With just those words, foster mother Bonna Williamson started her lifelong commitment to fostering. Ten years ago, Williamson was approached by a social worker who came to her with a heart-rending story of a premature newborn baby girl, Myah, in need of a temporary place to call home.
“Bring her to us,” Williamson told the social worker – and within months, she and her family underwent a mission to help out any child in need, a mission that has led her to foster over 50 children over a ten year span.
“Our family just stepped up and did what I believe anyone should do,” Williamson said. “It’s impossible to say ‘no’ when that call comes to you (from a social worker) and you know there is a child in need on the other end of the line.”
Williamson has fostered infants to teenagers, some for merely hours and some for years. She attributes her lengthy and successful career as a foster mother to what she considers a somewhat unconventional approach to fostering.
“I guess tough love is what my family has had to show,” Williamson said. She further explains, “many foster parents think that showering kids who may not have had ‘enough’ with plenty of premature “I love you's’ and material things will make them feel loved, and that’s not necessarily true.”
Curfews and groundings, earning ‘privileges’, knowing how to say no -- as someone who considers herself more stringent than other foster parents, Williamson admits that the most rewarding part of fostering is having the children later recognize her dedication to them.
“Sitting in as a ‘mom’ at the graduation of a teen who probably wouldn’t have graduated otherwise, dressing them up for prom – rewarding moments as a foster parents are sometimes not felt until later,” Williamson said. “The letter you get in the mail several years after they leave that says, ‘thanks, I didn’t realize what you were trying to do at the time,’ is worth it.
While Williamson has fostered over 50 children, she has only adopted one; Myah. She is often asked why she has not permanently kept more of the children she hosts, to which she explains, “The thought process of ‘I could never do that (fostering) and then give the kids up’ is not always true,” she said. “We have to look at our homes as stepping stones in the life of a child sometimes. Our home might not be the ultimate placement for one reason or another but we can still play a part for that 'season' in their lives. That need for that child to move on does not mean failure on the part of the foster parents.”
While Williamson made what she calls “a very difficult, but necessary” decision to resign as a foster parent, last year, she wholeheartedly encourages those interested in the fostering process, even those with reservations, to reach out to their local DSS to learn more about how they can get involved.
“We have always presented our home as a “safe haven” for the children here,” Williamson said. “I put myself into every child, and while it takes a toll on you – it’s the toughest job you’ll ever love.”
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Portsmouth Couple Have Welcomed 24 Children Into Their Home
It took only four days for Jennifer and Anthony Thompson to realize that their lives would forever be changed. In 2008, at only 4 days old, they fostered and then adopted a baby girl, Taylor. Taylor’s adoption inspired the Thompson family to become the foster parents of 24 children from all over the state over the course of eight years.
"Our family loved the idea of welcoming children into our home,” Jennifer said. "We have had children in our home for as few as a few hours to as long as a lifetime… I think that having children in your home is like having beautiful flowers -- there can never be too many.”
In efforts to build their family, the Thompsons called their local Department of Social Services, in Portsmouth, where they learned that over 400 children in Portsmouth alone were looking to be adopted. After completing the Parent Resources for Information Development and Education, or PRIDE, program, the couple received a certification to legally foster and adopt a child in the state of Virginia. Within the past eight years, the couple has not only welcomed 24 children into their home, but also adopted three of the children; Taylor, Alexander and Gideon.
Since then, the past eight years for the Thompsons have been filled with trips to Disney World, the beach and Gymboree. Jennifer has taken children on trips to the salon and to sporting events. Fostering two dozen children, Jennifer aspires to create a loving environment for every child who walks through her door.
"I want to create wonderful memories and relationships with these children that will last a lifetime,” she said. "Going into foster care, most children are initially so confused and frightened – we want to be their safe place. We’re able to give them (the children) the gift of love, and this is the most rewarding experience of foster parenting.”
Through the experience, the Thompsons have noted changes in nearly every child they welcomed through their door. "We can immediately notice the love in their eyes,” Jennifer said. "They just want to be cherished like you and me. I have watched these children go from shameful to confident, and it was love that did that.”
The Thompsons urge those with hesitations about fostering children to consider the importance of love and guidance in a child’s life. "There may be behaviors in some children that are less than desirable, but with the support of a foster family, those behaviors can change,” Jennifer said. "As foster parents, we have the unique opportunity to give them the gift of a loving family. They are not just foster children, they are our children.”
While the Thompsons have opened their home to many children, they believed the children have opened their hearts and their minds as parents.
"I am often told we are such a blessing to the children we foster. I often have to correct people – these precious children are the greatest blessing to us,” Jennifer said. "The most surprising thing about being a foster parent is you never knew you could love so much. We may have to set extra plates at the dinner table, but we adore these children and get so excited when we have another new child to cherish.”
The Thompsons proudly advocate for fostering and adoption, and often encourage members in the community to look into fostering or mentoring children in need.
"I grew up not really knowing anyone in foster care and not understanding the process at all," Jennifer admits. "There are so many ways to get involved in these children’s lives. I hope our story at least inspires others to learn more about foster care and adoption -- I can guarantee you there are never enough advocates for children in the foster care system. Just remember – to the world you might be one person, but to one person you might just be the world”
The state Department of Social Services is investigating whether a day care center ran afoul of state regulations by operating in a church that has a twice-convicted sex offender on staff. Mike Ellis, the pastor of Bethany Baptist Church, says the 49-year-old Chesapeake man works with a men's ministry and does not have contact with children. "If I didn't trust him completely, then he wouldn't be on staff," Ellis said Wednesday. "I don't want anybody to be afraid, and I don't want anybody to think that we're hiding what we do." Ellis said Thursday that at the suggestion of the man's probation officer, his office was being moved off-site. Joron Planter, a spokeswoman for the state Department of Social Services, said the state could not elaborate on the investigation, which was launched after an inquiry from The Virginian-Pilot. According to the state's online list of day care centers, Bethany's child care program has a religious exemption from licensing. The program is subject to some state regulation.
