#w2026

"Most of us understand that your future is not promised to you. It is constructed day by day, through the choices you make. Your future is earned, little by little, through hard work and action. If you don't act accordingly, that dream dissolves." - Chanel Miller, Know My Name

I find my stand standing at a diverging path: one offering failed potential, and the other - actionable success.

I fail to be present on a daily basis. Whether it's due to a lack of sleep or the fact that I'm back at home - I find myself hindering in progress. I set distinct goals for myself and tried to establish regimens that would prevent myself from regressing into my former unintelligible and unmotivated individual.

I want to say that it's a result of the fact that I'm not engaging in physical exercise... but I do think that it's moreso just the fact that I'm not reflecting consistently. I neglect - or rather - am unable to reflect on a consistent basis. And here we find ourselves, already, at the end of an unaccomplished month. I barely did anything thus far... and yet there's so much that keeps on piling on top of the plate of things I want to do.

Maybe it's the fact that I don't have my own room, or the fact that I despise learning. Maybe it's the fact that ... when I do have the time, instead of investing it towards any meaningful learning I end up flicking my fingers in a dreadful pattern to consume meaningless content. I hate the person that I have become. I feel severed within a fixed mindset and unable to truly grow as I intended to at the beginning of this year.

And here's the thing.. you can't be dumb and lazy. Well, things woulda been a helluva lot different if I was smart, or enjoyed practicing thinking. But I'm not. And that's the simple truth.

Just some 3am post some leetcode grinding rambles...

BRO

wth are these problems. am i crazy?

bro i especially do not understand some of these Binary Search and Sliding Window mediums

It's so funny cause i remember 4 years ago going to one of dem CS leetcode prep sessions, and getting taught sliding windows but all of that just passing over my head.

Just some late-night, post leetcode rambles..

I've begun to realize how intrinsically simple coding really is - and how I truly do overthink everything all the time... it really does suck :/

hehe haha i've barely scratched the surface:

I think, sometimes, that it's so funny that I want to go into hardware when I perform so poorly in certain core courses and can barely even do software. OMG

It's also the fact that despite that content might be easy to learn.. it might not necessarily stick (I've learned this the hard way...)... It's also just that I find it so hard to learn concepts on my own especially at home and not in a work/school setting. I've learned that.. sometimes, at the end of the day, it just comes down to good planning

Well, nevertheless, it just goes to show how much more I can do and how much more I can push myself to expand!

End-Of-January Reflections

"Open your eyes and see with them what you can before they close forever.” - Anthony Doerr, All the Light we Cannot See

This month has been hectic. Trying to squeeze in all of my yearly goals into slots without any long-term implementations or consistency in mind.

And that's about what needs to change for the term!

In terms of accomplishments: I did a crazy bad CodeSignal GCA (a technical OA in a while), won an award at my first Hackathon, did some baking, and took some fitness lessons via classpass.

I've always known how important it is to be consistent and to be adaptable despite minor changes.

It's quite clear that there's so much technical knowledge I don't have - how significant my knowledge gap is with respect to my peers.

There's no time like now, and I've got to utilize the time I have by allowing myself to both plan and reflect on how I can improve.

At the end of the day.. I just want to ensure I have consistent check-ins (with myself), and plan way ahead of time regarding what specific milestones I want to accomplish within a given timeframe. Additionally, I want to exercise consistently (as we all know how physical exercise is a significant motivator of our mental health).

oh the irony of being alive

how i desire to be deliver nuance in my every plan, in my every decision, and in my every breath

i long to be someone who makes the decisions - only the right ones

when it comes to it... it's important to realize that no one is perfect and in no way will i ever be this idealized individual

why of course, it's impossible to be aware of every event going on, every activism-campaign being run, and every good movie that comes out...

the best part about life is that we fabricate it in the small habits. they add up and accumulate to architect the very fabric of your life...

although we can't be perfect, we can try to be. and there's absolutely no necessity to be engaging with media with the intention of reading through it all and only the ones that are allegedly the 'best'. it's absolutely way too strenuous to take on such a feat.

and thus.. here i advocate for person that i can be by saying no to blindly engaging with media

"Your worst mistake is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing" - Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

Alas, we are amidst a new era!

These past few years of my undergrad, I've felt limited. Unable to progress and feeling fixed with the breadth of knowledge and skills I've acquired. Not knowing how to truly progress beyond my current standing.

And as someone who has neglected to plan and research on myself and my goals - I've let myself down. If I can't care about myself, why else would anyone else?

The fact of the matter is - we are traversing upon a new era. One that could result in meaningful and real change if I am to stick to my goals and devote myself to myself.

Exhibit A - 2026 Vision Board

I've attached here my vision board for this year.

My main goals for this year consist of the following:

1. Career Goals

Get a hardware internship

Leetcode - do interview prep way before recruiting season starts

Work on tech projects every month that actively showcase new and industry-relevant skills

Be involved in student design teams at school

2. Academic Goals

Maintain an 80% average

Be financially literate!

3. Fitness/Health Goals

middle splits

either take classpass or ballet lessons -> take the initiative to be fit!

Learn to cook

Do some baking once in a while for fun!

4. Leisure

watch theatre shows

invest in reading books more often

Faith Consistency Hard Work Pays Off