#vlogverse

Vlogverse AU Episode 1 “There’s a homeless guy in my bus” ship: uh, let’s see, centered on implied sprace and there’s javid as a side ship, brief spromeo and blush, race and Albert are best friends editing: i think so warnings: brief mention of someone doing drugs, like super brief though, lots of curse words but they’re all bleeped, see a/n for more word count: 8387 wow that’s alot genre: i guess it could be classified as fluff ?? a/n: this is the first installment of a series im working on where i take a youtube video that i think embodies newsies and i rewrite the video as a fic by replacing the people with characters and giving it some plot. it’s not exact to the video, but it is similar. i think about half is the original,half came out of my brain. this first installment happens to be based off of an old logan paul vlog. i would like to make it clear that i do not stand for or agree with anything that logan has done (this year especially) but this video popped up in my auto play about a year ago and i was like wow this is newsies so i decided to write it. there is nothing blantany subjectifying or insulting in this fic. if i hadn’t said that it was based off one of his vlogs you would have never been able to tell. if you do not want to read it because it’s based off of one of his vlogs i am not offended. there will be other episodes of this series based off of other people’s vidoes (I think the next one is from a shane dawson video) if you want to watch the video this is based off of i think it’s called “a homeless guy tried to steal my bus” __________________________________ Ever since Race had started vlogging two years ago, he’d experienced some strange things. But finding a homeless guy in the school bus he’d bought on a dare? Now that, that was a first. Ever since Race had become the proud owner of the retired school bus - which he referred to as the “cool bus”- he had been wanting to get it redone so it looked like more of a cool bus and less of a school bus. Luckily for him, his friends Mush and Blink specialized in transforming and wrapping cars, and they even had their own shop - Blush Customs which totally hadn’t been Race’s idea, i mean who names a car wrapping place that to begin with albert, certainly not me - and Race was dropping the bus off there today. Albert, Race’s best friend, roommate, and camera man had just turned on the camera to start the vlog. Davey, the designated mom friend, had assumed his usual spot just out of frame where he would spend the duration of the vlog watching Race’s gray Siberian cat, Spike, and making sure Race and Albert didn’t get arrested or seriously injured. Race had assumed position in front of the cool bus, about to open the vlog when Albert cut him off. “There’s a guy in it.” Race, clearly not expecting Albert’s comment, turned around. “What?” Albert pointed toward the driver's seat. “Look.” Race squinted through the dirty cool bus windshield. “Yo, there’s a f***king guy in my bus.” “Language, Race!” Davey called from his spot on a nearby bench, not even looking up from his phone. Race flipped Davey off as he strode toward the bus, Albert in tow with the camera. “Bro, bro. What are you doing?” He threw open the doors. “What are you doing, bro?!” The intruder, who was clearly homeless based on his tattered clothes and shoeless feet, had clearly anticipated Race’s arrival. “Are you sure it’s your bus?” He asked as soon as Race opened the the door. Race was not having it. “Get the f**k out.” Davey opened his mouth to scold Race, but decided against it, seeing as this could get heated. He scooped up Spike and wandered over to where Race and Albert were standing. “How do you know it’s your bus?” The homeless man was clearly not pleased Race hadn’t answered his question. Race was not going to answer the question just yet. “Get out of my bus, bro,” Race laughed as Albert panned the camera towards him. “Is it really?” Albert panned the camera back as the homeless man started rummaging through the various parking tickets and camera equipment that was sitting on the dashboard. “Yes.” Race paused, watching the guy read one of the parking tickets. “Bro, get out of my bus.” “What’s your name then?” The man asked without looking up from the parking ticket. “My name’s Anthony. That’s not a paper saying its my bus. There is no-is this all your stuff?” Race laughed at his predicament as Albert panned the camera to the two of them. “Yo, there’s a guy in my bus,” he repeated again for emphasis. “I was about to start the vlog, I’ll do it right now with this guy in the background-“ he took the camera from Albert and turned so the guy in the bus was behind him before saying his usual intro. “Hey yo Racers!” He paused, almost dissolving into a fit of laughter, “What’s Gucci, fam!” With the intro out of the way, he turned back to the homeless man. “Dude, what are you doing?” The homeless man had stopped rifling through the parking tickets and was sitting on the driver's seat defeatedly. “Why is this happening.” Race, although still excited that there was an intruder in his bus, which is something literally only a blogger would be excited about, began another question. “Yo, my man-“ “No, im getting out of your bus, hang on.” He began to gather his stuff from the floor. “-I don't know what going on-“ “I’m f***ing fixing my foot,” the man supplied. “And i guess my bus is a good spot to fix foots, I understand,” Race pulled out his dramatic whiney voice, “But I’m gonna have to ask you to leeeavvveee” “I’m leaving, I don’t need your bus.” “Of course you need my bus, bro-“ “I don't need it” “It’s the cool bus! Admit you need it!” Race passed the camera back to Albert, who pointed it at his best friend as Race began to laugh again. “Admit you need my bus!” He turned to Albert and the two of them