long, then your body should replicate a living one. the only thing you won't have is a beating heart. do you feel okay?" he spoke the last part in a hushed voice, leaning more towards his ear. wen ning squeaked in reply and stuffed his head back into lan wangji's neck, nodding erratically in response. wei ying huffed out a laugh and pushed back on his haunches, followed by a set of golden eyes. "okay, come here. i need to check everything."

lan wangji felt wen ning's body go rigid in a way he previously wasn't able to, small movements such as temporarily freezing being too difficult for him. a copious amount of black hair lifted itself up slowly and wen ning peered at his young master from under his eyelashes, a fiery blush blotched over his cheekbones. he picked himself up at a crawl, trembling when he stood like a newborn fawn. a pair of toes pinched lan wangji's calf in nervousness and he looked down to see a foot still in between his legs, the other stepped forward as if to make his way towards wei ying. shaking his head in faux annoyance, wei ying went to wen ning instead and started feeling and pressing and pulling on whatever piece of skin he could get his hands on. little whimpers escaped wen ning's lips here and there, not used to the feeling of warmth against his skin. he had eventually stopped crying, tear tracks glistening on his cheeks. wei ying lifted a hand and brushed at them, letting the pads of his fingertips dance over wen ning's collarbone and chin and lips. they paused then, as if in hesitation, before pressing forward and drawing shapes on his lips. not enough pressure to hurt but enough that wen ning could now feel it, and a spark went up his spine before he was opening his mouth and taking in one the fingers.

he didn't know what exactly caused the spark of confidence. it could've been as simple as the flow of adrenaline and finally feeling another person actually touch him again after so long of acute numbness. or it could've been as complex as the rush of emotions swim back into his veins, the bloom of love and lust and want dragging him towards wei wuxian in a way he had missed so much. he felt seventeen again, like the first time he met wei wuxian and knew he was fucked beyond belief. he felt his world stop, the warmth of the sun on his skin and the rush of wind through his hair that he had only been able to see for sixteen years. he felt the pad of fingertips and the squish of thighs through his toes, the smell of sandalwood that he had tried to replicate just earlier that day and exhausted himself from anger when he couldn't. whatever caused it, though, he thanked earnestly. he thanked it earnestly because it allowed wei wuxian's eyes to widen in disbelief and lan wangji's breath to audibly catch.

eyelashes flickered as wen ning looked down at lan wangji, reaching towards him in desperation. a new feeling for young master lan bounced around in his skull but he didn't give it much thought, tucking it into a far away box for a rainy day. without the hesitation that wei ying previously displayed, lan wangji gripped wen ning's hand and pulled himself up, instantly shoving his way into his unspoken bubble. but he knew it wasn't his bubble anymore, it wasn't his barrier. it was theirs. velvet caressed wei ying's finger and circled around it, sucking lightly and pulling out a barely audible moan from the finger's owner. wen ning smirked and let the finger fall from his lips, a string of saliva dripping down his chin.

restraint was tossed out the window as lan wangji dipped down to press against wen ning's lips, almost feeling sorry towards wei ying for a split moment until wen ning's hand curled in the hair at the back of his neck. he was so warm, so alive. wen ning's lack of experience was made up for by enthusiasm, pushing his tongue into lan wangji's mouth before he could comprehend what he was doing. but he didn't push the other away, instead grabbing his waist and pulling him closer, letting his bottom lip be rolled between wen ning's teeth. hands roamed and gripped from themselves and the ever impatient wei ying, teeth clashing and clinking in desperation. wen ning allowed himself to be picked up into sturdy arms, instinctively wrapping his legs around lan wangji's waist, when a shaky voice told them to go to the bed.

wen ning had always wondered what their bed felt like, he questioned if it would feel like his own or better. the answer was better, though he didn't know if that was because he could suddenly feel every fiber in their silk bed sheets or because he had lan wangji pressed between his legs and biting at his collar. wei ying's blood had been wiped off by him during inspection but the soaked robe still remained on his body, red staining the beautiful white fabric. lan wangji didn't seem to care for the article of clothing, untying wen ning's outer robes and pulling him out of them swiftly. wei ying watched from the side, trailing absentminded kisses down lan wangji's arm. when lan wangji dove towards wen ning's inner robes, a hand shot out and held his wrist back. lan wangji looked up into wen ning's uneasy gaze, a new blush spreading up the part of his chest that the other two men could see. "young master lan..."

