#vixissx

               returning affection rarely shown towards him was difficult, if anything, it was something he didn’t wish - it wans’t necessary. thus whenever his partner ( for each other were the only source they had for support ) would push him against their own frame. he wouldn’t reject it norwould he dodge it but a silent acceptance of contanct would be his response before deciding it was time to distant himself again, using the work his focus was usually directed to when this happened as an excuse. this, certainly, would be to not have moments of weakness - for he didn’t trust his will and were he to melt down the barriers he had painstakingly built in the warmth of the other’s arms and weak he’d become.

               yet itis all thrown apart for one can only isolate their emotions so much. for one can only endure for themselves so much until someone else, someone beloved to them, is involved in the same risk. SELF-SACRIFICE FOR A GREATER GOOD. A GREATER CAUSE.

               for he was worn to be shaped as a tool, to live and to die as one. for he was never worth of the crown he had so foolishly aimed for. for he, who had seen the raw and the cruel - lived the despair and the carnage, was fated to live as nothing else but a simple soldier that would die in the battlefield and return to the dust he was made from. ASHES TO ASHES, DUST TO DUST ; o’ lord, why hast thou forsaken us? left us to the claws of the rejected creatures of eden and the fallen seraphims. preys, we are, to the woivd that consumes every fallen soul - every fallen hero.

               hence he clings, with every force ofhis being, to the one that willingly joined this path of self-destruction he had damned himself into and became his support, his pillar — lord knos he’d fall appart without him.

               fingers clutch into the cloth hanging at their back, forehead falling onto their shoulder. their scent overwhelms him, nose wrinkling slightly at the smell of cigarettes that he had fought to get used to since they were back together. ha ! such a shitty habit his partner had acquired while he was gone. it almost madehim laugh, that he wasn’t there to correct him — if he hadn’t left. his arms now wrap around him, pulling himself closer as a storm of thoughts from the past flood his mind, thunders of predictions of how could it end not for himself but for matt clouding organized trains of thoughts.

               if only he had been left to his own devices. if only matt hadn’t stuck with him. if only he hadn’t been so selfish as to not let go.

              BLESSED THEM ; who enjoy the privileges of heaven like GODS while we are thrown at the flames of hell. we, condemned to damnation from the day we came to this corrupted earth.

               if only he could rip out the words stuck in his throat.

                did he just ----- ?                did he fuckin' --?

            thoughts had been placed somewhere else, the gear of his brain being kicked into different ways of motions as eyes scanned through the papers laying in front of him. the side of gloved rows of knuckles is pressed against lips briefly to make way for teeth to mutilate the chocolate bar once again, a piece of it hanging from his mouth - following motions were interrupted by movement in his peripheral vision.

            it was to be ignored, overlooked as not any unusual routine from his partner, hence leading focus to lay once again in sheets before him and eating the sweet between lips. yet it is for naught, as chain of thoughts is interrupted by their abrupt motions, the warm feeling of a tongue gliding across his skin making the hairs on the back of his neck shot up, as well as memories long buried in the back of his mind.

            he flinches, eyes widening and mouth now agape, leaving the piece of sweetness and the bar on his hand fall to his lap and then to the floor as his first reaction was to tilt his body backwards, teeth clenching whilst elbow went right to their throat — all accompanied by the lingering image that wouldn’t leave his eyes and the feeling that’d cling into his bones. shallow breathing is controlled hardly a bit too late to hide it from the other ( as if his panicked reaction didn’t give too much away, anyway ), features promtply adopting a menacing look rather than one a prey would have.

            ’ what the FUCK do you think you’re doin’ ?! ’ voice is more aggressive than expected, clearly ignoring whatever painful response came from them due to the hit he had no trouble to land. he swallows dryly, still making distance between his body and theirs in an attempt to regain a sense of tranquility ( SAFETY ) by having his personal space back. nonetheless, heart still was beating rapidly, loudly, against his chest in the rush of apprehension and trepidation that refused to leave, even when he settled thoughts to a different matter and shunted memories back to the depths where they belonged.

                ’ i did. ‘

sudden invasion of space leads eyes to widen and a hum in exclamation escape throat.not as if he totally despised contact ( even if that was the case; this was matt. ),but having his weight being thrown at him so out of nowhere triggered a reaction of alarm, indeed, one that didn’t last too long either way.

it’s… been a while since something like this happened; being held so tightly —yet carefully at the same time. there’s been plenty of time he’s been held tightly against his will — felt as if it was foreign to him, memory failing him to recall the last time he had someone’s warmth this close to him — then again, without him trying to fight it away desperately.

               his answer had to be a tad more complicated than the question, for even if he was the impulsive one; words held a high meaning to him and he wouldn’t spew anything he didn’t mean —- hence why answer does not come right away, as mind works unconsciously on what’s his definition of love.

               there’s the family kind of love, which would be the more fit for their relationship - then again what did he know about family? both of them, deprived of that privilege at a young age, not having the chance of hearing the encouraging words of a father or the warm touch of a mother.

              as a brother, mayhaps? after all; he was his pillar, he what would avoid him from falling if he stumbled, always backing him up and supporting him no matter what. he needed him. 

Happy bRUHday haha

vixissxのコメント：

puts a party hat on him B)

vixissxのコメント：

dances around him and sings happy birthday

gives him a box of chocolates and mint chocolates and dark chocolates

vixissxのコメント：

love u asshole