Like Rose
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Summary: In which she uses Titanic to comfort him.
special thanks to @buckyywiththegoodhair for not only beta-reading but also providing the encouragement needed to start and finish this piece.
Bucky sits on the bench.
The morning mist desperately clings to him as little tides of water from the lake wet the shore. The sun is masked by a flurry of gray clouds, but it manages to wrangle a few rays onto the ground. The dim beams of light catch him at an angle that makes his dark hair almost glow golden.
For a moment, her breath catches in her throat. She’s no artist -stick figures scrawled in pencil were her go-to medium- but if she could draw, this is how she’d want to capture him.
She lowers herself onto the space next to him.
“How did you know I was here?” he whispers hoarsely.
“You told me.”
(Y/N) shifted her body weight from one foot to another, her face reflecting a mix of pride and vulnerability as she watched Bucky take in the spacious landscape. “So?” she anxiously breathed.
He remained silent for a few beats, his face unreadable as his dark, blue eyes scanned the view in front of him.
Some of the heaven-touching apex of the surrounding mountains were drenched in brilliant light, while the others were bathed in the shadows. They stood in their broody presence of sky punching majesty. Granite met lush green as the bottom of the mountains were carpeted by thick, green forests. The crisp, cool air added to the peaceful etherealness exuded by the earth.
A puff of air materialized as Bucky let out a deep exhale. The corners of his lips curved upwards as he finally said, “Breathtaking. Truly breathtaking.”
“Oh, thank God.”
Bucky laughed as his girlfriend let out a sigh she probably didn’t realize she was holding in. “Why so nervous?”
She shrugged. “I find special places or things say a lot about a person. They’re often reflections of an individual’s true self. Sharing it with someone is like baring your inner soul, and that’s an open invitation to be judged and critiqued.”
“That’s awfully introspective.”
“Ha.”
He chuckled at her sardonic response before turning his attention back onto the view. “If it matters to you, I think this place is one of incomparable beauty. It’s pretty damn majestic.”
“Aw, thanks, babe. That means a lot. The only bad thing about this place is you have to hike five miles up a mountain and go slightly off-course.”
“And you hate exercise.”
“Exactly! But I like to come here when my mind is cluttered. Sometimes I’ll spend the whole day here.”
“Sounds idyllic.”
The two lowered themselves onto the camping blanket (Y/N) spread out on the large slab of cold granite. Bucky gratefully took the cup of hot chocolate (Y/N) poured out from her thermos.
“You know, I also have a special place.”
“Yeah?”
“When I was little,” he began, resting his head on her shoulder, “I used to sneak out to this lake by the forest preserve. I was small back then, and it always seemed like I stepped into a magical place. Like I found my way to Narnia.”
“Was there Turkish Delight at the lake?”
Bucky brushed his hair away from his eyes, pretending like (Y/N)’s quip wasn’t amusing. “If you have the mountains, I have my lake.”
Giggling, she reached over to tuck a lock of his brown hair behind his ear. “Will you take me to the lake one day?”
“Absolutely.” He hooked his arm around his girlfriend to bring her closer to his body. “Everything I have is yours. My thinking place is now your thinking place. That goes without saying.”
“That was a long time ago,” he quietly says. “I’m surprised you remembered.”
“How could I forget?”
She could tell he’d been lost in his thoughts. He’d paced around until his feet ached, thinking aloud until his voice was a mere whisper.
She had always been able to read him particularly well. After four years of dating and many years of friendship - how could she not? Her heart aches for him; he only surrendered himself to the unhindered chaos of his thoughts when mentally or emotionally at unrest.
“Bucky?”
“I’m okay.”
She disagrees. Uncertainty lines his voice, and it speaks volumes.
“Babe, I -”
“- Remind me, what’s one of your Top 3 movies?” he suddenly asks.
He’s asking for a distraction. Both of them are aware of this, but she takes the bait nonetheless.
“Titanic. I like the representation of good and bad.”
“Hmm?”
“In life there is so much good. But there’s also bad. We notice the bad much more than we notice the good. This makes us fixate on the bad things that happen and forget about all the good in the world. When it comes to Titanic, I like that Rose didn’t forget about the good in Jack.”
“But she still lost him.”
“In every good is a little bad, and in every bad is a little good. It was bad that Rose lost Jack. She lost someone who made her feel alive and beautiful. But the lessons she learned from him and held with her for the rest of her life were good. That bad experience helped her become a better and stronger person.”
His pain-spiked breath hitches at the weight of her words. It takes a while before he can muster up the courage to speak.
“Do you think that could happen to me? With what I’m going through now? Do you think something good will come from it?”
She cups his face with her palms, her gentle touch eliciting the softest of sighs from his lips.
“Yes, I think so.” She pauses before continuing, “No, I know so.”
Bucky allows himself to bask in her touch. His mind races through the sweet memories made with her - falling in love with her via the channels of friendship, her agreeing to be his girlfriend and accidentally pushing him into the pool out of excitement, the spontaneous stargazing road trips, the days lazily spent at home in each other’s arms...
Most of his favorite memories star her.
It’s a bittersweet realization.
“I can’t do this,” he hoarsely croaks. Tears leak out of his eyes, and a sob threatens to rack his body. “
“Yes, you can. I’ll always be by your side.”
She smiles. It’s one of those smiles that makes him feel weightless, like he’s been transported to the furthest galaxies. All he wants to do is hold her face and kiss her like there’s no tomorrow. He wants to bask in the warmth of her smile, commit the gentle curve of her lips to memory.
But he can’t.
Because she’s no longer here. She’s no longer here next to him.
Alongside his favorite memories with her are fresh, painful memories. He remembers getting the fateful phone call. He remembers screaming in agony as he catches a glimpse of her lifeless body on the gurney. He remembers the nurses and paramedics rushing her away from him. He remembers his knees giving out as the head surgeon apologetically delivered the news, Steve and Sam catching him just before he made contact with the floor.
She’s gone.
“Bucky.”
He opens his eyes at the call of his name. Standing a few feet away is Steve. Behind him stands the rest of the gang, huddled together in their respective choices of black apparel.
The corners of the Steve’s lips tremble as he quietly says, “It’s time to go.”
Bucky nods and turns his gaze back to the lake.
Was this how Rose felt as she watched Jack succumb to the ocean’s icy clutches? Did the pain also ruthlessly consume her? Did it shatter her to her core, breaking her bones and heart like she never knew was actually humanly possible?
Bucky is sure he will one day begin to enjoy life again. He’ll learn how to live and love again with his new heart - with the new shape and weight of it. His best girl is now free, and he, too, will figure out how to be.
He, like Rose, will never forget the good. He, like Rose, will become a better and stronger person.
One day he will be okay.
But for now, he allows himself to succumb to tears and mourn for her, the girl who was taken from him too soon.
tagging a few people who might be interested i’m sorry i currently don’t have a concrete taglist:
@buckyywiththegoodhair @abovethesmokestacks @sebbytrash @rotisserierogers @captainrogerss @jurassicbarnes @redgillan @bookybuns @sanjariti @dearthofequanimity @corruptedlungsandblackwings @cleanslates @aquabrie @spdrparker @pleasecallmecaptain @whatisaheroanyway @fandomlifeuniverse @cassiopeiassky @lovingkatsuki @killmongrer @howlingbarnes @too-cultured-for-your-bs @whyisbuckyso @themcuhasruinedme @hellomissmabel @buckys-fossil @papi-chulo-bucky @avengerofyourheart @bionic-buckyb @thewinterswimmer
