#verdant analysis

Setting aside the Doctor not viewing vampirism as a whole as being a curse or malady (he’s explicitly said as such multiple times), their conflict doesn’t actually revolve around their views of vampires.

It revolves around their views of humans.

“All humans are wretched beasts, completely irredeemable (except you, only you).”

vs

Thinking about how because of how he was raised--losing his parents & taking on responsibility for Katie & starting training as a knight so young--he was never able to built enough of a core to himself outside of these strands, so when they've snapped (or even threatened to) he has snapped right along with them.

How when Katie left, it frayed the woolen yarn of family & comfort & his first unofficial oath, & along with that unraveled his drive and focal point that dictated all of his life: everything he did, he did so Katie could be safe, so Katie could be taken care of, so Katie could be happy.

How the only thing that kept him moving what his oath of knighthood, his duty to his kingdom: iron chain, strength & tradition, that could hold him together, give him purpose, give him structure. But then when faced with how those chains could also restrict & chafe, eating away at him & demanding him to give up all personhood, all care, all mercy; when faced with being told it was Duty & Honor to kill someone who was innocent, who did nothing to deserve this, he threw the chains off, finding himself no longer bound but also no longer tethered & instantly thrown adrift. He had no template to emulate, no framework for existing in a world where the only he'd ever learned to be, he assumed he innately no longer was.

How when Katie found out about his oath break, he was unable to bear the reminder of how few lines he had left to hang on to. How he lashed out at those that remained, scrutinizing each for signs they would imminently drop him. & when he could find no other explanation, even those that looked him straight in the eyes, he convinced himself that Graecie, a smooth cotton ribbon loosely woven through his entire life, was unraveling beneath the surface. It to be her, it had to be a betrayal, he needed an explanation that could eclipse the lie coming to light enough that he didn't need to only look at all his still raw wounds. & if he couldn't trust someone who'd always known him, who'd always claimed his best interests at heart, who could he trust to keep their word? (Only later he came to realize how he set that fine tape ablaze.)

How when it all came down to it, he still had 4C: a hempen rope he could rely on, durable & resilient, knots that held true & would never slip. That 4C would never break, never snap, never betray, was the fact Nom used to anchor himself. But for all that 4C knew the weight he was supporting & wanted to be able to uphold it, the swamp damp memories of what was given & knowing all too well the currents always threatening to pull Nom under, they all sank into the fibers, worrying away at the core. & when the twist between found brothers was split open, when the strands that had grown weak from concern turned to rot were revealed, everything 4C had feared & been trying to prevent came to pass. Without him to hang onto, without the integrity that he lent, Nom broke & fell back into the thoughts that violence was the only means at his disposal, that he was just an instrument of death, that there was no purpose in connection, no point in reaching out.

& how now, with yarn frayed beyond repair, ribbon turned to ash, & hemp twists truly split apart, Nom has been pulled down into the riptide. The loss & the exhaustion & the pain, so much pain, have all crushed his soul, pulverized it into fragments so small it's easier for him to sweep them into a box & set them aside & try not to let them stop him from doing what he believes he must. But that hollowed out shell of who had been struggling to learn to be a person, he still hangs above a void. & holding him there is just Scott: silk cord that holds him, soft & gentle with nothing but care. He does not waver, he remains steadfast in offering comfort, always there to braid in additional strands. He cannot allow what is between him & Nom to break, cannot allow anything that could lead Nom to think it might.

Because for all that not having 4C has Nom's spirit lost, if the cords that Scott offers him were to snap, there would be no Nom for the spirit to return to.

I went back & checked Legs' video & yeah, "I follow no sire" is immediately before "It's the best thing I could have ever heard."

However. "I follow no sire" is the end of a longer chunk of dialogue from Owen, the tail end of his response to Doc asking, "Who have you turned, Owen?" & Owen started by saying "No one." & then went on a short rant about why he's doing things & how he has no ties to anyone here. Also, just before Doc asking, they had been talking about Scott & whether he was in charge & of who & whatnot.

So to me, "No one" is "the best thing I could have ever heard." "I follow no sire" was Owen emphasizing his lack of attachment in Oakhurst by restating that Scott has no power over him. & Doc does continue to say that they've figured it out, & Owen is "one of the few [they] can help," referring to how there's a chance that in order to cure someone of vampirism, their direct sire must die. ETA: As Owen hasn’t sired anyone, no one else’s ability to be cured could possibly be tied to whether he lives or dies.

& thinking about how it was very much because it was Owen saying it. Like, if Martyn or Scott had been the ones making a deal about it, the Doctor wouldn't have given a single fuck. He gave up on trying to explain himself to Martyn as well as hit the "forcing himself to be civil" point with Scott part way into episode one.

But Owen teases him & he's almost immediately trying to hand the tome off to Martyn.

& I am just struck by how early the Doctor is drawn to Owen & is worried about Owen having a positive opinion of him, & it STILL takes him So Long to realize just how stupid he is about Owen.

& I think we can agree, war flashbacks, yeah, that tracks. He also had those after Scott killed him as well as after his "concussion."*

& much like with Scott, he also sees the moments just before he dies & replays notable audio memories from the person who killed him.

