#vanitatum-mori

It was another night where you were waiting in Noé and Vanitas' shared hotel room at hotel chou chou for both of them to return since they've been out to take care of another cursebearer that's been making the news lately.

You always stayed up waiting for them since you took it upon yourself to help both of them with their scratches and wounds they would obtain during the fights with a cursebearer. They assured you it wouldn't take more than a few hours but the clock was already nearing the 1AM mark and you were impatiently pacing around the room. Even though you knew that they both knew what they were doing, it still made you nervous to think about possible complications. What if they've run into Chasseurs?

It wasn't until way past 2AM that the door finally opened. You turned around to see only Vanitas stepping into the room, quite battered up, but still showing a smirk as he sees you waiting for him, first-aid kit in hand.

"Ah, (Y/N), how nice to see you waiting for me~"

"What took you so long? And where is Noé?" you approached him with an worried expression.

Vanitas' smirk turned into a sigh.

"The whole case took an unexpected turn and as it turned out we had to deal with more than one patient" he explained.

You threw a quick look over his shoulder and to the door. Noé didn't come back yet.

"And where is Noé?"

The young man walked past you and threw himself onto his bed with a groan, you sat beside him.

"Apparently we made quite the ruckus while trying to restrain the cursebearers so I could heal them and it seems like even old man Orlok took notice and sent his two servants to assist us. Since they have to report back to him, Noé, the fool, insisted that he comes with so he could tell our side of the incident, too. I hope they escort him back, I don't feel like getting him" he explained and mumbled the last part face-down into his pillow.

You gave him a once-over.

"Seems like they really got you this time, huh?"

Your boyfriend only grumbled in response and you opened up the first-aid kit.

With a quick glance at your exhausted looking boyfriend you added, "Guess I'll have to stay here the whole night then, since I'll have to wait for Noé"

Vanitas looked up from his pillow with a smirk.

"Ooooh, so (Y/N)-Chan and I will have the whole night for ourselves~ What could we be possibly  doing-Ouch!" you interrupted him with a slap on the back of his head.

"I can tell you what I will be doing. I'll patch up your wounds. And you will follow my instructions, so sit up and take off your coat. I don't want you bleeding into the blanket more than necessarily. Poor Amelia always has to clean up the mess"

He followed, but not without some grumbling, and threw his coat over the nearest chair, then he took off his tie-ribbon and started with the buttons of his dress shirt when he hesitates.

You knew why. You knew about Doctor Moreaus' human experiments and the scars. You've seen them before, even though on accident, but a few days later on a quiet night Vanitas relented and finally told you a few things about his past. You noticed that he omitted a lot of Information then, but you didn't care since you were happy enough that he would tell you anything so personal in the first place.

"It's fine," you reassured him. That made him undo the rest and throw the shirt over the same chair as his coat before sitting down on his bed next to you.

He was quiet. From exhaustion, you assumed, so you began to clean his wounds with antiseptic and dress them in bandages and band-aids. It was a quiet process and when you finished you got up to store away the first-aid kit when two arms sneaked around your waist and you were suddenly sitting on Vanitas' lap, your back on his chest, with him grinning up at you while placing his chin on your shoulder.

"Soooo, now that you have finished helping me, don't you think it's time that I help you?" he asked with an suggestive undertone.

"In what way?" you asked, trying to ignore the intense look in his eyes you looked away.

"Well, for starters you could drink my bloo-"

"NO!" your head whipped around to face Vanitas again, "I told you, I don't want to hurt you, so I won't"

Vanitas gave you a smile, "Ah but I already told you, your fang's venom will make this so much more bearable and, dare I say, pleasurable for me, and you of course, so there is no need to worry. And I know you'll be gentle" he started, "and also I've seen the way you looked at my blood during the wound-cleaning, while I commend your self-restraint I know that the smell of my blood must seem quite intoxicating to you and since it's you, I'll be more than happy to indulge you. Let's call it a gift from me to you for always helping me, how about it?"

You hesitated. You've had this exact same conversation many times before but this time there was a small part telling you to just listen to Vanitas saying that it's alright.

