#variable length crawl

Now you have enough money, you hope. Choose from the options below to buy your pet, and do so! Bear in mind you can only buy one at this stage, and you can’t go in debt. What you got is what you got. While you’re going to get your pet, write 200 words .

Mouse: A mouse costs you one penny. Mice are kind of cute, right?

Rat: Rats are nice, but a bit bigger than mice. They cost two pennies. Also, write 10 words .

Rabbit: Three pennies for a rabbit. They are nice and quiet, aren’t they? They won’t make noises.

Toad: Toads just sit there and do nothing except croak and run away occasionally. They are three pennies.

Spider: It’d be less, but it’s a fairly rare spider, you know. Five pennies for a spider.

Cat: Cats are kinda nice; not too big. Five pennies to buy a cat.

Dog: Dogs require more space, right? Write 25 words to check you have enough. Dogs are six pennies.

Fox: Foxes have lovely bushy tails. They’re six pennies, and fairly low-maintenance.

Owl: Owls can fly, meaning that they are special. Eight pennies an owl!

Parrot: Parrots can fly and talk. Parrots are nine pennies.

Kangaroo: These eleven penny beauties are native to Australia. Are you? If you are not born in Australia, write for five minutes as they ship your kangaroo over. If you are now in Australia, but haven’t been born there, write for two minutes . An Australian native, who’s still in Australia, must write 30 words .

Unicorn: Now we’re talking! You’d better have been a fast writer to write enough for the wonderful Unicorn. Each unicorn is thirty-five pennies.

Dragon: Dragons are great. They breathe fire. If you’re such a pyromaniac as to want them, write 50 words to fire-proof your house, and pay the required forty pennies.

Can’t buy a pet? Write 40 words . Then, do a word war for fifteen minutes with someone else doing the crawl who’s bought a pet. The winner takes half the loser’s pennies, rounded down (7 pennies means winner gets 3 and loser 4). Now start this step again. If you can’t still buy a pet (ie you wrote less than 100 words originally then lost the war), start again.

Now that you’ve obtained your pet, it’s time to find it a cage! Everything except dragons, unicorns and dogs need a small cage; these three require large cages. For them, double the word counts required, and the times as well. Write 500 words in fifteen minutes as you search for a cage.

If you succeeded: Yay! You found a cage the very first shop you looked. Write for twenty minutes as you take it home to your pet.

If you failed: You can’t find a cage. Either try again, or make your own. Write 300 words as you do this. If it took you more than 10 minutes, write another 300 words .

All right. Everything set… right? …wrong. Your pet requires food, remember? Write 30 words as you go to the pet food shop. Now, while looking at all those foods, write 400 words in ten minutes as you figure out which is the best.

If you succeeded: You ask someone to help. You promptly buy the best (and cheapest) of the foods. It is Good4Pets . You thank them by giving them one penny.

If you failed: You aren’t sure what to buy. Use two pennies to purchase pet food (if you have not got two pennies, you must earn some money — write for fifteen minutes and then calculate how many pennies you have. But there’s a snag. You’ll only get half the pennies you did last time. So, on writing 400, you would obtain the two pennies you need.)

Also, write for twenty minutes as you decide. In the end, you buy Higgins’ Yummy Pet Food .

Now you get home. Write for five minutes as you play with your pet and start to bond with them.

Food time! You read the instructions on the label, and give your pet a certain amount of food.

If you purchased Good4Pets : Your pet loves this! They really want more. However, you refuse to give them any more until you have written 200 words . If you don’t do this in under five minutes , your pet becomes ill.

If you purchased Higgins’ Yummy Pet Food : Your pet turns up their nose at it. If they’re a Spider, they bite you. Write for five minutes as you try to stop the pain. Then you must convince your pet to eat it, writing for one minute as you do so. If you write more than 30 words , they finally start eating. If not, they fall ill.

Is your pet ill? If so, don’t skip this step! If you managed to give them a good amount of food, they’re in the pink of health. Skip this step.

It’s vet time! Select your pet to find out what happens at the vet — or even if you get there.

Cat: Cat is not liking this. Poor dear thing. But you only take five minutes of writing and one penny of treats to convince them to — if you wrote at least 50 words in that five minutes . If not, no vet. (you have to provide one penny).

Mouse: Mouse is running everywhere. You write for ten minutes in an attempt to catch them. However, if you didn’t write 100 words in that time, you can’t catch them. Although you acquire one penny by not taking them to the vet, your mouse is soon worse. Poor little thing.

Rabbit: It’s nice and easy, if you’re quick enough, to take Rabbit to the vet. Write 40 words in two minutes as you attempt to catch them . If that worked, write for five minutes on your way to the vet. If it didn’t, write 100 words in consternation as you monitor your rabbit’s health.

Dog: Dog is big and friendly. It only takes three minutes of writing to get it into your car. If you didn’t get at least 100 words , the dog doesn’t go into the car, and you can’t vet it.

Rat: Small, mean things, rats are. This rat manages to look cute enough that you leave a small place for it to escape… f ix up an obvious, easy plothole to fix, then write 200 words in five minutes to take them to the vet. Once again, like everything else, if you fail, you can’t take ‘em.

Fox: Rusty red fox… turns out his teeth are kind of sharp. Bandage the wound you recieved with one penny worth of bandages. Don’t have one penny? Can’t go to the vet. To obtain this required money (or if you just want another penny) write 20 words in one minute . Repeat this until you can do it.

Toad: Your cute little toad gets lost in the car. You’re late for your appointment. Oops. Write 250 words in five minutes to convince them to be nice and give you one.

Owl: Owl flies all over the car. Woohoo. If you can write 100 words in five minutes , including an animal therein, you manage to cage it and take it to the vet.

