My bad I messed this up
Here we go again, running around the clock with the unspoken truths we constantly decided to ignore. I sit here contemplating everything that revolves around me, wondering when it will be okay to feel okay, again ; without shame, without remorse, with out feeling like I am a total waste of space. without feeling like failure to everyone around me, who loves me and needs me here.
it seems as if I have all this opportunity, but nothing seems to be in reach. I can feel it in my bones on what I need to do and what I am meant for on this planet. I am meant to be a mom with a house full of kids and a man who comes back home to me. Seems cliché, but its true. I had the chance to get a moment in that life.
Waking up to the sounds of my daughters laugh, hearing her little footsteps run across the hall into my room to wake me from my slumber to get us ready for the day. Getting her ready and sending her off to day care and being able to see her excitement as I entered the room to come take her home. To watch her grow from the moment she borrowed my womb has been the greatest gift that life has had to give me. But, Mommy got lonely and Mommy needed love from a man.
I paid the price of losing my daughter just to get that green grass, on the other side of the fence. And It was too late by the time I realized its not as always as it seems. He had nieces, I had a daughter, we liked music, we liked travel, and drinking...anything else that our hands and hearts can tugg on.... But, hey what can I say.. It seemed like a match made in heaven.