laughed as Davey shook shook his head, a small smile playing on his face. “Admit you need my bus, bro!” “This is my bus.” That was the wrong thing to say to Race. “What??” Race had obtained this bus on the craziest dare of his life, he was not about to let a homeless guy insult his most prized possession. “Real proof that it's your bus” This guy was clearly not a quitter. Race directed his voice at Albert. “Yo, he's asking for proof….OH!” Race’s face lit up with an idea, and Albert tried his best to keep the camera steady despite his giggles. “You see those parking tickets to your left? See how they say Anthony Higgins? That is me, not you. I would know because you are not me.” He turned back to Albert. “Yo I'm honestly milking this right now cause I think this is the most interesting ever.” Finally the homeless man disembarked the bus. “You don't like the cool bus?’ Race asked. He was always a sucker for content. “It’s the wack bus.” “Then why were you in it?” Race and albert began walking next to the guy to continue filming him. “Cause I was f***ing fixing myself” the guy repeated as he finally walked away. “Yo this is crazy, this is crazy bro.” Race and Albert walked back towards the bus. “Albert just goes, ‘there’s a guy in it’” Davey, who had been rummaging around in what the homeless man had left in the bus, emerged. “He was 100% doing heroine in your bus.” Race didn’t even seem fazed. “He was doing heroine?” Race began to laugh again. “Yo, yo what the f**k.” Suddenly, he had an epiphany. “Yo, no wonder the lights were on!” But, before he could elaborate, the homeless dude came back. “Yo, yo, yo! What are you doing, bro?” The homeless guy mumbled something - probably insults - as he retrieved something from the bus. “Get out of here, bro!” Race yelled as he left. “F**k off!” The guy said as he walked away. “You’re not cool enough for the cool bus!” Finally, the guy left and Race turned to Albert, who had boarded the bus with Davey to see what the homeless guy had messed with. “Yo, Albert. What the f**k!” “I don’t know, bro,” Albert responded. “I’ve never seen anything like this before” Race and albert began to poke around while Davey stood awkwardly in the background, not entirely sure what to make of the situation. “So were just seeing what he messed with,” Race addressed the camera. “Homie has the bodily fluid cleanup kit, he took out all the bandages. Homie was definitely doing drugs on the bus.” Race finished looking through the mess before addressing the camera again. “This is a good time to tell you guys that were taking the bus to blush customs to get a total, 100% makeover. This is a good thing, because the bus is now contaminated, with some bull***t, so we need to change the way it looks.” “And, and maybe,” albert added, “they can put a lock on it.” “Yeah yeah, definitely need a lock” race agreed. “Cause we don't have that now” “I’m jumping in the ballpit,” race announced. “If I land on someone, f*** off.” he jumped into the pit of several thousand plastic balls that they had filled the back of the bus with the few days prior. “alright im good, im good” “Are you sure you wanna be in there, race?” Davey asked. “He might have thrown a needle in the pit” “Davey, my man, I haven’t gotten where I am by taking safety precautions.” Davey muttered a few choice words about how maybe race would have gotten farther if he acted like he wasn’t immortal. Then race turned back to albert and Davey. “Yo you know what i just realized? He must be a racer. He must watch my vlogs. How else would he know that the bus is just unlocked and full of fun balls?” This time it was Albert who muttered that since the guy was homeless there was no way he had an internet signal and if he did have one there was no way he was going to waste his time watching Race’s trainwreck of a vlog channel. Race chose to ignore albert as he made his way back to the front of the bus. “See what I originally going to vlog about was that the lights were on,” race remembered. “And when you leave your lights on your car battery dies, I think, I this might be dead bro.” Race turned the key over, and nothing happened. “Yeah, see he chewed off the wires and this whole thing is messed up.” He grabbed the camera from albert and began to vlog himself, selfie style. “There was a guy, who was a racer in my bus.” Then, he added, “bro, your image is done dude, you’re never gonna get a job again. I'm just saying, its not good to sit in people's busses. And,” he added, “if it is dead, I don’t know how I’m going to get it there.” Race sat down in the driver's seat and stuck the key in the ignition. “May the odds be ever in my favor,” he proclaimed. “I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!” And with that he turned over the key, but the bus didn’t turn on. Race turned to Albert. “It’s dead bro. It’s dead, it’s so f***ing dead. Look the key is turned over.” Race paused a minute to accept his misery before banging his hand, and then his head on the steering wheel and sounding the horn. “Alright,” Race said after a minute. “There’s only one thing I can think of to do right now and that’s jump in the ball pit.” Race rolled into the pit and fake swam over to the one seat they hadn’t ripped out. “Alright now that we're here, I’m going to call my guy Mush at Blush Customs and let him know what’s going down.” Race dialed the number. “Hey dude,” mush answered. “Hey bro,” race answered, smiling slightly as he worked out how to explain his predicament. “So what if I told you that this morning when I went to go get my bus, there was a homeless guy in it-“ Mush began to laugh on the other end, because of course this would happen to race. “-doing drugs, and he had the lights on, and now the battery’s dead, and it’s not moving cause it won’t start.” “Oh my god,” mush laughed. “Do