lan wangji growled deep in his chest, pulling his wrist out of wen ning's grip and settling close to his ear. "lan zhan." that's all it took to get the three of them moving as quickly as possible, lan zhan focusing on his own outer and then inner robes with wei ying's already gone. wen ning clumsily ripped away his remaining white layer, sitting up on his knees and connecting his lips with wei ying's. the other groaned, pushing wen ning back and gripping onto the inside of his thighs, squishing the skin under his fingers hard enough to leave bruises. constant noises fell out of wen ning's mouth at the new sensations, overly sensitive to everything around him. the feeling of lan zhan's breath against his neck, the bite of wei ying's finger nails into his thighs, and press of lan zhan's hand against his erection.

pulling back, wei ying grinned at the withering man underneath his touches. "be as loud as you want, no one dares to come in here." bending down, he trailed one of his hands up wen ning's chest and caught an earlobe between his teeth. "lan-er gege loves when i'm vocal." that was all it took for wen ning to spill over the edge, back arching against the bed spread and hand gripping someone's arm. a long moan ripped from the back of his throat as he came so hard he felt he'd been hit by a boulder. "you're so sensitive, we should've known you'd come fast." wei ying laughed, loud and beautifully, as he wrapped long, slender fingers around wen ning's softening member and began to tug playfully. wen ning's eyes rolled into the back of his head and another moan escaped from his throat, bringing a mesmerized lan zhan to wrap puckered lips around one of his nipples.

wei ying smirked and continued to move his wrist in a steady rhythm, watching wen ning's facial expressions attentively. "y-young master wei" wen ning choked out, his head pressed against the bed spread and his neck open access. wei ying tutted and gripped wen ning's dick tighter, speeding up his ministrations and causing the man to squirm. lan zhan moved from his place on wen ning's right nipple up to his neck, making himself occupied while wei ying got his way. "w-wei," wen ning began in a stutter, still not completely wanting to give in. after all, wen ning had been called him 'young master' since they met 16 years ago.

dropping down in front of wen ning's now semi-hard cock, he let his tongue trace the underside of the head. wen ning gasped, beginning to thrash when wei ying dipped into his slit, rubbing circles of saliva into his head. "wei ying!" wen ning sobbed, making a low groan come from lan zhan's direction. wei ying grinned, taking the head of wen ning's cock into his mouth and sucked eagerly. a sigh was released through his nose as a hand found its place on the back of his head, threading through his hair. feeling spurred on, wei ying took the rest of wen ning into his mouth, trailing his tongue up the vein that didn't pump any blood. he made sure his teeth weren't scraping, knowing wen ning was way too sensitive for that yet. even so, he let his tongue lightly catch on the underside of wen ning's head, groaning in pleasure when wen ning tugged on his hair and cried out. lan zhan took this as an invitation, pushing their lips to slot together in messy arousal.

watching them through hazy eyes and heavy eyelids, wei ying left wen ning's dick with a pop and a sly smile. wen ning looked down at wei ying with a mixture of disappointment and confusion, part of him feeling as if he'd done something wrong. wei ying was quick to soothe his fears, a simple "didn't want you to come again" squashing his previous anxieties. "lan zhan, do you want to prep him or shall i?" he asked playfully, dipping a finger into wen ning's bellybutton and kissing down one of his thighs.

without hesitation, lan zhan lifted his head from wen ning, moving towards wei ying as if to push him out of the way. wen ning watched the exchange carefully, lan zhan shoving wei ying's shoulder to get him to move from between wen ning's legs. wei ying smiling brightly, as if lan zhan shoving him made his world go round. that same feeling from before bubbled in wen ning's stomach and he let his back fall to the bed in thought. before, he definitely would've felt jealous of lan zhan's ability to make wei ying smile like that, so why wasn't he jealous now? had so many years of repression made him loose his sense of jealousy? but he was able to feel happy so he felt like his emotions were okay. if he could feel jealousy and he just wasn't, maybe it had to do with lan zhan? but what about lan zhan? wen ning looked down towards his feet to see both of the other men staring at him, as if waiting for something. "sorry?"

