#venable

In the past few days, I've tried multiple times to pleasure myself, but the moment I'd hear any sound or no sounds at all, I would chicken out. I even thought about asking Ms. Venable if it's allowed to pleasure yourself, but I haven't worked up the courage to actually do it.

Currently, there's a gathering in the music room, in which Ms. Venable informs us about the development of our situation, which is non-existent. At the end of the meeting, I'm basically a puddle, because I've observed everything Ms. Venable did in the past thirty minutes intensely. I doubt that I can stand up straight right now, the sexual frustration too much for me to handle.

A while after everyone left, I slowly make my way towards Ms. Venable's office, knocking gently, once I'm there. I enter after hearing a stern 'come in'. Opening the door, I see her sitting in her chair, looking up from an opened file. I swallow and gather all of my courage. "I-I only have a quick questi-"

"Close the door and sit! We are civilized here," she interrupts me, and I do as told, my thoughts running wild, already planning the quickest escape route in my head. "Now what is your question?" Ms. Venable asks and looks at me expectantly. I swallow the lump in my throat and lower my eyes. "I-It's nothing important…I-I should go," I say and make a move to get up, but she is faster, standing behind me and pushing me back down into the armchair.

"Now, you already wasted my time, so you might as well ask what you came here to ask," Ms. Venable almost purrs into my ear, causing me to whimper quietly, clenching my thighs. Her gloved left hand rests on my neck, and my breathing quickens as goosebumps erupt on my skin. "Ask your question, Ms. l/n!" Ms. Venable orders strictly, digging her fingers into the skin of my neck.

"Is masturbation against your rules?" I blurt out.

After realizing what I just said, I place my hand in front of my mouth and panic, ready to run. But Ms. Venable pushes me back into the seat. "Yes, it is indeed. Why, have you already broken this rule?" she questions, her voice laced with both honey and venom as she walks in front of me, towering over me.

"N-no, of course not...but I wanted to," I mumble the last part.

"And why would you like to pleasure yourself, hmm? What makes you so desperate to touch yourself, Ms. l/n?"

I shake my head and try to get away again, but Ms. Venable places her left hand in the middle of my chest and keeps me in place. "Answer me!" she demands, but I shake my head again. "I said ANSWER ME!" Ms. Venable says and grips my chin with her left hand.

"YOU!" My eyes widen in horror as soon as the word left my mouth.

"I beg your pardon?" Ms. Venable says, narrowing her eyes and coming dangerously close to my face. I close my eyes, readying myself for any sort of punishment, but instead she walks behind me again and whispers into my ear. "Say it again."

I moan quietly and rub my thighs together.

"You," I whisper.

"Elaborate on that, Ms. l/n." I gasp as her fingers start to dance over my neck. "Come on, Ms. l/n. Don't be shy now," she says.

"I-I can't get you out of m-my head. Y-your presence in a room is so captivating, and every little thing you do excites me. I-I can't help it."

"Hmm...you have my authorization," she whispers into my ear.

"What?" I ask confused.

"You may pleasure yourself," she purrs against my neck and I shudder. I move to get up, but she keeps me in place. "Here and now, Ms. l/n. And only in my presence so I can supervise," she says, her voice dropping an octave at the last word.

My eyes widen as she leans against her desk, looking at me with her piercing brown eyes. I hesitate but decide that I'm way too desperate to deny myself an orgasm, even if it has to happen in front of her. I lift my skirt and slip my hand into my underwear, moaning softly at the wetness it encounters there. I run my middle finger gently over my clit, twitching slightly.

Then I look at Ms. Venable, staring into her eyes as I circle my clit faster, moaning louder. Sliding a finger inside myself, I close my eyes and imagine the woman who's standing in front of me doing these things to me. I add another finger and start to massage my breast over my dress. In a matter of a few minutes, I'm a moaning mess, pulling my fingers out of me to rub my sensitive clit in fast, tight circles. It doesn't take much longer for me to tumble over the edge, moaning Ms. Venable's name during my climax.