But is it really? Just because he says so? He tends to do things he doesn't 100% agree with , that much you have learned. So was this really coming from his heart or from this dark, self-destructive part of him that sometimes seems to take hold of him. You didn't want that and it scared you to think you could do things to him he doesn't want. So you don't.

You tried to stand up and get out of this grip but he tightened his grip around your waist, not enough to hurt but enough for you to know that he won't let go so easily.

"I just don't understand. Does it... make you that uncomfortable?" his voice was quiet and he had a thoughtful look on his face, almost sad, "or do I?"

At that you turned around in his arms and took his face in your hands. His somber face made you sad yourself, you just couldn't let him think that it's his fault when it's you overthinking everything.

So you decided to tell him what's plaguing your mind lately.

"No, that's not it! Vanitas, you're right, I want to drink your blood. To be honest I have never in my life smelled something sweeter than yours. And yes, I want to know how it tastes so bad but I can't. I don't want to be like every other vampire that ever wanted to drink your blood. I love you, Vanitas, so I don't want to hurt you, how could I hurt someone I love? That's impossible!"

You fell silent after your little outburst. Vanitas didn't say anything, his head down. His shoulders begin to slightly shake and you thought he was about to cry.

"V-vanitas...?"

He burst out into laughter, shaking you with him in his arms. You didn't know whether to be offended that he was laughing at what you just told him or to be sad that he wasn't taking you seriously. Before you could voice your anger he suddenly looked up, directly into your eyes, a care-free smile on his face like you've never seen before and sparkles in his eyes. Taken aback you didn't know what to say.

Your boyfriend chuckled, "My, you're quite the overthinker, aren't you, my dear (Y/N)?"

You were confused and it was visibly showing on your face.

Vanitas took his hands from your waist and instead grabbed yours and held them against his chest.

"(Y/N)" he addressed you, voice and expression  changing into a serious tone," do you really think I would offer anyone my blood? No, I'm not even giving a single drop to Noé, that idiot, nor would I offer it to anyone else but you. You know why? Because I..." he took a deep breath, "I care about you, more than anyone else. I know that you're not like anyone else, otherwise I wouldn't show myself this... This vulnerable to you. I trust you. And I appreciate your help with everything and while, yes, I'm also really curious about you drinking my blood, I also really want to give something back to you. For not leaving me and always being at my side" during his speech his voice became quieter and while a small blush started to dust his cheeks he also started to avert your gaze, being embarassed. A really cute and almost enticing sight, you thought, especially since he's still completely shirtless.

And it wasn't like you weren't blushing yourself.

Vanitas being so open about himself and his feelings was something really rare and  completely unexpected. This way he was much more agreeable unlike his always closed off and teasing side.

He gulped but didn't dare look up when he said, "I... Want to give myself to you. My blood and everything else if you want..."

This raw display of emotion and trust touched a place deep inside your heart and you could feel tears forming into your eyes. You were glad Vanitas felt this way, the same as you did for him.

"So it is okay for me to drink your blood? You really want it, too?"

Finally he looked at you again, still blushing but with a small smile, "Yes, take as much as you want"

And with these last words, after all this time of second guessing yourself, every guilty thought and restraint flew off you. Vanitas released your hands he still held and you immediately grabbed him by his bare shoulders, leaning down to his neck and sinking your fangs into his flesh, the sweetest liquid you've ever tasted soon filling your mouth.

You heard him hiss and tensed up, immediately wanting to pull away but he placed a hand on the back of your head and began to caress your hair, telling you that it's fine and to keep going.

At that you relaxed again, leaning against him and causing him to sink on his back onto the bed, you hovering above him, still drinking from him. You could hear his breath starting to get quite heavy and coming out in little puffs.

He seemed quite... Taken with the situation he's in, skin blushed and more warm to the touch than usual. And so were you. Drinking his blood meant that you were also ingesting your own venom your fangs simultaneously have been injecting him with and it's side effects made you feel quite warm inside yourself. Warm and calm, and above all, connected with Vanitas like you've never felt before. It was a truly divine feeling and it felt... addicting...?!

You pulled your fangs from your boyfriends' neck and sat up, searching for any signs of discomfort in him, while licking any remaining blood from your lips. But he only looked back up at you, eyes  lidded, breathing heavily and blushing, holding his mouth shut with one hand.