Parrot: Parrots are beautiful. However, on your way to the vet it gets scared and, well, your car’s kind of dirty. Clean it up by writing 500 words in fifteen minutes or you miss your appointment.

Kangaroo: Ah, the smells of eucalyptus leaves! Write for five minutes and include some smell while you attempt to catch this bounding creature. If you made over 100 words , you catch it. If not, you don’t. While going to the vet (or staying at home disconsolate) write 100 words.

Spider: Write 200 words in ten minutes while you catch them. Can’t do it? Can’t go to the vet.

Unicorn: Unicorn has a sharp horn. Ouch. Write for five minutes as you bandage yourself up. Then, word war for fifteen minutes with somebody. The winner was able to take their animal to the vet. The loser couldn’t. (Let me suggest, you who lost, to try against someone else next time, you can do this  )

Dragon: Oops. Why on earth did you get a dragon?! Write 1000 words in twenty-five minutes or get scorched and give up!

Running out of money, huh? Not surprising. So, you go to work for one hour . Then, using the original key, work out how many pennies you have.

If you obtained over 30: Great, take another two extra. The boss is pleased.

If you obtained under 30, but over 3: That’s nice. Take one penny extra!

If you obtained under 3: Oh dear. Take a break for ten minutes before repeating this step.

Did your pet make it to the vet? If the answer is yes, write 300 words in relief. If the answer is no, write 200 words and then go back to the vet (two steps earlier). However, you must skip the penny-making step — it’s not fair that just because you didn’t do this that you obtain more pennies. (Note that this has the potential for a never-ending cycle. If this happens again, just finish off on this step. In other words, if on your second try you fail to take them to the pet, your animal has died .)

Now that your pet is all healthy again, it’s time to be thinking about your dear pet’s name. You’ve already got one, right? Yes? Or no? If you already have one, write 50 words extolling the beauty and fittingness of its name. But if you don’t have a name for your pet, pick one by writing 100 words in discussion of what the name should be.

If your pet’s name is more than 5 characters, and for every special character (e.g. a space, full stop, number etc.) please write 100 words . If you have a dragon or a unicorn, they need impressive names, and so you must write 30 words extra .

If your pet’s name is shorter than that, you ought to write 50 words while you try and teach it its name.

Poor thing. You think it’s lonely. Bond (write) for 15 minutes . If you managed to get 400 words , that’s great! Your pet’s bonded beautifully. If not, try again twice more. (If after three attempts total you cannot write 400 words in 15 minutes, halve the number of words. If this still does not work, your pet does not bond with you. You must immediately pay five pennies to pay someone to be its friend. Don’t have five pennies? Your poor little pet is very lonely, and you must take it to the vet again, going to the ‘vet’ step.)

Oh, boy, these animals! They require food all the time, don’t they?! Find your pet to find how much they need.

If you purchased Good4Pets, the animal likes it. It only takes 100 words in five minutes to convince them to eat. Repeat until you get it.

If you purchased Higgins’ Yummy Pet Food, the pet is ill. However, you can nurse them through with a hasty 400 words in fifteen minutes. Then, as they recuperate, write their number (see second step) times 100 of words .

But food isn’t all. More bills are starting to come in, and unless you want to pay 5 pennies for the food bill, it’s down to working! Write 20 words in one minute or pay the pennies. No pennies? Write 30 words in two minutes . If you cannot write this, your pet has died .

Work, work, work. Write for one hour as you try to earn some more money. Use the original key to determine how much money you obtain.

If you obtained 50+: Hide it. If, however, you’re willing to give all your pennies away just for the next step, you may double the number of pennies you have. Sure you want no pennies next step? Might be risky…

If you obtained between 30 and 50: A friend in hard straits asks you for some money. You are delighted to give them 3 pennies.

If you obtained between 10 and 30: You’re still quite rich. You put this money in the bank, and earn 1 penny interest.

If you obtained between 5 and 10: Don’t bank it. You might lose out on it. Instead, hide it. If, however, you’re willing to give all those pennies you just got away just for the next step, you may double the number of pennies you have.

If you obtained between 2 and 5: Your pet looks kind of underfed (it’s not, but it looks it). Your kind-hearted friend offers to let you earn 10 pennies by writing 40 words in ten minutes, or else, if you can’t do that, to give you 5 pennies instead.

If you obtained 0 or 1 penny: You’re given a job in the binary department, paying you 2 pennies.

It’s that time of year again. Time to get out the holiday decorations! However, that lovely pet is getting in the way a bit. Keep him/her around, getting in the way, or send them to the petsitter?

If you kept them around: The job that you were doing would’ve taken a lot less time without them there. Sprint for five minutes as you attempt to make up the time. Next, they knock something glass off. Clean the glass up for five minutes and write no less than 100 words, or else pay one penny. No pennies to pay/don’t want to pay them? You are annoyed with your animal, and to prove it, ignore it for a short while, in fact twenty minutes, during which you angrily write 500 words about the stupidity of your pet. Can’t write that much? Pay two pennies. If you don’t have two pennies to pay, and can’t write 200 words in fifteen minutes, your pet has died.

If you sent them to the pet-sitter: Ahh, peace and quiet. Especially from the rattling of your wallet. You have to pay 4 pennies for the pet-sitter, and if you can’t afford it, you must keep them around. But if you can, ahh, peace and quiet… While enjoying this, write 200 contented and peaceful words.

Feed me! Write 500 words as your pet now requires some more food.

Earn 4 pennies by writing 400 words in fifteen minutes. If you can’t, well, that’s fine, but have a crack at it. Every penny counts, you know!

Your pet is getting a tiny bit neglected here. Write for 5 minutes as you spend quality time with the poor thing.