you want me to send spot over?” Spot Conlon was race’s almost boyfriend, sort of friend, sometimes enemy, and blink and mush’s resident mechanic. He was also the one who had dared race to steal the bus from a junkyard. In race’s mind, calling spot meant that he had failed his dare, and plus spot would make fun of him incessantly for this. “Are you kidding me? Spot will die of laughter and tell me I failed my dare cause he said I had to do the whole thing without his help, I can do this myself.” Race said adamantly. “But the bus wont start bro, I’m f***ed.” He could almost hear mush rolling his eyes as he said, “well do you have jumper cables?” “Yeah, yeah, that'll be the next move to find some.” Race continued before mush could lecture him for not having jumper cables in his car. “But i just wanted to call you and let you know that sh**s definitely going down this morning.” “Alright keep me posted.” “Yeah, peace homie, bye.” Race signed off and sat on the bench, fluffing his blonde hair for a minute. “I feel….sad,” he informed the camera. “Which is kinda hard to do in a ballpit in a bus.” Race threw himself off of the seat and into the pit. “But I just feel sad.” He stared into the camera for a solid minute before saying “let's go get some jumper cables.” The trio of boys - and Race’s cat - clambered out of the bus in search of jumper cables. Albert pointed to an ice cream truck that was nearby. “Maybe they have jumper cables we can borrow.” Race agreed. “School bus,” he said pointing toward the cool bus, “sort of bus,” he pointed to the ice cream truck. “This could work, this could be the move. It it does work, definitely that guy, that’s my boi.” In the background Davey mumbled something about how an ice cream truck was not a bus and that Race should just call Spot before he did something stupid. “You know what Davey?” Race began. “I do not need that angry little f***ers help, I am perfectly capable of doing this on my own, thank you very much.” With that, he flipped his hair dramatically and strutted towards the ice cream truck. “Yo, dude, do you have jumper cables?” He asked the man inside the truck. “Yeah, I have jumper cables,” came a muffled reply. “You have jumper cables?” Race turned briefly to face Albert as his entire face lit up. Davey rolled his eyes. “I’ll pay you a hundred dollars, cash, to jump my bus.” “I’m not allowed to move the truck.” “You can't move?” The guy shook his head but offered Race the cables anyway. “That would be dope if I could use the jumper cables, dude.” The guy handed Race the cables. “Thanks dude.” Race ran back across the street, cables in hand and did a little victory dance that included dabbing and twerking. Then he began to remove them from the packaging. “Why are his jumper cables wet?” Albert asked from behind the camera. “Soaking wet” Race agreed. “But I’m not complaining though, jumper cables are jumper cables. I don't know what the fluid is to be honest.” “I feel like that’s extra dangerous,” Albert added. “Well that’s just how we do things here on Racetrack Vlogs.” Race gave the camera a cheeky wink and some unironic finger guns while Davey slowly backed away and opened his phone, presumably to dial 911 if Race managed to electrocute himself while trying to jump the bus. Race began to untangle the cables. “Has anyone told you how out here I am right now?” He asked Albert. “Cause I’m really f***ing out here.” Albert let out a laugh as Race opened up the engine of the bus. “Oh yeah,” Race grinned. “Take a look at that baby!” He turned to face his friend. “Have you ever jumped a bus?” “I have not,” Albert said. “Me either,” Race said, but his confidence did not waver. “That is quite the engine.” Albert noted. “Where’s the battery?” Race mumbled, trying desperately to remember something, anything, from the semester of high school auto shop that he had failed. He whipped out his phone flashlight. “I can’t see shit.” Albert panned the camera so that he could see Davey, who had put his face in his hands as he watched the disaster unfold. Race stood on top of the engine, looking below himself and trying to locate the battery. “This is a disaster. High classified quality disaster.” he muttered. “I’m calling jack” “Jack has no car knowledge whatsoever,” Albert reminded him, still filming. “Why don’t you call spot?” Race ignored Albert’s question, pulled out his phone while making direct eye contact with his friend, and said “hey Siri, call jack” Albert sighed, knowing that this would ultimately result in more trouble and more wasted time. Davey clearly shared Albert’s opinion because he let out an audible groan. Despite the fact that he and jack were dating, Davey knew that it was better to keep him away from race when he was filming at all costs for the sanity of everyone involved. Meanwhile, jack had picked up the phone. “Jack, jack, jack, I’m talking school bus battery man. Where is it?” Before jack could answer, davey's voice could be heard from the other side of the bus. “You mean this thing over here that says battery?” Race disembarked from the engine and walked over to where Davey was standing. “Wait, you mean, you mean this is the battery?” He pointed to a location on the bus that said battery in large letters. “I feel like such an idiot. I hate myself.” Then he spoke into the phone to Jack. “Jack, Jack, here’s what’s going on. I walk up to my bus this morning and I see a homeless guy in it doing some drugs.” “In your bus?” Jack asked. “In my buuuus, yup!” “I knew that was going to happen.” “You knew that was going to happen?” Race laughed. “Duh, why do you think Conlon dared you to steal the bus? He knew something was going to go wrong.” Race sighed. “Well he also had the lights on and now the battery’s dead so we have to jump it. So we’re going to bring around my challenger, my