#vulernability

They've always said

You're too vulnerable

You latch on too easy

Like crow on carcass

Or leech on flesh

You suck the life out of me

Like souls ascending into the heavens

Detached from its physical presence

But you see

It was your physical that made me look your way

Your alluring aura and magnetic presence

Your luscious plump lips

Layered by your merlot shaded lipstick

You sipped, and sipped

You drank out of my glass

Stained the rim

And left it half empty

My heart still beats, and skips beats

The irregular pump

Pumping out its merlot red rivers

Bittersweet luxardo cherry garnished lust

A cherry bitter?

I did say irregular, no?

Staining any glass you lay your lips on

But stains like scars, fade

I've learned a thing or two from my adolescent days

You sent your hello and your heart emoji

I wrote you a poem instead

Glass half full now

I filled it up, took a sip

it’s been a stormy season in my life -- filled, not with the replenishing kind of rainstorms that so often arrive in spring, but with the roaring, destructive it’s-time-to-take-cover kinds. a few weeks ago, I entered the hospital once again, and underwent an intense surgery that has now changed the course of my path throughout this next year. I face at least two more surgeries and my mind has been truly shaken with anxiety because of the uncertainty that now lies before me. as I heal, however, I’m remembering with perfect clarity how important it is to be thankful for the good things, to focus on them -- for those are the things that ultimately matter, especially in times of darkness. 

things I’m thankful for: 

--  to be blessed to have such loving individuals in my life that care so deeply about me. { my big brother, my little sister, my dad, my cousins, + my sweet, sweet friends. }

-- recently being able to enjoy the permeating scent of the big lilac tree by my home, for things are finally in bloom. I love waking up in the morning and heading to the porch -- coffee in hand, and reveling in the gentle morning light and scent of the lilacs.

-- having been able to watch the sunset-stained sky transition into nightfall, while the evening birds sing and my dogs rest beside me. 

-- spending an evening having a meaningful, vulnerability-filled conversation with my beautiful cousin who lives much too far away. receiving her fresh perspective, sipping lavender lemonade in mason jars, enjoying the sight of and hearing the most recent stories of her life { which are utterly fascinating as she travels constantly }.