I open my eyes and see Ms. Venable staring at me with flushed cheeks. She clears her throat as she notices that I've opened my eyes. "Leave now," the older woman says hoarsely, and I rush towards the door, exiting the room and basically running to my own room. Once there, I smile lightly as I remember the events from just a few minutes ago.

Tonight at dinner, I can't help but notice that Ms. Venable is looking into my direction more often now than before, making me blush whenever she catches me staring at her. At the end of dinner, my underwear is completely soaked again, after watching Ms. Venable play with the handle of her cane more than usual. I get up and rush to my room, taking a quick cold shower and lying down on top my bed completely naked.

Suddenly, the door opens, and I quickly pull the covers over my body, looking startled at Ms. Venable, who's standing at the entrance of my room, her eyes wide as she takes in my appearance. She then locks the door and walks towards me, her cane clacking against the floor, which makes me shiver.

Ms. Venable comes closer and towers over me. "I want you to touch yourself again, Ms. l/n," she says, and my eyes widen.

"W-why do you w-"

"Don't question me, just do as I say!" Ms. Venable demands, sitting down on the chair next to my bed. I comply and slide my hand under the covers and between my legs, being surprised at how aroused I already am. "Let me see you," Ms. Venable says hoarsely, and I hesitantly push the covers off my body, exposing my naked body to her eyes. Goosebumps erupt on my skin as her eyes roam my body. "Go on," she says as her eyes meet mine again, and I obey.

This becomes a habit throughout the next few weeks. Ms. Venable would visit me after dinner or call me to her office, and I would pleasure myself in front of her. Today, she insisted that I come to her office. I knock and enter after I'm given the permission to do so. Ms. Venable is sitting in one of the armchairs, which are close to the fireplace, and gestures for me to take a seat in the armchair across from her and I do so. She tells me to undress, and I comply without hesitation, because I've already become accustomed to the way this goes once I'm with her.

Once I'm completely bare, I spread my legs to give her a good view and start touching myself, moans and her name rolling off my tongue in no time. After a few minutes, I speed up my movements as I feel myself getting closer to release, but then Ms. Venable says something unexpected. "Stop." I whimper but do as told while looking into her dark eyes.

"Come here," she says in a calm but demanding tone. I hesitantly get up and walk over to her, watching as she leans her cane against the side of the armchair. Once I'm in her reach, she pulls me on top of her and grins at my shocked expression. Ms. Venable takes in my body and grabs my hips with her gloved hands, the coldness of the black fingerless leather gloves and the warmth of her fingertips send shivers down my spine, and I can't help but moan quietly.

She smirks as her hands move upwards and cup my breasts gently.

"Oh God, Ms. Venable," I groan as she plays with my nipples.

"Hmm...do you like that, y/n?" she asks, the smirk still plastered on her face.

"Y-yes," I stutter.

"Yes, what?" she asks, pinching one nipple lightly.

"Y-yes, Ms. Venable," I reply, trying to keep my hips from moving against her, but I fail as she tugs lightly on my hard buds, and I buck my hips slightly against her.

Ms. Venable stops and pulls me down, connecting our lips in a hungry kiss. She pulls me closer, pressing my body tightly against hers, and bites my bottom lip, causing me to moan into her mouth. Then she slides her right hand down my body and slips it between my thighs. "Hmm...so wet for me," she purrs into my ear, and I shiver. Her finger grazes my clit, and I almost jerk in her lap. She chuckles darkly before entering me with two fingers. I moan and grip the backrest of the armchair to stabilize myself as she thrusts into me. Once she starts to rub my sensitive clit with her thumb, I'm a goner. I groan her name and come all over her fingers, panting heavily as I try to come down from my high.