Your friend wants to know how your pet is going. However, the form of communication you are using charges for every letter. Write as many words as there are in your pet’s name and species x 10. (For example, ‘Hoppy, toad’ would be 90 words as you do not include punctuation or spaces, unless it is part of the pet’s actual name, like Mrs. Hoppy (total 10 letters)

You want a photograph of your pet. So beautiful! If your pet is a colour,

write that number of words for its colour

. If it’s more than one colour (e.g. striped) add the numbers together:

Green: 10

Blue: 11

Yellow: 16

Purple: 50

Red: 40

Orange: 70

White: 100

Black: 2

A mixture of all of them: 250

Not mentioned: 200

You want lots of little animals, huh? Well, is your pet a boy or a girl?

Boy: Write 50 words.

Girl: Write 50 words.

Don’t know: Write 100 words, and decide!

So… find your dear pet a friend. If you have to find a male animal, write 200 words in 5 minutes. If you have to find a female animal, write 100 words in 2 minutes 30 seconds. If you fail with either… sorry… you didn’t find a mate for your pet. They’re lonely! Write 300 words in 10 minutes as you console your pet, and try again. Didn’t make it a second time? Pet is ill. Sorry… go back to the vet step, and lose half your pennies.

Yay, they’ve got a friend!! … However you must buy said friend. Write for one hour to earn the pennies required. Regretting your dragonish choice, huh?

Mouse: one penny

Rat: two pennies

Rabbit: three pennies

Toad: three pennies

Spider: five pennies

Cat: five pennies

Dog: six pennies

Fox: six pennies

Owl: eight pennies

Parrot: nine pennies

Kangaroo: eleven pennies

Unicorn: thirty-five pennies

Dragon: forty pennies Not enough pennies to buy your animal? Write 1000 words and repeat this step. If you need to, however, once you have enough to buy your pet you must lose all your pennies except two, however many you’d just had (ie if you had thirty nine and needed forty, and made it up to a total of eighty-three, you’d effectively be paying 81 for your 40-penny-worth dragon) Give your pet’s mate a name and colour (gender and species are obvious, given that one is the opposite, the other the same, as your original pet)

Your female pet is looking fatter than before. Seems it worked. While you wait for her to give birth, write for 5 minutes. Entertain the male by taking him for a walk while you write 50 words, and buying him one penny worth of animal treats. If the male was your original pet, write 250 words in five minutes. Failed? All your pets have died.

How many children does she have? No need for names, just numbers. Write 10 times the number of children in the litter. (ie if there were 10 in the litter, write 100 words) Then, write 100 words in 2:30 for each one. Each time you fail, one of them dies. Write 10 words for each baby animal that died. None of the children survived? Sad, that is. Write 100 words to console your heartbroken pet, and go back to the step where you find your pet a friend.

Well… now there are little animals underfoot. Great! So cute! However, you trip over one of them and sprain your ankle. Ouch. This means that you have to be laid up for some days. At least you got some work done… as you wrote 250 words in five minutes.

If you managed to write that much: Great! Earn one penny and take a break for five minutes.

If you failed to do so: repeat the step. If you failed three times, it meant you neglected your pets shockingly. Not only did all the little ones die, but so did the mother. You now have one male pet. If the female was your original pet, you give away the male in a burst of anger against yourself. You now have no pets. Otherwise, just keep him.

It’s come to that time… your little ones must be sold. How many did you sell? Take five pennies for each one you sold, and write 200 words per animal sold as you watch them go. Did you keep one for yourself? If so, name it and give it a colour and gender. Someone donates five pennies to help with your costs. (No little ones? None survived the last two steps? My heart bleeds. Give away the friend you bought for your pet, and repeat from the step where you find a friend. Take three pennies as you have saved on food.)

Feeding time… you may have one, you may have two, you may have three pets.

If you have under 2 pennies: You can give one penny to feed your animal/s, but that mightn’t be very good if your finances are low. Instead, go to work and write for fifteen minutes to pay for the food. Also take one penny for your work.

If you have over 2, and under 5 pennies: Write 700 words plus 5 words per pet and give one penny.

If you have over 5, and under 10 pennies: Use two pennies and write 650 words.

If you have over 10, and under 20 pennies: Write 600 words to feed your pet/s. Use two pennies.

If you have over 20 pennies: Write 500 words as you feed them. Use two pennies to do so.

Show time! D’you want to show them?

Yes: Pay one penny per pet you want to show (if you have three, you could merely show one, or two, or all three, but for each you do not want to show, go to the ‘no’ down below). Repeat the rest of the step for each one. Word war for five minutes with someone. If you win, you place. (If you lose, you don’t.) Did you get first, second, third, fourth or fifth? Write for fifteen minutes. If you got 750+, you came first. Take six pennies as prize money. If you got 600-750, you came second. Take five pennies. If you got 500-600, you came third. Take four pennies. If you got 300-500, you came fourth. Take three pennies. 0-300 came fifth. Take one penny, and write for five minutes as you prepare them for next time. However you came, write for a minute to work off your excitement.

No: Write 200 words and skip this step.

Was showing fun? Or didn’t you do it? Write 500 words in ten minutes, which will allow you to repeat the last step. Failed? Lose one penny and write the remainder + 200 words.

Write 500 words happily as you contemplate your pets.

Everyone wants holidays. Write 2000 words. Use as many of your pennies as you want to cut down the number and slack off. One penny removes 100 words. (ie using five pennies means you write 1500 words) You don’t have to use any pennies if you don’t want to.

You have to get benefits from having more pets. Take two pennies per pet you have.

Old age. The curse of kings and peasants alike. Your oldest pet (the one you got first, your original pet) is getting old. Write 300 words in five minutes as you distressingly watch them grow older. If you can’t, your pet has died.

