#vera's work

You're lucky 'cause after weeks I've managed to write both of them! :D

So here's the Xisang version on AO3!

And here's the Lingzhui version, on AO3 too!

Don't just say yes to tease me / do your utmost to please me

Creepin up the backstairs - The Fratellis

(You can find all the filets on the AO3 collection!)

*

From the first moment that he saw him, all prime and proper in his white robes of clouds and receiving the ribbon of adulthood, Nie Huaisang knew that he would do anything to have Lan Xichen. 

The boy, a few years older than Nie Huaisang and now officially a man, was gentle in every curve of his face, from the half moon of his eyes to the sunshine of his smile. 

Nie Huaisang wanted to be his friend.

That evening behind the main pavilion, while all the grown ups were busy discussing politics inside, Nie Huaisang asked. 

Lan Xichen said yes, the smile on his face even brighter than before, if possible. Head bent to the side like a cute puppy, he offered his hand to be taken.

Without hesitation, Nie Huaisang took it.

*

Year after that first meeting, many things had changed but not the desire of closeness that Nie Huaisang felt for Lan Xichen. 

Dage had sworn brotherhood with two men: one was his previous deputy, now Jin Guangyao; the other was Lan Xichen, now sect leader. 

To Nie Huaisang it made no big difference though. He had always been spoiled and indulged by Lan Xichen. 

People talked behind Lan Xichen's back about how weak he was to the younger's whims. Knowing first hand how true that actually was, Nie Huaisang had no qualms using his pout whenever Lan Xichen was around. It was easy to fall between his arms to receive a comforting hug and a pat on the head. Nobody was the wiser about that being the true reason behind Nie Huaisang's almost maniac care of his hair.

What changed for him with the fact that dage and Lan Xichen had become sworn brothers then? Not much but… 

Nie Huaisang wanted to be his little brother too then. 

He knew he would be the perfect didi for the man, unlike Lan Wangji who was cold and unsatisfying in his role and probably didn't even know how to appreciate those hugs that were so freely given to any meek clingy little brother figure. 

Not that Nie Huaisang wanted to share anyway.

That evening, in the corridor that led to Lan Xichen's guest rooms in the Unclean Realm, while guiding him there for his rest, Nie Huaisang asked. 

Lan Xichen said yes, his hand lingering on Nie Huaisang's head more than usual when he patted him, like he had been trained to do with every one of Nie Huaisang's fancies. 

Without qualms, Nie Huaisang rubbed into it.

*

Many years later, Nie Huaisang's desire for Lan Xichen's presence in his life had not died down. Instead it had grown, evolved and consumed more than he thought it was possible. From companionship and affection it had burned its way through Nie Huaisang's mind and body. It had become lust, and then love. 

Now they were both sect leaders.

They had been for a long while, their hair getting the first streaks of white on the temples. In Nie Huaisang's case, his head was almost completely white, his cultivation having suffered from the years of neglect of his childhood and most of his life, actually. 

Whenever Nie Huaisang worried a strand between his fingers, complaining about the time passing, Lan Xichen chuckled, his expression patient as he sipped on his cup of tea. 

More often than not, the two could be found together, discussing some piece of art or literature. Nothing that could cause squabble between them, no mention of the past. 

They were the only two who remained from the good old times, the relics of a bygone era. Time had healed their wounds, or at least left them lonely enough to hold on to the sole other person left. 

Nie Huaisang didn't dislike that. Lan Xichen was the best company he could have wished for. 

That evening, his head laying on Lan Xichen's thighs while he brushed his fingers through silver hair, Nie Huaisang asked. 

What he asked for didn't matter anyway. 

Lan Xichen said yes. He always said yes, the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes making him appear even more breathtaking. Even after all those years.

*

Lan Xichen wanted to laugh, that kind of mirthless sound that was born in the depth of despair and other nasty emotions that he shouldn't even be contemplating.

Yet there he was, all his certainties crumbling like the temple at his back. Loudly and unwieldy. 

There was blood on his hands. It had been warm until a moment ago. 

Jin Guangyao had been… 

His hands shacked. 

That horrible rumble too wanted to come out and fill the air. 

Although he felt a deep loss skewering with its claws his soul and ripping it apart, Lan Xichen couldn't regret it. 

It was good like that. It was the better option. 

It might even have been the logical one, if he didn't know better. 

Sitting next to him, Nie Huaisang checked the gauze hat in his hands as if he was seeing it for the first time in his life, lost in some contemplation of his own. 

The death of Nie Mingjue, his murder, couldn't have gone unpunished. It wouldn't have been right, nor filial. And Nie Huaisang had been very smart about it, even more than the culprit. 

Everything had been dealt with in the shadow, the secrecy of it so well hidden that Lan Xichen still doubted what had really happened, what actually transpired that night, so fast it went once ignited. 

He should have known though. 

Nie Huaisang was an expert in keeping things concealed from the sight of everyone else who wasn't concerned. Nobody would have suspected about all the kisses they had shared behind closed doors, the hands that explored under heavy fabrics and the tangled legs lit by the first rays of light. 

No one was the wiser about that, as much as no one was aware of what had actually happened ten years prior, or even what went down that same night. 

No one besides the two of them and the other pawns who had been used that night. Collateral damage at worst. Another chip in the reputation of the supposed mastermind, another accusation that could be used against him. 

And Nie Huaisang had already sacrificed so much, lost so much.

Closing his hands into trembling fists, Lan Xichen realised clearly in his mind what his guts had been telling him. 

Taking the blame for such destructive actions, no matter how justified they were, would have obliterated what remained of the Nie sect. All that Nie Huaisang had been left with, from his brother and his father and the fathers before them. 

While he… Lan Xichen had nothing besides his sect either, but his sect had other alternatives. Better choices to be made, someone better to take the reins and evaluate pros and cons. Unlike he had done, balancing between duty and desire. 

All along, Lan Xichen had never felt cut for the role he had been invested with since his early childhood.

The perfect leader, prioritising the sect above himself and his personal preferences, his emotions. The perfect Lan, ascetic and poised. What his sect needed to flourish.

Lan Xichen wanted to laugh. In the end he had been no different from any other Lan sect leader before him, hypocritical and tragically consumed by his own feelings. 

With a sneer, he laughed at the depth of which ran his devotion. 

Nie Huaisang eyed him warily as the snicker transformed into an impersonal smile. 

He, Lan Xichen, could bear the guilt of one more thing on his shoulders, in the best interest of everyone. For love.