Ms. Venable smirks as she lifts her hand and sucks her digits clean, moaning quietly in the process. After I’ve calmed down a little, I look into Ms. Venable's piercing eyes and chew on my bottom lip. "What are you thinking about, y/n?" Ms. Venable asks, and I debate with myself whether I should ask her or not. But I decide to take my chance and just go for it.

"M-may I pleasure you too, Ms. Venable?" I whisper.

Ms. Venable raises her eyebrow, thinking about my request. "Kneel," she says eventually, and I obey immediately, getting off her lap and lowering myself to the floor. I look up at Ms. Venable as she lifts her skirt and spreads her legs. My eyes focus on her bare, glistening core, and I have to suppress a moan at this sight. "Go on then," she demands, and I move closer to her center, kissing her thighs, which tense under my lips, before I spread her legs a little further and explore her with my tongue.

Her hands grab my hair, pulling me closer against her center. I take the hint and run my tongue through her slit before focusing on her clit. She pulls my hair lightly as I suck the sensitive bud into my mouth, causing me to moan against her. Ms. Venable moans quietly and shifts her hips a little, giving me better access.

After a few minutes, I have her moaning my name as I enter her with two fingers, curling them just right to hit all the right spots within Ms. Venable, while still basically making out with her clit. It doesn't take much longer for her to tumble over the edge, practically growling my name and digging her fingers into my scalp. I lap up all of her juices and only stop when she pulls me up by my hair. Ms. Venable looks into my eyes, her dark brown eyes filled with lust and perhaps something else. She leans in and kisses me hungrily, grabbing my butt to pull me as close as possible.

The next few weeks, Ms. Venable and I have sex so many times that I lose count. But she never takes off her dress, only lifts it up to give me room to work. And I'm curious as to why she doesn't want me to see her upper half. So I decide to ask one time, which is a bad idea, because she shuts me out completely for a couple of days. I apologize every day, until Ms. Venable loses it. She breaks down right in front of me, and yells at me to stop apologizing. "It's not you, it's me! I'm a hideous, ugly, worthless monster, y/n!" she sobs, and I rush to her side, wrapping my arms around her. "You're not! You are the most wonderful, beautiful, and smart woman I have ever seen. You're not worthless, you are the most unique person, and you're worth more than all the treasures of the whole world." Tears gather in her eyes, and she shakes her head, so I pull her even closer and stroke her cheeks gently.

"I'm in love with you, Ms. Venable. And I'm the unworthy one here. You're so far out of my league that I'm surprised you even waste your time on me," I whisper. Ms. Venable's eyes widen at my statement.

"How can you be in love with someone like me?" she asks, her voice barely audible.

"You're special, and your personality just pulls me in. I can't really explain it," I tell her, and to my surprise, she hugs me and whispers words into my ear that I never thought I would hear her say.

"I think, I may be in love with you too."

Wilhemina in that beautiful Sarah picture

-Flashback-

''Are you serious right now after all we have been through?'' you try hard not to scream but it feels like your body is on fire, your lungs are burning, heart racing and your eyes watering. You cannot believe you are having this conversation with your girlfriend Wilhemina right now. After a whole year of knowing each other and eventually giving the relationship a go she is talking about moving on.

'It's for the best'' is all she said in return and then she walked out, cane in her hand hitting the floor hard and not once did she look back, she ignored your cries, you begging her to stay and please turn back around. You keep repeating this is a nightmare and you are gonna wake up any minute to her holding you in her arms. But it was no nightmare and she did walk out of your shared apartment and ever since that day you have tried to move on. But no matter what you did working, moving out of the apartment, meeting friends, getting to know new people it didn't work, Wilhemina was always on your mind, when you are asleep she would visit in your dreams, when you are driving or outside and a song plays, she is there in your memory as if she never left in the first place.

-End of Flashback-

Even right now as you are walking through the streets on your lunch break, coffee in your hand and earphones in your ears listening to music she is here again.