"Are you alright?" you asked concerned. He gulped and nodded, taking a moment to collect himself before he answered, albeit a bit shakily, "I'm fine, really"

You let out a relieved breath and let your self sink down onto his chest again and began to think to yourself. You really liked his blood, it was the best you ever tasted and it was already clear to you that you wanted to drink it again. But was that really alright? What if after this experience he never wanted to experience again? Would it be your fault?

A hand on your head made your train of thought stop.

A small chuckle erupted from your boyfriends' chest, "Hehe, would you stop thinking so much about it, I'm fine and you did very well"

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yes"

You looked up to him and noticed him intensely staring at you. Your gaze was slowly drawn down to his lips. He noticed and did the same, taking the initiative and slowly drawing closer, your lips almost touching when...

Boom! The door flew open. You both practically flew apart.

"VANITAS, (Y/N), LOOK! COUNT ORLOK GAVE ME SOME SNACKS FOR MURR- uhm. Am I interrupting something?"

"NOÉ?!?/NOÉ-SAN!?!"

Well, that was awkward.

Thank you for your request! 💙

The rustling of bedsheets next to you startles you out of your nightmare-induced panic attack. You quickly look to your right to see Vanitas stirring next to you, his back to you, blanket over his head. It wasn't often that the male would choose to share his sleeping space with someone, prefering to rest alone or on the top of the hotel roof if the temperatures allowed it. But being in a relationship with you, and that for quite some time now, made the trust between you two grow so that he slowly began to show himself vulnerable around you and allowing himself to let his guard down. It was a slow process, one with many setbacks on the way, but it was worth it and you have never experienced a bond more precious. Something you would never dare to disrupt.

Seeing him slowly awake made you turn away from him, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and hastily trying to dry your tears. You can hear him groan groggily before he sits up himself. 

“Hm? (Y/N)? Why are you up?”, Vanitas sounds still half asleep, his voice raspy. 

You clear you throat, trying to sound normal and erasing any shakiness evident in your voice, “I’m f-fine, Vanitas, just-just a bit thirsty, that’s all.” And you failed to sound normal, your voice shaking despite your efforts. 

More rustling and a, for once not gloved, hand sits itself on your shoulder. You jump up before Vanitas can say anything, his hand sliding off your shoulder, and quickly make your way to the bathroom, “Guess I’m gonna get m-myself a glass of water” at this point you should have just stayed quiet, that would have been way less suspicious.

In the bathroom you splash some water in your face, trying to calm down. Your eyes are red and puffy from crying and your hands are still shaking from the stress, the fear. The images of the blood red sky, the fire, the grabbing hands are still ingrained into your mind. Leaning on the sink you stare at the water going down the drain, as if in some sort of trance. The smell of smoke starts rising to your senses again- 

A knock on the bathroom door startles you out of your thoughts, quickly turning off the faucet you dry your hands and face. Looking at you in the mirror you check to see if you’re presentable enough (which you’re not) but you presume that the darkness of the bedroom shall aid you to mask your miserable existence. Taking a deep breath you open the door, a sad excuse of a smile on your lips.

Before you stands Vanitas, his clothes messy and his hair tangled (he never moves in his sleep but still manages to wake up as if he fights 100 people in his sleep). Despite his actually kinda cute appearance, he has a serious look on his face, looking you directly in the eyes. 

“Soooo, and to bed I go again, good night, haha...” you try to light up the tension, unsuccesfully. You avert your gaze, quickly scurrying past him to the bed, back turned to where you left your boyfriend standing. You quickly lay down, pulling the blanket over you and hoping that your boyfriend does you the favor of just going back to sleep himself. You don’t want to burden him with your mind. You may not know much about Vanitas, but what you know about him and his past is not pretty. You feel like you shouldn’t bother him with your load, too. 

As you lay there in silence you wonder if Vanitas is still standing at the bathroom door just as you can feel a weight sit down on your side of the bed, slightly leaning against your back. A hand finds its way to your shoulder again, firmly turning you around on your back and pulling down the blanket you used to hide your face with.

