#vivitext

Believe it or not, the intense longing to be a conjoined girl has been so ingrained into my being, that I literally don't have memories of me not wanting to be conjoined at any point of my life! At my youngest, I'd wish every day that I'd somehow "grow another head" and... well it's clear I never grew out of that, haha...

In fact, I theorize that this feeling was so intense that it actually somewhat obfuscated in my mind that I was transgender as well! It's a bit tricky to recognize gender identity when you have a constant longing for another aspect... Granted, I probably should have figured it out a bit sooner when I started having fantasies in high school about having a conjoined trans sister who I transitioned alongside, since "I really wouldn't mind and it seemed nice!" Mhm, yeah, totally nothing there to examine...

Speaking from personal experience, I can say with absolute certainty that separation anxiety played a role in mine! I've heard enough horror stories about my separation anxiety as a baby to know that the idea of "someone always being here with me no matter what" would have been very appealing to me. Even today, if it was possible, I'd prefer to live stuck to a close friend or two than have to leave them physically for so long.

Also, talking from my asexual perspective, I feel like there's a lot of appeal to the interpersonal dynamic that'd come from the restrictions of conjoinment! Consider a whole body and the physical sensations that come with it being shared - to me it would ease or even fully circumvent the barriers that come from my sex repulsion. On top of that, it's a type of intimacy that doesn't come with any preestablished social expectations, so to indulge with someone inherently already means only what you want it to!

Additionally is the representation of plurality. In terms of multiple identities/parts/what-have-you in a system, it can make sense to find appeal in, and desire to represent yourself as, a conjoined figure. Many of my fellow plural friends in this circle find comfort and "gender" in this type of form, though the intricacies there too vary from system to system!