How many pets have you? You are getting older too. Give away all your pets except your original pet, and take five pennies for each. Now, to fill your suddenly empty time, write the number of letters in all your past pets’ names times 10. (ie if you had Hoppy, Jumpy and their little child you decided to keep, Skippy, you’d have to write 150 words).

Old age sets in… go to the vet again. You don’t have to do everything after that, just do that and come back here.

Your pet is really quite old. Poor thing. As you debate whether to put it out of its misery or not, write 350 words in five minutes. If you fail, you decide to do so. Your pet has died. If you make it, the pet is better than before and seems quite happy.

Your pet is having a nap. You can’t waste the time. Therefore, find your challenge below! Mouse: Do a five minute word war. The loser must pay the winner one penny. (No penny? Write 10 words in one minute!)

Rat: Write 500 words in fifteen minutes.

Rabbit: Write 550 words in fifteen minutes.

Toad: Word war with someone for ten minutes. The winner gains one penny. You must write a minimum of 200 words in that time to qualify.

Spider: Roll a 6-sided die and multiply this number by 100 to make the number of words you write. You must write this much in a maximum of fifteen minutes.

Cat: Roll a 12-sided die and multiply the number by 100. Write that many words in the number x 2.5 minutes.

Dog: Word war for fifteen minutes. Get a minimum of 500 words.

Fox: Write 600 words in fifteen minutes.

Owl: Do a Three Digit Challenge.

Parrot: Write 650 words in fifteen minutes.

Kangaroo: Bounce your way through your word count with 500 words in fourteen minutes.

Unicorn: #1k30min

Dragon: Write 3000 words in an hour.

If you fail any challenge twice, your pet has died.

Multiply your age by 5 and write that many words! a. If your total is <125 words, receive one present! b. If your total is between 125 and 200, receive two presents! c. If your total is 200+, receive three presents!

Take the number of the month you were born and sprint for that many minutes. January - 1 February - 2 March - 3 April - 4 May - 5 June - 6 July - 7 August - 8 September - 9 October - 10 November - 11 December - 12 a. If your word count is <400, receive one birthday present! b. If your word count is between 400 and 600, receive two birthday presents! c. If your word count is 600+, receive three birthday presents!

Take the date of your birth, have a word war with someone or do a word sprint for that many minutes. a. Word War i. If the other person wins, you get one present. ii. If you win, you get two presents. b. Word Sprint i. If you write less than 600 words, get one present. ii. If you write 600 or more words, get two presents.

Take the number of letters in your first name and multiply by 100. Write that many words. a. If your word count so far is <1000, receive one present! b. If your word count is between 1000 and 1600, receive two presents! c. If your word count so far is over 1600, receive three presents.

Take the number of letters in your last name and add 5. Do a word sprint for that many minutes. a. If you wrote <400, receive one present! b. If you wrote between 400 and 500, receive two presents! c. If you wrote more than 500 words, receive three presents!

Add your birth month, day of birth, and birth year together. Write that many words! a. If the number is even, receive one present! b. If the number is odd, receive two presents!

Now, it’s time to open all those presents! For every present you have, you get to relax for one minute before you blow out the candles! i.e. One present = one minute Five presents = five minutes

Time to blow out the candles! Take your age and write one sentence for each year. If you are 24 years old, you would write 24 sentences. If you are 45 years old, you would write 45 sentences.

Some paths are different, longer or shorter than others.

After Video 1, word war for ten minutes.

After Video 2,fifteen minute word war.

After Video 3, try for a Fifty Headed Hydra (whoever gets closest wins).

After Video 4, word war for ten minutes.

After Video 5, have a cup of tea and listen to some music. The winner is whoever writes the most during the song.

After Video 6, word war for fifteen minutes.

After Video 7, write to the nearest thousand. Whoever had to write most gets to pick.

After Video 8, word war for five minutes.

After Video 9, word war. Ten minutes.

After Video 10, find yourself in the cave of the word eater, feed it or battle it. Then do some self care.

Some definitions first, for those that do not know:

Card definitions:

Rank card - the number on the card or King, Qeen, Jack, Ace

Suits - clubs, hearts, diamonds, spades

Aces can rank below 2 or above King, but not both in the same hand

5-of-a-kind: Four of the same rank card with a wild card (usually the Joker) – 5,5,5,5,Joker

Straight flush: Five cards of the same suit and in order – 10,9,8,7,6 All clubs

4-of-a-kind: Four of the same rank card and one extra - 9,9,9,9,3

Full house: Three of a kind and two of a kind - 6,6,6,2,2

Flush: Cards all the same suit – all hearts

Straight: Five cards in order, but not of same suit – 6 of hearts, 5 of diamonds, 4 of spades, 3 of clubs, 2 of diamonds

3-of-a-kind: Three of the same rank card – K,K,K,8,2

2 pairs: Two sets of two cards with same rank – Q,Q,7,7,A

1 pair: Two cards of the same rank – J,J,10,4,3

High card: Five cards not of same rank and not of same suit – A of clubs, 7 of spades, 5 of diamonds, 3 of hearts, 2 of clubs

If you get this hand, write this many words:

5-of-a-kind – 750

Straight – 500

4-of-a-kind – 400

Full house – 300

Flush – 250

Straight – 200

3-of-a-kind – 150

2 pairs – 100

1 pair – 75

High card – 50

If you have your own favorite poker variant, feel free to play that way. This is just to help people get their word counts up while having a little fun. Happy writing!

If there’s demand for it, I’ll post more of these, based on the rest of the story. Subsequent parts of the crawl, when posted, will be linked in a reply comment to this post. Please don’t directly reply to the subcomment as it will prevent me from editing it

Your result from the first challenge will tell you which character you are. Only do the challenges associated with your character, unless you’re really bored!

