"i'm sorry" are two words you never have to say to me.
she'd gone out on her own, longer than usual. alone, with no word to anyone about where she'd gone, what she was doing, whether or not she even had her wits about her in the process (news flash: she didn't) - eliza is a creature of pure impulse. act first, think later. she's all heart with little of her own sanity left to heed. as she returns to camp, a bit worse for wear and with only a handful of pickpocketed thievery to offer, she starts in on the apologies with dutch. sorry that she couldn't do more, sorry that she can't yet earn her proper share, sorry, sorry, sorry - …
… he insists that she needn't apologize to him - not now, not ever.
it silences her, mid-sentence and mid-syllable, where she stands. instinctually, eliza sets her jaw on edge and turns her chin away from the man to keep overwhelming emotions from splaying obviously across her features. intuitively, she knows she doesn't have to - she's safe here. unfortunately, she's lost too much to eradicate all learned wariness from her heart just yet. what's it going to take for her to level and quit relenting against this newfound family of hers? she wishes it were that simple.
she wonders if it'll ever get easier - the fear of losing all this safety, all these people, all this love all over again. (in truth, eliza doesn't know if she could survive it a second time over.)
only after a lengthy pause and the sound of her hummingbird heartbeat filling the space between them does eliza envelop dutch in a tight hug; if he won't let her apologize, explain why this is all so difficult for her - this is the best she can do. a physical gesture of sincerity that poises thankfulness beyond words: she’d like to stay in his arms for a while.
* MEME, still accepting / @vderlinde 🤍
