#vanthiyadevan

What would she do if any one of them had not returned from war? Where would all the words, all the love and all the worry she had for all them go? Where would she put them, just like she had struggled every morning since Aditha’s death, thinking of all the things that had been left unsaid between them.

When they came back, she decided, not if they came back, she would tell her grandfather how much she admired him and how she hoped she would grow to have the same energy as him. She would tell the Periya Velar how his daughter had grown from a timid teenager into a courageous woman, who always had the right words at the tip of her tongue. She would tell her brother, that she was proud of him, that whatever decision he took she would stand by him. That her hopes and dreams for him were great, but it did not surpass her love for him.

She would tell Vandiyadevan, that she had been enamoured by him from the first time she saw him, that he had slowly wormed his way into her heart with his wit, his stories, his loyalty, his unruly curly hair that seemed to have a mind of its own, his powerful arms that she had been awestruck by when he had thrown his spear at that stuffed crocodile. That smile of his, which always seemed to come straight from his heart, she wished she could spend hours just staring him while he laughed and spoke. How distraught she had been when she heard of Kandhamaran’s accusations against him, her heart in her mouth as she had waited for news of him from Elangai. Despite having the most unshakable confidence in him, that he would return, with her brother in tow. He was after all, Aditha’s friend. When she had seen him, blindfolded, and yelling into the void, she had not told him of all the many things she felt for him, merely alluded to his promise of being hers. She would have to tell him, that she was as much a prisoner in his heart, as he was in hers. That she was the golden moon, reaching down to with all her might to touch the many arms of the mighty ocean. That she was the thunder caught in his rain clouds, loudly announcing to the world that she had found her home.

Even as all these words swirled around in Kundavai’s head, she lapsed into frenzied work, sharing administrative responsibilities with both the chief minister and the head of the fort, working from one of the balconies overlooking the entrance to Tanjai’s fort, waiting for the scraps of news that came from the front. Vanathi had waited with her, her silence a blessing to Kundavai’s fraught thoughts.

Just as they lit the many lamps on the balcony, a messenger on horseback had sped through the gates, everyone had rushed down to the entrance. Kundavai held onto Vanathi’s hand, squeezing it tight as they waited for the man to alight. Both Aniruddha Brahmarayar and Chinna Pazhuvettarayar waited with them, faces marred with worry. Pazhuvettarayar had one hand on his sword, as though waiting, to jump onto a horse and rush off to the battlefield, but he did not have to, “Victory is ours, we have had many casualties, the wounded are being treated at camp and the rest of the army has been reassigned to guard the borders. Malayamaan and Periya Velar are making their way back with Ponniyin Selvan as we speak, they should reach in a few hours, I was sent on a fast horse to deliver the news.”

Vanathi had squeezed Kundavai’s hand, sharing in her elation and the tension of her news, why had there been no news of Vallavaraiyan?

The chief minister had turned to Kundavai, “Ilaya Piratti, shall we start making preparations for their return?” What he had left unsaid was, “do what you always do, occupy yourself.”

Kundavai found her voice, “of course, will you be going to inform the Chakravarthy? I shall get the rest of the lamps in fort lit and gather the women at the entrance while the servants prepare quarters for all the returning members of the family. Vanathi, will you take care of that?” Vanathi nodded, her an encouraging smile on her face, “keep hope, akka, he will return to you,” she whispered as she walked away.

She would try. The rock that was in her chest had barely moved, despite the good news.

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From where she stood, waiting with her parents, she could see her grandfather, his horse trotting next to Velar’s. They crossed the threshold of the fort, showered with flowers and shouts of joy, the moon was bright in the sky but the fort had been lit with enough lamps that it outshone the cool light of the moon. Kundavai held her breath, behind them was her younger brother, her only brother now, a small voice at the back of her head whispered, and next to him, smiling but bloodied was the man she had kept prisoner in her heart. He had seen her, his smile had widened and her face had broken out into one too, even before she had felt the relief that surged through her.