"are you okay with this?" lan zhan asked in that same monotone voice that he always sported, the one that was monotone until you truly knew him. once you broke through the wall that lan zhan had so statistically set up, there was layer after layer to his voice, as if it was encoded with emotions. he sounded eager but caring, like he'd do anything wen ning asked him to. wen ning's eyes widened at the realization that lan zhan actually cared about him, panic and confusion and vulnerability rising in his chest. "i won't if you're not–" lan zhan started when seeing wen ning's panicked expression but was interrupted by the man throwing himself into his arms.

"oh, lan zhan!" wen ning blubbered, rubbing his face all over lan zhan's neck and falling into his lap. "lan zhan i'm so sorry, i never meant to hurt you. i'm sorry for leaving you in pain for so long, i should've come when wei ying wasn't able to." lan zhan froze at the mention of all the years spent without wei ying, the person who was meant to be by his side, but melted when wen ning continued. "i'm sorry i let you suffer alone, it wasn't fair. i care about wei ying so much and by extension i must care about you. in the beginning it felt like a burden, an obligation that i had no choice but to indulge in. but lan zhan, i know better now! i never want to leave your side again, please don't make me leave." wen ning rambled on before finally breaking down into a weeping mess, collapsing against lan zhan's chest. he wasn't honestly sure what all he had said but he knew that whatever it was, it was the truth. he wanted to hold lan zhan close and never let go, exactly like he wanted to do to wei ying.

a calm hand combed through wen ning's hair in comfort, another scratching softly up and down his back. "care about wen ning too. can't leave," lan zhan finally said, more a statement than a request. but that's all wen ning wanted, needed. he needed lan zhan to tell him to stay, to make him stay. wei ying hummed in agreement from behind wen ning's collapsed build, trailing finger nails over wen ning's sensitive skin. "would you like to stop?" he asked lightly, massaging wen ning's scalp. after a sniffle and a shift, wen ning was sitting back on lan zhan's thighs and glancing at him from under wet eyelashes. he shook his head viciously, shyly taking lan zhan's unoccupied hand and leading it toward his entrance.

carefully pulling him back, wei ying helped get the trembling man situated on the bed for lan zhan, a pillow tucked underneath his hips and another behind his neck so it wouldn't become sore from looking up at them. after close consideration, wei ying decided to help coax and explain wen ning through the whole thing instead of directly taking part, something which wen ning was rather thankful for. his body felt like it was humming with a high, everything becoming almost microscopic and macroscopic at the same time. he felt every twitch, every breath, every dust particle to a magnified level, but he wondered if it just felt so magnified because he spent years unable to even feel his own hand against wei ying's heart.

though the humming continued, the nerves stopped as lan zhan looked down at wen ning with a gentle expression and a light smile on his lips. suddenly wen ning felt invincible. he nodded enthusiastically as lan zhan dipped a lubricant coated finger into him, resting his head against one of wei ying's thighs from where he was placed behind him. at some point lan zhan had obtained a small vile of clear lubricant, wanting to be as careful with wen ning as possible. his face screwed up at the unfamiliar sensation, though it wasn't painful. lan zhan pumped his finger in and out of his hole, creating a steady rhythm that wei ying caught himself tapping onto wen ning's skin. an almost inaudible gasp left wen ning's mouth when lan zhan hooked a second fingertip along his rim, slowly pushing in beside the first digit as to not cause wen ning any unnecessary pain. wen ning found himself wondering for a moment how this would've felt if they'd done it when he was still completely a corpse. would he have been able to feel that slight intrusion, the slight burn when lan zhan sunk two fingers inside of him? would he feel the catch of lan zhan's second knuckle as it breached his entrance, the scratch of calloused but smooth hands on his walls? or would it just feel numb like everything else? maybe it would've been different since it was lan zhan, who always had a way of making him feel things even if he wasn't supposed to. he wasn't exactly sure what things he had been feeling, anyway, but he knew that this was so much better.

slender fingers pushed into wen ning, spreading slightly to create space between them. a hand came to fall on his stomach, tracing nothings on his abdomen just a fraction too close to his dick. after his momentary meltdown his hardness had disappeared, but the way lan zhan looked so concentrated on what he was doing, the way his brows furrowed and his lips quivered and his fingers worked was enough to make wen ning release a breathy moan and cause his dick to stir. lan zhan looked up because he hadn't exactly done anything moan worthy, but wen ning had one of his lips between his teeth and his head thrown back into wei ying's lap (who looked pleased enough as it was) and lan zhan felt as if all the air was forced from his lungs like a person stepping on a balloon. he twisted his two fingers together and pushed a third one in beside them, pulling a string of moans from wen ning's throat.

