#vampire!fiddleford

The day after Grenda broke down the door and Wendy fixed it, the entire Mystery Crew was standing on the porch of the shack in the woods with Stan, Dipper, and Mabel standing between them and the entrance. The sun had set an hour ago, leaving only what little moonlight they had and the lights from inside the shack to illuminate the clearing.

“All right.” Stan eyed the group of young adults in front of him. “Now, I know you guys have tried stepping in here before without permission, but tonight’s different, ‘cause ya have it. We’re gonna lay down a few ground rules first: the two nerds I share the house with aren’t used ta having so many people over at a time, so keep it down, got it? Advanced hearin’ an’ all that.” He motioned to his own ears before folding his arms across his chest. “Second: don’ get too personal with any questions ya ask; even I don’t know the full story about how they ended up like they did, an’ I don’t intend ta figure it out.”

“Like how we can’t ask you how you became a werewolf,” Lee guessed.

“Yeah, that. I’m glad ya remembered without me poundin’ another lesson inta yer skinny hide.” Stan grinned as Lee nodded quickly.

“But we can ask questions.” Tambry raised an eyebrow.

“Eh.” Stan made a “so-so” motion. “Ford figured that since he was gettin’ you guys ta do things, it’d only be fair. Just don’t get too pokey and you’ll be fine.” He stepped aside and pushed the door open – it didn’t creak like it had been the times Dipper and Mabel had been there; Wendy had done excellent work repairing it. “Come on.”

The Mystery Crew stepped through the doorway – Wendy first, since she had come through the doorway yesterday morning. Pacifica, Grenda, and Candy followed, and then the rest of the group, with Dipper, Mabel, and Stan bringing up the rear.

Ford was standing near the bookcase, his nose in a red book with a six-fingered hand on the cover. His ears twitched as everyone filed in, and he looked up to find a group of young men and women staring at him with wide eyes. He blinked, then smiled and put the book back in place before calling over his shoulder, “Fiddleford! We have guests!”

“Give me a minute!” called back a voice with a Southern twang. “I’m tryin’ ta seal yer little drug problem so we won’t have ta deal with the stench every time I wanna study it!”

“Drug problem?” Wendy repeated.

Mabel snickered and Stan smirked as Ford gained an annoyed expression.

“We found a flower that makes Grunkle Ford relax,” Mabel explained.

“G-grunkle?” Thompson yelped. “Y-you’re saying that—“

“I am Dipper and Mabel’s great-uncle and Stanley’s brother, yes.” Ford raised an eyebrow. “Considering that you live in Gravity Falls, is that truly that absurd of an idea?”

Fiddleford came into the room, and the Mystery Crew scrambled back as soon as they caught sight of the skinny vampire’s red eyes. “I dunno; they haven’t met that Gremloblin, an’ I honestly hope they never will.”

“Mm. Good point.” Ford tapped his chin thoughtfully. “That would make a bit of a difference in how they’re going to wrap their heads around all this.” He shrugged. “I’m sure it won’t take long.”

“I knew real vampires didn’t sparkle,” Tambry muttered. She pulled a tablet out of the satchel at her side and started writing with a stylus.

Fiddleford blinked. “Pardon?”

“It’s from a book series that came out a few years back.” Tambry didn’t even bother looking up as she kept writing. “I liked Dracula much better.”

“Ah.” Fiddleford straightened himself up a little, smiling a little.

Ford snorted. “Have you gotten more vain in your old age?”

“Oh, hush. Nothin’ wrong with helpin’ a curious mind every once in a while.” Fiddleford looked over at the group. “Fiddleford McGucket, engineer. My friend here’s Ford Pines, Stan’s older brother.”

“Older brother?” Nate repeated. “But he looks—“

“I was turned almost forty years ago and I haven’t aged a day since,” Ford said flatly. “But yes, I am older than Stanley.”