Some challenges require dice; I recommend random.org 3 as a slightly less satisfying substitute.

Some challenges can be ‘failed’; failing a challenge provides you with a prompt that you must write into your next scene .

Prologue. You are on a ranging with the Night’s Watch, sent out to track nearby wildlings… but something has gone very wrong. Write for ten minutes while you hide in a tree, watching your comrades die.

If you wrote less than 200 words , you are a moody Northern bastard known as Jon Snow.

If you wrote between 201 and 400 words, you are a refugee princess called Daenerys Targaryen.

If you wrote more than 401 words , you are maligned highborn dwarf Tyrion Lannister.

Jon Snow

Your noble family is hosting the king’s entourage at dinner, but because you’re a bastard you’re not allowed to sit with them. Write 200 words in ten minutes to get the rage out of your system.

If Jon fails: the next scene you write should contain a dog, or characters talking about dogs.

You’ve made it to the Wall, but apparently you’re not allowed any adventure yet. “A man gets what he earns”; well, show your worth by making it to the next round thousand-word mark .

You’re named a steward, to your disappointment, but it does mean you’ll be working closely with the Old Bear himself. Show him you’re not afraid of hard work – roll a 6-sided die . Write at your own pace for five times as many minutes.

Jeor Mormont has brought you terrible news: your father has been executed as a traitor. You try to escape, but you barely make it to 500 words in half an hour before your comrades drag you back to Castle Black.

If Jon fails: the next scene you write should include a betrayal, or a reference to betrayal.

Daenerys Targaryen

You’re unlucky enough to be a thirteen-year-old girl whose creepy brother considers her a commodity to be traded for a crown. Do the Three Digit Challenge as you attempt to ignore his weird, weird comments.

Life’s not been kind to you so far, but you’re settling well into Dothraki culture and, even though you’re a woman, you’re commanding a lot more respect than your brother ever could. You’re even becoming fluent in the language: write 200 words in five minutes to show your command of the Dothraki tongue.

If Dany fails : the next scene you write should include a reference to a foreign language.

Your brother drunkenly threatens you and your unborn child, which is a problem for your husband. Write 1000 words in half an hour as you try to deal with what you just saw.

If Dany fails : kill a character, however minor, off in your next scene.

Things were looking up, but now you’ve suffered a miscarriage and had to perform a coup de grace on your sun-and-stars. However, only death can pay for life… write 100 words for each day in November so far.

Tyrion Lannister

You’re on a visit to the Wall, for largely urinary purposes. Your companion asks why you’re reading on the journey; perhaps a fifty-headed hydra will show them the benefit of a sharp mind. Attempt to write five hundred words in five minutes without ANY corrections or backspaces. Typos mandatory.

If Tyrion fails: the next scene you write should include books or reading.

Anticipating a nice rest, you’re instead accosted by a woman you’ve barely met and accused of trying to kill her son. It’s a long way to… wait, this isn’t the way to Winterfell! Talk your way out of execution by writing 2000 words in an hour.

If Tyrion fails: the next scene you write should include imprisonment or captivity, or a reference to these.

You’re finally allowed to leave the Vale, but you have to take the highroad. You’re ambushed by mountain clans, but perhaps you can win them over by writing until your word count is a palindrome (e.g. 31313, 5555, 929).

You join your father on the battlefield, bringing your army of clansmen with you. He agrees to reward them for saving you, but only on the condition that you write 1000 words in fifteen minutes! … oh, and lead the vanguard into a losing battle.

Hello there, and welcome to the Novel Cafe! (Not creative on names, I know.) Anyways, let’s sit down and take an order.

First, let’s start with some appetizers and a drink. Get a small packaged snack from your pantry/convenient location near you and write a word for every piece consumed. i.e. Goldfish, Cheez-its, Chex mix, etc. If you don’t feel like eating write now, then write fifty words. Very simple to start out with.

Now for a drink. If you prefer water, write at least 100 words. If you prefer juice/lemonade/milk, write at least 200 words. If you prefer something not already mentioned, write at least 300 words.

Alright, now we’ve let that settle. And now our salad has arrived! Do a fifteen-minute sprint as you chomp down on some greens.

Time for our main course. This is the most intense part of the crawl–but hey, the middle is hard to get through! Hopefully you can stomach it all… Pick one entree and at least one side. ENTREES Write for forty-five minutes. Try and reach these goals below of the entree of your choice. CHICKEN–700 words PORK-- 725 words STEAK-- 750 words VEGETARIAN OPTION-- 775 words If you did not reach these goals in forty-five minutes, then you’ve started to feel sick! Quick, rush to the bathroom and (word) vomit. If you picked CHICKEN, then write for ten more minutes. If you picked PORK, then write for twelve more minutes. If you picked STEAK or VEGETARIAN OPTION, write for fifteen more minutes. Hopefully you’re feeling better, or else you might have to do this all again! (aka do the vomit exercise again until you’ve reached your goal.)

SIDES Find someone to do a word-war with for a quick ten minutes. Try and reach the side’s goal of your choice. If you choose more than one side, do more than one word war. FRESH FRUIT–pass 60 words. FRENCH FRIES–pass 100. GARLIC BREAD–pass 125. If you like none of these and would like a SPECIAL REQUEST–pass 175.

Mmph, that was a lot of food! But to polish off our meal, let’s add a dessert. Of ice cream! For every scoop you’d like, write 50 words.

Step 1. You have journeyed long and are hot, tired, and thirsty, though you have traveled through the night and it is just now sunrise. You gaze back over the distance you have come, the rolling hills, grass arid and dry in the summer heat, clusters of green trees. At your feet, there is a small spring with sparkling, fresh water. You cup your hands and drink, then fill the vessel and refresh the large bundle of flowers you have carried with you. You enter the temple, leaving your pack and shoes outside the door, and find an altar where you place the flowers and pour the water in a hollow carved into the stone surface. “Make my offering worthy,” you ask. “Guide me in my creation.”