''I never needed you like I do right now....I never hated you like I do right now'' as you hear those lyrics your heart skips a beat and it feels like it is breaking all over again. You tried everything you could think of, start a new job in a new field, you moved to a new city but nothing seems to be able to take your mind off the redhead, clouding your mind, her touch still so present lingering on your skin, her voice still ringing through your ears and the smell of lavender following you wherever you go.

Currently, you are working for a company in California, in the social media department and to promote the brand and their work. It's mostly boring but you do enjoy social media and advertisement so you gladly took the job considering it comes with a higher paycheck and a brand new apartment. There was nothing left in your old city, no friends anymore because you drove them all away as they always talked badly about your ex-girlfriend and the feelings you still have for her. No family because you were kind of always on your own and after quitting your job there, there was nothing holding you back. The woman with red-orange hair and a purple obsession is currently on your mind again and no matter what you do she is stuck in your head, like a catchy record and it hurts. As you think about her a wave of flashbacks hit you, with no way of putting a stop to it and keeping the storm at bay.

''Wilhemina Venable, nice to meet you'' was the first few words that you ever heard her say and for a moment you were so struck that you couldn't even say anything. ''Cat got your tongue hmm?'' was what she said afterward and what got you to snap out of it, introduce yourself, and shake her hand. And when you touched her for the first time you knew you would never ever get tired of feeling her soft hands.

You would also never grow tired of looking into her beautiful brown eyes or the soft smile she would give you whenever she would see you. Back then you just finished college and you took your first job and she was your co-worker. Starting a relationship with a co-worker is sometimes frowned upon and there probably are good reasons for that but you didn't listen, not to your friends telling you not to do it and not to the other co-workers after they noticed the glances you and Wilhemina exchanged at work. But you both never let that stop you and you fell for her and you fell hard.

Although you had some crushes before, mostly on teachers in college or celebrities, you never had been in a relationship before. Every morning before work you would get up so early and make sure to put your best clothes on, you would improve your makeup skills and try different hairstyles to impress Wilhemina and you did. She would notice how often you would come around to her desk and ask her silly questions you both knew the answers to but you pretend you didn't. And eventually, she took all of her confidence and asked you out and that night was the most magical night of your life.

You went to an expensive restaurant and after she took you home and she gave you something that night that was precious and you held onto it till today. Patience. She was your first love and she made sure to not rush, to not hurt you, to be there for you and hold you whenever you needed her. After your first date, you went on some more magical nights together, before you were ready to allow her to love you and to love her in return and she made you feel things you never felt before. She would make your whole body feel beautiful and worthy, all your insecurities left whenever you were around the woman who had many insecurities herself due to her back. And that's probably what you admire most about her, the way she made you feel whenever you were with her.

Thinking about all this, you think back to the many dates you both went on, to restaurants, shopping, the movies, car dates, attending work parties together, going to get drunk together. Life felt so easy with Wilhemina around, although she was a few years older than you she was pure, she was funny, soft, kind, precious and she was innocent. She would always treat people with respect and offer help and you loved her beautiful and kind personality. You never thought that one night after being with each other for almost a year she would randomly walk out of your life and not once turn back around or try and talk about it.

Hearing the lyrics repeat, you sigh and shake your head because it is true, one part of you needed Wilhemina back in your life because no matter what you do you can not get her out of your head or heart for that matter. Part of you does hate her for leaving and walking out, you never cried harder in your life than the night she left and you couldn't function for days. All you did was cry, toss and turn in the bed or curl up on the floor in a little ball until you couldn't cry anymore but the pain never stopped. It took days and in the end, your friends who picked you up again, taught you how to take care of yourself again by eating, showering, getting dressed, and going to work and you hoped that moving and changing jobs would change something.