“Oh.” Nate backed down a little. “S-sorry, I didn’t—“

“It’s a bit of a touchy subject,” Stan said simply. “So let’s not get too far into it.”

“You said that you researched Gravity Falls before you got turned into this,” Pacifica spoke up suddenly. “So do you know what’s with all the handprints that have been popping up all over the place? The glowing ones?”

Ford blinked at the question, surprised at the change in subject. “The – oh! Oh, yes. I’m actually the cause of those.”

“You are?” Wendy blinked in surprise. “How? Is it some kind of ghoul thing you can do or…?”

“No, no, not a ghoul-specific thing.” Ford paused, considering. “Well, I don’t think so, at any rate. I mostly use it to keep track of the different locations around Gravity Falls and how dangerous they would be to mortal or undead beings.”

“That explains the handprint down in the mine near the dinosaurs in tree sap!” Dipper looked at the others. “Grunkle Ford, you were down there?”

“At one point.” Ford nodded. “The…pterodactyl incident was more than enough for me to go down there and investigate myself. Thankfully none of them were loose or looking for some undead meat, so I considered the danger minimal for the moment.”

“Gideon was down there when we went down there.” Mabel frowned. “He was talking about making a dino park maybe.”

“Honestly, how dumb is that guy to try and break out a raptor?” Wendy shook her head.

Ford stared at them, then looked over at Stan. “How has this child managed to win the hearts of the people of Gravity Falls?”

“By havin’ a silver tongue.” Stan shrugged. “Basically.”

Fiddleford growled. “That boy. I seen him snoopin’ around in places he really shouldn’ be. I swear, the next time I see that boy I’ll be quite tempted to drain him dry. He’s lucky his appearance and scent make him so unappealin’.”

“How do you think I feel?” Stan replied. “I have to deal with him every day; my nose is practically stuffed twenty-four seven because of him.”

Fiddleford winced apologetically at that.

“I knew there was something off about that brat,” Robbie muttered. “I’ve caught him snooping around in the cemetery a couple times, checking the graves to see if any of the zombies have been getting up lately. After we blasted their brains out six years ago, though, I really doubt that any of them are gonna be getting up anytime soon.”

“Not to mention, he’s been trying to get on Mabel’s good side ever since she got here,” Lee added.

“He what?!” Ford’s teeth were suddenly bared in a snarl, causing the humans to take a slight step back from him on instinct.

“It’s okay, Grunkle Ford, I’ve got it handled,” Mabel said quickly. “Gideon’s just another guy who doesn’t know how to take a hint. So long as I’m with my friends when he’s around, he’ll leave me alone. And even if they’re not…” She grinned and reached into a hidden pocket sewn into her sweater, pulling out a pair of sparkle-covered brass knuckles. “Let’s just say that boxing runs in the family.”

Stan burst out laughing. “Atta girl! You should show me some of your moves sometime!”

“Only if you show me yours!” Mabel grinned at her grunkle.

Stan snickered darkly. “You got it, kiddo. Finally, someone else around here who can handle punching things just as well as me!”

“Stanley, we both took boxing lessons when we were kids,” Ford pointed out.

“Yeah, well, your nerd stuff kinda got in the way of keeping up with me, didn’t it?” Stan poked his brother’s stomach and snickered. “You don’t have all the upper body strength I got. Yours is all in the legs.”

“So what if it is? I can still throw a punch, Stanley.” Ford sounded slightly annoyed, but the amused look on his face clearly said he was something else entirely.

“Yeah, but you don’t got as much oomph behind it as I do.” Stan grinned.

“Like I need that when most run from me as soon as they find out that I’m a ghoul.” Ford rolled his eyes at his brother.

“I guess that makes it pretty hard to keep up your studies, huh?” Lee grinned a bit.

“A little, yes. At least it means that the gnomes avoid the house like the plague – after their queen died they blamed us and decided they didn’t want to get suckered.” Ford grinned, showing his fangs. “We’re not the ones who took their queen and ate her, though; the amount of sugar in her blood would have probably done us in.”