purple, plum, crazy, passion fruit goddess-” “How’d you get rid of your homeless guy?” Jack interrupted. “How’d i get rid of him?” “Yeah.” “I told him he wasn’t cool enough for the cool bus,” Race began to laugh. Jack chuckled through the phone. “That’s funny, Race.” “Yeah it's bad bro, its bad.” Race paused. “Look I gotta figure out how to jump this thing. If i die tell Spot he’s a nasty little shit and that he’s not invited to my funeral.” “Sure you don't want me to tell him you wish you banged him that one time?” Race could hear the smile in Jack’s voice as Davey and Albert hooted in agreement in the background. “God, Jack, no,” Race groaned. Jack was referencing a game of Truth or Dare or Take A Shot that they had played about a month ago. Romeo, knowing full well that Race had the hots for Spot dared him to spend the night with him. Race had downed his penalty shot before he had even completed the sentence. “Just for that, Albert can take over my vlog channel, even though he will make bad content.” “But but-” “Goodbye Jack,” Race hung up the phone and addressed the camera. “So, jack is on the team, im going to go get my car so we can jump this baby.” Race ran over to across the lot where his purple Dodge Challenger was parked - it was purple because of a bet he had lost with Mush several years ago that involved when their friends Specs and Romeo had actually gotten together. Albert began to adjust the settings on his camera while he waited for Race to come back. “How much do you want to bet that Jack getting involved in this is going to either lead so something getting lit on fire, terrible sexual innuendos, or us being here for several extra hours?” Davey muttered as he set Race’s cat down to play in the grass. Albert laughed. Davey was their only friend that didn't get involved in the ridiculous bets that were made, so there was a good chance that he was joking. Especially because all of those things usually happened when Jack was featured in one f Race’s vlogs. “Nah,” albert said. “I bet that he’s going to have to call Spot.” “I don't think so,” Davey reasoned. “Race is too proud for that, have you met his ego?” Vaguely, the time Race had refused to call Elmer - who was a nurse - after the time he had managed to slice his hand open while trying to assemble his ikea kitchen cabinets surfaced. Elmer had warned him that, because he was Race, he was going to probably somehow manage to hurt himself and why don't you just let spot do that for you Race he’s way more experienced in putting things together? Race, obviously had flat out refused and shooed Elmer out of his apartment before proceeding to build the cabinets himself. And an hour later when Race somehow managed to slice open his hand Albert was the one to give him clumsy stitches. Race had ended up having to go to the emergency room anyway because albert hadn’t properly cleaned the cut and it got infected. Elmer had nearly killed Race when he found out and so did spot but race didn’t remember that because he was on a lot of pain meds and spot refused to acknowledge that it happened. But, ever since then, Race had been an eensy bit more careful he also had Elmer on speed dial and had called him on several occasions for medical assistance but he refused to admit it. “I’m not sure about that, he’s been a little bit more careful recently.” “Oh please,” Davey scoffed. “The kid acts like he’s immortal.” Albert quirked up his eyebrow. “Wanna bet on it?” Davey considered for a second. If he agreed, this would be the first bet that he had gotten involved in and if he did Race owed Albert 50 bucks. “Why not. 10 bucks says Race doesn't call Spot.” Albert spit into his hand and stuck it out. “Deal” Davey looked skeptical. “That’s disgusting.” “Naw, that’s just business.” They shook just as race pulled up in his car. “Yo Albo!” Race called out the window. “Why’d you turn the camera off? This is prime content here!” Albert rolled his eyes and turned on the camera as Race began to explain what they were doing. “Okay we are out here, there is my bus, here is my car. Let’s just connect them real quick.” He lifted the hood and got the jumper cables out. “Okay were out here, bus, car… I’m hoping this works, I am really hoping this works.” Race looked up as if remembering something. “I have jumper cables in my car that aren’t wet.” “We should use those,” Albert agreed. “Yup we're going to use those ones,” he began to dig around in his trunk. “Cause nobody likes a wet jumper cable-” Out from under a pile of assorted sweatshirts, sneakers, blankets and pieces of foam Race pulled out a jump rope. “Sh*t these aren’t jumper cables.” Albert suppressed a laugh and Davey let out a groan. “Alright, let's just, ah, i don't know, lets just use it.” “Anthony Higgins you will not jump your bus with a jump rope, you’re going to electrocute yourself and that was not on my to do list for the day,” Davey yelled at Race. “Aw, relax mom,” Race laughed. “It was just for the vlog, I’m not that dumb.” Davey made a comment that clearly suggested he thought otherwise. Race turned back to Albert and the camera and picked up the wet jumper cables - why he didn't just wipe them off with one of the various clothing objects in his car was beyond Albert. “See, I’ve done this before. This tends to happen to me a lot.” He began to place the clamps on his car battery. “Here we go, you go red to red, black to black, and or, for those of you who are going to have to do this,” he began to clamp the black one. “You can put it on the-” The clamp began to spark and he pulled his hand back immediately. “Oh! What the f***-” immediately he tuned to Albert. “Did you see that?” “Yeah. You okay?” “Im fine.” “They’re a little wet.” “Kinda dope,” race gave albert his signature cheeky grin and stuck the black one where it was supposed to go