#vampire warning

Okay, you guys had better appreciate the hard hitting investigative journalism i’m doing around here. That one bartender, Joh, has fangs. Definitely 100% fangs. So either he’s a vampire or a real enthusiast.

Fangria. Get it? It has the word fang right there in the name! 

A thingy I wrote in honour of Halloween. Enjoy.

It was shortly before class that Bart sped across the hallway on his skateboard. He was stopped abruptly, and front-flipped off the skateboard, landing on his backside. Bart turned around. Two identical faces smiled at him, a hidden mischief in their eyes. Bart got up, gathered up his skateboard, and sighed. “What do you want?” They kept steady eye contact with him as they spoke. “We can offer you a deal, Bart.” “What deal?” “We have compiled a list of all your enemies’ biggest weaknesses.” Sherri replied. Terri spoke next. “We don’t intend to hurt them…” “We’ll only blackmail them.” “With our help, the rest of your childhood could be virtually bully-free!” Bart was intrigued. He thought about it. But he sensed they were up to something. “What’ll it cost me?” They snickered. “Oh… nothing much… only a kiss!” “A kiss?!” Bart felt a wave of disgust go through him. “No way!!” He was gone before another word could be spoken. … “Let me get this straight,” Milhouse said, annoyed. “You had Sherri and Terri offer to keep all your bullies away in exchange for a kiss?!” Bart was silent. He continued to walk with his friend over to a lunch table. Milhouse continued. “If the girl of my dreams offered to do that for me, I’d take up her offer in a heartbeat! Didn’t you say you liked Sherri or Terri?” Bart started to look uncomfortable and looked away. “It’s complicated….” They found a lunchroom table and sat down. Sherri and Terri listened in on Bart and Milhouse’s conversation. “Thing is, I would have taken the offer. But a lot of these guys are dangerous, and I don’t want the girls getting hurt trying to take them down.” ... The twins met Bart out in the hallway. “We heard what you said, Bart, and we just wanted you to know your enemies won’t be able to hurt us easily. Wanna know why?” “Okay.” The girls spread their arms out and in a cloud of smoke, they turned into bats. They flew around in a circle, screeching, before they keeled back and turned back into human form. They landed closer to Bart than they’d been originally. The girls grinned at Bart from his front to his back. If he wanted to run, he’d be trapped. He saw their white, razor-sharp fangs. “Ahh! Y-y-you’re vampires!” “Shh.” One of them said, eerily close to his neck. “It’s a secret…” … “But that’s so cool!” Bart said. “I want to be a vampire!” “Are you sure?” Terri said. “Yeah!” “But do you know the kinds of things vampires go through? We have to live a life of exile. We can’t go out in the day time, and have to roost in the rafters before school starts. If someone finds out we’re vampires, the most common reaction is to try and kill us.” Bart thought about it. “Heck, I can take it. It isn’t like my own dad hasn’t tried to kill me before. And being a vampire, I can scare people, and stay up all night, and fly! If you two want, we can cause mischief together! And I promise, if I don’t like it after I become a vampire, I won’t complain.” The twins looked at each other. “What do you think, is he really ready?” “Are you kidding? He still thinks it’s all fun and games!” “Well I think he’s got the stuff?” “You think?!” “Aren’t you the one he likes?” The girls communicated to each other in their special twin language before looking back at Bart and grinning identically. “Alright Bart. But kiss first, then vampire.” He was still a bit squeamish, but he puckered up and hoped for the best. There was a hot tingly feeling on his lips, and then there was pain in his neck. The next thing he knew, he was flying above the ground! He decided to test his wings by flying around the school. He laughed in the way a bird laughs after it manages to trick its human into giving it their cheese. His laugh echoed as bat squeaks down the hallways of the school. Sherri and Terri followed close behind, their own bat giggles echoing in the same way. … Skinner walked into the teacher’s lounge, ready for a nice snack. Little did he know, somebody had already been in there. He opened the door and flinched as three bats flew out the door, squeaking gleefully. “What happened here?” he wondered. Then he saw the answer to his question. “AHHHHH!! They’ve been drained!!” On the table there was a plate of  blood oranges he’d been meaning to eat. In them were a series of puncture holes. Only the bulk of the fruits remained. He didn’t know why, but he had a feeling he knew who was behind this. “I’ll get you for this, Simpson!” he yelled, waving his fist in the air.