“Sugar?” Mabel repeated, interested.

“According to him, gnome queens are so sweet and kind they basically taste like candy,” Stan explained, jabbing a thumb in his brother’s direction. “Makes them more hunted after in the forest, apparently.”

“Huh.” Dipper looked at his sister. “You know, if we were younger and smaller than we are now, I bet you could pass as a gnome queen pretty well.”

“Maybe I could!” Mabel looked thoughtful. “But I don’t think I’d want to.”

“Wise choice,” Ford said dryly. “Considering that gnome kingdoms are essentially magical bee hives.”

The picture that sent through everyone’s heads caused the younger generation to shudder collectively.

“I think I’ll be keeping an eye out for any gnomes that might want my sister,” Dipper said.

“Good choice,” Stan said. “You know a few moves, kiddo?”

“I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.” Dipper grinned back at his grunkle.

“Good. Can’t have you getting caught from behind if you don’t know how to defend yourself.”

“Especially if Gideon tries anything,” Fiddleford added.

“If Gideon tries to do something, he’s gonna be met with us first,” Wendy spoke up with grim determination.

“I doubt he has access to what we do,” Tambry agreed. She paused, considering. “Speaking of which, do either of you two know something about the Gobblewonker robot that we left in the waterfall cave near the lake?”

Ford blinked blankly. “The wha – Oh!” He looked over at Fiddleford with an amused expression. “Didn’t you say something a few years ago about drawing something out with something that looked like a possible mate?”

Fiddleford’s pale visage started to turn red, and he looked away with a huff. “I don’ recall what you’re talkin’ about.”

Ford only looked increasingly amused while the others only became increasingly confused.

“You mean there’s a real Gobblewonker in the lake?” Candy spoke up, eyes wide. “I thought it was only local myth!”

“YEAH!” Grenda agreed. “Now I wanna go and find it!”

“You’re not going to, I’m afraid.” Ford shrugged. “The creature is even more elusive than our floating island head, and I doubt that it’s been seen by human eyes. The only reason the machine looks like it does is because we took the local myths as we heard them and built our interpretation of that. Well, I did – Fiddleford actually built the design and took it from there.”

“Whoa….”

Fiddleford preened at the resulting sound of awe from the guests. Ford looked more amused at their reactions.

“Can you teach me?”

“Hmm?” Fiddleford looked over at Tambry. “What?”

“Teach me,” the young woman repeated. “Most people nowadays can’t just throw together a robot like that – I’ve been scrapping parts from it for years and I still haven’t figured out how it worked.”

“Teach me too!” Candy spoke up. “Technology and robots are fun!”

“And we’re going to need to have something to back us up if we run into anything out in the woods,” Tambry added.

Fiddleford looked surprised at the two girls and their request.

Ford sidled up next to him and nudged him with an elbow. “I’d do it. You have a couple bright, willing minds right here.”

“Shush and let me think.”

Ford nodded and moved away from Fiddleford as the vampire tapped his chin in thought. Tambry and Candy did not take their gazes off him; if anything, they became more insistent.

Stan raised an eyebrow at Ford, who gave a half-smile and shook his head.

Fiddleford looked between the two girls and broke out into a grin. “Well, if you two think you can keep up with me, then I’ll take you on as my apprentices.”

“YES!” Candy jumped up into the air, one fist held high.

“But!” Fiddleford held up a finger. “You cannot tell anyone about what yer learnin’ an’ who yer learnin’ it from. I’d rather not find some poor fellow on my doorstep anytime soon tryin’ ta get me to teach him too.”

“Consider our lips sealed,” Tambry said with a grin. She and Candy both mimed sealing their lips and throwing away the key, earning a chuckle from Wendy.

