#vulvacancer

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I’ve thought long and hard about how to tell mams story and i think openly and honesty is the only way. Mams story in many ways should be a tale of warning and highlights why awareness is key to the fight against cancer. It was only a couple of months ago a very good friend asked what sort Of cancer mam had and because it was her bits I had kept that information quiet. But its doesn’t help if fact it gives cancer a strength through fear. Mam was diagnosed on the 31st March 2017, however she had been ill much longer than that. Increasing back pain, swollen legs, anaemia, reoccurring urinary infections were a few things. For the previous month mam hadn’t been able to sleep in bed because she was in pain. The week before she was hardly sitting down and had began to have falls. During this time we were back and forward to the doctors, she was sent to the hospital to have her heart checked which was fine. That morning mam had a fall and she had begun to bleed, my brother rang me panicking as she wouldn’t let him look. When i arrived i persuaded her to show me her vagina. I knew instantly that it was cancer. Mam was so upset and didn’t want to go to hospital, she knew they would keep her in and kept saying it was just bad thrush. I think that she had persuaded herself that this was true, fear of the truth , The dreaded c word and the treatment had made her convince herself that it was thrush . My mam had had ill health for a number of years and hated hospitals and i think this was part of the reason that she just didn’t want more operations, hospital stays and invasive treatment. I can only guess because as open as we were about what was happening she would always state she hadn’t known. When we got the hospital the doctors faces came in looking hopeful and reassuring and then they examined mam and they looked caring and asked how she had managed the pain. Mam had cancer of the vulva, its okay i hadn't heard of it either. It does begin like thrush, then continues to grow and to break down the healthy cells of the vulva eventually creating large open wounds. Any girl whose had an ingrowing hair should be wincing by now. That's where mam was. No treatment was available as it was too late, there wasn’t enough healthy tissue to cut it out, infection was an issue, it had reached the lymph node and it was possibly on her kidney. Doctors told us if she came earlier it might have been treatable, it was mute point by now, but thats the reason people need to listen to symptoms, bother their doctor, as the reality is it wont go away, it just gets worse. We returned home with a district nurse attending daily, however good they were it wasn’t enough and we lasted 3 weeks. Me and my brother provided the bulk of the care. Vulva cancer isnt something easy to manage, think of all the complications brought by just where it is, keeping clean is difficult. It also spreads back and begins to eat into the back passage whilst pain meds make you constipated. There is nothing harder than providing personal care to your own mother as she screams in agony. The district nurse pulled me aside one day to ask if we had been warned about bleeding and i looked at her blankly. The main arteries in the groin were surrounded by tumour that could eat into the artery wall and cause it to bust, causing catastrophic bleeding. No one had mentioned it. After 3 weeks of constant fear that she would die in front of us, of little sleep and trying to keep things going mam was given the chance to go to the hospice and for our sakes she went. She didnt want to go. She was a home bird, she wanted to be at home but she knew we couldn’t manage. Mam went for pain management and stayed until she had palliative radiotherapy and then found her appropriate care. From day one at the hospice we all relaxed , we didn’t need to be carers we could be family again we got quality time with mam. Doctors were open, they told us how it was. They tried different dressing, painkillers, laxatives, physiotherapy, complimentary therapy and befriended mam. Slowly mam got to be mam again, the nurses reported she was tearful in the morning before we arrived but she got it out and could continue to look after us as she always had, trying to shield us frim her pain. Mam rallied; This was partly radiotherapy killing nerve cells and reducing pain, partly mams own grit and determination and partly all the hospices expert care. This meant we had some amazing times building memories; births, birthdays, the race for life, the beach, safari parks and becoming a world record holder. And we laughed, and were silly and hugged and talked ans told each other how mich we loved each other. Mam had to go and get a suprapubic catheter installed. Basically her urethra had abnormal physiology and although the hospice were experts at changing them they didn’t want it to become an emergency procedure in the future when mam may not be strong enough for the operation. It didn’t go smoothly, what ever did. But mam of course managed it. Mam moved to a nursing home. I’m not going to say a lot about this part because well the care was not what mam was used to and to be honest i want to forget about it. As soon as we knew mam as in end of life we wanted her back at the hospice, that's where she wanted to be. Mam had an appointment with the palliative consultant and told them she was ready to die, she didn’t fear it just the pain before. They reassured her that the pain would be managed but the end would come when her body was ready. Mam was moved back to the hospice and they kept their word to manage her pain. Even when they took care of her personal care as by this point the cancer had eaten her urethra and the catheter had stopped working. They were amazing in those last few days. We got to say goodbye. Mam wasn’t particularly responsive but she could say a million words with her eyebrows. She was painfree, relaxed and with my brother holding one hand and me and Milo the other when she passed away. Even after she was treated with such respect and dignity it made my heart swell. This wasn’t pretty story, or a one with a happy ending. It was truthful. maybe it could have been different. Please if you have any worries or unexplained symptoms go get them checked out because as mam would want to use this as words of warning. Cancer of the bits might be scary or embarrassing but the more it develops the worse it will be. If in doubt check it out! Mam was, is and will always be my best friend and there is nothing I would not give to have her back.