As you are sitting in a park, only a few blocks away from your new workplace, watching people having picnics, playing with their kids, walking their dogs, or doing exercise you realize that all this wasn't worth it. Moving away, leaving your job, apartment and friends did nothing, you still miss her and she still haunts you. You miss her gentle side, the soft Mina as you used to call her, who would hold you in her arms, who would say soothing words until you would fall asleep, and who would make you feel better after a hard day at work, hold you after a nightmare or would let you ramble about another one of the co-workers annoying you. You miss telling her about your days and how you feel because you could be free with her and be who you are and you haven't been that way in a very long time.

Checking your phone you notice your lunch break is over in five minutes so you toss your empty coffee cup in a nearby trash can and walk back to your office. Today has been particularly boring because all you have to do is answer people's dm's and requests on social media because currently there is no campaign going on. As you walk back to your desk you put your coat and bag away and start logging onto your laptop. That's when you hear your boss on his way to your desk and you can't help but internally roll your eyes. He isn't a bad guy or anything, he is in his fifties, grey hair, always wearing a suit and he treats you with respect and you appreciate him but whenever he would approach you it means a problem, like an advertisement going wrong or a complaint or a new major client and that means longer hours and staying in the office till midnight. Not that you mind considering there is nothing or no one to come back home to.

''Y/N'' he says as he finally reaches your desk. Looking up from your desk, you force a smile and reply ''Yes Mr. Odell what can I do for you?''. By his posture, you can tell he is in some kind of distress.

''Listen we have a potential new client and I want you to come to our first meeting with them'' he says excitedly and you question why he can't just bring his assistant. ''I can't bring Janet she is sick so I need you to get your things'' he explains and you log off your computer, take your coat and bag and follow him outside the building. It is quite chilly, so you are glad that you put a jacket over your blazer.

As the familiar buildings and streets fade into the distance, you try not to zone out like you usually would but these days your mind would often be preoccupied with daydreams or memories as if someone else was entirely in control of your thoughts.

''I have a meeting with a Mr. Pfister and Mr. Nutter'' he says absent-mindedly while looking into his calendar and talking about the company you are headed to. Snapping out of your thoughts, you nod and mumble ''Of course Mr. Odell'' before averting your gaze back to the window looking at the hectic city and people going on about their days. Your thoughts wander back to work and you try to think of a few possibilities to advertise their products, as that might not be as easy as you originally thought when agreeing on accompanying your boss.

The first thing you see as you walk into a large unfamiliar building, following your boss's steps,  is a front desk with some employees sitting there, it seems that this building is home to a few companies and different departments as they guide people into different parts of the building. You watch as your boss approaches the front desk,  ''Hello may I help you?'' a woman with blonde hair asks politely.

''Yes I have a meeting with Kineros Robotics'' he says and she looks at you, then him again, and points towards a sign. ''It's to your right just follow the signs'' she says and you notice how her facial expression changed from nice and friendly to cold and possibly scared? after your boss mentioned the company name. Reading people's expressions and understanding their underlying feelings, has always been something you are good at but you quickly shake the thought away and follow your boss.

As you walk down the corridor you see a young woman with long brown curled hair wearing a blouse with flower prints and a skirt run down the hall with a box in her hand, her heels echoing through the building. ''I'm sorry'' she mumbles hectic and nervous as she zooms past you and you give Mr. Odell a questioning expression before reaching the department.

''I'm so sorry there was a bad accident on the 101'' you hear the woman say and then you hear a sound that sounds both so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. The cane tapping. For a moment you freeze, knowing this isn't just any cane tap as you are so used to a certain redhead woman expressing her emotions partly through the very device that helps her keep her balance. Despite not having heard the sound in over a year, you know exactly who must be on the other end of the hallway.

Temporarily you freeze, thinking maybe her leaving you and breaking things off with you, has ultimately clouded your senses and affected your brain and maybe you are imagining everything. After all the rational part of yourself, is trying to remind you that there is no explanation right now as to why she would be here of all places.