“Good. Now, before we get started, I want to know what you two are capable of. Bring me some invention of yers tomorrow night – improved off someone else’s design or not, doesn’t matter to me – and we’ll see how things go from there.” Fiddleford smiled and winked. “If you can keep up with me, then yer gonna be walkin’ away knowin’ the ins and outs of animatronics that most folks might only be able to dream of.”

Candy gasped. “I can finally make an anime mecha!”

Fiddleford blinked in confusion, his smile dropping a little. “Anime?”

Mabel’s eyes widened sharply as Stan gained a knowing look and looked away from Fiddleford as he tried to hide his snickers. “Ohmygosh you don’t know about anime?”

“We’ve been living in a cabin in the middle of the woods for the last thirty-odd years, Mabel,” Ford said, raising an eyebrow. “Do you really expect us to know everything that’s gone on outside of these woods?”

“Here we go,” Dipper muttered. The grin on his face made his tone seem less like he didn’t like what was coming.

Mabel, Candy, and Soos squealed in unison, causing Ford’s ears to flick at the sound.

“Grunkle Ford, you have been missing out on a lot,” Mabel declared. “Next time we get the chance, we have to have a marathon.”

“Yes!” Candy nodded her head quickly. “Soos has a great collection of anime! We can borrow from there!”

“Indeed you can, my doods!” Soos laughed. “I’ve got all the great ones!”

Ford and Fiddleford exchanged uneasy looks. Stan laughed at their expressions.

“It’s okay, Poindexter; it’s just nerdy stuff in cartoon form, that’s all.” Stan grinned widely. “I’m pretty sure you’re gonna fit right in with that.”

Ford frowned at that. “Stanley—“

“We got Mr. Mystery into it a few years back,” Soos said, grinning. “There are fighting ones, sports, everyday life, ones where you go out in space, robots, guns, swords, gun swords – and Mr. Mystery likes the—“

“Hey, now, don’t tell him that!” Stan slapped a hand over Soos’ mouth.

“…well, if my brother can find something he likes, I don’t see why we can’t give it a try,” Ford said carefully. He looked over at Fiddleford, tilting his head slightly.

“…well, maybe some entertainment every once in a while is a good thing,” Fiddleford acknowledged. There was a spark in his eyes as well – clearly he had something on his mind. “An’ if there’s robots in there, I wouldn’t mind giving them a gander!”

Ford and Stan exchanged knowing, but slightly nervous looks at that while Mabel, Candy, and Soos cheered and high-fived each other.

“Then it’s settled!” Soos said cheerily. “Next time we come over, we’re bringing my collection and getting you guys started!”

“What about tomorrow?” Ford asked.

“Yes, definitely tomorrow,” Fiddleford agreed. “I’d like to see those robots as soon as possible!”

“You got it!” Soos replied. “Mecha anime it is!”

Stan shook his head and chuckled as the others started chiming in with titles. He looked over at Dipper and Mabel and grinned; the two of them shot back similar expressions.

“Looks like this summer just got a lot more fun!” Mabel said with a grin.

“Sure looks like it,” Dipper agreed. “I hope it’s not gonna be just watching anime for the rest of the summer, though.”

Stan snorted. “Oh, I don’t think so. My brother may be a total nerd, but he’s gonna need breaks every once in a while from that stuff. You’ll get ta poke around in his head later.”

“Good.” Dipper grinned. “Because I still have a ton of questions about Gravity Falls.”

Space Break

“Y-you’re finally moving now? But you said you wanted to do this years ago! Why did you make us wait for so long to get those parts?!” The anger in the man’s voice was evident, but so was a hint of fear.

“BECAUSE NOT ALL THE PIECES WERE IN PLAY YET, DOOFUS!” A hand came quite close to hitting the other’s face; the man quickly cowered and pulled back, which was the only thing that saved him from getting his face completely blown off. “I JUST HAD ONE MINOR SETBACK FROM MY ORIGINAL PLAN. GET THAT MINION OF OURS MOVING; IT’S TIME FOR PLAN B.”