peppering kisses up his neck and shoulders, wei ying whispered encouragements and reached down to toy with one of wen ning's nipples, attempting to drag his mind away from the unfamiliar sting. he caught lan zhan's gaze from where he leaned over wen ning and let out a soft moan, lan zhan's eyes burning into him with lust. if his blood could freeze over right then, it would've. wen ning reached a hand up and threaded it through the hair close to wei ying's scalp, gripping the silky white sheets with his other. instinctively he wrapped a leg around lan zhan's waist, pulling him closer and forcing his fingers deeper. when lan zhan fucked his fingers up at just the right angle, wen ning felt his throat constrict and his back arch, letting out a strangled scream as his eyes rolled back into his head and stars decorated his vision.

all at once, lan zhan pulled out of him and wen ning whined at the loss. his hole gaped and clenched at nothing, searching for something to replace the digits. lan zhan climbed fully onto the bed from his previous position, spreading wen ning's legs and situating himself flesh against wen ning's hips. he could feel lan zhan's erection brushing against his entrance and he sighed in exasperation and need, glancing down at the man between his thighs. he was expecting a heavy, dark gaze but was caught shockingly off guard by a caring one instead (of course in addition to the arousal that he couldn't completely wipe away). lan zhan reached forward to fix the pillow under wen ning's hips, trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

though wen ning had spent the last 16 years as an emotionless, painless corpse, lan zhan had caught himself being more watchful of wen ning recently. it probably started when the prolonged stares did, whispers from his juniors arising when he spent just a millisecond too long gazing at the other. he would always have to punish them for it, even if he felt no actual offense. it's not as if some of them weren't right, anyway. nonetheless, it was still against the lan clan's rules to gossip behind one's back, especially hanguang-jun, so he did what he had to. one of the boys, zizhen, had directly asked him if wen ning could feel some things now because of second young master lan's sudden attentiveness. this had given the other juniors a fright, they never expected zizhen to actually go up to hanguang-jun and say something. lan wangji simply shook his head in response and departed from the group of adolescent, though he thought about that conversation frequently.

now that wen ning could feel some things, lan zhan found himself even more mindful than before. he didn't want wen ning hurt or uncomfortable or unsure. "okay?" he asked, placing an open palm on wen ning's thigh and tracing circles into it. wen ning nodded, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. wei ying took the opportunity to connect their lips, letting wen ning's tongue trail into his mouth and sucking on it eagerly. lan zhan watched with fascination before remembering what he was supposed to be doing. he spread wen ning's ass open and lined his head up to wen ning's entrance, ever so slowly sinking himself in. wen ning involuntarily clenched, making lan zhan hiss at the pressure around his dick. untangling their lips, wei ying lowered his head to whisper in wen ning's ear, "you've got to relax, my love." the last two words caused wen ning's eyes to shoot open, connecting with a fixated lan zhan. he felt his body flush at the realization that lan zhan's heavy gaze was trained so intensely on his entrance, eagerly sucking in his cock. heat spread up his chest and color his neck in pretty blotches that wei ying kissed endearingly.

"you're so beautiful, you're doing amazing. just try to relax, a-ning, lan-er gege's going to make you feel so good." wei ying rambled between kisses, sometimes taking a moment to roll a piece of wen ning's skin between his teeth and create a deep purple blossom. wen ning let wei ying's voice settle over him in a blanket of comfort, allowing his eyes to grow hazy and the push of lan zhan becoming a dull ache. once flesh against wen ning, lan zhan splayed his fingers in an open arrangement and squished the skin of wen ning's thigh in his hand, satisfied as a red hand print began to form. he dipped a hand under wen ning's ass and drew him closer, wen ning circling lan zhan's hips with his legs in response. a hum left lan zhan's throat and he drew back to the point of barely having his head inside wen ning's rim before sinking back inside, quicker than before. wen ning pushed back against wei ying's chest, the top of his head brushing against the other. he could see out of his peripheral vision that wei ying had a hand wrapped around his dick, lazily stroking himself while planting kisses on wen ning's collarbone.