However, the next thing you hear is a clear confirmation that your brain is not tricking you, it's not your mind so clouded by her absence, she is here, the only thing keeping you from seeing each other is a wall and a few steps apart. As you hear a familiar voice your heart stops beating and your throat goes dry.

''Not as bad as the accident that brought you into the world'' that is all you heard and although her voice sounds more cold, harsh and raspy you are fully aware that Wilhemina is sitting at the end of that corridor. For a moment your body goes into a state of shock, your ears ringing, vision blurring, and your heart beating out of your chest.

Shortly after the girl what you assume now to be an assistant comes running back towards the corridor with tears in her eyes and her heels making the same clicking sound. She zooms past you and Mr. Odell again and all he says is ''Damn she seems feisty'' and you know it's aimed at Wilhemina and for a moment you debate whether to just turn around and pretend to be sick or needing to answer a phone call but you know you can't back out now, after all, you have missed seeing her for too long now.

All you wanna do is see her adorable orange hair, that you used to run your fingers through and untangle some knots after she had a long day, the dorky glasses that you sometimes made fun of, and beautiful pastel purple probably everywhere if this truly was her workplace after all. ''Come on'' your boss says, pulling you out of your thoughts yet again and you walk into the large room.

Eyes instantly wander to the source of purple in the room and the source of darkness in your heart and emptiness ever since she left but not only does your heart stop for a moment as you take a look at her, you blink a few times, now actually sure whether this is real or some kind of nightmare.

Wilhemina's hair is a much darker shape of red now and styled into a tall sharp quiff, no sign of her usual high ponytails anymore or the lighter and orange shape it used to be. You notice she doesn't wear glasses anymore and you are convinced her eyes look an even darker shape than before too. She is wearing a dress and it's also a very dark shade of purple with matching earrings. Even her makeup is darker, and as you see her sitting by her desk you can't deny how intimidating she seems, looking at some files, her cane resting on the desk right beside her. Even the cane is different now, it has a snake shape at the top and it's not the old plain one she used to have.

For a moment you believe you just walked right into your own personal nightmare, the funny, sometimes sassy, and beautiful girl you used to love now seems like a completely different and somewhat evil person. The Wilhemina you once loved and still have feelings for, as they never truly changed, seems gone and it seems like she was replaced by a new one, a colder version.

She would have never spoken to anyone like that or treated someone the way she just treated that girl that seems to be her assistant, by the looks of it. All the staring and observing Wilhemina happened in a matter of seconds although it feels like an eternity, everything is silent for a moment, all that is to be heard is your own heartbeat and the typing on Wilhemina's keyboard.

You watch as your boss approaches her and you follow him and finally, Wilhemina looks up noticing the presence of someone else in the room and her gaze is focused on him, so she hasn't seen you yet. He tries to shake her hand and says ''My name is Mr. Odell I have an appointment with Mr. Nutter and Mr. Pfister'' and she just looks at him and his hand with a slightly disgusted expression but she doesn't bother shaking his hand.

''Very well'' she says and takes a glance at you for a split second, noticing a second person in the room and her eyes wander back to her laptop thinking you are just some assistant but when she realizes who you are she immediately looks back over to you and she doesn't avert her gaze at first.

Wilhemina takes in your features for a moment, the sense of fashion, dressing smartly and formally but at the same time stunning as she always said, your hair, the improved makeup skills, and still the same details she always loved about you. She doesn't look into your eyes yet and you are interrupted when two men walk over.

One of them has brown hair and the other blonde hair and you try hard not to chuckle when you see them because they look hideous. ''Mr. Odell, nice to meet you'' they say and shake hands. ''This is Y/L/N maybe someone could show her around while we finalize the details?'' your boss suggests, taking you by surprise, and one of the two turns to Wilhemina and says ''Miss Venable would you give this beautiful lady a tour please''.