with minimal sparkage. But, then the other two that he had yet to stick on the bus battery began to spark and he jumped back. “This means it's going to work.” Albert gave him a skeptical look. “I'm really f***ing nervous, bro. I’m not down to die today. I got many more vlogs to make. But i do need to get this bus started.” He began to fiddle with the bus battery before turning back to Albert. “For once in my life I’m going to take a safety precaution.” He pulled his mirrored ray bans onto his eyes. “Kind of.” Race clipped the black clamp onto the battery. “That looks good to go, bro. Were going to go red to red here.” Then he turned back to his car. “Oh, this is the one, dude.” As he was about to clip it on he turned to his friend. “Can i get a hug real quick? I legit feel like I might die right now.” Albert positioned the camera so that he could hug Race. “Spike, come here boy,” Race approached Davey and his cat. “If i die we had a bright future ahead of us.” He kissed the cats head before turning back to albert. “Make sure you run his instagram, okay? @spikethefluffycat if you wanna follow him there.” Race returned to the car and clamped on the black clip without any sparks. “Whew” he ran over to the drivers door and did a little bit of thrusting as a victory dance before getting into his car to start it. “Chance of death still high,” Race put his glasses back on for safety. “Let’s see if this works.” He started the car and then came out to make sure nothing had blown up. “Alright that looks good, so I think we wait for like 12 seconds later.” He did the spongebob voice as he ran around to sit in the bus. “It’s the moment of truth, please, please, please start. Here we go!” He turned the key on the bus and it began to beep. “Oh, oh yo its beeping, its beeping.” Then the beeps fizzled out. “No, no, no, noooo” Race wined. Slowly, Race disembarked the bus and said, “There's only one thing i can think of that can help us now….” “Oh, please no,” Davey groaned, knowing what was about to happen. “JACK!!!!” Race yelled as Jack’s beat up Jeep flew into the parking lot. “Yo we got ourselves an issue.” Jack slammed his car door shut dramatically. “Not anymore you dont.” “Oooooh YASSSS!” Race screamed into the camera as jack walked toward the bus. “Please kill me now,” Davey mumbled. “Oh, nice to see you too Dave,” Jack said, flipping his boyfriend off. “Damn you guys look like homeless people, what’s going on?” “Well, I could tell you what a homeless person looks like cause I saw one inside my bus this morning.” Race led jack over to the battery. “Yeah, so we tried jumping it and it didn't work.” Jack opened a door above the battery that had a bunch of switches inside it. “Did you check the kiddideraplh?” He asked. “No… what the f*** is that?” “No, you gotta check the mufflebearings and the-” “Yo, i dont- you dont even know what you’re talking about. Were f***ed, bro.” “Maybe not,” Jack walked around to the door and boarded the bus, beginning to poke around a little bit. “So, what did we find out, Jack?” Race asked. “Well,” Jack began. “It’s not a battery issue.” “Wait, what?” Race was clearly annoyed that they had spent half the day trying to jumpstart the bus. “Your homeless guy tried to take your bus home and make it home.” “Nooohoho, nooo, NOOOOOOO!” Race yelled dramatically in disbelief. “The wires!!!” “This was laying on the ground,” Jack showed them a piece of probably important plastic. “Under the ignition. He cut it with the scissors from your first aid kit-.” “Oh my god.” “-And he spliced them together to try to hotwire it.” “Yo,” Race said. “I should’ve beat his ass. But i'm not down to beat up a homeless person.” “No, race” jack said. “You don't beat up a homeless guy-” “You don't do it, right?” “No.” Then race went around jack to get a better look at the cut wires. “He cut the f***ing wires,” he said again in disbelief. “Yo, i respect this guy’s tenacity. Maybe were the assholes for assuming he was doing drugs. Or,” Race had a realization, “maybe he was doing drugs and hotwiring a car.” “I think it was both,” Davey agreed. “You have a pair of pliers on this bus?” Jac asked as he rooted around on the floor. “No,” Race supplied. “But there is a walgreens across the street.” “I’m pretty sure Walgreens doesn't sell pliers, Race,” Albert said from behind the camera. “Well there’s a Home Depot across the other street, so we should be good.” Race stuck his tongue out at Albert. “Basically we gotta pop the ignition out and then we will know if we have a dead battery or not.” Jack chose to ignore Race and Albert’s antics. “Don't mess with me,” Race bent down to jack’s level. “Is this, like, fixable?” “Race, bro, I’m Macgyver.” Davey let out a small “ppshhhh.” “Who’s Macgyver?” Race asked. “I’m 22 i don't know who that is.” Jack shot Race a look. Jack was only older by 15 months, but that didn't stop Race from treating him as if he were 50 sometimes. “He’s a guy who can fix anything.” “Oh, okay good, so it’s fixable.” Their quartet disembarked the bus as they began their walk to Home Depot and Race stole the camera from Albert. “Yo,” he said. “Imagine if i had gotten here like 10 minutes later, the bus would have been gone, oh my god.” He ran his hand through his hair. “By the way, I am late for my Blush Customs meeting drop off. Sorry guys, they know the situation, we obviously had to push because this doesnt f***ing happen in real life.” He dramatically zoomed in on his face. “Which basically describes everything in my life.” Albert came over an took the camera back as Race took his cat from Davey, who was going with Jack to Home Depot to get stuff to fix the bus. “Use protection!” Race yelled at them as they crossed the street. This time, it was Davey who did the flipping off. Race walked Spike over to a path of grass as h talked to