at the sight of lan zhan's furrowed brow and wei ying's swollen, leaking cock, wen ning let out a breathy moan and shuttered, tightening his grip around lan zhan. lan zhan complied to wen ning's coaxing, leaning down over his body completely and placing his hands beside either side of wen ning's head. his hair fell eloquently in cascading waterfalls, tickling wen ning's cheeks. the new position caused lan zhan to sink deeper as he snapped his hips up, finally giving into his arousal. steadily he created a rhythm, wen ning's body bouncing up and hitting wei ying's chest with every one of lan zhan's thrusts. the headboard slammed against the wall and wen ning withered on lan zhan's cock, rolling his hips up on instinct to meet lan zhan. his legs continued to tighten around lan zhan's waist in a bruising grip, but it just spurred lan zhan on more, making his hips roll faster and snap rougher. wen ning's own dick slid between them, a new layer of precum and wei ying's left over saliva causing a wet squelch every time he was rocked into come from between his stomach and his ass.

after a moment of searching, lan zhan guided his hips up in the angle that had previously made wen ning react so violently. lan zhan simply brushed the bundle of nerves at first, making wen ning's mouth fall slack and hands shoot up to tangle in lan zhan's hair. confirming the spot, lan zhan pulled all the way out before bottoming into wen ning's trembling sensitivity. long overdue, wen ning let out a heartfelt scream and scrambled to find purchase, clawing at lan zhan's back. this eyes rolled and a gurgle bubbled from his throat when lan zhan wrapped his arms around his back and lifted them into a sitting position, wei ying's chest now flush with wen ning's back.

the new position allowed lan zhan to set a bruising pace directly into wen ning's prostate, a low groan surfacing when wen ning scratched up his nape. wen ning bounced with lan zhan's hands on his thighs, pulling him up and letting him drop back down with the slap of skin on skin. tears brimmed wen ning's eyes as he ground onto lan zhan's cock, incoherent sentences falling from his lips. "lan zhan, fuck lan zhan, there. yes, lan zhan you're fucking me so well. you're so perfect, wei ying's so perfect. you're both so perfect," he babbled in time with lan zhan's thrusts, moans and whimpers crying out between words. wen ning could feel wei ying's hand speed up against his back, the quick rhythm identical to the excruciating pace lan zhan was slamming into him at.

all at once the feeling building up inside his core started to hit him, causing his back to arch and his head to fall back. lan zhan took the opportunity to push forward and connect his lips to wen ning's neck, teeth sinking into his warm skin in a place that wei ying's purple decor didn't occupy. wen ning sank one of his hands into lan zhan's shoulder and another into wei ying's hair, grinding down on lan zhan's cock for all that he was worth before finally letting himself spill over the edge. the corners of his vision went black as spots lit up the world, the sound of static taking over his head. the only other thing audible was wei ying's voice, far away and ineligible, but he let it soothe him. his body gave out and he collapsed completely against wei ying, letting everything go slack. a pressure against his lower back area continued for a moment before stilling, a warmth spreading up into him and pulsing out between his thighs after lan zhan pulled out. wei ying finished right before wen ning, milking himself through it as he bit down on wen ning's shoulder. then wen ning was crumpling in his arms and lan zhan was carefully exiting him.

silence blossomed between them and wei ying watched wen ning closely, his features unburdened and peaceful. he seemed asleep at first, but cracked open his eyes to greet the staring man above him with a blissed out smile. "a-ning, are you okay?" wei ying could hear himself ask, still not completely down from his high. lan zhan had gotten up to go find them something to clean up with, pride swelling in the pit of wei ying's stomach at how caring his husband was. wen ning nodded lazily, a genuine smile painting his features. for years wen ning had been left unable to smile, his limited muscle control being unallowing of such a small movement. now, though, wei ying couldn't even remember what wen ning was like for all those years. he felt like this wen ning, this smiling, ball of sunshine was all he had ever known. like the first time they met 16 years ago and wei ying knew he was beyond fucked.

