#violeance

The words were written on the paper with a finality clover couldn’t undo.

Dear January, 

I know you don’t really know me that well, but i appears I have a crush on you. I think you are one of the smartest, cutest and kindest person I have ever met and would be really happy to take you out on a date. You can call me.- Clover

She had worked on the simple lines for hours not wanting to seem too desperate. It was just a simple crush after all. January James, volunteer worker at the local hospital, highest ranking student in the year and on top of that utterly handsome. She had met him during one of her check-ups and had been swooning almost immediately. But after that she had never quiet found the courage to talk to him again for more than a minute. Clover had never particularly considered herself as shy, but something was keeping her away from the boy, as if it would be wrong to do so.

But not today. Coming to a halt her hand hovered over the slits in the locker pausing: “Okay Clover, breathe. You can do that.” She spoke to herself, calm and soothing, but her palms were sweaty. If there was one thing she had never been good at it was flirting and confessing. Most of the time it hadn’t ended well for her. 

Voices rose on the other side of the hallway and Clover started to panic. She didn’t want anyone to see her. Quickly slipping the paper into the locker she sped away hiding around the next corner and watching for who was coming. 

It was him. She could feel her cheeks already turning warm while she watched his head bob form side to side grinning while the dimples formed in his cheeks. He was accompanied by a tall boy. He didn’t seem to be talking much, but Clover also knew that that was characteristic for him. Lysander Vulture, resident dark and brooding mystery dream of most girls at the school. He never really seemed to care for them though, in fact Clover doubted he cared for anyone in his life. Except perhaps Sagittaria.

her eyes were still focused on January, pulse speeding up in anticipation. Only a few more steps and he would be at his locker, then he would open the letter and then- no! Both guys were now standing in front of their locker- except- they were the wrong ones.Instead of January leaning against the locker Lysander paused in front of it and that was the moment clover realised she had made a mistake. She had miscounted and in her haste forgotten to check the numbers. And now her love letter was stuck in the Vulture’s locker and he would read it and then tell January and then they would mock her and it would all go downhill. 

She watched helplessly as slender fingers worked on the combination and she knew the note would fall out of it as soon as the door would be opened. But before that could happen a cellphone broke the moment and rang through the air reaching for Lysander’s attention. January excused himself and after a few moments of muffled talking waved at Lysander before stalking off into the direction they had come from. Lysander went back to opening his locker and clover reacted before she could properly think this through.

Shutting the locker again with one hand she put on the brightest smile she could muster and glanced up at the boy through lidded eyes: “Well- hello there...” She drawled out but even she could hear how fake it was and she cringed. Lysander on the other hand just raised an eyebrow looking immensely bored. “so-how come I have never talked to you before?” Clover continued almost dieing on the inside. She had never been able to flirt.

“We don’t hang out in the same circle. it’s only natural.” Lysander replied coldly trying to push her hand away from the locker, but Clove was not going to budge. “Really? Well- Uh. I think we should change something about that.2 She leaned most of her weight against the line of lockers and almost slipped, but quickly caught herself. This was definitely not how she had imagined sending her friday morning.

On the inside Clover was mortofied by what his reaction was going to bee and that feeling only multiplied when he kept staring at her. It took a few moments for him to answer and when he did it was slow and careful: “I don’t think so.” She put on the best pout she could muster up reaching out to trail her fingers down his arms cringing on the inside at the motion: “oh come on.” He took a step back frowning at her touch: “Could you please go? I don’t see any use of you being here.” Lysander turned away from her and Clover honestly couldn’t blame him. As he tried to open his locker though she slammed her hand into the metal once again sighing. “Look- just- I messed up okay? And now something is in your locker and it’s really embarrassing and shouldn’t be there.”  She explained quickly  looking up at the by almost begging him to believe her. “So could i maybe get it back without you reading it?” It seemed to take him a moment to calculate whether she was telling the truth or not, but by the way his shoulder slumped a little she figured he didn’t consider her threatening or annoying anymore- well he probably found her annoying, but on another level annoying than flirty annoying. “Well- what is it? Some hate message? An ask for illegal medicine?” It was obvious that he would not make a decision without knowing all the facts. “It was a love letter, okay? But not for you. I was going to ask january out with this.” Clover didn’t feel like looking at his face when she said that and the floor seemed way more interesting all of sudden. “A love letter? So you have  a crush on January. Why?” She groaned frustrated: “Because I think he is a horrible person...” She replied dryly eyes rolling: “Because I think he is an angel sent to earth. Like he has to be one of the kindest guys possible and god damn it have you seen that jaw line?”

Lysander barely nodded in aknowledgement and pushed her hand away opening his locker. “And why didn’t you just say that to begin with?” He raised an eyebrow fishing the note out of his absolutely clean locker and held it loosely between two fingers: “Honesty always works best.”

Clover shrugged opening her palm to retrieve the piece of paper and pressed it close to her heart as soon as she had it in her hands. 

She felt a wave of relief washing over her that she couldn’t quiet explain. “I wasn’t thinking truth to be told. I panicked and didn’t know what to do, so I just went for it. Badly!” She admitted quietly: “and i am truly sorry about that.”

Finally glancing up at hims he started to notice his features. The high cheekbones, smoothly curved lips, pale skin, but most of all she couldn’t stop staring into his eyes that seemed so tired, so dead. “I believe it was more embarrassing or you than it was for me. I would preferr it if you were to refrain from touching me in the future though.”

“I will. Promise. Thank you for not reading the note.” She tilted her head in a slight motion before turning around thinking that the issue was dealt with. She was surprised when he made her pause by calling after her: “Wait” She turned around slight frown on her face. “If you like him this much, why would you be embarrassed to have me know as well?” She thought about the question silently: “I don’t know. I guess it didn’t feel right to talk about it.” “if it didn’t feel right maybe he isn’t the right guy.” The words surprised her, but she took them in completely feeling the slight tug at her heart knowing that there was some truth in it.”

It was the last she saw of him that day, but the following one, when she saw him eating alone once more she sat down to talk to him. And the day after that. There was something intrigueing about the boy and it didn’t take long until Clover found herself at the same row of lockers note in hand. She put it into the same locker this time though not by accident.