#voledrea

                           “ DO YOU TIRE OF gentleness? ” he asked, sharp claws digging into the softest of skin. Gentleness, he thought with a bitter tone, was what his wife gave him. Calloused and clawed hands were anything but gentle. He would care for his lover, caress him, whisper sweet words into the curve of his ear. So human and fragile ; he wants to DESTROY his lover. Make him feel the destruction, the fragile cracks in his heart when he hears them, the stolen kisses and touches in the dark when they believe him to be asleep. Lips capture his, biting and licking into his mouth to taste that sweet acidic, familiar and addictive against his tongue. “ I’m not your wife. I won’t be kind or sweet to you. If you want me to be rough, I’ll give you what you want. ”

NOW LEAVE,  he commands,  and she cannot find it in herself to protest.  the little seamstress seems to dwindle where she stands,  then moves to the door.  outside it is cold,  and wet,  and unknown  ;  it seems a solace still compared to the pain ira’s very presence inflicts upon her soul.  quiet her voice rings out,  only when lily fingers already clutch the knob of the door  ;  there’s an unsettling grief tucked into every vowel,  an inevitable farewell.      ❝   i had a heart,  once.  it loved you so much,  you see,  that i could not bear it.  i gave myself,  wholly,  to you  ;  and you could not love me.  you could not love me,  ira.  you see?  i sliced every part of myself that you so wished to protect away so you would leave me,  so you would forget me.  i killed little rozsa,  for she loved you far,  far too much.  and  ━  and i thought that maybe if that part of me was gone,  i could forget you.  maybe then i would stop loving you.  i failed miserably,  my darling ira,  and here we are.  i am a dead girl walking,  and still...  still i would die a thousand deaths to see you smile just once.  that is how much i love you.  that is how much i’ve always loved you.  that’s how much i always,  always will love you.  but i have one comfort  :  never,  no matter what i do,  could you hate me half as much as i hate myself for hurting you.   ❞

( ⚔ ┊ meme: selectively accepting | @voledrea )

37. Collarbone kiss

                        TOUSLED HAIR AND TWISTED SHEETS lay between them, fingers and limbs intertwined with either ; they wrap around each other sated. For now. Never did he have his fill, his infuriating human, bitter and angry and so like him in many ways. Despite his larger stature, he does not mind laying against Ira’s chest, gazing up at him with eyes intent on memorizing his every feature. Each scar and freckle are akin to the moonlit sky that he prays to every night. And he would pray to Ira as well, whisper his sins against his throat, fingers would dig into soft skin to ask forgiveness for his failures. The only word he repeats is ‘Ira’ like a litany on cursed lips.

                                                 ❛  I AM LEAVING TOMORROW AT DAWN    ————   i cannot bear to walk these floors and i will not spend another night in jail because i cannot keep others away from you.   I HAVE TO LEAVE, DON’T YOU SEE? ❜  iron taste stains his lips ; ale melting ‘gainst the bitter of his tongue. he is in no mood to discuss this with anyone let alone her. it was an insult to his name  ;   to have another man publicly touch your wife would mark his name forever.   ❛  I DO NOT CARE WHOM YOU KISS. i don’t care who that man is. but to let apenniless scoundrel push you to that wall as soon as i have a glance the other way is both reckless and stupid. I DON’T WANT ANY DETAILS.  i just want you to never make a fool of me like that again. DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT WORDS WILL SPREAD ABOUT THE BOTH OF US ? are you not aware what you put yourself through ?  what you put me through ? ❜ 

THERE ARE MANY THINGS SHE COULD HAVE SAID.  she could have told him that his good name is already slandered by the time he spends with matteo.  she could have told him that the maidens at the market whisper and laugh when she passes them,  and ask her,  mockingly,  about her empty womb.  she could have told him that half the village already knows that another occupies her marital bed.  she could have admitted how important sam was to her.  she could have pointed out the hypocrisy of the situation.  she could have merely said that she had not let the penniless scoundrel  (  insult that made her heart quicken  )   push her against the wall ━━ which was,  after all,  THE TRUTH.

        THREE SIMPLE WORDS HELD much meaning to the knight. They were not uttered easily or without consequence. Love wrenched his heart from his chest, leaving it on display to be poked and prodded by all those who held power over him. It was as it had always been. He fell too hard and loved too fiercely. To fall in love with a human, fragile and perfect — everything he had vowed to never love again. Yet there he was, with his heart in Ira’s hand, completely unbeknownst to him. Gentle fingers cup Ira’s jaw, his sharpened gaze taking in each feature like it would be the last time he saw them. Settling on his eyes, thumb dragging along his lip. “ I love you too. ”