#vulnerabilitywithdarkness

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of mental health and anxiety/panic attacks.

Hello Darklings,

I hope you are all doing well and are thriving during this chaotic time. For everyone who has continued to enjoy my writing while I was gone, thank you.

I am so sorry for being gone so long, I can't believe it has really almost been a year.

Before I get into anything and everything, Mysteries and Pastries will continue. I have no intention of discontinuing the series, despite the long breaks and inconsistent posting. You will get your fill of grumpy wolf detective, don't you worry.

Now, onto my absence.

As many other writers on this app, I am a perfectionist And as such, I want everything I create to be the best it can be, and when I hit a writers block, or I find that what I'm writing isn't to my standards, I get stressed. Pair that with pre-existing mental health issues, and private life stressors, well, you have a recipe for disaster.

I have written and rewritten Chapter Eight at least four times, but I was never happy with it. Every scrapped piece, every page crossed out with a big sharpie X, every sinking feeling that I am not a good enough writer to give the story in my head what it deserves, and every frustrated breakdown kept building and building.

Until, one day, I opened my laptop to start attempt number 4. I physically couldn't bring myself to touch the keys, just staring at the title of the chapter, my anxiety began to build and exploded into a full blown panic attack.

It was the worst feeling, not just because of the panic attack (if you have anxiety, you know those SUCK), but because something I love to do and have found joy and pride in suddenly became something that caused my pain and misery.

The pressure I put on myself to write the perfect story, the pressure I put on myself to make my readers happy, was suffocating. And I'm aware I'm just a tiny blog in a tiny corner of the vast internet. But there are real people spending a small piece of their life reading what I'm writing. You, who are reading this right now, who are spending precious seconds of your valuable life reading this sappy post, and my silly little fanfiction - possibly waiting for the next installment.

It all hit me at once, a blow to my anxious mind that exasperated the burnout I already felt.

And I just...sat.

And stayed.

And dissociated.

Not knowing how to make it okay, to lessen the stress of something I love so much.

And so I took a step back, tried to take a breath, to deal with my personal life and, hoping, if I got to a better space in my life, I can return to writing. Well, that has both succeeded and failed. I haven't checked every box that I need to, and I'm still burned out.

But, I think I'm in a much better headspace to finally get back to working on the series. I have scraps of scenes and ideas that I held onto, because I liked the idea but the execution wasn't my ideal.

So, I think moving forward, I will be posting other bits of stories like I have been, but feeling less guilty about it. (I worried that posting a Barnaby x reader or that Chris Redfield thing, I'd be psyching out my M&P readers).

Within the next few months, part 8 at the minimum will be out.

I do also have some fun things saved in my drafts for all of my M&P readers. (A saucy little thing, I can imagine you all will approve of)

That being said, thank you all for being patient with me. It really, really does mean a lot.

And thank you for enjoying my work.

Mysteries and Pastries, Chapter Eight "Glazed Over"

Coming soon

Thank you again for reading,