#velixir

the skies bleed blue and i pocketed it, hoping to fall for my dreams, as if they were unattainable, perfection from the palm of my mind flown too high to ever annex, even though they were birthed within the bluest blue in me like the synapses cursed by the asymptotes that bridged gaps between the breathes while the black gold birds nested in

nothing --

we are like baby birds, petty wings flapping, wicked wings before we were ever conceived, were ever preconceived notions, were ever ideas, fragmented thoughts and it feels as if we remain just as broken in our wholeness whole as the broken, a tragedy that forged the perfect crime where answers are estimates, leftover time are as real as the blacks and the whites nameless identities shooting ourselves over and over and over until we become bullet-ridden heart beats still beating with absolutes:

because size cannot terminate existence

everyday we had cherry coke dates illusions about allusions of fading daisy lips, being forgotten like we stay behind in the cold, tear-deep, medicine stained bed sheets while everyone's rushing out of the hospitals

we are drug addicts, dying & laughing while intoxicating ourselves from the naked skins, too vulnerable and the diaphanous hearts, too foggy

we toasted with a bottle of wine about how normal, how 2.5 grade point average we are, how we're just grizzly bears & not Romeo and Juliet & especially, how you are

strong

you are strong while carrying 132 lbs of heartbreak and 96 buckets of tears while you're bones shatter before you breathe

you are strong

the willows hung low and sobbed over the ocean and the salt was too bitter for the summer suns the last time i mailed you a letter, i cut my tongue wide and bitter on the envelope

i guess you can say that we tripped over the wrong rock and scattered like pebbles dropped into the stone cold river

we called it "skipping away" because you were afraid of "running away" but that didn't stop you from blowing through my mapped out veins like a bullet through smoke

maybe this time the bliss was the insides of blistered lips, calloused hands, and broken wrists but you never sounded as (w)hole as the southern winds inside my head i wanted you to listen to my catastrophes because you wanted to, because the socks on your feet made the pebbled floors too comforting not

because you wanted to see my green eyes break against your heart's shadows no matter how many times you look the other way;

closed eyes aren't blind eyes so stop ignoring the bluer skins and the purple skies 

lamps watched the streets before the sun did bleeding orange lights onto pavements  white, cobwebs hanging on the balcony door sunbathed old comic book on the side table and then colorless, fading plastic sighing satins frostbites in the morning from the sun's sores with a wave from a spider, climbing just like the sun over the valleys, chills but with hints of silver crystals and golden illusions like your jacket draped over  my shoulders because they can warm you for seconds  then leave you in the dust but make you believe  that somehow it was real

i felt your presence like a cloth lying still over my linen body and wished you were carved into the mounds of quilts on my mattress, wished you were somehow drifting through the sun shattered dust floating through my consciousness on a lazy sunday afternoon; but you were fast and slick under the december snowfall, i could never quite meet your dark blue eyes before they flashed to something else, another frozen pond, another drifting mist between the mountains; you were a symphony that never began but somehow, i felt you end in the spaces between my tendons, in the puddles in the center of my irises, in the hollows echoing between my heartbeats every night before i wept you heard a bluejay's song clashing against your symphonic orchestra but you enjoyed it; the bites, the vanilla breath, and the carcinogen plastic hearts illuminating more burnt and sour tastes because it was a music that made the floor rumble but it never pierced your heart

i guess that's why i'm saying good-bye

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