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A cool breeze blew through the city, as Kundavai had sneaked into Vandiyadevan’s rooms, waiting for him to return from his dip in the river to wash off the grim and dust of the battle field. She stood waiting by the window, her head turning as she heard him open the door, there he was standing with his hair wet and curly from his bath, slightly shocked at seeing her in his rooms.

He rubbed his eyes as little, “I must be exhausted, I’m seeing things” he muttered.

Kundavai laughed, walking up to him and taking his hand in hers, “No, I’m really here.”

Vandiyadevan looked even more shocked, “But Devi, at this time of night, in my chambers? Has something happened? Are you alright? Let me just get my sword and armour…” he trailed off as she continued to smile at him.

“I wanted to talk to you…and to see you…properly,” she said, the last bit in a whisper.

Vandiyadevan looked down at her, her hair was in loose braid snaking its way down her neck and over her shoulder, wearing plain white skirts that he assumed she usually slept in, no jewellery except small ruby earrings and the shining diamonds of her nose pins. He took in a deep breath, taking her other hand in his, guiding her to the seat by the window, she clearly had a lot on her mind, if she had broken every rule and protocol.

They sat facing each other, Kundavai looking down at their hands, “I also wanted to apologise…”

“You have nothing to apologise for…”

“No, no, I do. I stood by silently as you were bound in chains and accused of killing my brother. I said nothing, even though I knew the truth,” she closed her eyes, hold on his hands harder as tears slipped down her cheeks

Vandiyadevan entwined their fingers, “Ilavarasi, I failed in my duty to protect your brother, and I was willing to face whatever punishment your father bestowed on me. I failed you too, I had promised that I would look after him,” his voice cracking with emotion.

Kundavai, “But I should not have asked that of you, when we both knew that Aditha was willingly walking to his death. We knew, when he left the vihara, that it would be last time we saw him alive. We knew, and yet I asked you for the impossible.”

He nodded, “It would be very uncharacteristic of you Devi, if you not tried to stop the inevitable. It would have been beyond me, to do the same.”

She raised their entwined hands to her lips, kissing his fingers, “Thank you. For being with him at the end. I am sure he would have been happy to have you by his side.”

Vandiyadevan’s head dropped, suddenly overwhelmed by everything that had happened, “I could not believe it, I had been hit on the head and for a while I had hoped I was hallucinating. I cannot help remember the times I saw him alive, dancing, fighting, laughing. It had barely been a few weeks into my training when I encountered him, dancing, with the soldiers at the camp. Pouring drinks into their cups, beating drums to the tune of new songs. He was the life of the encampment.”

“He encouraged my ideas, sometimes even the slightly mad ones. Trained me to fight better, he was proud of me, even when I felt like I had nothing to be proud of. All that nonsense I sprout about being from the Vanar clan, I had never said those things before Karikalan had put them into words. I should have done more to protect him.”

Kundavai released one of her hands from his, using it to wipe away the tears streaming down his face, “He did not want to be protected. He rarely ever spoke of how the years of battle had taken a toll on him. How taking Veera Pandyan’s life had been eating away at him for years. His love for Nandini, that had never ceased, that turned into this battle between the two of them. He never said a word, but I had hoped he would put his duty before anything else. I had hoped, that his duty would save him.”

Vandiyadevan sunk into the feeling of her hand against his cheek, when was the last time someone’s touch had comforted him. Kundavai continued, “But his duty was never a comfort to him, like it was for me. Until I saw you in those chains, I wish I had put it aside, and come to your aid.”

He opened his eyes, “What would have been the outcome, Ilavarasi? It would have erupted in more accusations at both you and Ponniyin Selvan. You doing your duty, did not do any harm to me. There would have been too many questions to answer, if you had spoken for me.”

“I would have answered them.”

“What would you have said?”

“That you had promised me your life, and it was my decision on how to punish you.”

Vandiyadevan smiled, “How would you punish me?”

Kundavai smiled back, “By making you promise to use my given name, I have longed to hear you say it for days now.”

Vandiyadevan turned his face into her hand, giving her softest kiss, “That is more of a reward than a punishment, Kundavai.”

Her breath hitched; a blush stole its way across her face making Vandiyadevan smile wider, before he noticed how tired she looked, “Have you been sleeping at all, Kundavai?”

