#verylongasspost

Ayz, u ppl r so nice, luvz :D

And I was thinking for some days already, about that bizarre plotline in the recent chapters, so I came up with theory – or more likely a perspective. I love Killing Stalking – but only psychological aspect of it – the part of investigation is… bad. Real bad. Still, plot holes are there to stick a finger in them. And I have a lot blabbering to do, so I suppose I won’t post it all at once XD Still, I’ll make kinda tl;dr to maybe at least announce what I have in mind and we will see how it goes.

So tl;dr – last chapters are (not 100% aware) Sangwoo suicide attempt, he did not “murder” Chief Kwak, he has inner demon fight – inside his head - Seungbae is something – and I will call it a villain.

And for the beginning – I’ll start with the analyse – what made Sangwoo to be in the situation he is right now, and why he called it upon himself. I’m saying that right now XD ill divide part one in two parts, because it will be long ass shit, and I will be crazy surprised if someone read one part in one go.

I will go for the more juicy plot holes later, after I make a point in that suicide of Sangwoo matter – because – in my opinion it is the opus magnum of that story.

PART I – SANGWOO CHARACTER ANALYSIS

Let’s start with Sangwoo. Within chapters in S3 its vivid that he cares no more about his wellbeing, he is not scared of death – he is scared of one particular way of dying – the painful one. Risky way of driving, talking about his crimes out loud, lack of joy in the thing that should provide some sort of warmness inside his broken heart.

I think Sangwoo after such traumas is divided between two personalities. Either it is some strange dissociative identity disorder, where the split is not fully achieved, but its present, or its very severe case of borderline disorder. Either way - I will assume – that indeed – inside his head lives two characters, which are fighting over leadership. And one of them is 90% of the time victorious. Let’s call him KILLER – that crazy, murderous personality, without empathy, full of himself – absolute and terrible monster. That “Killer” is the one who has hallucinations about his mother, that “Killer” believes he killed not only a mother, but a father too. That “KILLER” was created the day – when his mother put a knife in her throat, and is surviving till today. And that KILLER is the schizophrenic one – who hears bangs on the door, who reacts with aggression with every hallucination that appear. I’m pretty convinced that the first killings from Sangwoo – were not committed with the full sanity of the act. They were not accident, of course, but he was killing over and over his mother - then his mind needed to accustom to such horrific act. And the KILLER matured. Killings were most probably soothing shattered mind, he killed hallucination after hallucination – letting himself for a moment of peace – in such horrific manner.

And Bum was the one, who managed to snap the KILLER out of his mania – with very simple words. I love you. Because if mother of the KILLER was indeed loving him, even after rape, she wouldn’t die. She wouldn’t get the knife inside her throat. She wouldn’t reject him in such disgusting act. She hated him so much, she preferred death over letting herself love him. She would be still alive, alas KILLER wouldn’t be born.

And the KILLER stops. Bum survives.

But stopping the KILLER is way different story than overcoming him. He is pushing every way possible – to force Bum to hate him – testing him, trying him – and still like a child, who kicks his dog – he still expect that the dog will come back – lick his face, wiggle tail in happiness.  It’s not logical. But Sangwoo expect absolute love – even in the face of true terror.

Maybe because he regrets, he didn’t show his love to his mother – even during the most disgusting act – because he loved her unconditionally, and maybe – maybe if he didn’t complain – she would not reject him.

And KILLER is angry when Bum rejects him. But then, try after try, when our fucked up in the head Bum manage to still show his attachment to Sangwoo – the KILLER starts to shine less, and something old – something long forgotten is starting to look at Bum with different eyes. The moment of Bum attempted suicide is crucial moment, when the KILLER is for the moment gone. Hidden. Bum is trying to get rid of himself – not because he do not love Sangwoo – but because Sangwoo is not loving him. And Sangwoo see for the first time – himself in small figure of Bum, he sees that rejected, scared boy, who cries his out eyes, and who is ready to give up his life – not for him, but as an act of rejection of the world without him. Sangwoo for the first time believes Bum – because there is no lie in the blood. There is no lie in the tears.

Sangwoo hurt him. And he is aware of that.

And that Sangwoo – of that moment – is the man who will sustain on doing any harm to his beloved Bum. That is the second persona, who will lose again and again in the battle with the KILLER. But it’s the persona that I love. The persona who tries, and tries. But that persona needs help, needs constant sustain, needs the directions – to learn again how to behave, how to notice others. When I’m in pain – for example – having an headache – I’m really focused about my wellbeing. It’s easier to get upset over someone, because during pain I’m more self-centered. And Sangwoo agony is going on and on and on and on, without any pauses. And him trying to see through his trauma other person is almost impossible – and yet – he tries. Not as a hero, he won’t get any applause for doing that. And – even during tries – he is fully aware he will fail. Again. And again. Victory was never an option.

And we can all agree – KILLING STALKING – shouldn’t have a happy ending. And there was never an intention of getting one - as Koogi showed us. Sangwoo is suicidal. He was, he is and he will be. But there was one thing – the most painful death – that he feared with all his mind, wholesome of his heart. The lonely, painful death. And it was a curse placed upon him. The dagger poking his neck. And he was well aware it will never go away. Then – he asked the only person – which reached his softer, calmer persona for one thing. To die with him. To be with him – even in the most scary moment – to be with him – and in that way – even if he was devoured alive but monsters, drenched in the well, crushed to the bones – he would not die the most painful way. He needed Bum to protect him from alone, dark and scary death. And in that way he would – no matter what – be protected from the curse, that his mother placed upon him.

Still – the perspective of death was not so… vivid back then. It was in front of him, but not clear, close but not too close yet. They were drown in the ceremony of their own bonding, their honeymoon before actual wedding. And I truly believe – he wanted to cherish those moment, but his broken mind was not able to fulfill any boxes of happiness. Dysphoria. Sangwoo lost an ability to feel actual happiness, but still – seeing such joy in the eyes of Bum – forced his own mind to borrow a little of that light. And that was the moment I truly loved Bum. That was his strength that Sangwoo lacked, the ability to still light that fire. Joy. Happiness. Love.

But I can only imagine what an actual feeling that was for Sangwoo. The realization of the hollowness of your own being.

And he was shattering.

And I’d like to think that – the murder of the lady during ski trip – was an actual parallel to the first time – when Sangwoo killed someone. Haunted with the pictures of his mother, with trembling hands, and tears in his eyes – it was not a KILLER who killed her. It wasn’t thought through, it wasn’t calm and ironic. It was madness, absolutely terrifying madness.

And Sangwoo ran. Shattering more and more of the defenses he set years ago. He was naked in his own filthy, murderous self, in his own disgusting, horrid trauma, and drowned in the fear of dying – most painful, most painful, most painful… way…

And he ran to Bum. He cried next to Bum. Even if he didn’t expect him to answer, his presence was his safe place. He believed he won’t be rejected, or maybe at least hoped so. Even if he expected silence – it was the first time – when he – in very clumsy way – reached to Bum for help. Dependence was set hard in the stone. For the first time – Sangwoo was really vulnerable – and in the future – that vulnerability will only grow stronger.