Where has your story meandered until now? What main themes have you carried forward? Which ideas or characters or subplots need to be dropped to advance your plot better? Which ones need to be intensified and expanded? Analyzing the changes to make and direction to take, brainstorm for your chosen unit of words or time.

Step 2. You move from the cool interior of the temple outside to a platform holding a statue of the first muse, Kalliope [Calliope] - Epic Poetry. From time immemorial, since Homer wrote the Iliad and the Odyssey, the long form of poetry, the epic, the novel has captivated us. Rosy-fingered dawn touches the statue of Kallipoe, illuminating her writing tablet and stylus, spreading her wisdom to your story. Write without stopping some of those scenes you analyzed and planned in step one, building your epic—sprint for your designated unit of words or time.

Step 3. Next you move to the statue of Kleio [Clio] – History. Her face is grave beneath her laurel wreath as she gazes down upon you. Every story has a setting in time as well as place, whether real or imagined. In what period does yours take place? Have you fully mined the richness of your story’s time? If in the past, did you bring in everything you intended from the story’s history that would advance its themes? If in the present, are there current events that have a bearing on your characters’ state of mind, the choices they make? If in the future, have you thoroughly imagined the aspects of civilization’s development—or downfall—that give your story its direction? If an imagined world of fantasy or fiction, have you created a rich enough past to anchor your story and make it feel real? Brainstorm and write scenes using the inspiration of Kleio for your designated unit of words or time.

Step 4, Melpomene – Tragedy. Replenishing your water at the spring once more, for the sun is rising higher in the sky, you hike through the valley until you reach the theater. Ancient marble seats form the first rows, while the slope of the mountain rises behind to accommodate more spectators for drama that might go on all day. The sun has moved overhead, and Phoebus now begins his descent.

You gaze down at the circle of the theater, imagining the works of Euripides, Sophocles, and Aeschylus, the catharsis for spectators weeping for Iphigenia, for Antigone. To capture the hearts of your readers, your story must draw on the power of Melpone, with riveting dialogue, tight plotting, and rousing action. She wears a mask of tragedy but also boots, and she carries a sword or a club! Take a moment to read or watch a scene of a favorite play or movie that is inspirational in some way to your story. Make the next scenes you write as strong as a tragedy, and sprint for your chosen unit of words or time.

Step 5, Euterpe – Music, song, and lyric poetry. Sitting on the cool marble stone, you seem to hear distant pipes and timbrels. The spirit of Euterpe, blowing on her aulos, brushes softly against you. So much of writing is conscious, analytical, subject to planning, outlining, and editing—but stories also need the pure, unconscious inspiration of music. For your next scenes, pick a CD or playlist you love, or go to the Take a Song, Leave a Song or Song Chain Threads, and find a musical backdrop to sprint to for your designated unit of words or time.

Step 6, Erato – Love poetry. The sun is sinking now and rosy hues of sunset start to tinge the sky. Most of our stories have love of some kind—romantic, erotic, familial, friendship—or ecstasies and deliriums that share in love’s transport. Pick some favorite erotic or romantic poetry—Keats, e.e. cummings, Sappho, Sylvia Plath, Walt Whitman? Read a few poems. Without analyzing too much, turn to scenes between lovers or other scenes of love or ecstasy in your story, and write freely for your chosen unit of words or time.

Step 7, Terpsikhore [Terpsichore] – Dance. You gaze down at the level circular center of the stage, the “orchestra” or “dancing place.” You can see Terpsikhore playing her lyre as she dances, leading a throng of happy celebrants in a wild, Dionysian dance! Writing is so sedentary and so solitary—don’t forget your body! Take a break, put on some favorite music, and dance as long as you like, till your breathing climbs, your heart pounds, your blood flows to your brain, and your energy is recharged.

Step 8, Ourania [Urania] – Astronomy. While you were dancing the evening away, the sun went to bed, and the moon and stars rose in the sky. In this wild setting far from any urban lights, you see vividly overhead the constellations, one of our early attempts to find patterns and make stories from the observed phenomena of nature. Cassopeia, Orion, Gemini wheel overhead.

Ourania holds a globe and a compass, showing our early attempts to make sense of celestial bodies, while later observers created increasingly sophisticated tools to discover the nature of the cosmos. Take a moment to think about scientific or mythological components of your story, perhaps some that treat our place in the universe or on this planet. Here’s a link to Greek myths and constellations:

Now write for your designated unit of words or time.

Step 9, Thaleia – Comedy. Gazing down into the theater, you see Thaleia cavorting with all kinds of shady and silly characters, drunks and satyrs and fauns and a man with a donkey’s head (hmm!) until a shepherd’s crook appears to pull them offstage. Stories need more than one mood or tone.

If your story is a comedy, you have already drawn on the inspiration of Thaleia and followed in the footsteps of Aristophanes. Think about which works, which artists, authors or comedians, made you want to pick this format for your story. What did you admire about their comedy? Is it just for the cathartic escape of laughter, which is certainly a worthy enough goal in itself? Or do you like comedy with a message, which uses humor to say things that might be too preachy or didactic or hostile in another format? Is your story meeting its full potential in this regard?

If your story is not a comedy, remember that we need all kinds of flavors and tones in our stories to maintain audience interest. An unrelieved tragedy or long, serious essay can be hard to tolerate, and the most devastating scenes have more impact if they are surrounded by moments of relief. Think about places your story could use humorous moments, even in conjunction with moments of great sorrow, anger, or fear. Write scenes employing humor, comic relief, satire, etc. for your chosen unit of words or time.