You come face to face with Vanitas again, his gaze never wavering as he stares into your unsure eyes. Then he sighs before leaning down and laying his cheek on your shoulder, eyes closed. Meanwhile his hand moves to hold your other shoulder in a tight grip. You gulp, “Uhm, Vanitas wouldn’t it be better if you went back to slee-”

“(Y/N)” he firmly interrups you “you had a nightmare.” It was more a statement than a question. 

“Uhm, as I said, I was just thirsty...” oh God you were such a bad liar.

“Then where is your glass of water? You said you wanted to grab one.”

“Well...” what were you supposed to say? Vanitas was smart and you were sure he saw through your horrible act right from the start. Who wouldn’t, really. 

He moves a hand to grab a strand of your hair and twirls it around his finger, “I’d like to think that when you decide to lie to me, that you would be at least smarter about it and not so obvious. Then I would have waited until morning to confront you. But seeing how you are now, I dont think I should do that.”

You just continue to lay there, saying nothing to that, so he continues, “I’m somewhat a professional nightmare-haver myself, as you know, so I know it when someone had a nightmare, when I see it.” his little side jab doesn’t get past you. A little reminder of the countless nights you had stayed with him after he had a nightmare. The first few times you were met with reluctance and rejection, aggression even. But with time it all turned into comfort and longing, him coming to you voluntarily into your already open arms. How must he feel, knowing that you weren’t willing to seek the same comfort from him as he does from you?

“Vanitas, I’m sorry” you began to explain yourself, simply wraping your arms around him, pushing his cheek further into your shoulder, “I just don’t want to add to your worries. I feel like my problems are insignificant compared to yours.”

At first he is silent. Then you hear a snort, followed by laughter, your shoulder vibrating with him shaking. While he laughs he lets go of your hair and moves to hover above you, his hands on the left and right side of your head, letting his forehead drop onto yours, albeit a bit forceful. 

“Owwww!”, you whine as your foreheads connect. 

“Take this instead of a flick on your forehead,” he scolds you as his laughter died down, the serious look now back on his face, focused to stare into your eyes again. “What do you think we are, huh? Strangers? Simple accaintances? Or lovers? Weren’t you the one always telling me to rely on you? Didn’t you say that is what lovers do?” 

That you did indeed say, more often than you can count. Wishing for the walls around his heart to come down around you. You didn’t expect him to throw these words right back at you, though, Especially since he never was someone to outright admit that you both were in a relationship. Something he was strangely shy and secretive about.

You sigh in defeat and look away, not being able to bear his imploring gaze any longer. But he doesn’t let you off that easily, “And to be clear: I don’t want your pity. If you think your burden is less significant than mine and therefore not worthy being listened to, then I don’t see how we can say our relationship is one of trust, when we can’t trust each other equally with all the good and bad things, do you understand?” he stops temporarily to grip your chin and turn your head so you look at him again before he continues, a strange type of intensity in his voice, you could swear that even in the darkness of the room, only illuminated by the light still coming from the open bathroom door, that you can see a light blush on his face, “You were the one that taught me how to open up, how to seek comfort in another and not bear my burden alone. It was because of you that I realized that solitude is not a strenght when you have the support of someone- s-someone important to you” he stammers the last bit, you can feel the heat of his face on your own. That didn’t mean yours didn’t feel any hotter. And with that also came a sense of relief and tears and you couldn’t do anything more than let out a simply thank you between your sniffling. You didn't realize before how you needed to hear these words. To hear that it's okay to seek comfort in him too. With that alone you could already feel the tension of the nightmare fall off of you.

Completely opposite from how he acted before, Vanitas let out a simple huff and a “you’re welcome” and opted to ruffle your hair before rolling to his side of the bed again, his back to you and blanket thrown over him again. As if his great declarations from just now where starting to catch up to him, he stuttered out a last sentence, “S-so we’re clear, when something is weighing on your mind, you b-better talk with me about it or else I can’t help you! Doesn’t matter where or when...” 

Ah, that’s why you like him so much. For being so caring in his own unique way.

Turning around to your boyfriend you simply press yourself against his back with a small smile while thanking him again and wishing him a good night before letting out a simple ‘I love you’. You only hear him grumble in response. 

Thank you for your request! 💙

You didn’t waste any time and directly made your way through the hallways of castle Carbunculus and to the office of the one and only man and member of the senate you could always bear to see. 