For a split second, you are convinced, she is about to kill him but you aren't sure if it's about the tour or compliment. ''Of course'' she mumbles and your boss and the two men leave and you are left there with your ex-girlfriend and awkward silence filling the room. You haven't looked up or into her eyes yet and it terrifies you, she terrifies you.

Wilhemina has no idea what to do or how to react after not seeing you for two years and the last time she did she walked out of your life and your relationship. The redhead looks at you and without looking into your eyes yet she knows the pain, she can see it and she can tell this is killing you inside, the last thing she ever wanted was to cause you pain.

You take a deep breath with your eyes closed and turn to Wilhemina and your eyes instantly lock and you look into her dark brown eyes and not leave her gaze for one moment. She takes a few slow steps towards you, her cane hitting the floor, and with every tap and echo in the room, it feels like your heart is ripped into more pieces and your past is here confronting you right at this moment.

''Mina'' is everything you can say but it comes out as a whisper while your voice cracks. Your ex-girlfriend's eyes close right away because she has missed hearing you call her that for the past two years but as she opens her eyes she reminds herself internally, who she is and that she is currently at her workplace.

''Follow me'' she instructs and you follow her while she walks down a corridor and into a room with big machines. While you follow her you can't understand what would have happened to her to turn into this cold-hearted person. She used to be the sweetest and kindest person you knew but clearly, something has changed. You cannot take your eyes off her and as she walks you into the room with machines, she explains about the work they do here and how they do it and as much as you try to focus and look at the things she shows you, you can't and Wilhemina notices.

''Do I bore you?'' she suddenly snaps in that cold voice again, her nostrils flaring and your heart feels like a knife was just thrown right into it. ''I'm sorr- sorry I-'' but you can't even think of a good enough excuse so you just look at the floor and try hard to keep your emotions at bay.

''Anyways, these are the machines and devices we use, whenever someone places a custom order we make sure to fulfill that order as efficient and quick as possible'' Wilhemina explains her voice still stern, sounding like she has given this tour so many times, she has memorized every single word.

However, you do notice her looking at you the entire time she explains and it seems like she wants you to say something but there are too many things that you want and wanted to say to her for years but you never imagined one day you would run into her like this. For several minutes the two of you stand in the rooms with machines, Wilhemina explaining and you trying hard to focus on her words intently.

''Y/N'' you hear the voice of your boss coming from the door, the two strange-looking men behind him, and you look at him, noticing the satisfied looks on their faces, indicating the deal worked well, and he says ''I'm finished, thank you, Miss, for giving her the tour'' he adds now focused on Wilhemina. ''Let's go'' he says and you walk in his direction without looking back at her and just as you are about to walk out of the door you look at her and say ''Thank you'' and then you walk out.

As you walk out of the large office building, back through the same long corridor, and past the front desk, you can't hear anything your boss is trying to say and the entire car ride back to the office you try and wrap your head around what just happened, abandoning every single word Mr. Odell is saying.

Of course nothing good could ever last. Not those few nights of sleep or the good mood that you were back on.

Because of the accusations she made you couldn’t help but feel paranoid about everything you did or said. If you were too nice to someone she would take it all wrong, you just couldn’t do that. And about not deserving things, what was the point she was trying to make really? Did she know you weren’t supposed to be there? That couldn’t be it, she would’ve killed you as soon as you stepped in there. Or maybe they didn’t do that because it would take away from the cooperative’s legitness, making a mistake like that. If you weren’t that busy panicking over all that you would have noticed that it was weird how she just knew you didn’t take her offer. Could she have been expecting you? Stayed up waiting for you? Or asked someone?

But then again, those were questions that skipped your mind.

Someone suggested to play truth or dare between the purples, only without the dares because there wasn’t really much you could do. So, in practise it was just a question game, getting to know each other a bit more, what was wrong with that? Everyone had to co-exist, so understanding who you had been before could only do good right? Yeah… trouble was that the person you were before wasn’t really a nice light topic of conversation.

“What did you want to be as a kid?” asked Dinah.

