This journal was written by Loreliae (http://frompetalstoashes.tumblr.com) about Valrae. It's not mine. It's the work of my BFF. <3

Oh Valrae. Where have you gone now?

You can stand an arm’s length away from me, and it still feels as if I’m looking at you across a great chasm. Something has happened to you in the time I’ve been away. Something dark, twisted. Something even my unconditional love for you can’t seem to take away.

Perhaps it’s my fault. I never should have left you like I did. In my own time of sadness and mourning I abandoned you. My sister. My family. You will never understand how much I regret that choice.

It isn’t just the physical changes I see within you that worry me. It’s true, you’ve traded magic for daggers and robes for leather…but it’s your mindset that bothers me the most. You never were particularly open, but I could always read you before.

Now I’m not always so certain.

They stood there quietly now. That place had become dilapidated and run down with water stains and destroyed furniture. Perhaps it had been tried to be looted once or twice but there was nothing of value to take, not anymore. That tower had been a monument to something, a testament to time and what they had created. Something that once was. 

Strolling through that disheveled looking room, the wooden boards creaked and groaned with each movement of her booted feet. “What happened to us?” That cool voice of the once Magistrix called to her companion. She knew Loreliae didn’t have the answer, because there was none. Time changed everything. “We had it all. Don’t you remember? Friends, we made a family..” Valrae seemed to carry on. Stopping before that broken desk of her’s, those gloved digits seemed to idly stroke that dusty desktop. “I miss that. I miss everything..” She paused. “I miss Nae, I miss Alinden, I miss Rou, I miss Terrin..” That once purring and cold tone of her’s seemed to crack. Emotion seemed to well up inside of that throat of her’s as she stood with her back turned to her sister. Crying was not something Valrae did often. Locked away were all those feelings and thoughts she carried with her through the ages but as they stood there inside that tower, nostalgia seemed to be getting the better of her. 

"I miss you Loreliae..”

Then she broke. That wall of her’s that shielded everything from everyone snapped. Like a dam, the flood gates opened as those salty tears rolled down her features. “I need you. I can’t go on without you. You’re the only one who understands me. Understands what this all means, and get’s how I am..” She didn’t look back to the red head now. She couldn’t stare her in the face as she spoke her heart. Such a thing was another rarity for the now shadow stalker. Raising a doll like palm to wipe away those tears from her smooth pale skin, the blonde shifted her weight onto a curved hip. Leaning against that broken desk, she sniffed trying to compose herself. Though, as much time as Valrae took those tears never stopped. 

"I love you. I love you so much, and I’m so sorry we haven’t been as close as I would have liked over the last few months. You’re everything to me. Without you I have nothing. I have no one besides my boys.." She said with a shaking breath. Clenching her fist now, frost seemed to shoot out from her fingertips and chilled that desk slightly. "You taught me so much and I’ve been so.." She searched for the right word, but seemingly found none. "Not the way I should have been." Bringing herself to stand tall once more, Valrae gave Loreliae no chance to speak, she turned quickly to face that Priestess. She didn’t care what she thought now, nor did she even look upon her face. "I’m sorry I don’t..do this enough.." 

Walking towards her sister and best friend now, Valrae extended her arms widely. Loreliae would have no time to react to the act as the blonde simply enraptured her into an affectionate hug. Now, that leather clad woman wasn’t exactly known for such things either. More than likely Lore would not have the foggiest idea how to react. Usually it was the red head who made moves such as this first. Squeezing her sister hard, those gloved digits of her’s began to weave through those lovely locks of her’s. Closing her jade pools as she held the Priestess against her lithe form, Valrae soon brought her warm lips to her best friend’s forehead. Actions always spoke louder than words.

Sometimes I think I have a disease. You know, that little something that eats away at you more and more each and everyday. Yeah, that's what I got. A disease. A cancer. A plague. I can't seem to shake it after years and years of trying, that voice still lingers. 

Run. 

Leave.

Don't let him hurt you.

It's been years since I tried the whole marriage thing. I remember it like it was yesterday. Loreliae did the ceremony in Nagrand and I thought he was the one. He had to be. We were like fire and ice, opposites but our passions burned brighter than ever. Sadly, just when I thought I would settle, and be content to stay...he was gone. Just like the rest. 

As much as Loreliae tells me that people can love and find love if they open themselves to it, I find myself unable too. Besides that she is one to talk, what with her pining over a man who is either dead or simply left her for Gods know what reason. She's become this husk of a woman I once knew and it's starting to irritate me. I stare at her day in and day out wondering if she'll ever pull herself from this delusion. It's becoming more and more apparent as the days go on, she will not. I will have to intervene, and I will not see Shydir be filled with a false hope. He's my nephew and I love him like one of my own sons. I'll be his damn father if I have too. I'll drag that woman out by her long red hair and find her a man kicking and screaming. She deserves someone to take care of her and love her like the precious gem that she is. 

Myself on the other hand I've had my chances, my rolls in the hay, as it were. Men seem to flock to me for whatever reason and it's always the same. Once I get close enough, that voice tells me to flee before I can get attached. I'm shielding myself and I know it, but with good reason. I have the boys to think about now. Even with their father, I can't bring myself to look at him the same way anymore like I once had. 

Though as much as I try and fight, there's always that one. That one persistent little..Sylvren. He's grown attached, very attached in fact. He's a good man, and the way he interacted with Shydir I knew he would be a good father. I warned him, I warned him countless times and he doesn't listen. He even went as far as to give me his family's signet ring. I nearly fainted, my heart seemed to leap into my throat as he pulled out that box. Panic set in just then, and I couldn't breathe. My feet began to twitch as that urge to run washed over me entirely. Burning through my veins, heat began to flood my features as I stared at him in disbelief. Thankfully, it wasn't what I thought it was. A token of affection.

Nothing more, nothing less. 

I kept it, how could I not? I care about Sylvren. He's been nothing but good to me. Though I fear that I'll hurt him. I am not someone to be loved. I've been called a man eater, a black widow, and a whore countless of times. He deserves better than me. He deserves someone who isn't afraid to make that leap. I'm stuck on the edge, afraid to fall once more. 

Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, naked people were dancing in the fountain..it was a typical day in Silvermoon or so it seemed. Two females stood in the Court of the Sun, one Magistrix and the other a Fel caster, they talked and talked about how idiotic those nude ne’er-do-wells were! Oh the snide comments flowed! It was obvious from that moment on they were meant to be. Destined to be friends, and sisters, Valrae and Loreliae were to be inseparable. A ying to Valrae’s yang, Loreliae was that half that she so desperately lacked. 

A kinder, sweeter, more merciful piece of her that the Magistrix had locked away. Loreliae cracked that ice wall that surrounded Valrae’s heart and taught her that it was okay to trust and love.