She shook her head, “Sleep has been most elusive, every time I close my eyes, I can only think of Aditha. If I somehow fall asleep, there have been some very scary nightmares,” she did not elaborate on them, and he did not want to ask her to relive them either.

Vandiyadevan did something he had only ever dreamed of, he pulled the princess closer, tucking her into his chest and wrapping his arms around her. Kundavai, used to being folded into hugs by her friends, slipped into his arms easily, letting the warmth of his body seep into her skin, her nose against his neck, taking in the smell of the river and the turmeric applied on his wounds. She should have been startled, never having been so close to a man before, but she was tired, and it had been a long day. Before she knew it, the steady thump of his heartbeat had lulled her to sleep. He stretched his legs out, pulling her closer, feeling her breath against his neck, relishing in the fact that he had survived all of those battles, to be able to hold this woman against him.

It was a little before dawn when his consciousness resurfaced, the dewy breeze announcing the arrival of the sun, but that had not been why he had woken up. Kundavai had been shaking, shivering in his arms, muttering under her breath, another nightmare he thought, before sitting up.

The sudden movement threw Kundavai out of her nightmare, and she opened her eyes, looking into the brown depths of Vandiyadevan’s eyes. She tightened her arms around his neck, and buried her face into his neck again, groaning slightly when she realised that even his presence could not drive away her nightmares, “Why is it so difficult?”

Vandiyadevan ran a hand through her hair, his chin against her head, “I miss him, I miss him every day. I will continue to miss him for as long as I live, just as I do my parents. Grief is constant Ilavarasi; we will learn to live with it.” Kundavai hummed, “There is so much I have to tell him about, I didn’t even get the chance to tell him about you.”

“He knew, that I would meet you and forever be held prisoner.”

“Did he?”

“It was always, when you meet Kundavai, never if you meet Kundavai.”

Kundavai laughed, “Was my brother a better matchmaker than I am?”

“I think I’m better than the both of you,” he huffed.

Kundavai looked at him incredulously, “Who have you tried to bring together?”

“No one yet! But when I do, it will not take as long as it did the both of you!”

Before Kundavai could answer, a soft knock on the door startled her out of his arms and behind the curtain. Vandiyadevan had but a second to miss her warmth before he opened the door to find an amused Vanathi, holding a small lamp in her hands, “Could you please return my akka to me before dawn breaks, Kamsamama?”

Vandiyadevan opened the door wider, a bashful grin spreading across his face, “I can’t promise not to steal her away again, mayakannan.”

Kundavai emerged from her hiding spot, “I trust you will be staying for a while?”

“Ponniyin Selvan has me commanded to be by his side till the coronation, Ilavarasi.”

Her brown eyes, soft in the glow of the lamp, bright from both the prospect of having him around, and getting a few hours of rest, stared into his for a while before she broke the spell to smile at him, “Get some more rest, Devan.”

He watched the two princesses walk away, having only then realised that they had both not been wearing their customary anklets, or even bangles, the reluctant spy in him marvelled at their tricks.

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Vanathi kept her silence until they reached her chambers, “Akka, the suspense is killing me!”

A small giggle escaped Kundavai, “I had a lot to say to him, but his presence was so calming that I think I fell asleep before I could even finish half a thought.”

Vanathi giggled too, “You have been very brave, akka. I am proud of you”

Both of them dissolved into a fit of laughter, their joy echoing through the silent walls of Tanjai Fort which had been deprived of their tinkling laughter for a very long time now.

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Preparations for the coronation kept the two of them busy during the day, but Kundavai had found such comfort in sleeping in his arms that she found herself doing exactly that on most nights. Taking off her anklets, blowing out the lamps in her chambers and making her way to his. He would be waiting for her, arms wide open, offering comfort, sharing stories of Aditha. They had cried, laughed, and missed him together. They had started healing. Vandiyadevan took his time getting used to how their love was growing; his initial shock of suddenly having his arms full of Kundavai had faded in the face of comfort, kindness, warmth, and gentleness that they shared.