the camera. “So right now were waiting for Jack and Davey who went to the store to get some tools.” He turned and looked at his cat who had decided now was a good time to pee. “Oh, are you peeing?” Spike was usually partial to peeing everywhere except where Race wanted him to. “Good cat! See guys, I’m a good dad, bro” “You keep telling yourself that,” Albert mumbled. Race chose to ignore him. “So, I thought we could take my boy Spike for a walk while we wait, but I have a better way to pass the time.” He picked up Spike and ran into the bus and into the ball pit, leaving Albert to follow him. At some point he had managed to flick on Spotify and “wouldn’t it be nice” by The Beach Boys was playing. “Oh my god.” Albert jumped into the ball it after Race and the two of them took turns filming Spike being cute and playing with the balls. “So,” albert asked after a little while, “you gonna call spot if jack screws things up?” “Haven’t decided yet,” Race said as he pulled Spike through the balls. “I think he’s still pissed at me for making him watch that Barbie movie the other night.” “Nah,” Albert shut off the camera. “He’s just annoyed that he actually liked it.” “Yeah, who would have thought that tough little Spot Conlon would like watching a Barbie movie.” Race sighed with a dreamy look on his face. “You are so far gone for him,” alber snickered. “Am not,” Race mumbled, throwing a plastic ball at Albert. “I went on a date Tuesday night.” “That was only because Spot was going on a date with that guy he’s pretending to like to make you mad.” Albert threw another ball back at Race. “And besides, it wasn’t even a real date, you were just goofing off with Romeo, who already has a boyfriend and therefore you cannot date him.” Race wailed a ball at Albert’s head. “Technicalities.” “Hey! That hurt!” Another ball flew in Race’s direction. “Well you should have thought about that before you insulted my dating capeabilities!” Within a matter of seconds balls were flying back and forth across the bus. Spike had just retreated to the front seat, away from the chaos when the door to the bus opened and Jack and Davey walked in. “I knew we shouldn’t have trusted them alone,” Jack tisked as Davey let out an audible groan. “Hey kiddos!” He called and the two stopped throwing balls at each other immediately. “I got your stuff!” “Finally,” Race said as he climbed over the divider and Albert turned the camera back on. Race pieced up Spike and sat on one of the empty eats as Albert began to film. “Wow, that was fun,” he said. “Look who’s back.” Albert panned the camera to Jack who was sitting on the floor of the bus with a bag of assorted tools. “Did you get the stuff, Jack?” “Oh yeah I got it, it's right here.” Jack gestured to the sweatshirt he had stolen out of Race’s car. It was blue and had a picture of a race car on it. “Ooooooo,” Race said. “That’s my boi with the Racer merch, let's go.” “It’s all gonna be good now,” jack said turning back to his work. “C’mon, Jack,” Race cheered as he messed with the wires. “You know,” jack said, “this brings me back to my childhood.” “Why?” Race asked. ‘You had a bus with homeless people in it?” “No,” jack scoffed. “Hotwiring sh*t.” “Oh,” Race said. “Jack is a savage, dude. Get it jack, get it jack, get it jack.” “Race you’re distracting me, get out of here,” Jack mumbled as he messed with some wires. “Don’t disturb the artist.” “Hotwiring cars is hardly art, Jack” Race commented. “Actually i'm still pretty unconvinced that you know what you’re doing-” “RACE GET OUT!” “Okay, okay,” race grabbed his cat and Albert and scrambled out of the bus. “So, Jack says it's going to take a minute,” Race said to the camera. “But i know a good way to pass the time….” “Oh not again,” Alber mumbled as Race took off across the parking lot to a patch of grass on the next lot, once again blasting “wouldn’t it be nice.” Albert spent a few minutes filming Race playing with Spike as he rolled in the grass. “Do you think it’s time to call spot yet?” “Damn, Albo,” Race sighed as he scratched Spike’s ears. “Why are you being so insistent about this? Don't you trust Jack?” Albert thought about his bet with Davey. He wanted his 10 bucks. “Not the slightest.” “Yeah, me neither, but it makes for good vlog content.” Right on cue Jack stomped out of the bus, loudly announcing that they needed to go back to Home Depot because he had forgotten something. This time Race announced that it would be a “family adventure.” Once the got to the store, Albert flicked the camera back on. “Son of a b*******tch” Race grunted, ruffling Jack’s hair as he looked for an item on the shelf in front of him. “We had to come back to the store because apparently we forgot something.” Race began to gesture wildly, almost knocking things off of the shelves. “Coulda guessed that! Coulda told you! Just my luck.” “Jack you’re supposed to know what you’re doing,” Race groaned as he slapped him lightly on the head. “And clearly you have no idea, why don’t you just ask for my help” “Or spot’s help” Albert offered. “Or jack’s help” Davey countered. “When did you guys switch roles?” Race asked. “Usually Davey is the sensible one.” “I just want you to give my boyfriend a chance,” Davey said quickly, but he had a terrible poker face. “Uh huh okay then,” Race smiled mischievously. “Well if you’re so adamant that I should use jack, i think i should help him out.” He picked up a random product off one of the shelves and threw it at jack. “Jack you need this?” “Yeah actually i do,” Jack said sarcastically. “Jack you need this?” Race threw a container of zip ties at him from across the aisle. “Yeah, actually, we need two of those.” “Comin right up!” Race threw another container at him before dashing out of the aisle with his I’m-up-to-something smile. He returned a minute later with