Step 10, Polymnia/ Polyhymnia – Hymns. Under the starry skies and the full moon shining down to guide you, you make your way back over the rocky hillside to the temple of the muses. An oil lamp and candles now burn on the altar. Someone has arranged the flowers you brought into two lovely urns, and in a little room off to the side, you see rushes and blankets laid down on the floor, and another welcoming candle burning for you, the traveler, the visitor.

Polyhymnia’s statue is near the altar, decorated with a real veil and a bunch of grapes laid at her feet. Hymns express the voice of humans reaching and yearning towards something greater than ourselves—god or gods, spirit, community—and revering and celebrating this mystery. Your story is or someday may be your offering to the community. Is there a higher purpose your story serves or that characters in your story serve? Are there forces beyond the characters that direct their lives? Does your story celebrate in some way the beauty of creation, the mystery of human existence, the miracle and majesty of god or nature? If your story was a hymn to the things that matter most to you, what would it say? Write for your chosen unit of words or time.

Step 11. You enter the little room that has been prepared for you by unseen hands. As we strive to give in our creation and to our fellow writers, so do we also receive gifts of encouragement, support, and inspiration. Think about all the other people and books whose gifts brought you to this place, who inspired you when you were younger or today, who supported your creativity, gave you time and space and encouragement, who gave you—gave all of us—incredible books and plays and films, shows, even little clips online. Take a moment to enjoy some of your inspirations and then write freely on your own project, in any way you desire, for your chosen unit of words or time.

< 200 = Jayne or Zoe 200-299 = Kaylee or Wash 300-399 = Simon or Book 400-499 = Inara 500-599 = Mal 600+ = River, cause she’s a genius you know

Serenity, Part I River - skip ahead Mal - write for 20 minutes until you learn that backup isn’t coming Inara - skip ahead Simon - write for 10 minutes while you try to hide your secret Book - write for 10 minutes to record your thoughts about this odd collection of people Kaylee - write for 7 minutes about the wonderful taste of strawberries Wash - write a 7 minute play for your dinosaurs to enact Zoe - write for 5 minutes, captain’s orders Jayne - write for 3 minutes after being sent to your bunk for being you

Serenity, Part II River - write for 5 minutes while you acclimate to not being unconscious and naked Mal - write for 15 minutes while you try to get a handle on things Inara - write for 5 minutes Simon - sit tight and write for 7 minutes Book - attempting to help is nice, write for 7 minutes. Kaylee - you got shot, so take it easy and write for 5 minutes Wash - write for 10 minutes while you pull off a Crazy Ivan, you superstar pilot, you Zoe - write for 10 minutes, captain’s orders Jayne - write for 15 minutes to celebrate your incredible sniper skills

The Train Job River - write 200 while you explore the ship Mal - write 500 words about why you did the right thing in the end Inara - write 300 words while you preview potential clients Simon - write 200 words while you tend to River Book - write 200 words because really you’ve got nothing else to do Kaylee - write 150 words about how cute Dr. Tam is Wash - write 150 words about how boring it is to sit and wait all the time Zoe - write 400 words, since you had to play a major role in the job Jayne - write 100 words

Bushwhacked River - your sharp eyes pointed out the corpses, hide with your brother and take this episode off Mal - write to the nearest 500 as you try to convince the Alliance mucky-muck to listen to you Inara - are you even in this episode? write to the nearest 500 anyway. Simon - concentrate on hiding your sister, you’ll write plenty later Book - write to the nearest 300 since you have nothing to hide Kaylee - write to the nearest 250 because you’re adorable Wash - write to the nearest 250 because you make being interrogated funny Zoe - write to the nearest 100, you are a woman of few words Jayne - write to the nearest 100 just to prove you know the alphabet

Shindig River - your stellar performance provides a brilliant diversion, sprint for 15 minutes Mal - somehow you don’t end up dead and you get the contract you wanted, attempt a Fifty Headed Hydra 9 to celebrate your daring and dashing qualities, Captain Tightpants Inara - well that was fun, wasn’t it? Do a Three Digit Challenge in honor of teaching Mal to fence (or trying to), blacklisting Atherton, and having a spot open for a new client Simon - win a few rounds of Tall Card, word war for 10 minutes Book - lose every round of Tall Card, sprint for 10 minutes Kaylee - you’re in a fancy dress and at a ball, ignore the mean girls and sprint to the nearest 500 while you charm all the gentlemen present Wash - win and lose in even amounts at Tall Card, word war for 10 minutes Zoe - ignore the game mostly in favor of watching for an opening (which you miss), word war for 5 minutes Jayne - mostly lose at Tall Card, word war for 5 minutes

Safe River - reveal your mind-reading abilities and show off your dancing, while writing to the nearest 1,000 words Mal - insist on saving River and Simon, they’re part of your crew, write to the nearest 500 Inara - write to the nearest 500 while between clients Simon - kidnapped by hill-folk, write 300 words while you try to figure out how to escape Book - you’re hurt, sit this one out Kaylee - spend so much time worrying about Simon and River that you can only write 200 words Wash - pretty nifty hovering from the best pilot in the 'verse, write 200 words as on ode to yourself Zoe - help rescue the newbies, write 150 words because that’s just what you do Jayne - write 150 words to prove you’re not a total jerk

Our Mrs. Reynolds River - you don’t do much here, so try a Fifty Headed Hydra 9 to keep you occupied Mal - duped by a bombshell, but you had that awesome “pretty floral bonnet” line, do a 15 minute word war Inara - you’re the only one to see through Saffron, do a Three Digit Challenge to celebrate that Simon - sit this one out Book - do a library crawl 7 to learn about the local customs Kaylee - help Wash fix the navigation system by writing to the nearest 200 Wash - you resisted Saffron, and you know about goose juggling, sprint for 5 minutes and then take a break Zoe - feeling you should have known Saffron was a phony, you punish yourself by writing to the nearest 500 Jayne - good thing Mal didn’t take your trade, huh? But you did some fancy shootin’ so write 100 word ode to Vera Saffron - oops, you forgot to back up your novel and now it’s lost forever #SorryNotSorry