lan zhan slipped back into the room, clicking the door shut behind him. wen ning stretched his body out, his torso laying on wei ying's thighs. wei ying scoffed but absentmindedly traced pictures on his skin, drawing transparent bunnies and flowers and ribbons. settling down beside the two, lan zhan cleaned up the starfish-positioned man, letting the damp cloth rub over wen ning's exposed inner thighs. he shivered at the sensation, the fabric's grooves sending chills up his spine. wen ning took a moment to bask in afterglow, lan zhan's steady hands pulling against his skin and wei ying's finger tips skimming ever so lightly across his chest. he realized that for the first time in 16 years: he was drowsy. the thought made a smile tighten his cheeks and he reached up to touch wei ying's face, just barely letting his fingers brush the man's cheekbones. when wei ying down at wen ning's face, wen ning felt his heart strings pull taunt, like the strings of lan zhan's qin. "thank you," he whispered, finally laying his hand completely on wei ying's cheek. "thank you," he repeated, his voice cracking this time. tears pooled in his eyes and blurred his vision but his smile never faltered.

wei ying's own eyes widened and he looked up at lan zhan, watching as his face contorted and pinched, almost as if he himself was trying to hold back tears. meeting wen ning's gaze once again, wei ying bent down and molded their lips together in an unspoken 'you're welcome.' wen ning's whole body seemed to relax then, years of tenseness slipping away. wei ying would gladly consume all of wen ning's worries and anxieties and tense muscles if he could, take away all the negativity from his life. he pulled his head back slightly, their lips still grazing over each other. "i'd do it over and over again if i had to." that short sentence was enough to make wen ning's face crumple in defeat, a sob escaping his throat once again. an arm wrapped around wei ying's neck and wen ning pulled him down on top of him, grasping for lan zhan with his free hand. without hesitating, lan zhan dipped down and let himself be held by the trembling man below him.

𑁍

eventually wen ning's breath evened out and his eyes drifted shut. they stayed like that for a while, lan zhan and wei ying squished together on top of wen ning's sleeping form. neither of them minded much, wen ning seemed content and that's all that mattered. the light outside faded and hues of purple mingled in the sky, a gentle breeze flowing in from the open window above their bed. none of them moved to close it, the faint voices from juniors at dinner floating through and mixing together in ineligible sentences.

a hand suddenly reached up and started stroking lan zhan's back, inwardly startling him but his expression remaining the same. wei ying's eyes were shut as well, but his breathing wasn't as deep as it would've been if he was asleep. not wanting to disturb wen ning, lan zhan made no effort to look up at his face to see if he was awake, but he supposed he didn't have to because of the unidentified hand. his fingers seemed to gravitate towards the scratch marks he had created during sex, following each of the lines until he found another one. then lan zhan felt a shift in the air and wen ning began to trace his scars from so long ago, the ones that never truly would go away. the ones etched into his skin as a constant reminder that he had put the man he loved before the people that loved him, and that would never be forgivable. wen ning felt lan zhan stiffen and stopped his wondering fingers, instead bringing his hand up to tangle in lan zhan's elegant flow of hair. wen ning thought he was the most beautiful like this, hair undone and loosely falling down his shoulders in pools of black silk, a constant pink tint dusting his cheeks, his eyes soft and delicate, his skin golden in the descending sun. wen ning could've spent forever like that, with them. everything felt right, like that was the conclusion his life was leading up to. "i love you," he felt himself saying.

the words swam between them, the air morphing and changing them to mean so many things when they met lan zhan's ears. this had been building up for so long, this unspoken phrase between them. it had felt forbidden in the beginning, an intangible feeling. they were just floating and existing around each other. lan zhan would breathe him in and wen ning would accept everything he could, at that time. but soon enough, gazes began to wonder and words became more careful. not even just for others, but for lan zhan and wen ning themselves. it felt right, too right, and they were set on not allowing themselves to have it. maybe out of guilt or obligation, they ignored everything they knew was there. unspoken, waiting to be acknowledged. and here it was. finally wedging itself so far into their minds that there was no where else for it to go besides out. "i love you too,"

"i love you too," lan zhan and wei ying said in unison, both looking up at wen ning. this, this was right, wen ning told himself. these two beautiful men looking up at him like he had hung the stars, constellations gleaming in their eyes. wen ning couldn't do anything but draw them close, as close as they could get, and hope with everything he had that this never disappeared. and somewhere inside of him, he thanked wen qing for giving him wei wuxian and lan wangji.