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Well, comrades, it's been a rather difficult evening
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My mother is reacting suspiciously well to finding out I do roller derby
Me, skating the 27/5 with my best crossovers yet: >:D
My right hip, a traitor: I think I will cause problems on purpose
Me, as my right leg tries to fall out of its socket WHILE I'm shooting the apex: o_0 :/ >:(
Ye gods and little fishes, I am so tired
Are morning practices ever going to be less of a struggle
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This concept deserves a much longer and more thought out post, but I'm still surprisingly shaken from a fun aspect of last night's practice. Shaken in a good way? I don't know if there's a word for the exact feeling.
We were doing positional blocking and I was shaky as hell due to tired legs and not being great at footwork yet, and my partner kept telling me they wouldn't let me fall. And I kept being like yeah sure because people always say they won't let me down and then immediately do so at the nearest opportunity, but I got off balance and started to go over backward. Which is terrifying. Especially since I jammed my tailbone two weeks back and it's only just now starting to feel kind of okay again. I really don't want to fall backwards.
There's that moment of knowing I can't recover my balance. There's my partner saying I got you and me knowing they don't. There's the abyss of fear, knowing I'm hanging on the edge of an agonizing impact and scrambling to figure out how I can twist and fold my body so that I get less hurt when I hit the ground. And then there's my partner's arm locking with mine all the way up to my shoulder. They literally held me on my feet and kept me from falling. And I got my balance back. And I took a minute to catch my breath. And we switched places and they blocked me while I bounced off them like a ping pong ball because I haven't figured out how to be a good jammer in skates yet.
This is the part where I should have a deep realization about the little things that can truly kickstart the process of healing from trauma that I've kind of been ignoring for so long I almost forgot about it. I'm not up for that right now. I know what I need to know. I'm just really not used to people actually having my back. Or my arm, in this case. It's just really, really nice.
I know I will eventually need to tell my mother that I'm doing roller derby, but it's incredibly funny to me how lucky I've been thus far by getting very close to accidentally having this revealed to her, and yet somehow she still does not know. From photos of me at bootcamp, to getting tagged in an off skates crossfit post, to tonight's video on facebook of one of our sock derby jams. I'm in the video. I can pick myself out of the jam. But I am almost entirely obscured from the camera, to the point that if I didn't know for a fact where I was, I would probably not have recognized myself. It's like being in a sitcom with a running joke about close calls. It's hilarious. It's a little bit nerve wracking. It's going to seem ridiculous after I've finally told her. I cannot believe this keeps happening.
Okay progress update. I should wear glitter to practice always, it makes everything better. My legs are tired. What even are feet. We played sock derby to get a feel for how the game actually functions, and while jamming is fun, I am definitely a blocker. I'm all hips. I really liked team blocking. Oh, and after a long practice we ran the 27/5 again, and guess what? TWENTY AND HALF THAT'S WHAT. I'm so happy. That's up from 16. I'm gonna go fall asleep in the shower now.