Jaynestown River - write 400 words while fixing Book’s Bible, then take a 15 minute break to recover from seeing his hair Mal - you basically do you, so write for 15 minutes and we’ll leave it at that Inara - your influence on Fess helps a lot, write to the nearest 500 Simon - what is wrong with you? Write 350 words of poetry to Kaylee that you’ll never have the nerve (or the brains) to show her Book - you did great with River about the Bible, but that hair! Write 400 words in penance. Kaylee - It’s not your fault that Simon is so dim. Write 300 words to cheer yourself up. Wash - write 250 words about the crappy town where you’re a hero Zoe - write 200 words, captain’s orders Jayne - 500 words from the Hero of Canton please

Out of Gas River - you don’t do much here, write 300 words for fun Mal - this was rough on you, take a break while you sing your show’s theme song Inara - write for 20 minutes about how to drive a hard bargain with a smuggler Simon - were you even in this episode? Eh, do a Three Digit Challenge. Book - your favorite Bible verse is probably John 3:16, so write 316 words Kaylee - of all the crew you came on board in the most interesting way, write 250 words to celebrate getting off your planet and out into the black Wash - you’re just fun all-around, aren’t you? 250 words, sir Zoe - we all know why that pilot bothers you, write 200 words of denial Jayne - you made the right choice switching crews, write 200 words to celebrate your step up

Ariel River - you’re unconscious for most of this, but do a Three Digit Challenge in your sleep 'cause you’re a genius Mal - Somehow you get everyone back safely. Do a Poker word crawl 4. Inara - you’re busy companioning, write to the nearest 500 Simon - took quite a risk for your sister and nearly got caught, which is the equivalent of a Fifty Headed Hydra 9, take a shot at that Book - sit this one out Kaylee - write to the nearest 200 words Wash - take a nap while waiting for everyone to get back, then guiltily write a quick 100 words to cover it Zoe - you’re good undercover, write 150 words Jayne - jerk, but in the end you had the sense to feel ashamed, write 500 words to prove that you’re sorry

War Stories River - you save Kaylee’s butt in a way that freaks her out, do a Library Crawl 7 to explain all the things you know (until we can get more backstory, that is) Mal - does nothing kill you? Find someone willing to do a 20 minute word war and have at it. Inara - you surprised everyone with your high-ranking official of a client, sprint for 15 minutes just because Simon - you’ve got some patching up to do, complete a Three Digit Challenge while you reattach Mal’s ear Book - a useful man in a crisis, you continually surprise so here’s a surprise for you:Fifty Headed Hydra 9, go! Kaylee - you froze, but you did give River that awesome line, word war for 10 minutes Wash - well, you didn’t break under the torture, and you helped get Mal out, so uh…5 minute word war for you Zoe - you’re the big hero this time so give yourself a break and don’t write a thing for 10 minutes Jayne - the role of enforcer comes naturally to you, sprint for 5 minutes to make up for Zoe taking a break

Trash River - you can kill a man with your brain, write to the nearest 1,000 Mal - good planning, Captain. Write to the nearest 500 Inara - nice to get the drop on Saffron, wasn’t it? Write to the nearest 500 Simon - Write 300 words about your wonderful medical ethics. Book - you saved Jayne, kind of. Write 250 words. Kaylee - you’re just cute all the time, sprint for 10 minutes Wash - for that epic first line of yours, you get to take this episode off Zoe - write 250 words, Captain’s orders. Jayne - injured, take this episode off

The Message River - your food is problematic, and so is a Fifty Headed Hydra 9. Give that another go. Mal - you pick up your strangest cargo ever, write to the nearest 1,000 Inara - you’re barely in this one, write to the nearest 500 Simon - “You’re a boob.” Write to the nearest 500 while you try to figure out how not to mess up with Kaylee. Book - way to take down the corrupt Alliance guy! Write 350 words, preacher man. Kaylee - bad luck with men, sweetie. Write 250 words in your diary about how you really need to meet some nicer guys Wash - you um…pilot the ship as usual? Write 250 words about that. Zoe - shoot Tracey to save your husband, and write 200 words about it Jayne - celebrate your cunning hat by writing to the nearest 100

Heart of Gold River - you helped deliver a baby, write 500 words about the experience Mal - you couldn’t save Nandi, but you can write to the nearest 500 Inara - you lost a friend, and decided to leave Serenity, write to the nearest 500 to say goodbye to both Simon - nice job with the delivery, Doc. Sprint for 15 minutes. Book - good work helping with the defenses, sprint for 15 minutes Kaylee - sprint for 10 minutes Wash - sprint for 10 minutes Zoe - you’re always badass, sprint for 5 minutes Jayne - you had too much fun this episode, but sprint for 5 minutes anyway

Objects in Space River - you confound the strangest bounty hunter in the 'verse and save the day, write to the nearest 1,000 Mal - your moment comes near the end but it’s an awesome moment, write 500 words Inara - you don’t do so well in this one, but write 500 words anyway Simon - you get shot in the leg, but you manage to coach Zoe through removing the bullet, write 350 words Book - I don’t really remember what you did in this, so write the same amount as Simon because you’re in the same speed class Kaylee - you respond to River’s plan even though you’re scared, write 250 words to show your awesomeness Wash - “That’s like something out of science fiction.” Write 250 words for the irony. Zoe - “We live in a space ship, dear.” Write 200 words, because duh. Jayne - write 100 words and call it a day.