a box containing an air conditioner. “Jack you need this?” “No.” Race ran back out of the aisle and came back with a mop. “Jack you need this?” “No.” Race ran out again and this time came back pushing a large grill. “Jack you need this?” Jack inspected the grill for a second. “Yeah, actually that’s perfect.” “Oh, really?” Race said. “Let’s go check out then.” Within a few minutes they were on their way back to the bus and Race had stolen the camera and was selfie vlogging. “We did it guys! No thanks to me! Okay, back to the bus!” Race shut off the camera and gave it back to Albert as he ran toward the bus. Once they were inside and Jack had begun to work again, albert flicked on the camera. “Yeah! Were here!” Race said, but his voice cracked. “Oh my god my voice is gone,” he said. “Yeah! Were here!” Albert turned the camera to jack. “Okay, Jack what’s going on?” “I am fixing the bus bro!” Jack held up several tools. “How? Tell me how.” Jack held up a wire. “I got this wire, and I’m cutting it up-” “Honestly, I’m bored, like I’m already bored.” Race yawned for dramatic effect. “Can you actually fix this thing, or is it hopeless?” Jack surveyed his work: several tangled wires, electrical tape stuck to every surface, and a pair of pliers. “....it might be hopeless.” Race gestured to Albert. “Yo, Albo, quick sidebar.” He dragged him out of the bus, but still within earshot of Jack and Davey. “I think it's time to call in the big guns.” “You mean Spot?” Albert asked excitedly. “Yes, i mean Spot. He’s the only one who actually knows how to fix this.” Race pulled out his phone. “I just hope he doesn’t kill me for asking for his help and tell me that I've failed my dare. I’ve never failed a dare before in my life, Albo.” “Wellll….” albert smirked, “There was that one time last month where Romeo dared you to spend the-” “Doesn’t count, my redhead friend,” Race winked. “That was a game of Truth or Dare or Take a Shot I was legally allowed to take a shot instead of do my dare, therefore it doesn’t count.” Albert sighed, not satisfied with this loophole Race had created. “Fiiiiine.” Then, suddenly remembering his bet with Davey, he perked up. “Dave!!!” He called. “Race is calling Spot!” “What?” Davey poked his head out of the bus. “No! You can’t do that, Race!” Race perked up, suddenly intrigued. “And why is that?” “Becausehemadeabetwithmethatyouwouldnt” Albert spat out quickly, barely able to contain his grin. “You owe me 10 bucks, Davey. And you,” He turned to race, “owe me 50 bucks. I accept cash, checks, and Starbucks gift cards. Pay up boys!” “Wait just a second.” Race was a little confused. “You roped Davey into a bet? Good, Jewish boy Davey?” “Davey is not a good Jewish boy, he hangs out with us,” Jack reminded them as he stepped out of the bus. “And apparently he makes bets now, which is not a good habit to get into, babe. Have you seen poor Racer here?” Race playfully smacked Jack’s arm. “Look,” Albert said. “As interesting as Davey making bets is, can you please just call Spot already? I don't want to be stuck in this parking lot any longer.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Race waved him off and and pressed call, putting the phone on speaker. Spot answered on the third ring. “What do you want, Race?” His voice reeked of disinterest. “Spotty! My boy!” Race smirked. “Look, we, ah, were at the bus, ya know, the one you had me steal? And there's, well, we have an issue.” “An issue, hm?” Spot suddenly sounded interested. “Didn’t i say when you stole the bus that you had to do the whole thing without my help?” “Yeah, well, about that….” Race scratched his head. “A homeless guy broke into my bus? Did some drugs? Tried to hotwire it? And now we can't get it to start….. so would you consider…….?” “You want me to come down and fix it, don’t you?” Race could hear spot already lacing up his shoes and grabbing his keys. “Um….yeah?” Race reached up and played with his singular cartilage piercing, a golden hoop, it was a nervous habit. “Well it would seem as though someone has failed their dare,” spot sang gleefully as he started his car. “But-” Albert interrupted suddenly. “This predicament, and calling you resulted in Davey taking part in a bet!” “Davey Jacobs? Being a part of a bet?” Spot sounded incredulous. “It’s true,” Davey said quietly. “It would appear that we’ve turned him to the dark side.” Jack laughed. “Well…. in that case,” Spot considered for a moment. “Since you managed to somehow loop Davey into a bet, I’ll let you slide just this once and say that you did not fail your dare.” Race couldn’t hide the wicked grin on his face. “Thank you o great and powerful Spot Conlon.” He bowed to the phone. “Cut the act, pretty boy,” Race’s face flushed pink at that comment and he ducked his head, despite the fact that Spot couldn’t see him. “Now, lets see exactly just how much trouble you’ve gotten yourself into.” Spot’s battered pickup truck rolled into the lot and the phone line went dead. Albert flicked on the camera and focused it on Race. “So, guys, clearly we don't know what we’re doing, alright, we have no f***ing clue. So,” Race paused, dragging spot into frame. “We brought in a vehicle expert, you may know him, his name is Spot.” “Higgins, just show me your bus so I can fix it and get out of here,” Spot ignored the camera that Albert had pointed at him, but Race winked and wiggled his eyebrows. He knew that the fans shipped him and spot and they would eat this up. Race led Spot over to the bus and presented him grandly with the mess of wires, Vanna White style. “This is it? This is your problem?” Spot sighed and leaned over, touching two of the wires together. The engine began to purr softly. Race flipped backwards onto the bench. “Heartbeats!” He yelled excitedly. “Heartbeats!!!” Albert panned the camera to Spot who