#vesner

It’s a new Year and it feels like the last one both lasted forever and went far too fast at the same time. I’ve had a lot happen to me the past couple of years and it’s changed me some I think. I’ve made some wonderful new friends and I’ve tried to keep in touch with old ones. For those of you that I’ve lost touch with, I’m sorry. I fell off the map with a lot of people after my life took a big hit. If you know who you are, or even if you’re not sure, hit me up if you want. I won’t bite. And I assure you I still care. 

To say the least, I grew deeply depressed, my anxiety got out of control, and the PTSD i’ve long suffered from got only worse after I had to terminate a pregnancy that I had wanted, but couldn’t keep. I felt my problems were just burdens to people I called friend and I backed away. I closed myself off and stepped away from places I used to frequent. I had one place I really liked hanging out, called Vaioa Weyr, great place. Peeps should check itout sometimes. Has lots of great people there and is a safe place to RP pern stuff. But I slowly grew distant from it due to my growing issues and felt more and more out of loop. I’m currently trying to get back in but I worry that i’m no longer considered a friend to them. So I stay quiet.

I’m a Mod in a new place too. I do my best to make my friends there proud and prove I’m worth the position. Though I think I’m failing miserably every day. I’m almost as distant there as I am at Vaioa. Though more active cause I have to be as a Mod. (They are called Canyon River Weyr by the way)

I have a group of friends I would play games with. They are a bunch of fantastic artists too. Tahki, Jessi, Jaime, Misty, Meg...Meg is a little more silent but I like her a lot. They are good friends and I feel bad when I don’t talk to them much. I miss playing games and just chatting about the silliest things. I hope this year I’ll get a brand new computer so I can invite them to play around more. I love them dearly and that’ll never change.

A few new friends, I know them as Aru and Naan, started getting to know them better. They are pretty awesome peeps too. I play games with them as well, though I stick to Terraria cause my computer sucks ass right now. I hope they know how much I appreciate their friendship.

I have a fantastic friend named Flantastic. I know her best as Oobi. She’s a sweet person even though she has a lot of things happen to her through the year. She inspires me a lot. She suffer in many ways but she manages to keep going. I hope she knows she gives me courage and I always just want to make her day a little happier and easier. I feel terrible for ever giving her any grief. Her husband is pretty awesome too. Verg is a pretty chill guy and there are no words for how much I admire and appreciate his cool head.

Last, but certainly not least, I had one of my best friends reconnect before this year ended. We’ve known each other for years. It started with a rather crazy little RP called S101 and we haven’t stopped since. She lives in Poland so it can be hard to time our online hanging out. We write together on and off. I can wait months for replies but it’s TOTALLY worth it each time. I know she’s busy with her job and she’ll probably be even more busy with the new year so I might get to talk to her again for a while. I’ll miss her, and I hope she knows I love her to pieces. Always will.

Also, impacted Wisdom teeth are the worst thing in the world right now. There are far worse things I know it. But right now I”m in agony. well...actually right now I’m floating somewhere.

I suddenly remember why I used to stick to just one RP site at a time. Trying to keep up with them both when I’m so tired all the time makes me doubly exhausted sometimes. BUT I love both communities so I can’t give up on them. So MEH life. Take that!

You know what also sucks? Being deeply in love with someone but they don’t know it and you’re terrified to tell them cause they more than likely don’t feel the same and it would just make things awkward and it’s likely they already have someone too and bleh. It doesn’t help they live in another freakin’ country. 

I miss her. She’s busy with work and I feel like a terrible human being for wanting something as selfish as more of her time. Just to say hi and chat and things. It hurts when we spend so much time not talking. Oh gods i wish I could tell her how I feel without it making things awkward. But I’m also just happy to be her friend. I don’t even know if she cares about me as much as I do her. At least she still talks to me.

I’m rambling about things. What am I even talking about? I’m typing while listening to loud ass music on these new speakers I got. They re pretty awesome. LOVE the bass on them. Little subwoofer is amazing. I think I need to stop typing now before I just keep thinking and typing at the same time.