“I just always wanted to prove that I was capable of doing things on my own. Like, being successful on my own. I didn’t feel like my dad’s money should be just that, whatever it was that I was going to be, I wanted people to know that I was worth the things I owned” Coco said.

“Wow Coco, who would’ve thought? You finally said something that makes people sympathise with you.” André retorted, to which she only answered by making him a face.

“I wanted to be a hairdresser from the start. I know what I’m good at.” announced Mr. Gallant.

“Yes you sure did..” said Evie.

Everyone took their turns, Dinah said something inspirational, Timothy said something boring, Evie said something extra, and unfortunately, they didn’t forget to ask you as well. The smart thing to have done was just probably saying you wanted to be a model or an astronaut or a doctor, but of course, you said the truth and made it awfully awkward.

“I… I didn’t want to be anything really. I was terrified of the future, if I dared to dream then I would have to live with the disappointment of my failure. I never really thought I’d make it.”

“Yikes….. Okay things got kinda too deep.” Said Mr. Gallant before Dinah dismissed him and said “Oh but you did, didn’t you? We’re all here still! How wonderful is that? We have been that strong!”

“Well, since we’re on a depressing note already, might as well talk about all our dead loved ones” said Coco.

“Hah loved ones, that’s a funny one” you said.

“What do you mean?” said Timothy.

“Well… no loved ones to account for really”

“Are you serious? What, were you an orphan or something?” asked Coco.

“No, not really” a pause from everyone, expectant on you to go on. “So, my mum died when I was a kid. She was nice. The only nice thing I had really. Then my father was an absolute fucking asshole piece of shit who just kept hating on her for no reason, and he didn’t care about me either, kept me around for the child support money. I left that place as soon as I could. Then I didn’t care much about making friends really, too busy with other things.”

“Wow that was quite the life” Gallant mocked.

“But you’re always so jolly dear, how come?” asked Evie.

“And isn’t that the best cover for a ruined mind?” You answered.

From then on you were not only paranoid, but nostalgic as well. Realising how you had wasted your life away to how bad you felt about yourself. And the irony in that was how now you were wasting the last chance away as well. Every other passage in a book made you cry, everything everyone said was too much. You stopped hanging around the others when it wasn’t mandatory, no one would catch a glimpse of you except during meals and cocktails, and on those occasions you were spaced out for the most part, not really adding to any conversations or cracking dumb jokes anymore.

Your little concerts slowly stopped happening, you just pretended you didn’t see that keyboard anymore. Hell, at one point Coco even stopped commenting on you tired or down you looked, it was the new normal, and it was just uncomfortable to bring up anymore, even for her.

What you didn’t find out until later was that Venable was on the balcony to the music room during the game. Not that your life story would soften her, of course nothing ever could, but the outpost did become even more insufferable than usual after it.

The days had rolled on and on for a while, your nights melting into days, melting into nothing. Waking up tear stained yet again, no clue of what time it was supposed to be, you noticed a small purple leather book that hadn’t been on your table before.

You stumbled your way to it, wondering which of your steps would make it dissolve into the air. But none did. It was right there. And you recognized it. You dreamt with it every night. Or, was it a dream at all?

Or, wasn’t it all a dream?

No, you tried to rub the sleep from your face. You knew the book because it so often stood behind those brown eyes. Eyes that you couldn’t stand to look at, but had somehow been etched into your eyelids. Eyes that went from left to right, then right to left over the pages on your table.

You turned your back to it and went back to sleep, the only thing that made sense, if only for a couple minutes at a time. Your dreams swayed from one to the other with a berry liqueur flavour to them, some clear, some red as blood. And when you woke up there was the blueberry book still.

You opened it, praying answers would drop from it. Whatever God or Goddess you prayed to had been listening apparently, although not entirely. Were they answers? No, maybe it was just another bunch of questions really, but what dropped from the book was a handwritten note.

The offer still stands.