#wanda too

i just want everyone to know i just finished dear wendy by @annzhao . and when i tell you. i was in TEARS.

i could go on a long tangent about why this truly wrecked me (other than being aroace myself and connecting with jo on a spiritual level, i think) but i’ll spare you the details. i can get to the point. (warning: i proceed to not get to the point)

being out as aroace for 3 years doesn’t mean SHIT.

in fact, i think i was most proud of being aroace in my first 6 months of being out. since then? it’s … almost dwindled.

i’ve never had a stable aroace friend. well i thought i did… that got a bit shakey (i just said i won’t go into the details i’m not letting myself go on this tangent) i’ve never been able to come to terms with the idea that i might never have that companionship.

and while jo ended up having sophie to confide in, i still entirely saw myself in them. and sophie’s words by the end of the book, telling jo that ‘to accept your sexuality, you have to accept that you’re probably going to question it for a really long time, and possibly the rest of your life.’ i was sitting there with them listening to the same thing.

it wasn’t new information. i have told myself the same thing for years… i’ve told others the same thing for years. yet to see it, and all these others pieces of advice written down, for me to read and apply precisely to my own life - instead of having to piece together advice from short, stereotyped a-spec representation (which doesn’t end up holding any useful message for me, anyway) is so…. empowering.

i think it may have been the first piece of a-spec media i’ve consumed where the character isn’t actively figuring this out about themselves. that it isn’t the main storyline to this character. and more than that - it’s multiple significant characters.

surprisingly, this is revolutionary to me.

and while i may not be able to push past my constant, annoying urge for companionship, i still have so much warmth in my heart now after reading this, truly. i am absolutely in love with this book, and while i thought i did before, i think i’ve never seen myself be truly represented in media until this moment. i’ve never truly felt seen and understood from characters like me until now…

Melina: so are you going to tell us about your daughter?

Natasha: what- she is not my daughter.

Yelena: you act like she is.

Natasha: I might take a kind of guardian-like roll in her life-

Melina: are you going to adopt her?

Natasha: she’s not my daughter

also Natasha:

Natasha: no, don’t touch that

Natasha: you’re grounded, get over here.

Natasha: I’m on a mission, be good, don’t open the door for anyone, tell Jarvis if you need anything.

Natasha, smiling a little while I’m showing her a cool feather I found on the ground: That is a good feather

Natasha: Be good for Clint, you can stay with him while I’m gone this time.

Back in current time:

Me, coming over: Nat, Nat, I didn’t find that feather you said you saw to get me out of the room so you could have a conversation but I did find this handful of cool rocks and a stick shaped like a pistol:)