looked especially smug with himself. Meanwhile Race rumbled back into the ball pit, screaming in excitement. After he had collected himself, he turned to spot. “What did you do? You did hotwire right?” “Yeah, Race, I did.” Spot allowed himself to smile. “My boy just touched some wires together, and now my bus is working again!” Race threw his arms around Spot in a thankful embrace. “Thanks spotty.” “Don’t mention it, Race” he mumbled. “Look, I gotta get back over to the garage, but I’ll let Blink and Mush know that you’re coming. Besides,” Spot gestured out the window. “You’ve got a visitor.” Spot disembarked the bus and returned to his car while Race ran to greet Romeo, who had just pulled up with his boyfriend Specs. “ROOOOOOO!” He called excitedly as he tackled his friend to the ground. Albert, Jack, Davey, and Specs all shared a look as the two of them spoke random phrases of Shakespearean english to each other in the most dramatic voices possible. Finally, Race got off of romeo and pulled him up. “You hear how the bus is running?” He asked. “Yeah.” “We’ve been here for 8 hours, bro. A homeless guy was in my f***ing bus this morning. He tried to hotwire it, cut the wires. We’ve been here for 8 hours trying to repair it. Finally it just started.” Race threw his arm around Romeo’s shoulder. “Welcome to my life, like and subscribe b*tch.” “Nooo.” Romeo stared at the bus in disbelief. “He’s speechless,” Race laughed. He tried again. “A homeless guy, in the bus. I go ‘bro, get the f*** out of my bus’ he’s like ‘prove its your bus, prove its your bus’ I’m like ‘look at the ticket, bro’” “If he had been like ‘prove its your bus,’ I would have punched him in the face,” romeo answered. “See, here’s the thing though, I didn't want to beat him up, cause he’s homeless. It’s literally bullying. Why would i do that?” “That’s just trespassing though.” “I know, but like, I felt bad.” Race turned back to the bus. “But anyways, we got it started, YES!!” Jack hopped up onto the stairs to get into the bus. “SEATBELTS EVERYONE!” He yelled as their friends hopped aboard. “I’m about to Ms. Frizzle the sh*t out of this bus,” Race proclaimed, hopping into the driver’s seat. Someone had put on the Magic School Bus theme song as Race pulled out of the parking lot. “Next stop, Blush Customs!” Luckily for them, their destination was only a block and a half away. “Oh yeahhh!” Race said excitedly as the bus pulled into the lot. He disembarked and ran inside, followed closely by Albert and the camera. “Mush!” He yelled, upon seeing his friend. “Mush, bro.” “What-” the two greeted each other with a bro hug. Mush was clearly confused, he hadn’t expected Race to arrive until maybe tomorrow at the earliest. “I made it.” Race said excitedly and out of breath. “Are you being chased?” Mush asked, only half kidding. Race had run in there like death was after him, but then again, that was Race for you. “Bro, you have no idea,” Race laughed. Then he turned serious. “I brought the bus. I have the bus.” “Did you push it here?” Blink said, walking over. “No, bro, I’m not even going to get into it, just know that it's here-” “....Okay” Mush crossed his arms and looked at Race, desperately wanting to hear the whole story. “Can you work your magic?” Race asked. “Done.” Blink and Mush said in unison. “Great.” Race looked relieved. “Where’s the keys?” Blink asked. Race looked at Albert and doubled over in laughter. “Theres- theres no f***ing keys.” Blink looked confused. Mush began to laugh along with Race. “It’s yours bro,” Race said, giving Blink a slap on the back. Blink spoke up again “So the bus is out there, no keys-” “Yup.” “Well work our magic, see you later,” blink said dismissively. He and Mush shared a look. This had got to be the craziest thing that they had ever gotten, but it was Race, so they really hadn’t expected anything less. “Yeah, get it done boys, I’m going to give it one final goodbye.” Race strode out of the shop, followed by Albert. Blink and Mush stared at them for a minute before shrugging. “As crazy as he is sometimes, I’m glad were friends with him.” Mush said. “He definitely makes our lives more interesting, that’s for sure.” Blink agreed. “I HEARD THAT!” Race yelled from the door. Blink and Mush laughed as Race stomped outside. He positioned himself in front of the bus with Jack and Romeo as he began his sign off. “Alright Racers, that is the vlog!” He turned to jack. “What a day, you know, thanks for coming, bro, you saved my ass.” “No he didn’t!” Davey yelled from behind the camera. “Yeah,” jack agreed. “I just kinda messed stuff up more for you.” “I wasn’t even there and I agree.” Romeo added. “Well excuse me for trying to be thankful for once, you guys suck.” Race playfully messed up Romeo’s hair. “I think after this day we’ve had, we deserve some pizza, who’s down?” There was a chorus of cheers and Race smiled. “Alright, I’ll take that as a yes.” He turned to face the camera. “Alright, Racers, I love y’all i will see you tomorrow, take it easy fam. Peace!” Race ended the vlog by shaking his fluffy curls in front of the camera. “Let’s get out of here, the next time I see a bus will be too soon.” The group of friends exited the parking lot, happy and hungry for pizza. None of them noticed Spot standing at the bay door of the garage, watching Race saunter out of the parking lot. Damn, he thought, a small smile playing on his face, that boy is going to be the death of me. ______________________________ the homeless guy is low key Oscar and the guy in the ice cream truck is 100% jojo, fight me. if anyone knows of a video they’d like me to include in this series, hit up the ask box. however, these are really long and hard to make so i don’t know when the next episode will be up. feedback is always appreciated !! tag list @fairly-awkward-trashcan