Vandiyadevan had dared dream of more, so had Kundavai. She had felt his hands running through her hair, sending little shocks of pleasure down her spine. Would he feel the same, if she ran her hands through his hair? It did not feel the same when her friends did. She had felt the soft touch of his lips on her hands, and she had wondered how it might feel elsewhere on her skin. Her chest had been pressed against his, she had marvelled at how different his body felt to hers. He was all muscles, scars and unruly smiles drowned in sunlight while she was bathed in moonlight.

As the dark blue inky night turned into a purple dawn, she had left a small kiss on the corner of his lips as he had slept. He had felt her soft coral lips throughout the chaos of the day, with Arulmozhi Varman placing the crown on Sendhan Amudhan’s head, Chinna Pazhuvettarayar’s disappearance in the midst of the chaos and Kundavai’s confusion and horror at her brother’s actions. He knew she would not come to him tonight, and he would have to leave tomorrow along with Thirumalai, he made his way to her instead.

She was sitting surrounded by a bunch of scrolls and olais, and turned to look at him as he climbed through her window, “I am so angry with you.”

“I was bound to secrecy! How could I betray Ponniyin Selvan’s trust,” his face open, eyes wide and pleading.

“You could have given me a small hint!”

“I tried to convince him that you would take his side, but he was adamant that no one should know. I am very sorry Ilavarasi.”

She sighed, irritated but resolved to move past her hurt, “Well, what is done is done.”

He sat in front of her, “I have to leave tomorrow.”

She looked up, “In search of Chinna Pazhuvettarayar?”

“Yes, the chief minister thinks it would be wise to send me instead of a large battalion.”

Kundavai had begun to put away her olais, he stood up, taking the bundle from her arms and placing it on the nearby shelf. She stood too, “You came to take your leave then?”

He walked back to her, stopping only when his hand wrapped around her waist and his toes in line with hers. She gasped, her hands holding his arms, her eyes wide. This was different, this was very different from all the nights she had spent sleeping in his arms. His hands, ran up her waist, slowing setting her skin on fire. Pulling her closer, he left a kiss on the corner of her lips. Just as she had done in the morning. But he did not stop, he continued to kiss his way down her neck, her shoulders, back to her collar bones and before she knew it, she had plunged her hands into hair, her mind going blank, her skin tingling. She pushed herself into him, closer. Why had they not done this before?

Vandiyadevan raised his head, his hand on the back of her neck, “The little flower of a kiss you gave me this morning has stayed with me all day. I’m going to kiss you properly now Kundavai, tell me to stop.”

She shook her head, eyes closed and raised herself onto her toes and pressed her lips to his. His hand around her neck kept her in place, as her entire being focused on where his body met hers. Her tongue tangled with his, her fingers in his hair, her chest pressed in his, his hands running up and down her back. Oh, she could do this forever, be held by him, to kiss him.

They had to come for breath though, she had meant to say something, which was lost when she felt his lips going down her neck again.

“Is this where you keep me prisoner, Ilavarasi?” he asked, stopping at the valley between her breasts, eyes looking up at her.

“Yes,” she let out in a huff

She felt him smile against her skin, continuing down to her waist, leaving kisses on every bit of her skin. She felt her knees buckle when he bit down where her waist chain usually sat, her nails sinking in his shoulders. He kissed he way back up to her lips, his forehead against hers as they took in deep breaths.

“Is this how you take your leave?” she asked, still pressed into him.

“This is how I will take your leave” he smirked, hands running down her back.

She kissed him, this time trying to commit to memory how he felt against her. Her hands against his warm skin, feeling the way his breath hitched when she kissed down his neck, the way her hips moved closer to his, when her hands wandered across the vast expanse of his shoulders, when she kissed his chest, asking him the same question he has asked.

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His countenance was grim the next morning, the task ahead of him was not an easy one. But he turned back to look at Kundavai, as was to become habit as he went on his many adventures, and she smiled, the most encouraging smile she could muster. He smiled back, his eyes twinkling with the promise to return to her. She raised her hand to her chest, her palm fisting, holding him prisoner in her heart, entwining his soul to hers even as his body crossed oceans and cities that she would never see.

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