Stepping into the circular office with the celestial ceiling your eyes immediately fell onto a fire-red mane of hair peaking over mountains of stacked documents on a desk. The faint sound of a metal nib scratching over paper halted immediately. A pair of yellow eyes lifting themselves over the wall of documents and meeting yours, You smile a bit, albeit exhausted, as you step closer.

“Good evening, my dear. How have you been faring?” the man before you greets you while interlocking his hands and resting his chin on them.

You simply sigh in response, straighening your shoulders in the process, “Quite well, August, quite well.” 

The man in question raises his one visible eyebrow, that is not covered by his eyepatch, in amusement, “For that you seem quite fatigued to me.”

At that you simply stare at him before the words basically flow out of you like a waterfall, unable to contain the frustration of the day any longer. You fall into a tirade about your day, complaining about everything that bothered you today. Walking back and forth, wildly gesturing with your hands, you especially complain about Lord Bellator and his irresponsible handling of confidental documents, his rude behavior towards you and his audacity to even think so light of her majesty’s rules, even as one so loyal to the crown as he is.

Ruthven watches you during your rant, eyes following you as you energetically walk around the room, lost in your own world as you complain. He occasionally hums in agreement to show that he’s listening. Only that you were too occupied to notice. 

After 15 minutes of you talking and talking, complaining and complaining and venting your frustrations you stop, breathing heavily from your frantic movements around the room to underline your intense emotions about the prior events. You turn towards your lover, expecting him to still sit at his desk but to your surprise you find it empty, the massive stacks of papers completely abandoned, seeing him instead standing before one of the many shelves filled with books and strange machinery lining the walls, his broad back turned towards you. One of his hands slowly brushes over the spines of some books delicately adorned with golden lettering.  

Thinking that maybe your long tirade had started to annoy him you slowly approach him, an apology, that you disturbed him when he so obviously had a lot of work on his desk still, on your lips. But before you can say anything the old vampire pulls one of the books out of its place on the shelf and turns towards you, a small smile on his lips. He chuckles at your unsure expression before offering his free hand to you, “My, what a tiresome day you had, my dear. Come, I think you need to rest.”

You take his hand and he guides you to the cushioned seating area at the window of his office. Sitting down first he then sits you down next to him before gently grabbing you by your head and slowly pulling it down onto his lap. His one hand stays on your head, occasionaly giving your hair light strokes.

Surprised you look up to him only to see him still hold the book from earlier with his other hand, the cover now visible to you.  “Les fables de La Fontaine” it read in golden letters. 

“A fairy tale book?” you wonder aloud. 

The man nods, “Francis brought this with him from one of his travels in the human world and gifted it to me. He said it is easy on the mind and that made me think that I should perhaps read it to you” he explained while skillfully opening the book with one hand.

That made you slightly scoff with a smile; “What am I to you? A child?”

The hand stroking your hair halts before it starts ruffling through it, making you laugh at the gesture. Yellow eyes swimming in amusement peer down at you, “A child definetely not, but it seems to me that today may have left you mentally quite fatigued, according to your extravagant stories. I figured reading something heavy to you might as well be considered torture at this point”

You let out a light laugh before agreeing with him, opting to close your eyes instead, in anticipation of hearing him read to you. You always admired Ruthven for his calm yet strong voice, the way he could sway the mass with his words. He wasn’t a senator for nothing and all the centuries working in the diplomatic field have left him extremely verbally skilled. So you weren’t really surprised when the man managed to even sway you with his words full of wisdom and knowledge. Something you seldom found in other people/vampires(?) before.

Moving yourself into a more comfortable position on your lovers lap, you began to relax as he began reading to you the first few verses of the first fable. 

A few minutes into listening to him you couldn’t help it and let out a small laugh which made the red-haired vampire pause in his reading, “What is it?” he asked. 

Chuckling but still with closed eyes you waved him off, “Nothing, I was just thinking how lucky I am to have someone as considerate as you by my side. And someone that always returns his documents to the archive on time, too!”

“Then I’m glad you think that way,” you could hear the smile in his voice before he continues with his story-telling, slowly and surely lulling you to sleep.

Thank you for your request! ❤️