#voop fic

All Things to All People <- READ ON AO3

This might be the last story I ever tell. Definitely the last story I will ever type on this laptop, as I plan to chuck this cursed device into the nearest pool of acid the very second I send this draft to Calliope for proofreads and erase this whole episode from my memory. Hermes said it would do nothing to destroy any of the actual content on it, as everything is “stored in the Cloud” nowadays, but go for it man, get it out of your system. Lately, everybody’s been telling me to go for it man, get it out of your system. They’ve also been walking on eggshells and keep giving me their therapists’ contact information. Wow, Apollo, you may be wondering. What is this tale about? Can it really be more traumatic than your six month road trip across America, bound to a pipsqueak slave-master and fighting off such distinguished enemies as real estate tycoons, giant snakes, horse-fuckers, the specters of all your past regrets and/or mistakes, fungal acne and your toxic ex? Yes. It can. You can stop trying to hide your glee, reader.

Apollo thought his trials were over. Well, Apollo thought wrong.

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CURRENT CHAPTER:

19. Party Rock is NOT in the House Tonight

This might be the last story I ever tell. Definitely the last story I will ever type on this laptop, as I plan to chuck this cursed device into the nearest pool of acid the very second I send this draft to Calliope for proofreads and erase this whole episode from my memory. Hermes said it would do nothing to destroy any of the actual content on it, as everything is “stored in the Cloud” nowadays, but go for it, man, get it out of your system. Lately, everybody’s been telling me to go for it man, get it out of your system. They’ve also been walking on eggshells and keep giving me their therapists’ contact information. Wow, Apollo, you may be wondering. What is this tale about? Can it really be more traumatic than your six month road trip across America, bound to a pipsqueak slave-master and fighting off such distinguished enemies as real estate tycoons, giant snakes, horse-romancers, the spectres of all your past regrets and/or mistakes, fungal acne and your toxic ex? Yes. It can. You can stop trying to hide your glee, reader.

My brother knew his way around a mortal’s psyche, but his method of helping was usually direct and preternatural. He took away the cloud of madness with a snap of his fingers. He healed the mind with a touch. He was not usually the type to set appointments and lend a listening ear week after week. I imagined his sessions to be much like the ones in The Sopranos, except with Tony Soprano as the therapist (Yes, I had watched the show recently. I had thought it was a family-friendly spin-off of Glee, starring a dysfunctional but lovable bunch of singers in the New Jersey State Opera. Not quite!).

Chapter 7: My Father Tries CBT

One dark night, when I was stuck in a hopeless, dastardly wasteland of a place (the Chicago downtown) I had been up alone, leaning against the broken-down pickup truck that we had “borrowed” from a retired cop. I hadn’t had anything to eat for two days except for half a slice of oily deep-dish pizza that insulted my Manhattanite sensibilities. Meg McCaffrey dozed noisily against my shoulder, rhinestone glasses askew on her face, looking more tired than any thirteen-year-old had a right to be. It was not the worst experience on my trials (there had been murders and torture and even zombies by that point), but it sure felt like that at the moment.  My only comfort had been the small fire I’d started up.

Chapter 4: Escape to Alcatraz

Chapter 5: Against the Grain

Does it work in my favor if I said I did only what every other god was doing at that time? As in, stumbling across some mortal’s art based on our stories (that also had some clever little philosophical exercise snuck in, much like how you would sneak in a pill into your dog's food), flying into an insurmountable fury at how big they’d claimed your nose was, metaphorically speaking, and then exacting swift and immediate justice.

Well, Apollo, you frown and say. If your friend jumps into Tartarus, would you jump into Tartarus too?

He was so still that the rage on his face looked to be carved from marble.

"I gave you a week of my trust," Apollo said, "and you played me for a fool.”

TO BET ON LOSING DOGS

The first time Sally Jackson held her son in her arms, she decided that no matter what freaky world-ending prophecies and immortal pessimists warned was in store for her son, he would live a long and happy life.

“Long and happy is pushing it too far. Choose one,” Poseidon, immortal pessimist, would have said, had Sally explained her determined goal to him. He had already made his peace that his son’s life would be neither. Maybe he would have spoken from some area of experience, his life having become so long that happiness would never again be a meaningful measurement for it, but it would still have been an unfair thing to say to a young woman who had just given birth to an eight pound half-godly baby after spending sixteen hours in labor, especially since she would now have to raise the baby on her own. So it was good that Sally did not voice her hopes and Poseidon did not voice his fears.

Percy Jackson’s parents had very different attitudes about the whole freaky world-ending prophecies business.

In which Percy Jackson ascends to a reluctant godhood, his mother loses the war but wins a battle, and for once, Prometheus picks the winning horse.

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COMPLETE

CHAPTER ONE: behold a man!

CHAPTER TWO: any decent realtor

CHAPTER THREE: all roads lead to rome

PLAYLIST

Chapters: 1/3 Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson Characters: Sally Jackson (Percy Jackson), Percy Jackson, Prometheus (Percy Jackson), Zeus (Percy Jackson), Rhea (Percy Jackson), Kronos (Percy Jackson), Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson), Nico di Angelo, Apollo (Percy Jackson), Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Jason Grace Additional Tags: other characters mentioned/minor appearances, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, in a sense. does it diverge? you will understand what i mean, Alternate Universe - Titans Win, Body Horror Summary:

“The thing is,” Apollo said, the coolest prisoner of war in all of time. Prometheus wasn't prone to jealousy, but even he felt a drop of envy at how relaxed Apollo was in maximum security. "How to define a man…are we talking ontology here? That’s broad scope, bigger picture. We can include ourselves in that definition. Philosophy otherwise! Our good man Diogenes. You remember Diogenes! Or are we specifically talking about man for the sake of man? Is this about anthropology, is what I’m saying.”

“I’m open to all interpretation,” Prometheus said. “Been a while since I’ve had good conversationalists here. Krios is all grunting, and Hyperion is solely interested in making his quarters nicer.”

“Well, he has an eye for interior design, I’ll give him that,” Apollo said.