With Scott, it's things Scott's said that epitomize Doc's mental image of him & why he hates him so much. "What happened to 'do no harm,' Doctor?" "You can mix business & pleasure sometimes." "Oh no, I actively wanted this."

When Owen kills him, he has a similar string of memories. "There is no world where we marry sides." "No, you don't know what I've been through!" "You are all dead!" "That's where... That's where the trust comes in." "Do you know how long vampires have to burn to die?"

While in Death & waiting for the spirits to return him to his home, he watches himself die as an out of body experience & relives words his killer spoke that explain why Doc believes they killed him. Scott killed him because Scott is a manipulative asshole completely detached from humanity. Owen killed him because Owen is so engulfed in the all consuming pain of losing Louis & knowing how much suffering Louis was put through before his death, that he cannot imagine** experiencing anything else or wanting anything but spreading that misery.

But that does leave "That's where the trust comes in" with its accompanying visual memory of standing on that mountainside with Owen.***

On one hand, that moment does in many ways symbolize Doc's hope in Owen's humanity & that he can save him. That's for sure poignant while traveling through death after having been sent there by Owen.

But more important, in my opinion, is what that trust is. The trust comes in with Doc trusting that Owen will not turn him against his wishes.

As he rapidly fades into death, the Doctor knows, though he is not sure how, that the garlic he ate before getting to the lake is the only reason his life is going dark.

"That's where the trust comes in."

"Your garlic immunity protects you from turning! You die as a human, not as a cursed creature."

*I do find it super interesting that there are no flashbacks of any kind when he dies to fall damage at the crypt. Just the darkness, internal monologue, & the repeated sound of dying to fall damage. Wonder why the fall damage incident at the tomb triggered a flashback but this one at the crypt didn't...

**Or more accurately (in my opinion), he cannot allow himself to imagine such things.

The massive spoiler is Oakhurst ablaze.

Like. Seriously.

Let’s zoom in.

That’s warm toned light & smoke.

& it would totally tie in with my prediction based on post-episode seven recording reaction tweets.

I legit had never considered that him knowing his kill count might just be a result of the counting quirk in his flavour of vampirism.

Like, from what Legundo has said on stream, it sounds like the fact that Owen counted how many people he killed informs Legundo/Dr Legs' understanding of Owen as a person in a way. This knowledge is used in contrast to Scott having killed who knows how many people (he sure doesn't) as an indication of the difference between Owen & Scott.

But Owen might know just because he couldn't help but know. He wasn't choosing to count as he killed people, he just did it. With his gift came a tendency to count things & he was so hopped up on fresh Vampire Feelings enhanced rage that he counted without even really thinking about it.

Because for all that Nom knows that he needs Scott & he doesn't want to hurt him, I don't think he's ever really fully registered that he is the load bearing relationship in Scott Springwell's life. & I have a lot to say (in another post someday maybe) about the sheer number of times Scott has expressed to Nom how much he means to him, how much he cares about him, how much He Cannot Lose Him, & how those words, much less their weight, ever seem to register for Nom. &, to be fair, Scott doesn't press it. He doesn't insist Nom understand just what he's saying & how much it means; he usually lets the conversation slide past the subject or changes tacts because, well, he cannot lose Nom, & he is terrified of asking anything much from Nom because that might result in losing him.

& unfortunately, the extent of Scott's tenuous relationship with the will to live has gotten lost on Nom as well, because it was during a conversation where he was expressing how much he cared about Nom & when Nom slid past the implications & the weight, Scott didn't press.

So Nom's been viewing his increasing likelihood of death as affecting Scott much as it would affect Katie, 4C, & Mae: they will be hurt, they will be sad, it will destroy them at first, but they will recover, they will learn to keep living, they will learn to miss him without it freezing them with sorrow.

But to be honest, since Nom suggested Scott order an attack on Red & his death was put in Scott's mind as a more imminent possibility, I have not had much trust that Scott would be around long enough to learn to miss him without being crushed. I don't have much faith that Scott would be around long enough for there to even be the slightest ebb in the pain. It has been apparent to me for ages that if Nom dies, Scott is likely following in very short order.

So today we get to see Nom try to have the same sort of talk with Scott he had with Katie & Mae & 4C.

But instead of Scott Springwell who will be hurt by Nom dying, but who is reasonable & rational & even, Nom is going to be talking to Scott Springwell who has lost both of his parents, one within the last couple months, after barely over two decades of life; Scott Springwell who blames himself for both of their deaths, who felt he had allowed the two people who mattered to him in the world to die; Scott Springwell who tried to get so lost in the woods on his way back from his father's deathbed that the forest would just take his life from him because what value does it have; Scott Springwell who only bothered to return & keep existing because Pyro made him realize he had things worth returning for, a family that he could build, home he could create, because if nothing else, he had Nom back in Blue, & that made it worth it.

Scott Springwell who yesterday faced evidence that it did not matter how much he prepared for the worst, it could still happen anyway; Scott Springwell who now knows that none of his healing magic affects the creaking corruption in Nom at all; Scott Springwell who is hanging on by the single linen thread that is Nom being there, being alive, & who cannot suppress how upset he is, who is losing his careful control over his emotions & how much of them he shows.